take you to a jukebox
that's the situation
pick you out a number
that's our arrangement
dancing on the legs of a new born pony
left right, left right, keep it up son
go ahead and have her, go ahead and leave her
you only ever had her when you were a fever
i am a fever, i am a fever
i ain't born typical
i am a fever, i am a fever
i ain't born typical

~u.r.a. fever. the kills.

(r a c h e l P O V)

You're not trying to deny the fact that you love Finn.

It's not like your entire relationship had been horrible, or all he did was lie and berate you. Certainly, he made some mistakes, but then again, you did too.

But the thing that finally convinced you to break up with Finn Hudson, the moment that you finally realized that the relationship wasn't healthy for to be in, was during the confrontation that Sam and Finn had at your home.

"Evans, what're you doing here?" Finn asks, his voice lower than usual with suspicion.

Sam just grins brighter than the sun, his arm that's resting on the back of the couch slipping casually down to wrap around your shoulders. "Moved back to Lima. How's it going?" he replies.

Finn blinks and stares at his arm, notices the fact that you don't move away, and immediately moves further into the room, jaw clenching.

"Well it was better before I came over to my girlfriend's house to find out why she wasn't at Glee and found her cuddling with another guy," he spits out, his long limbs growing tense with frustration and the beginnings of rage.

You don't remember Finn ever having such a quick temper, not since you got back together this last time.

It's not a quality that you find appealing.

"We're not cuddling," snaps out of your mouth without conscious decision, and his eyes narrow even further. You take a breath and open your mouth to attempt to say something calmer, something to attempt to prevent the fight that you know is coming, when Sam speaks.

"Look, dude, you need to calm your shit. Like, I'm sitting on the couch with Rachel because I moved back to town and she's the first friend that I saw, so I wanted to catch up for a while. It's not like I'm gonna give her mono or anything," he's practically hissing by the end, standing from the couch and meeting Finn's furious stance. He's shorter but has better muscles, and you have this insane moment where you wonder which boy would win in a fight.

"Look, just stay away from my girlfriend, okay? You aren't her friend! It's not like she has any of those these days anyways!" as soon as the words slip out, you can see that he didn't mean to say them. You have this terrible suspicion that he meant them, but he didn't want to say them at the very least.

Your breath leaves your lungs in a gasp that's entirely too real.

Sam's eyes grow dark with anger and you fleetingly think that he would definitely win the fight, before he's speaking, shoving Finn back towards the door. "I don't know what it is about this club, but all the people in it seem to have this weird disease where they are incapable of seeing Rachel for how amazing she truly is. It took me losing my house and moving to realize it, but she doesn't deserve all the shit she's put through here! She's never cruel like Santana or Quinn; never greedy like Mercedes or indifferent like Tina. I'm not saying that she's perfect, but as her boyfriend you sure as fuck better think that she deserves more than what she's getting!"

Finn is already in the doorway by Sam's last shouted word, his own mouth opening in an attempt to respond and gain back some of the ground he lost.

You speak before he can.

"Finn. I apologize, but I don't want to fight with you right now. Please leave," the words are quiet but audible, and you meet his eyes from your position on the couch unflinchingly.

"Oh, but he gets to stay?" he shouts, angry beyond belief.

You don't respond.

You don't want to hurt him, don't want to make him think that you're choosing Sam over him, but the fact of the matter is that besides Noah and Blaine, Sam is the first person who has ever taken the time to defend you.

So, no.

You aren't going to kick him out of your house.

Finn seems to find his answer in your silence, slamming the door on his way out and screaming "THIS ISN'T OVER, EVANS!" over his shoulder as he goes.

Tears start to fall down your face again, and this time there's no rain to mask them.

You curl around Sam when he sits back down next to you and simply breathe for a while, slow tears sliding down your cheeks silently.

Sam breathes with you.

You stay that way until your dads get home.

See, the thing that happened when Sam was yelling is that you had this sudden memory, this flashback to your sophomore year.

You're standing in the hallway in front of Finn, and your telling him that without a doubt, your dreams are more important that him, that they're more important than anything.

And you can't stop wondering where that girl went.

You think that she's starting to make a reappearance, beginning with the lack of heavy gold around your neck and continuing on with the fact that you will no longer be sitting back passively in Glee while Mr. Schuster refuses to make any plans because he's too busy with his own drama.

You'll find Rachel Berry again, even if it takes a little time.

You're not looking forward to Glee and, for the first time ever, you debate skipping the club altogether. Then you think about the fact that you went even when you had laryngitis because performing is all that matters, and you fix your golden Star of David necklace around your throat before heading towards the classroom.

Sam meets you on the way there, a casual arm tossed across your shoulders as the two of you easily pick up the same conversation you were having at lunch until the bell rang.

You walk into the choir room together, peeling yourself away from Sam when Mike and Artie come to greet him and striding across the room to where Blaine and Kurt are sitting.

Blaine holds out a hand with a smile and you allow him to take it, following his tug until your seated on his lap with no hesitation.

"How are you, Rach?" he asks, his wonderful voice warm with affection as he playfully tugs on his borrowed shirt.

You smile, brighter than you have in a really long time, and press another gentle kiss to his cheek. "Your shirt is good luck!" you giggle, meeting Kurt's apologetic blue eyes and including him in your smile as you continue, your forgiveness unspoken but clear. "I got an A on my test in math, an A on my essay in English, they actually had a Vegan meal option today in the cafeteria, and some random football player shoved Jacob into a closet so that he could no longer attempt to unbutton my blouse!"

Blaine is smiling along with you and there is amusement in Kurt's eyes when you hear a slight growl behind you. You turn to face Sam, who's glaring and has his arms crossed tightly against his chest.

"Israel did what?" he hisses carefully.

You easily slip off Blaine to stand in front of him, barely noticing that his glare lessens when you rest your palm on his upper arm. "He's been trying to see my bra for a really long time, Sam. It's okay. He's never actually hurt me."

"If I see the kid within two feet of you, Rae, I'm hurting him. Badly," is all he says in return dropping down in a seat and pulling on your hand until you're seated between him and Blaine.

"Same goes for me, Berry," you hear from the riser behind you and you turn to see Noah, his eyes dark with threat. His eyes fall on your throat for a second, and the grin that crosses his face when he sees the Star of David is one of pure satisfaction.

You nod your acceptance of his words and turn back around, not missing the gleam of approval in his eyes.

Sam's arm is warm against your back and you're once again talking to Blaine when Finn comes in the room.

He opens his mouth to say something, but Noah quickly calls his name and pulls him into some conversation about the best video game zombie. The lack of unnecessary confrontation makes you smile and you think that once Finn cools down, things probably won't even be that uncomfortable between the two of you.

Schue finally enters the room and starts to talk about how he doesn't really have a plan, but that he thinks the club could sing The Blues or R&B.

Your hand is stretched high above your head within seconds, and determination runs through your veins like lightning.

It's not going to be easy, figuring out who you are all over again.

But being with Finn made you weak, made you a lesser version of yourself. You ahte that it took you so long to realize it, but you just weren't ready to give him up until Sam whirled back into your life and reassured you that you were more than enough, that you could do it on your own.

And you refused to allow anyone take that away from you again.

"Mr. Schuster, while I understand that The Blues are an important genre of music, I don't necessarily feel that…"

So yeah, that's the end of it. I do not own Glee and U.R.A. Fever.

I know that it's kind of open ended, but I don't think there's any easy answers for Rachel as a character, especially right now, and ending it this way just seems right for this particular story.

I was going to put her with Sam, because I do love them together, but I think the thing that's bothered me about her character recently is that she looses so much of herself when she's in a relationship, and I couldn't think of a way to both emphasize that and put her with Sam.

So, apologies. Maybe next oneshot.

Review even though I'm a horrible updater that took three moths to finish a three chapter long story?

Thanks so much for reading, my dears, it means a lot.