Disclaimer: Burn Notice still doesn't belong to me unfortunately
A/N: This is a very short one shot centred around a tiny scene in 5x13 Damned if You Do.
Huge thanks as always to Purdy's pal and DaisyDay for reading through for me
Darkness surrounded the loft, encompassing the two people lying side by side in the bed. Neither spoke as they stared up at the ceiling, both lost in their own thoughts and fears. No matter how many times they had broken through the wall of bad guys and brought each one down, there was always another one to take their place. They couldn't seem to regain any kind of peace before another big disaster was sprung upon them.
Fiona could feel the heat from Michael's body radiating into her as he lay unmoving by her side. She had always drawn so much comfort from spending her night sleeping beside him but it seemed that everything had changed now. He was staring up at the ceiling, sleep eluding him because of something she had unwillingly inflicted upon him.
In her mind there was one very easy solution, one that would free him to pursue his career and once again be accepted into the CIA fold. Every day that she selfishly stayed with him, the very thin line between him and the government was becoming more and more blurred. She couldn't do this to him when he was so close to getting his life back.
He'd told her a few days ago that he wasn't going to walk away. If she'd have known having his love and devotion would be the one thing that could destroy him, she would never have stayed, even though she knew losing him would break her.
Turning her head she watched him carefully as his eyes focused on the shadows on the ceiling. She could see the lines of worry etched on his face and she suddenly felt so incredibly sad. She had caused this whole situation and she should be the one to end it.
"Michael…" she whispered, her voice bearing the brunt of her sorrow as she turned onto her side to face him. When he didn't respond she shuffled closer to lay her head onto his chest and slide her arm around his torso, holding him tightly against her.
"You should be asleep," he whispered softly as he brought his arm around her shoulders to stroke small circles over her skin with his fingertips.
"So should you," she sighed sadly as she turned her face to place a kiss onto his chest before draping herself across his body. "You should be alert for your meeting tomorrow."
"I know," he sighed, pulling her closer. "I can't sleep…"
Fiona closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill over onto her cheeks. Michael didn't need her crumbling around him when she was the one that needed to be strong for him. It was time to take the consequences for her actions, even though those actions weren't entirely her own doing this time.
She knew what she had to do despite how much she was going to miss him and the family that had somehow been built around her. She wasn't just going to leave him she was going to leave everyone she loved…and it hurt like hell. Opening her eyes again, her gaze drifted down to the wooden chest at the end of the bed and to the letters it contained. Taking a breath she fanned her fingers over his stomach, trying to gain the courage to tell him what she had been putting off for days.
"While you were away I wrote a letter to my mother," she told him quietly as she rubbed her thumb across his skin. "I thought it was time she knew the truth about us."
"Fi…I'm sure she already knows, Sean—"
"Sean didn't tell her everything," she told him, her words cutting through his as she spoke. "He told her just enough to let her know that I was okay and that I wasn't on my own."
Michael inclined his head to look down at her naked back and ran his fingers across her skin. So many years ago he thought this kind of life wasn't open to him. He'd never allowed himself to become close to anyone. Fiona had been the exception all those years ago and now she was interwoven so tightly within him that he couldn't ever picture his future without her.
"I'm going to turn myself in," she told him softly as she tried to keep her voice from breaking. At first she didn't think he had heard her but when she felt his arms tighten around her she knew that he had.
"No, you're not," he told her defiantly, moving against her to pull her up so he could see her face. The light from the moon highlighted her features emphasising the intensity in her eyes. Lifting his fingers to her face he gently smoothed some stray strands away from her forehead. "I can't lose you, Fi."
"You'll never lose me Michael." Lifting herself up onto her elbows to tower over him, she gazed down at him with total devotion. "Even when they lock me up, you won't lose me."
"You're not doing it," he shook his head and brought his other hand up to clasp her shoulder, holding her tightly against him. "We'll find a way out of this."
"Michael," she sighed miserably. "What if there isn't any way out of this? We have to face facts that there could be no way out."
Michael shifted beneath her and turned onto his side so they were face to face. Reaching down he took hold of her hands, clasping their fingers together. "I won't let you go Fi," he told her defiantly, his voice causing chaos throughout her heart. "We're in this together."
Fiona closed her eyes when the impact of his words washed over her. He was willing to sacrifice everything he'd worked for to keep her safe and no matter how much that knowledge made her heart soar; she couldn't let him do it.
"Michael you're so close to getting your life back, I can't let you throw it all away for me." Shuffling closer she kissed throat and wrapped herself around him, nestling her head beneath his chin. "This is what you've been waiting for. You have to grab it with both hands and…" Her voice trailed off when she felt his breath hitch in his chest and she fought so hard to remain in control. "You have to let me go."
"We'll find a way, Fi," he told her with absolute conviction that she almost dared to believe him. Despite the heaviness in her heart she turned her face to nestle her lips against him as she trailed a path of butterfly kisses down his throat before she pulled away to look up at him.
"If the worst happens, promise me you'll make sure my mother gets my letter?"
"We'll get through this," he told her softly when he saw her eyes glistening in the darkness. "We've been through worse, Fi."
He shifted closer and moved his head to plant a delicate kiss in the palm of her hand before moving to kiss her lips. The kiss deepened almost instantly as they both sought out the connection that had always held them together. Fiona pressed against him, desperate for him to erase the darkness as she opened her mouth beneath his.
His lips left hers after a few blissful moments to trail a path over her face before he lifted himself up onto his elbows to look down at her. He could see her eyes wet with unshed tears and he knew how unsettled she was because he could feel it too. Lifting a hand he smoothed his fingers over her hair before lowering his lips to hers again to press a soft kiss against her mouth.
Slowly, they drew apart, reluctantly breaking contact. He gazed down at her lovingly, his breath still close enough to mingle with hers. They didn't need any words right now, all they needed to know passed between their eyes in silent communication, expressing their love for each other in a blink of an eye.
"I believe in you Michael," she whispered hoarsely as she looped her arms loosely around his neck to bring his head down to hers. Lifting herself upwards she pressed a kiss against the side of his mouth before she sank back down against the pillows to pull him down so he could lay his head on her chest. One of her hands rested on his head, her fingers threading through his hair. He was so tired even though she knew he would never admit it, so she moved her fingers through his soft strands knowing the soothing movements would soon lull him into sleep.
Within minutes Fiona felt his breathing deepen and smiled as she opened her eyes to watch him. He was such a beautiful man, even in sleep. She just wished that they would have more nights like this to look forward to.
Closing her eyes she tried not to think of what could happen if Anson followed through with his threat. All she wanted was right here nestled against her and she knew she would protect him at all costs, even if it meant giving up her freedom. Her last thought before the gentle pull of sleep slowly came to claim her, was no matter what it cost her personally, Anson would never win…