Panic. All he felt was panic. He finally had what he wanted. The man he claimed to hate more than anything dead in his arms. But why did he then feel nothing but panic and a sudden urge to fall to his knees and just let the world around him drift away while he let everything pour out? He was supposed to celebrate when he finally got what he had claimed to want for years and years now. But he couldn't. He just couldn't.
Amber eyes wondered over the room until they locked on the door that would lead out of the office he had been caught in for several days now. His grip around the lifeless man in his arms tightened quickly. He didn't know if the guy was still alive or if he had actually managed to kill him just like that. He couldn't help but hope that he was still at least a bit alive.
The bodyguard didn't hesitate to slam the door open and he barely glanced around once before he began to almost run down the street towards a place he knew he could find help. But a place he knew he would find hatred at for what he had done too. Right now, he didn't think of the latter and only focused on the guy in his arms. He knew he shouldn't be caring about this guy at all but for some reason that still remained unknown, he did anyway.
It didn't take him long to make it to the underground doctor's place and on the way to there, he grumbled something among the lines of "Don't you dare die on me, flea" and "Don you dare". But he kept his voice as much lowered as he could get it to be, knowing he already got enough stares from people he walked by than needed.
He hesitated for just a short moment before he quickly banged the door open and went inside without even knocking first. The first word leaving his lips in a loud yell was the doctor's name, his voice sounding more than panicked. He didn't know why the hell he was doing what he was but he couldn't stop himself.
Everything went so fast and everything was done in a rush, panic falling over every single one of the people in the building. This being, Shizuo, Shinra and Celty. Celty looked like she could cry even though she didn't even have the head that was needed for something like that to happen. Shinra just focused on getting the informant back to at least breath normally instead of barely even, and Shizuo felt nothing but guilt fall over him.
Hours passed by without any news or anything at all. The underground doctor was trying to fix the informant in one of the many patient rooms while the bodyguard and the Dullahan had placed themselves on the couch in the living room, waiting impatiently for something.
And finally, after all way too long of waiting, Shinra walked into the living room, his eyes immediately landing over at the blond. It was obvious that he sure as hell was nothing but pleased with what had happened and the bodyguard knew that it was now time to get hated once again.
"This isn't going to work, Shizuo," the underground doctor said to break the silence, his arms moving up to get crossed over his chest. Silence fell upon them after that but it didn't last for more than a few moments.
"I can't have you end up killing him one day just because he says something to you. I don't care what it was he said. You can't just go kill him. You're lucky he's alive or else I would have to call the police and get you in jail, no matter how little I want it to get that far."
Just saying those words were hard enough and he couldn't imagine how it would feel for someone to hear them. He knew the blond was strong but anyone would get hurt from hearing something like that. He just had to tell the guy the truth and what he would do if Izaya actually ended up dead.
Once again, silence fell upon them. This time it lasted for quite a few more minutes than it needed to. The blond had lowered his head to hide the unlike himself expression that had appeared onto his features. He didn't know what the hell he was supposed to do. He couldn't fix this and maybe it was better to just get the hell away from everyone, get locked up in a cage like the monster he was.
"Either you have to learn how to control your anger or... you have to stop this job," Shinra continued, not sure what he should be doing about something like this.
On one hand, he wanted to help them both even though the situation seemed impossible. On the other, he didn't see anything he could do about any of them. Even though they were both his friends and he did in fact care about them, he knew it would never work between them. Not even a simple friendship could work between them. He knew that already.
Slowly, Shizuo pulled himself up from the couch and he looked over at the doctor watching him carefully, almost like he was going to attack like the beast everyone now would assume he definitely was. "Fine. I'll stop this damn job. Why the hell would I even want it anyway?"
He started to walk away but he didn't make it far. After all, the underground doctor was standing in the way of the only exit in the place and with an almost silent sigh passing his lips, he stopped right in front of him, letting their gazes meet.
Shinra shrugged shortly before he began to speak once more. "Maybe because this is the only job anyone will ever offer you and if you don't have this job and get paid, you will end up living on the streets and starve to death. It doesn't matter that your brother is a famous and rich actor and that he can take care of you. He's not even coming back to Ikebukuro for years, is he? Oh... and if you want to learn how to control that temper and strength of yours, this might just be the best way for that to ever happen."
He finally stopped but the silence didn't last long. Right before the former bartender could even utter a single word, he continued talking once again. "I'm only doing this to help you, Shizuo-kun. But not only you. No. I'm trying to help Izaya-kun as well."
Shizuo didn't know what he was supposed to say to something like that. He knew he couldn't learn how to control his own anger like this. Especially not when he now also felt guilt whenever he even thought about the damn flea. It was enough with the hatred so why the guilt too? He couldn't take it.
With a sigh, he moved himself around the brunette and formed the words "I don't care! I'm done here!" in a rather loud tone, before he went out of the building without even as much as looking back over his shoulder or checking if Izaya really was alive.
A/N: Well, this is late... short and crappy. I really am sorry. I tried to find motivation to write on this... Well, to write at all. Haven't been feeling all too motivated lately. But, now that I'm sick once again, not on tumblr for now and got nothing else to do, I'm writing as much as I can and want to. Unfortunately, the chapters I write aren't coming out that good. Anyway, enough of me rambling. Thank you all so much for the many reviews I've gotten. Every single one of them and means a lot to me. I will try to update more often but I can't promise anything.