There were many things Voldemort, Lord Voldemort, The Dark Lord, The Dark Lord Voldemort, You-Know-Who, You-Don't-Know-Who-But-You-Eventually-Will, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, That Snaky Faced Git, Fearless One, Feared One, Noseless Guy, Tom Riddle, Tom Marvolo Riddle, That Creepy Pale Noseless Hairless Red-Eyed Guy With A Bunch of Followers. . . *gasps for breath* You get it, right? Good.
There were many things Voldemort did not like. Grocery shopping was one of them.
People stared as he strolled rather unhappily into the grocer, Wormtail cowering beside him. A little girl shrieked and fainted as they passed; her mother, looking frenzied, fainted shortly afterwards, and her father dived behind the cash register.
"List," said Voldemort, holding out his left hand for the piece of paper. It was covered in different handwriting, and Voldemort recognized every one of them; he raised a non-existent eyebrow into his non-existing hairline and looked at Wormtail. "..Severus uses shampoo?"
Wormtail glanced up at him, and then at the paper, and then back at him- and then they both began to laugh. Hard.
A woman two aisles down screamed and fainted, pudding cup in hand.
"Woo," breathed Voldemort, wiping tears from his red eyes. "Now, let's continue, shall we? Yes. . ah - cake mix for Narcissa. . actually, no, I swear every time she forces us to eat her cakes we die a little more inside. ."
Wormtail nodded in agreement. Every Death Eater- even her husband, who was completely whipped- agreed that Narcissa's cooking was the worst they had ever tasted.
Her anger upon finding out that they would not eat her food was worse, so everytime they would force it down and then proceed to rush into the multiple bathrooms of Malfoy Manor and empty their stomachs out. But. . let's not speak of that.
"Ew," commented Voldemort, "You like cheerios?"
"Y-Yes, m'lord," said Wormtail, quivering.
"...I am sickened by you."
"Lucius uses lavender-honey shampoo? I always wondered why he always smelt like a frimpy little girl."
"...I-Is Frimpy a word, m'lord?"
"..Shut up, Wormtail."
TO BE CONTINUED. No, just kidding.
Yes, I made Lucius use lavender-honey shampoo. Don't judge. I'd appreciate if instead of flaming, you'd just wander off somewhere else. But, you can do what you want, I s'pose. *sigh* I meant to make this longer, but what's the use? Review my dears. -MFW