Title: "Five things that Tammy Lane doesn't like to think about"

Author: UnkownP3

Rating: PG-13

Character/Pairing: Tammy mentions of Eva, Ed, Luke and Scarlett. Allusions to the Slide Five and the various combinations.

Spoiler: References to Episodes 1 to 10 their webisodes and graphic novels.

Length: one-shot

Summary: And one thing she knows without a doubt.

Disclaimer: I do not own the show or anything mentioned below. I am not making profit. I am in no way associated with the original owners.

Author's Note: Written because I'm bored and trying to avoid doing something productive.


Luke is sweet and awesome. He looks at her sometimes like she was something beautiful, does thousands of tiny little things to make her feel special and actually have proper conversations with her. Luke never really pushed for sex, despite how much she knew he wanted it. Luke adores Charlie (but doesn't everybody?). Eva and Luke are constantly exchanging jokes and hanging out. Luke and Scarlett seem to share this connection that comes from being naturally popular and good-looking. Luke absolutely adores Ed (maybe more than anyone else). Took a test for Ed which she will never quite understand why (did he not know about special considerations?). Luke fixed Ed's car even though they were fighting (he didn't fight for her not like he fought for Ed all passion and a willingness to do absolutely anything and that stings).

Luke is an ass and a liar. He doesn't tell her about Scarlett, even though she looks at him in the eye and asks him fully expecting him to tell her he slept with her. Later, drunken Scarlett after the fashion lunch and after Eva passes out (because breakups always suck even with married trash) will whisper to her the Scarlet version: Luke look's even worse. Plus, there was the whole ditching Ed at the club for his cool friends' debacle.

Luke is smart. He knows facts and terminology on a whole range of subjects. Luke can confound her with puzzles and argue with her on any number of topics while actually making her think.

Luke is unambitious. Luke literally seems to have no plans, no goals, no dreams about what he wants to do with his life. She can't quite comprehend how Luke can live so completely and utterly in the moment.

Sort of hates how happy he is living like that when he could be so much more with so little effort.

Some days' the only reason she tolerates (wants) Luke is because of how pretty he is.


Ed was the one who helped her quit the online poker habit. Twice.

This is the one and only reason she (acknowledges) when considering killing Ed or never speaking to him ever again. It happens at least seven times a week.

It's easier than thinking about the multitudes of connections and interests that bind them together. Or that she likes his jokes and how his awkwardness seems to affect everything he touches. Or, how he can make her smile and laugh even when she's tied to a chair. Or admitting that she just enjoys the chaos he creates. Or how he's never really pushing her to do any number of insane and illegal actions but just giving her an excuse to not be responsible for a change. Or thinking how she probably couldn't handle life without him for a week, even when there not speaking (texting) she's always at least vaguely aware of what he'd doing. Or how no matter how much of an oversexed prick he can be he still manages to be a nice guy most of the time. Or how the good always outweighs the bad; even considering (drunken, vaguely high, stressed, tired, lightweight) Ed's sex tape (she most certainly will not let herself think about whether or not Ed was in his right mind and if the sex was consensual, she's not doing that math).

It's just easier and Tammy Lane fully acknowledges her right to practice self-delusion.

Even if she won't let herself acknowledge what she's hiding.


She has this urge to shake Eva till she stops being so damn mysterious.

Eva won't ever actually tell you what's going on in her life unless you actually catch her in the middle of a breakdown.

Eva will give you advice in hotels and anywhere you need to talk. Eva will talk to you on a beach when you're having a meltdown after blackmailing your classmate's hooker mom and discovering that you're friends lied. Eva won't let you damage your career for her (though she's worth it).

Eva will never really tell you about her problems instead you have to fight for every scrape of information. Eva will never really trust you (that may hurt just as much as Luke and Ed's lies).

Eva will pull you in and then push you away.

There is no outlet for your friendship (love) for Eva so you have these moments where you have the urge to shake her until she finally lets you in.


She maybe (definitely) "felt" something when Scarlett kissed her.

She tells herself it's because Scarlett is the best kisser she's ever kissed.

She can never quite manage to convince herself.


She dreams about leaving Brisbane (them) behind.

And the one thing she knows without a doubt:

She will never really escape them.

It doesn't matter if she runs away.

It doesn't matter how successful she becomes.

It doesn't matter if she moves to another country.

It doesn't matter if she ignores all forms of communication from everyone in the southern hemisphere.

Even if they don't find her within the first five seconds; which is probably the maximum amount of time anyone could disappear when you consider Facebook and Twitter that isn't James Bond or Jason Bourne (She spends way too much time with Ed).

They are too much a part of her by this points that even if they do eventually become Facebook friends they have shaped and altered her far too thoroughly to ever escape their influence. She'll probably see them everywhere.

She can't quite convince herself that this is a bad thing.

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