Touhou Doujin: Holiday Edition

Chapter 12: Friends... with benefits?

Dawitsu Mansion, 26th December, Mid-day

The Dawitsu Mansion was quiet, and everyone dwelling within it was asleep- or so it seemed. But the ever-restless Yutaka Hadekawa was just about stirring, and decided it was time to get up.

Yutaka stretched her arms out, yawned, and put on her trademark loose cloak. Rubbing her eyes, she decided to go downstairs and grab herself some breakfast. Yutaka was shocked to find Ran had long since beaten her to it, however, and was washing plates.

"Ran? What are you doing up so early?"

"It's twelve o'clock. I decided to let Chen sleep in a little later, have some time to myself..."

"Is the Boss awake?"

"I saw him leave the mansion with the human a while ago... about two hours ago to be precise."

"Oh... okay, I'll leave them to it. I'm not sure about the boss... he simultaneously seems desperate for a girlfriend and then not so. What do you think about love, Ran?" Yutaka said as she placed some bread and cheese under the grill.

Ran remained silent. She was quite clearly unwilling to talk about it. Yutaka continued to prod, however.

"What is it? I'm just asking! Okay, I'll try an easier question; Do you believe in love at first sight?"

Ran felt more at ease with this question. "No. I don't."

"I don't either. Love is more complex than that, isn't it? Oh, come on, Ran... elaborate! Loosen up! Discussion and conversation is what makes life worth living!" Yutaka held her covered-up hands in the air.

"Oh... okay. I... guess love can occur between species... but they have to know each other personally before it." Ran slowly built up an opinion on the spot.

"Ah, that's more like it! So, do you think sex is necessary in a romantic relationship?" Yutaka offered Ran another prompt.

"Well, I guess if someone's married to a disabled man, they still are in a romantic relationship, but sex is impossible- they still love each other, don't they? I guess that's a romantic relationship still..."

"I agree, you're a kind-hearted person when you show yourself, aren't you?"

Yutaka and Ran kept discussing love for the duration of Yutaka's breakfast. It was becoming a more heated debate, and eventually they came across points where they disagreed. Ran was thinking it was a pointless game of Yutaka's, but Yutaka was purposefully attempting to open up Ran's heart- to make her more than just a Shikigami.

The Forest of Magic, about the same time...

Dawitsu and Sakuya had decided to take a walk. Sakuya insisted on holding Dawitsu's hand the whole way. She was constantly talking about how beautiful and romantic the scenery was, meaning Dawitsu couldn't get a word in edgeways.

Eventually, Dawitsu attempted to get across the point he'd been intending to get across since the start of this walk.

"Dawitsu, what's the matter? You keep just nodding at what I'm saying, you don't seem to be thinking on the present..." Sakuya concernedly said.

"Look... Sakuya, I've been thinking, just not about what you want me to... Sakuya, I'll be honest. What's the point in us being together? Have we done anything as a couple that we couldn't do as friends? Please answer me, because I'm not sure..."

"Well... we haven't yet, but that doesn't mean we... can't..." Sakuya closed in on Dawitsu, lips puckered.

Dawitsu put his hands on her lips before they could touch his. "That's... not what I meant. Look, I just don't think that we... should be together. There's no point. We don't do anything that's uniquely romantic together, and quite frankly, I don't think we ever will..." Dawitsu looked at Sakuya with a face of grave seriousness.

Sakuya didn't want to hear it, "But... we can be boyfriend and girlfriend, can't we? There may be no indication that we are, but there's no indication that we're not, either!" Sakuya started to cry, "You love me, I've read it in your Grimoire! You're attracted to me! You wanted this just as much as I did! You know you did!"

Dawitsu looked down in shame, "I... I know. I am attracted to you. You're beautiful, and nothing will ever change that. You're a wonderful, and kind human being. But, Sakuya... did I ever tell you what happened between me and Yutaka?"


"I once wanted Yutaka in that exact same way... but in the end the forged relationship I've had with her hasn't been a romantic one. Do you know why that is?"

"Because she's a lesbian and you're not a girl?" Sakuya answered.

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, laughed it off, and said, "No, I didn't know that back then. Not only that, but I think it's our relationship that turned her off guys anyway... the reason why we are where we are is because romance wasn't a large driving force, even back then. Sure, there were times when I wanted to hold her, kiss her, and tell her I loved her... but after... after I took her to dinner one time, I gave up... you see, we were friends. And friendship is often a more indestructible bond than romance... since I agreed to be your boyfriend, I realised how romance can, in fact, destroy friendships..."

Sakuya became defensive, "What do you mean? Just because you and I are in love doesn't mean we're not friends!"

"...I didn't say that. Since I... uh... asked you out, you've been clingy and overly possessive of me- a trait you didn't show before that. Now that isn't a pro for a relationship, is it?"

Sakuya screamed, "Well, I'm sorry! I can change! Please, give me another chance!"

Sakuya broke down in tears while saying her last word. Dawitsu took his friend, and hugged her, "It's not only you... I had become complacent in my affection for you- I took you for granted while in this relationship. We're both made worse by this. If I gave you a second chance, you'd have to give me a second chance too. And I'm pretty sure that you don't want injustice done to you again. I find you attractive, you're a wonderful person, and you love me back... on paper, it seems that we're perfect for each other... but together we're totally different people."

Sakuya hiccuped and sniffed, leaning her head on Dawitsu's shoulder, "So... you're saying... that fate's against us?"

"No... not at all. Just that fate has decided that we're better as close friends..." Dawitsu could feel Sakuya's frustration building up.

"Friends... that are attracted to each other? It's not right! It makes no sense." Sakuya pushed herself off of Dawitsu. "Well, fine. But what happens if I die alone? I want to be with someone special before I go..."

"Ah, well I'm sure you'll find someone. Trust me, someone with your looks can't be overlooked! But... for when times are difficult..." Dawitsu formed a small grin on his face.

"...What? What are you thinking about?"

"Well, seen as we're so into one another, perhaps we can be... friends with benefits?" Dawitsu suddenly burst into uncontrollable laughter. "Sorry, I can't believe I just said that... so how about it?"

"What's... a friend with benefits..."

"Well, let's just say the benefits are... um, private." Dawitsu donned his awkward face.

Sakuya picked up on the vibe, "Oh, you're having trouble saying the word 'sex' again, aren't you? You want us to have a casual relationship, don't you? You think we're better as friends, but don't want to sacrifice that part of a relationship! You're male, through and through, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but tell me with a straight face that it isn't a good idea."

Sakuya couldn't. He had a point. This was the best solution to their problem.

"Now, come on, let's play some Call of Duty together!" Dawitsu said, pointing towards the canopy of the forest of magic, assuming that was the way home.

So the two floated back to the Dawitsu Mansion, leaving the scenery in peace. Behind one rock was a particularly observant crow. It flew away from the scene, and headed towards Youkai mountain. It flew through the window of a certain Tengu's house, and crowed, waiting for an answer.

Aya sang to the crow, "Ah, I knew you'd get me a story!" On listening to the crow calls, she confirmed, "Oh, I say! Really? A celebrity break-up! And it's... between a human and a youkai? Wait, was this Youkai a tengu look-a-like with a blue cloak? It was? Oh, damn it, I vowed not to write about him! Oh well, maybe next time, eh? Okay, go back to the forest of magic and check on the local thief, she'll be doing something interesting!"

The crow immediately flew back out the window. Aya folded her arms in disappointment. "I can't believe that I agreed to that stupid condition..."

Dawitsu Mansion, Library, twelve-thirty post meridian

Yutaka and Patchouli were sitting, reading in the library, and occasionally talking.

"So, how did you find Lemony Snicket's books?" Yutaka asked.

Patchouli said, "I found them entertaining, I liked how by The End, the Baudelaires have done several terrible things just to survive, and Count Olaf no longer seems like the concrete villain- it's like morality and story role suddenly becomes grey..."

"That's wonderful! I found the fact that Count Olaf is kind to Kit Snicket in her dying breaths an excellent show of how even a hideous villain can be humane... what do you think of love, Patchy? I was talking with Ran about it before..."

Patchouli blushed. "Well... I... I don't know, what aspect of love?"

Yutaka smiled a genuinely caring smile, "Oh, you're like Ran, you need specificity... okay, how about this? Do you believe everyone has a certain someone for them?"

Patchouli looked downwards in embarrassment. "No... that isn't right."

"What makes you say that?" Yutaka asked, half-trying to keep the mood light.

"Well, no-one's interested in me... and whenever someone shows up, they're always interested in Sakuya instead! Like that Tomasu! All men are the same! There is never one girl for them, so why should there be one guy for us, you know? The thing is, with this imbalance, it always leaves some people... with no-one for them..." Patchouli hid her face in her book.

Yutaka put her arm around Patchy, "Oh, it's like that... look Patchy, there's always a chance. That's how I see it. Love could be right next to you for all you know, you just need to find it."

"What are you implying?" Patchouli asked, suddenly turning her head towards Yutaka.

Yutaka sweat-dropped, "I'm... implying nothing. I'm just saying don't give up... and maybe don't just limit yourself to... uh, one gender..." Yutaka suddenly realized how hard it is to get across to someone how you feel- that's how Dawitsu must have felt that one time...

"Are you sure you're not implying anything, because I swear you're hitting on me..." Patchouli replied, withdrawing from Yutaka.

Suddenly the sound of a door opening was heard downstairs, and Yutaka took the opportunity to flee. "Oh, that must be the Boss! I'll go see him for a bit, you coming?"

"I think I might..."

"...stay in here? Good, I'll see you later then, huh?" Yutaka then sped off into the nearest lift. Patchouli stared at the lift doors as they closed, stayed closed momentarily, then reopened, Yutaka embarrassed at the fact she'd gone in the wrong lift, then she ran to the correct lift just in time.

Surely enough, the door opening was Dawitsu, and Yutaka ran up to her Boss, flustered and red in the face. "H-hello, Boss... what have you and Sakuya been up to?"

"Are you okay, Yutaka?" Dawitsu asked.

Yutaka sweat-dropped, "J-just fine, Boss. Say, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Sakuya replied, "Are you sure there's nothing wrong? You seem like you're running away from something."

"You could say that... uh, Boss, now, in private, please..." Yutaka was frantically gesturing at the kitchen.

Dawitsu rolled his eyes. "Okay... uh, Sakuya, start up the Xbox, I'll be there in a moment."

Sakuya nodded, and laughed as she winked at Dawitsu when she slipped out of Yutaka's view.

"So, what's up, Yutaka?"

"Well, you know how you once... liked me in that way?" Yutaka was adopting various awkward body language positions, shifting from to the other uneasily.

Dawitsu had never seen his Shikigami so skittish, "Yeah..."

"Well... you struggled trying to tell me as well, right?"

Dawitsu decided to go for the easiest response once again, "Yeah..."

"Well... I wanted to tell Patchouli how I feel, and now I've tried, failed, and don't know what to do from here! Help me, please!"

Dawitsu stifled a giggle. Yutaka's face turned stern, "Are you laughing at me?"

"No, it's just that I knew you liked her... of course I'll help out the best I can. But what makes you think I'll have any better understanding of Patchouli than you?"

"I don't know! But, do you have any suggestions?"

"You could try talking to her while reading a book with her... it's how you hit it off, remember?"

Yutaka threw her arms down in despondency, "I tried that! Now I've messed up! What do I do?"

"I know, how about this? I'll ask her to stick around for tea, and then I'll set up things so that you two can be alone... in fact, why not do that now? Sakuya wants me to play Call of Duty with her, so it'll work out well. I'll call her down, you make the tea."

Yutaka saluted her boss, "Yes, sir!"

Dawitsu took the 'fun route' through his mansion, and placed his copy of 'The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya' in the glass case on his 'Animé Gallery', and finally reached the library.

"Hey, Patchouli, Yutaka's made some tea, do you want to come down and have some? It's simply delicious..." Dawitsu said to the lost-in-reading Patchouli, making her jump.

"Huh? Tea? Okay, but only if you're around with us... Yutaka's been acting weird today, hope it's nothing I said..." Patchouli answered.

"I assure you it won't be. Anyway, you want some tea?" Dawitsu reiterated.


So after taking the master lift together to the foyer, Dawitsu sat down on the foyer sofa opposite to Yutaka, gesturing to Patchouli to sit next to Yutaka.

"Oh! I forgot... Patchy, I'm sorry, I'll have to leave for a moment, Sakuya wants to play Modern Warfare Three with me. See you, hopefully Yutaka is enough company for you..." Dawitsu excused himself with next to no subtlety.

Yutaka waited for Dawitsu to leave, and then poured Patchouli a cup of Green Tea. "Here you go. Green Tea's good for the circulatory system, you know..."

"I know... look, Yutaka, what's wrong? You were talking all about love, then you were all apologetic when I said about how I'm never going to find love... why are you being so weird? If you think I'm pathetic, you can just say it, you don't have to pretend to try and solve my problem..." Patchouli was becoming increasingly depressed with herself.

Yutaka had planned a speech in her head, but suddenly it disappeared, because the context was all wrong... she was hoping Patchouli would blame her for the awkwardness. So instead she blurted out an incoherent barrage of feelings.

"No! That's not it at all! I think you're great! You've got real pretty eyes! And your fashion sense is incredible! It's a miracle you haven't found love already!" Yutaka suddenly snapped back into a logical state of mind and stopped herself saying anything more.

"How is it a miracle? If I'm as good as you say I am, how come no-one's with me? It's a curse, not a miracle."

Just then, a spark a romantic dialogue formed itself in Yutaka's head. "That's where you're wrong, Patchy. See, it's a miracle, because it means I'm lucky enough to have a chance with you..." Yutaka said her self-perceived brilliant line in a caring, suave way.

Patchouli suddenly gasped... she didn't know what to say. Shock overcame her, and she began to hyperventilate, to the point where she was wheezing.

"W-wait! Patchy, what's wrong?"

"As...thma..." Patchouli struggled to say.

"Oh God! Uh... Boss! Boss! Where are you?" Yutaka panicked as Patchouli collapsed. This was going horribly wrong.

"Don't worry, Patchy, I'll save you!" Yutaka said, realising her Boss was not going to help out. She quickly grabbed her tea-cup and formed it into a device known by outside-worlders as an inhaler. She placed the object in Patchouli's mouth, and pressed the end.

"Breath in, Patchy..." Yutaka calmly said.

Patchouli did just so. Yutaka pressed the end again. "Breath in again..."

After inhaling, she stopped wheezing, and mused, "Thank you, Yutaka... I've never had help like that for my asthma... usually they just leave me to it, but that really worked..."

Yutaka exhaled a huge breath of relief. "I'm glad you're okay, Patchy..."

"I know you are... what was that about having a chance with me?" Patchy smiled, causing Yutaka to fidget.

"I... I'm sorry, I was an idiot, forget I said anything..."

"No, I... kind of like you too. I just never thought you were interested that way, so I didn't do anything about it..."

"What? Really? Oh, Patchy!" Yutaka hugged Patchouli, despite the fact she was on the floor. "Okay, can we go upstairs and tell the boss? I'm sure he'll be happy for us!"

And so, Yutaka and Patchy rushed upstairs, and went towards Dawitsu's bedroom (where the Xbox was stationed) and opened the door. They then looked at something they themselves couldn't quite believe...

Dawitsu and Sakuya were in bed together, and Dawitsu held a duvet cover over Sakuya's chest, exposing his in its entirety. They were paused, awkwardly, and Yutaka stared at Dawitsu in a mixture of horror and hilarity. Suddenly Chen's voice called from along the hallway "Dawi! I've gotten up now!"

Before Chen could get to the bedroom, Yutaka closed the door as quickly as possible and turned Chen's eyes away from the bedroom, leaving Patchouli to stare at the two.

"Hmm, what happened here? Yutaka said you were playing video games..."

"One thing led to another!" Dawitsu exclaimed.

"Get out and leave us alone!" Sakuya yelled. Patchouli nodded and dashed out as quickly as possible, closing the door behind her.

Chen was curious, "What's going on? Is Dawi sick? Is he sleeping?"

Yutaka was trying her best to make her lose interest, "Chen, the Boss and Sakuya are spending a little time alone. They're probably doing boring work together or something, but they can't be distracted..."

Patchouli tried to add to the excuse, "Yes, they're very... uh, busy. Come on, Chen, Ran's waiting for you downstairs..."

Ran appeared in the hallway upon mentioning, "No, I'm not. But, Chen, I do command you not to disturb my Master. He's dealing with some very important issues at the moment, and you wouldn't want to get punished by him, would you?"

"Dawi wouldn't punish me! Maybe I can help him with his work... I'll just check..." Chen replied, walking towards the bedroom door and turning the handle.

Patchouli, Ran, and Yutaka, all in a fluster, shouted a great simultaneous "NOOOOO!"

And so, once again, a chapter of life in (and out of) Gensokyo has come to halt. I'll leave it to you to figure out what they did after Chen walked in, but one thing was for sure... Chen was about to learn a whole lot more about where babies come from...

Author's Notes: And on that bombshell, this story is complete! Finished! Done! Unless you request another chapter to answer any unanswered questions... I think I've addressed anything you readers may want, but then again, perhaps not... just review, k? This is the final chapter!

I love writing, it's a real shame, but all stories have to end. Except for the NEVER-ENDING STOOOORYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

How I love all you guys who read! You make my day! Beautiful, star-ridden hallucinations fill my head when you review... that, and when I take LSD. So you reviewing saves me money!

Acid be expensive, ye ken?

Seriously, though, I'm satisfied with this book, I managed to pull off romance in a light-hearted, semi-realistic manner, and told an entertaining, funny story on the whole. Sure, there are some bits even I find boring, but this is one of my best works yet.

Good job, me! Wait, should I be doing this? How arrogant am I? Wow, I really am like Dawitsu, aren't I?

Centuries later, this set of Author's notes may end... but YES! Success! Bitter-sweet endings, I love thee! I don't want to stop writing, yet I feel complete. What a mixture of feelings! Oh, Yutaka, Dawitsu, Tomasu, I'll hug you, and bid farewell. You were good OCs. 'Til we meet again.

We'll... meet again... don't know where... don't know when... but I know... we'll meet again, some sunny day...

Gah, okay, Matt, pull yourself together (slaps self). We're ending this set of notes now. Oh, thank you! Thank you, all you reviewers! TheKindlyHater, Ban3, Demon Neko Shen, and of course Metroid Life should all give yourself a big hug from me!

That sounded creepy. Okay, goodbye now. See ya. Bye. You hang up! No you hang up! No, you hang up. Goodbye.