I don't own Hetalia.

In Rimini, Italy, Lovino Vargas and his younger twin brother, Feliciano, were running... Very fast... What were they running from? Why, people of course. Why would you ask such an obvious question? ... Oh, you didn't ask? Well... Fine... I don't care... Oh, um, anyway...

"Lovino, I told you not to steal it!" Feliciano cried.

I didn't steal anything! I simply borrowed the damn thing without permission and with no intentions of returning it!" Lovino protested, "Plus, at least we have something to eat!"

"Sí, but-"

"Don't question me, Feli!" Lovino shouted.

"Mi dispiace, fratello!" Feliciano apologized.

"Just shut the hell up and make a left!" Lovino ordered.

"Sí!" Feliciano and Lovino made a left turn. They came to a dead end, but that didn't stop the twins. They simply jumped the wall, which was very high, so obviously the Italian twins were used to this sort of thing... Otherwise they wouldn't have been able to do that... Unless they have some sort of super power, but that's just ridiculous... Whoops! There I go again. Mindlessly rambling... That might happen a lot. On with the story...

"See? I told you we'd make it out alive." Lovino huffed.

"Sí, but, Lovino, I think you should turn around." Feliciano gulped, "There's someone behind you, and he looks like he might try to recommend us for something we don't want to do."

Lovino turned around only to find a man of about twenty... And Feli was correct. This man DID look like he was going to get them to do something they didn't want to.

"Feli," Lovino began, "That's a pirate."

"Oh, um, ciao, Signore Pirata." Feliciano edged away.

"What would a damn pirate like you want in a damn place like this?" Lovino glared at the man, who was making his fratello nervous…. Well, he was making Feliciano more nervous than he usually was... Is...

"My crew has shrunk down to a small number, and I thought I might be able to find a person or two desperate to get away considering the fact that this place does not have a good reputation." The pirate paused, "By the way you jumped that wall, I'm coming to the conclusion that the two of you are desperate to get away from this place? Or it's people at the least?"

"What do you know, you goddamn pirate?" Lovino scoffed, "We're doing just fine here. We're very successful."

"Only if you count being thieves successful." Feliciano added.

"He doesn't need to know THAT, Feli!" Lovino shouted.

"There they are!" A random person randomly shouted, and he and a random group of random people began running towards the twins and the random, unnamed pirate... Well, he HAS a name... The twins just don't know it... yet.

"Are you sure?" The pirate raised an eyebrow, "You could come with me if you like. I have no problem with it."

Lovino looked nervously from the pirate to the crowd to the pirate to the crowd to the pirate before saying, "Fine! We'll go with you! Not because we want to though!"

"Well, follow me!"

So, the trio ran from the mob and to Signore Pirata's ship... Does anyone else find it odd that two people would go off somewhere with some random pirate that they JUST met? For what all they know this dude could be the villain in this story... If it even has a villain... Who the crap it this pirate guy?

"I'm Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo, the greatest pirate in the history of pirates."

"Well, if you're so great than why haven't I ever heard of you?" Lovino asked... Good question. Aren't great people, like, know everywhere or something?

Antonio almost fell over... Almost. After he recovered from his slight depression, which didn't take long because this is Antonio we're talking about, he said, "W-Well, you're so young and-"

"We're eighteen!" Lovino glared.

Really? ... Who would've thought?

"Really?" Antonio blinked, "B-But you're so little. I thought you were maybe fifteen or sixteen."

"Tch. Whatever." Lovino scoffed, "I'm Lovino Vargas."

"And I'm Feliciano Vargas." Feliciano jumped, "We're twins."

"And orphans." Lovino added.

Awww, poor Lovi!" Antonio cooed.

"What? Why the hell would you call me that?" Lovino glared.

"Because, Lovi." Antonio replied.

"D-Don't call me that, you bastard!" Lovino blushed slightly.

"Awwww! Lovi's sooooo cute!" Antonio smiled brightly.

"I-I am NOT cute!" Lovino protested.

"Yay! Fratello found a new friend!" Feliciano cheered.

"Sí, Lovi and me are best of friends!" Antonio glomped Lovino.

"Don't touch me, and we are nOT friends, damnit!" Lovino shouted loudly.

"Hey, Tonio, you back yet?" A voice called.

"Sí, Gilbert." Antonio called back as four people walked on deck, "I've brought two orphans to become part of our crew."

"They're kids." The albino said... No, they're not!

"We're eighteen!" Lovino shouted.

"O-Oh. Well, I'm" The albino stared in shock, "awesomely sorry. The name is Gilbert the Awesome One. You can call me Mister Awesome."

"Sorry, Signore Awesome, but I'll think it would be better if we called you Signore Idioto." Lovino rolled hid eyes.

... Well, that wasn't nice...

"Bonjour, mon amis." A blond with a French accent walked forward, "I'm Francis. It is a pleasure to meet you both." he took one of Feliciano's hands and gently kissed it, and did the same to Lovino, who simply glared daggers at the Frenchman.

"Touch me or my stupidass brother again, and I WILL kill you." Lovino said, "Slowly."

Francis just chuckled nervously and backed off.

"Um, h-hi. I-I'm Matthew." A guy with glasses stuttered, "I, um, h-hope you e-enjoy your time w-with us."

"You make it sound as if we're going to have sex and then leave or something." Lovino rolled his eyes.

"L-Lovino!" Feliciano gasped, "That wasn't very nice, ve~"

"Am I supposed to care?" Lovino asked taking no notice of the blushing and stuttering Matthew... Poor Mattie. We must pity him and give him lots of hugs and pancakes!

Feliciano sighed, and with his eyes still closed, he looked at the fourth member of the crew, who sneezed, and the Italian asked, "Who are you?"

"I'm Ludwig." The man said with a German accent.

So, two Germans, a Spaniard, a Frenchman, and-" Lovino looked at Matthew, "What are you? American?"

"I'm Canadian!" Matthew shouted... If that's what you want to call it. It honestly sounded like any other person's normal speaking voice... Um, yeah... Give Matthew a hug and some pancakes... And more self-esteem while you're at it.

"I'm not German!" Gilbert yelled, "I'm Prussian!"

"What's the difference?"

"Prussians are more awesome."

"Okay?" Lovino raised an eyebrow.

"So, can the two of you fight?" Antonio asked brightly.

"No, I can't, but I can run away." Feliciano shook his head, "My specialties are mass-producing white flags and waving them around. I can also cheer from the sidelines," he paused, "but fratello is pretty good, and he can use a gun better than anyone in this city and-"

"No, no, I can't do any damn thing with a gun, Feliciano." Lovino interrupted... Well, one of them is lying, and something tells me that Feliciano wouldn't lie to anyone, so that only leaves the older of the twins... Of course. Lovino sighed, "Oh, and you can too fight, Feli. You just don't like to."

"Veh~" Feliciano sighed.

... Okay, maybe Feliciano would tell lies... But just a little one... Feliciano CAN fight, and Lovino probably CAN use a gun... Eh, what do I care?

"So, let's show these little guys around our big ship." Antonio smiled.

BIG ship was right. By the end of it all, both of the poor Italians were dead tired. The had seen Gilbert and Matthew's room, Francis' room, Antonio's room, Ludwig's room, a largish kitchen, a dining room-like room, a living room-like room, a few restrooms with plumbing, a training room, and the deck.

"Now let me tell you everyone's jobs." Antonio said when they were back on the deck, "Matthew and Francis work in the kitchen, Gilbert is our look-out, Ludwig is our navigator, and I'm the captain."

"What are we going to be doing?"

"You can work in the kitchen with Francis and Matthew, and Lovi can be my pet!"

The older Italian, who was currently dead, was suddenly revived, "I am NO ONE'S FUCKING PET, BASTARD!"

"But you're soooooo cute, Lovi~" Antonio cooed.

"Non sto impazzendo carino!"

"Can you repeat that?" Antonio asked, "Preferably in a language that I can understand. I don't understand Italian."

"Non mi importa se si conoscono italiano o no, idioto! Voglio solo che tu di lasciarmi pace!"

"Um, Feli, can you translate?" Antonio asked the still tired Italian.

"First he said 'I'm not freaking cute.'" Feliciano began, "Then he said 'I don't care if you know Italian or not, idiot. I just want you to leave me alone.'"

"Gracies, amigo." Antonio smiled, "Lovi~ Can't you be a little nicer?"


"Pretty please?"

"Allontanarsi." (Italian = Leave me alone.)

"Fratello, can't you be a little nicer to Antonio?"

"Vi prego, andate via." (Italian = Please, leave me alone.)

"That's not exactly what I meant."

"Stai zitto."

"Remind me to learn Italian later. Okay, Bruder?" Gilbert whispered to Ludwig.

"Ja. Ja." Ludwig sighed knowing all to well that his Bruder was not going to even attempt to learn another language in any nearby future.

"Ah, Antonio, why don't you quit pestering the poor Italian and allow him to work in the kitchen with me?" Francis asked.

"Because you would try to rape him, mi amigo."

"If that's the case than Feli is NOT allowed to work in that damn kitchen with him!" Lovino exclaimed.

"What if I allow you to work in the kitchen with Feli that way you can make sure Francis doesn't do anything?" Antonio asked.

"Whatever, but I'm still not your damn pet." Lovino huffed.

"But you're sooo cute!"

"I am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"They might be at this awhile." Ludwig sighed as Feliciano walked over to them.

"Fratello can be embarrassed really easily." Feliciano said, "So, I have a feeling that he'll be in a state of misery for a while."

... Needless to say, Feliciano was right. Two long years later, however, Lovino was still embarrassed easily, but he was no longer miserable. Of course, he and Antonio still argued. He also hated Ludwig for some unexplainable reason.

One random day, Feliciano decided to ask his fratello why he hated Ludwig so much.

"I don't know." Lovino shrugged, "Something about him just bugs the shit out of me me."

"But fratello you can't just hate someone for no apparent reason." Feliciano said.

"Hate doesn't need a reason."

"Actually, love doesn't need a reason, but hate does."

"In my world hate doesn't need a reason, but love does."

"Fratello, will you please come back down to reality?"

"No, thanks. In my world there are no potato bastards or tomato bastards or any kind of damn bastard for that matter."

Lovino had also gotten into habit of calling Ludwig 'Potato bastard.' He also called Antonio 'Tomato bastard.' What was the reason? Ludwig liked potatoes, and Antonio liked tomatoes. Lovino also liked tomatoes but wasn't a bastard, so that meant that there was only ONE tomato bastard on the ship, but there was TWO potato bastards. Ludwig and Gilbert... But there was a difference between the potato bastards! Gilbert was more awesome! ... In Gilbert's mind anyway...

"Feliciano, don't argue with your brother." Ludwig sighed walking on deck, "Haven't you learned by now that Lovino will not change his mind about anything?"

"But, Ludwig, I'm trying to figure out why he hates you so much. If I know that than maybe I can get him to like you a little more."

"Don't worry about it, Feli." Ludwig sighed, "It doesn't bother me much."

"You said much!" Feliciano gasped, "So, that means that it DOES bother you at least a little bit."

Oh, here's a random piece of information! One random night, the twins had a growth spurt, so they now look their age. Unfortunately for Lovino, Antonio thinks that he's even cuter.

Anyway, Ludwig sighed and looked at Lovino, who was momentarily forgotten, and said, "You might want to leave this area."

"Why would I do that?" Lovino glared, "That would mean that I'd be leaving my fratello alone with YOU."

"Antonio was looking high and low for you earlier."

"Bye, Feliciano."

Feliciano waved good-bye and his brother was off as quick as possible.

Then Feliciano remembered something a little important, "Ludwig, Antonio's not even on the ship."

"Ich weiß." Ludwig smirked, "I just wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" Feliciano asked and Ludwig took a breath.

"Wh-What would you do if a-a blond haired, blue eyed German who is part of this crew said that he l-liked you?"

Feliciano looked in Ludwig's general direction for, like, two seconds before he got the message, "Veh? W-Well, I'd, um, I-I-I- W-Why?"

"I-Ich- Ich l-liebe dich."

"Wh-What?" Feliciano was shocked, "R-Really?"

He was shocked but happy. Very happy. Unnaturally happy... Even for him.

Happy was Ludwig when glomped by Feliciano was he... That's Yoda talk for: Ludwig was happy when Feliciano glomped him. You DO know who Yoda is, right? The little dude from Star Wars.

"Ti amo, anche!" Feliciano smiled an even bigger smile than usual.


"Of course!"

Lovino, who was wandering around the ship when he remembered that Antonio wasn't even on the ship, then took it upon himself to walk back on the deck. Needless to say, he was very shocked and not very happy at the sight he saw... Well, how would you react if you saw your younger twin was having a full-blown make out session with the one you hate the most?

Lovino did not take it very well.

"Che cozza?" Lovino had also forgotten how to speak English for a short moment of time, "Wh-What are- When did- Why- Who- What the fuck do you think you're doing with my brother, you goddamn son of a German bitch?"

"L-Lovino!" Ludwig gulped, "Um, heh, well, um, you see- It's just, um, we- W-Well, we-"

I never thought Ludwig would stutter so much. Is Lovino REALLY that intimidating? In this case: Probably.

"F-fratello, please don't be mad!" Feliciano pleaded, "We just- I mean- Could you- You see- Well, I- It's just- You- Well, um, I-"

So much stuttering... Goodness...

"Ho capito! I get it! Stop with your damn stuttering!" Lovino shouted, "I just- I mean, I- He- You- I- Che cozza? Didn't I JUST yell at you two to stop fucking stuttering, and yet here I am, err, was stuttering. Can't ANYONE speak the damn English language without stuttering?" he sighed, "I just hope you don't expect me to accept this, goddamnit." he huffed.

"I wasn't expecting, but I WAS kind of hoping." Feliciano sighed.

"Duro." Lovino huffed.


Lovino, who heard the Spaniard breathing, ran... Far away... Possibly to his room... To hide.

"Bye, fratello!" Feliciano waved.

"Hi, Feli, Ludwig!" Antonio greeted walking onto the deck, "Where's Lovi?"

"He went that way." Feliciano pointed the way Lovino went, "I don't know where he's going, but he might be in his room."

"Muchas gracias, Feli." Antonio thanked and followed after Lovino.

Instead of going to his room, Lovino went to the kitchen. There he found Francis and Matthew.

"S-Salut, Lovino." Matthew greeted.

"Ah, ma cher, have you come here to help us cook dinner?" Francis asked.

"I actually came here to hide from Antonio." Lovino replied, "But I guess I'll help. Only because I have nothing else to do on this dumbass ship."

"Grand." Matthew smiled.

As they prepared supper, Lovino started a conversation with Matthew.

"So, how's it going with Gilbert, Matthew?"

"Wh-What are you t-talking about?" Matthew asked.

"Don't play dumb with me. That's my brother's job." Lovino sighed, "It's obvious that you like him. Gilbert, I mean."

"Je ne l'aime pas!"


"I do not!"

"You're right." Lovino nodded, "You love him."

"What? D-Don't say such things!"

"I'm only speaking the truth."

"N-No, you aren't!"

"Sí, lo sono." Lovino sighed, "Besides, didn't you know that he likes you as much as you like him?"


"It's true."

"Non! Non! Non!"

"Actually, mon ami, Lovino is correct." Francis piped up, "I come from the country of love, so I can tell when two people are meant to be."

"Please." Lovino rolled his eyes, "France is NOT the country of love. It's the country of lust."

"I suppose you want to say that Italy is the country of love, mon ami?"

"Forse." Lovino shrugged cutting a tomato... Random fruits make everything better.

"Well, I should have you know that French is the language of love, so that would make France the country of love. Not Italy, mon ami. We Frenchmen are great lovers."

"I think you mean great molesters." Lovino rolled his eyes, "At least we Italians don't try to get into everyone's damn pants."

"Ah, but you do flirt with every girl you think is pretty." Francis pointed out.

"You're worse than we are." Lovino glared, "We don't do that if we're in a fucking relationship, and at least we don't flirt with guys."

"Um, please don't fight." Matthew bit his bottom lip.

"Io non." Lovino reassured, "Fighting over such stupid things is trivial." he went back to killing tomatoes.

Francis glared at the Italian's back, and he went back to butchering meat.

Matthew sighed at the pointlessness of the argument, and he went back to carefully cutting carrots.

During dinner, the unsociable atmosphere between the older Italian and the Frenchman had increased noticeably. In fact, it was so noticeable that no one said a word for almost all of dinner. It was Feliciano who broke the uneasy silence.

"Fratello, what's going on between you and Francis?" The younger Italian whispered.

"Absolutely nothing." Lovino replied stabbing a piece of meat.

"It doesn't seem like nothing though." Feliciano said.

"Well, it is." Lovino snapped making Feliciano flinch, "Sorry, fratello. I didn't mean to snap at you like that."

"It's okay." Feliciano smiled, "What are the two of you even fighting over?"

Lovino whispered something in Feliciano's ear, and the younger of the two looked absolutely shocked, "No!"


"What did you tell him, Lovino?" Francis asked.

"None of your damn business." Lovino huffed.

"But I believe it is as much my business as it is yours." Francis said, "Dear Feliciano, will YOU tell me?"

"Sorry, but what happens between brothers, stays between brothers." Feliciano replied.

"Why can't we have a code thing like that, West?" Gilbert asked.

"Because you're an idiot, East." Ludwig replied making Gilbert fall out of his seat.

"Well, aren't you nice?" Gilbert sighed.

"I don't think we've ever eaten dinner in this sort of atmosphere." Antonio whispered to Matthew.

"I don't think we ever HAD this sort of atmosphere." Matthew stated in a hushed voice.

... That was the only time ANYONE talked during dinner... Wow...

By the way, I know that Latin is known as the romance language, but most of the time, at least around where I live, French is called the language of love... I don't know why... Ciao, my lovlies.