Silent Lives 1: I Will Remember You
by Maureen

This is the sequel to Silent Heartbeats. All the same disclaimers apply, I'm still not making money and the characters still aren't mine. Also, all the language cautions apply, nothing has changed!

song by Sarah McLachlan/Seamus Egan/Dave Merenda. again, no money being made. still. :(


Jamie sat on the swing in front of Catie's house, waiting for her to get home. She was out with her mother buying things she would need for her dorm room. She would be leaving for college the next morning and this was his last chance to see her before she was gone.

A shadow approached him from behind, turning, he saw Catie's older sister, Rebecca heading across the front yard. She handed him a piece of paper, looking down at him beginning to sweat in the summer heat.

/Come inside and wait/

Jamie put the paper in his pocket and stood, "Thanks," he said, following her in the house.

They sat awkwardly on the couch with Jerry Springer on. Jamie didn't really know Catie's older sister. He had seen her around Kingsport high when he had gone there, but hadn't known that they were sisters. Catie wasn't very close to her siblings.

Looking around the room, he noticed all the photos of the family and, to Jamie's surprise, pictures of himself and Catie.

I will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

The first picture was from The Dance. Jamie always referred to it in capital letters in his mind. It had been the first time they had really gone out together on a real date and it was the first time he had ever slept with a girl.

The more he thought about the more he realized that there were a a lot of firsts that night. His first time trying to dance since he had become deaf, the first time he had met Catie's mother. The only things about that night that weren't firsts were his fight with Kenny and getting into trouble with Carlson.

Jamie chuckled to himself remembering that night. It had been a wonderful, chaotic night and he had been scared shitless the entire time. Briefly he wondered if Catie had been as well.

"Sorry," he muttered, when Rebecca looked at him, confused.

remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
now clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

Jamie turned back to the TV, bored out of his mind. True, he wasn't supposed to meet Catie for another 30 minutes, but Alex had let him off early since he wasn't really working anyways. Mostly he had been figeting and doing everything but working. He was too excited about seeing Catie...and upset that she would be leaving.

Jamie continued to look around the room, trying not to be obviously bored. His eyes discovered another picture of the couple, this time at Catie's prom.

Catie had decided to go crazy for prom, stating that it was a once in a lifetime event and she wanted it to be memorable. Memorable was certainly the word Jamie had used to describe it.

Catie had worn a dark purpley-blue skirt that flowed from her hips like it was poured on with a strapless coreset in lavender with a dark blue velvet overlay. The corset was partially backless, lacing up her back tightly. Her hair was pulled back simply with lavender flowers in it and she had added black mesh gloves and gothic jewelry to complete her ensemble. She had looked ravishing to Jamie.

He had contrasted her nineteenth century goth look by wearing a zoot suit. Alex hadn't stopped laughing about it for weeks, but Catie got her 'unique and rememberable' prom. Jamie had looked like a nut in his zoot suit, swinging his cane around like he owned the ballroom. Of course, Val and Tyler had gone together and won prom king and queen.

I will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

That night Jamie and Catie had met up with Val and Tyler after prom and spent the entire night at Tyler's house, crying and laughing and eventually falling asleep on his bedroom floor at 5:30am. It would be their last time all in high school. In only a few short months Val would be leaving for New York University and Tyler would be heading to Boston University. And Catie would be going to Ohio.

And Jamie would remain in Kingsport in high school. As a junior. Two years behind his friends. Almost completely alone. He was man enough to admit that he had cried that night along with Catie and Val. He was also man enough to qualify his crying by also telling people that Tyler had cried as well.

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
standin' on the edge of something much too deep
it's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
we are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

Jamie had been the last to fall asleep, sitting there in the dark, Catie curled in her sleeping bag only a few feet away. He watched her sleep as long as he could keep his eyes open, marveling at how beautiful she looked with no makeup on and such a peaceful expression on her face. She looked like a cherub.

If she ever found out that she looked cherubic when she slept she'd rant and rave like there was no tomorrow. But Jamie wasn't about to tell.

but I will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

Warm arms wrapped around Jamie, interrupting his trip down memory lane and causing him to jump slightly. Turning, he saw Catie, hugging him from behind.

"Hey," he said, reaching up to hug her back. "Have fun?"

*Oh yeah,* she signed, rolling her eyes. *Shopping with my mom is always a blast.*

*Well, you bought a lot,* Jamie said, motioning to all the bags in the entry way to the house.

*Yeah. College crap that I don't need. I mean, do I really need shower shoes?*

*Um...I don't know,* Jamie admitted, not sure if she was expecting an answer or not.

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
you gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

They made out in Catie's room, the 'do not disturb' sign on the door so Rebecca wouldn't just barge in. It was frenzied and feverish, not gentle and timeless like usual. They knew their time wouldn't last.

Finally they broke apart for air. "I love you," Jamie whispered.

*I love you too,* Catie replied automatically. *We never did talk about what would happen after tonight.*

*What do you mean?*

*Well...I'm going to Ohio. That's like 1000 miles away. And I don't get long weekends or anything like we do here. I won't be back until Thanksgiving...or maybe even longer than that.*

*Well, there's still the internet, we can email every day.*

Catie turned, facing Jamie, a serious expression on her face. *I don't think so. I want to be friends, but I don't think a long distance relationship will work.*

Jamie stared at her in disbelief. She couldn't be 'dear johning' him!

and I will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories

"You can't be serious," he said, shock and disbelief appearant.

Catie nodded, not meeting his eyes. Jamie could see a tear dripping down her cheek. *I think after tonight...we should see other people.*

"Why? I don't want to."

*You may not want to now, but what about after I've been gone a few months? I don't want you just sitting at home alone waiting for me. I want you to be free to see other girls, I don't want you tied to anything.*

"You mean, you don't want to be tied to anything,* Jamie said flatly.

Catie nodded again, more tears flowing. *'When the ship lifts, all debts are paid.' I don't hate you and you never did anything to upset me! I still love you, none of that has changed. But we're young! I want to be able to explore and try new things and meet people in college! And you should have the same opportunities here.*

Jamie sniffed, trying not to cry. It wouldn't be the first time she had seen him cry, but the other times had been different. The other times she hadn't been the one making him cry.

Now the tables had turned. He had known for months in the back of his mind that this was going to happen, but now that it had...he couldn't deal with it. He just couldn't.

"I love you, Catie," Jamie whispered, eyes clenched shut.

Catie touched his shoulder, trying to get his attention. Jamie shook his head, not wanting to open his eyes.

Sighing, she opened his hand, which had been clenched as tight as his eyes in a fist. Slowly she finger spelled 'I love you too' on his hand.

and I will remember you
will you remember me?
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories
weep not for the memories

Jamie and Catie stood on the front porch of her house, just holding each other and watching the sun go down. They knew this would be their last time together as boyfriend and girlfriend. When the sun rose in the morning, they would be officially over as a couple.

Jamie held Catie even tighter, not wanting to let her go.


A/N: yeah, yeah, I know everyone now officially hates me b/c I broke up Jamie and Catie, but let's be realistic here! A long distance relationship between a couple that began dating in HS is simply I can tell you. In the first year of college you mature so quickly that your HS friends can't keep up and it is never the same. Don't worry though folks, Catie hasn't left for good and they are still friends.

Besides...I have plenty more to keep you guys interested than just this!

Shower shoes are a must if you use a community shower. Fortunantly, I share my shower with 3 other girls and (occassionally) a boyfriend or 2. *looks at what she just wrote* I do not shower with them at the same time...but sometimes they use the shower. When no one else is in it. Yes. I shower alone. by myself. all the time.