It had been a fairly quiet dinner by Rizzoli standards, and Jane was relieved that Maura's closet was back the way it should be. She had spent an entire Saturday helping her girlfriend put it back, including placing all the shoes in the right boxes – after, being the gallant girlfriend she was, digging them out of the trash.
Jane figured that in some way, her mother owed her.
After dinner, Jane started clearing the plates, stopping on her way and pressing a kiss to Maura's cheek, just because she could.
"God, if you two get any sweeter, I'm gonna get a cavity," Frankie muttered.
"Ignore him," Tommy replied. "He's just jealous he can't get a girlfriend as hot as Maura."
"Both of you behave before Jane punches you," Angela warned them.
Maura was just about to comment before she noticed Jane making motions at her and looking worried. She excused herself and went over to see what the matter was.
Jane's voice was low as she muttered under her breath. Maura blinked.
Jane sighed. "The thing is in the dishwasher."
Maura's eyes widened. "THE thing?"
Jane nodded and pointed towards the dishwasher. Maura glanced in.
"Well, that's odd. I didn't put it there."
Jane glanced over at the table and then back at Maura. "You have to create a diversion."
"I have to get the thing," Jane gestured to the offending object, "back in the closet before my brothers or mother see it."
"Judging by the fact it's in my dishwasher, I imagine your mother has already seen it."
"Alright, alright. Wrap it up in a dishtowel." Maura was about to go back to the table when a thought occurred to her and she turned back to Jane. "What kind of diversion?"
"I don't know! Just distract them so I can get back to your closet."
Maura looked troubled but then her face lit up. Jane wasn't sure whether to be worried or relieved by the look of intent on her girlfriend's face.
When Maura sat down at the table, Jane prepared to slink into the bedroom. That was, until she heard what Maura was saying.
"So, Tommy, Frankie, Angela, is there anything you want to know about my relationship with Jane?"
Jane's eyes almost bugged out of her head, and without thinking, she stalked into the dining room. "Maura!"
Maura's eyes widened. "Jane!"
Angela blinked. "Jane, what are you hiding in the tea towel?"
Jane shoved the towel behind her back. "Nothing."
"Jane Rizzoli, you show me what you're hiding right now!"
Jane frowned. "No!"
"I bet she's sneaking some dessert off or something," Tommy said, getting up. He walked over to her and Jane inched backwards. "Come on, Jane. Give."
There was some tussling with Jane saying "stop it," and Maura burying her head in her hands. Next thing they knew, the strap-on was on the floor.
"Oh god!" Frankie's eyes widened.
Tommy leapt back as if he had been burned. "You know what, I think me and Frankie are gonna go…somewhere that's not here."
The two boys scurried out and Maura looked at Jane. Angela looked at the strap-on and then at the two women.
"You found it. I put it in the dishwasher so that it could get cleaned up. I wasn't sure what it was at first, but I googled it."
"Oh geez," Jane groaned.
"You googled it?" Maura asked.
"Yes. Apparently it's a strap-on dildo. Lesbians use it to…"
"MA!" Jane cried, scooping up the dildo and putting it back in the tea towel. "We know what it's used for!"
Maura was trying very hard not to laugh.
"It's very large," Angela observed. "Do you have different sized ones?"
"Actually yes," Maura said. "We also have a vibrating one that brings extra…"
"Jane, it's clear that your mother is not shy about discussing sexuality and she's very open and comfortable with discussing it with you. That's the sign of a good parental relationship."
"It's also the sign of me about to need therapy for the rest of my life," Jane muttered. "Look, Ma, this is why you can't just wander in and reorganise people's closets. There might be stuff that's private."
"Despite Jane's very healthy sexual appetite and her skills in the bedroom, she is very shy talking about sex with other people," Maura explained.
"For the love of… okay look," Jane said. "I'm going to put this thing away, and you two are going to stop discussing sex with regards to Maura and I."
"No buts!" Jane tossed over her shoulder as she took the strap-on into Maura's room.
Angela turned to Maura. "Well…she didn't say we couldn't discuss lesbian sex in general, right?"
Maura nodded, glancing where Jane had been. It was going to be a long night.