A/N: This story makes me sad because I love Evan alot but everyone makes mistakes and I'm sure he will never do this again so I hope you all like it. R&R

On another note, I have gotton a few message about continueing my other stories and I will as soon as i get somemore ideas for them. I resently started school again and it has been a bit of a pain in the but to do anything other then school work. But I am glad you all like the stories enough to message me and I will try hard to get some mroe post soon. Thank you so much :)


Nov.1st
Home alone, ignoring his call

People find it so easy to judge us. Unless you are in our position no one can judge any of us. The loser sitting behind their computer complaining about every aspect of the show do not know what it's like working your ass off for years all around the world then finally making it big and working three hundred days a year, even though at best I have been called a mid carder. We all fuck up, we bleed and we break but everyone still treats us like shit.

I've been called small, ugly and that I sound like a five year old. I may come out smiling and bouncing around but on the inside I just want to scream. I'm tired so all of this that why when some of the boys backstage had alittle something to relax, I took it. You know I was dumb enough to think I'd get a fine if I got caught. I thought I was alittle more important now. I at least thought I was more important than Mason, who I don't know how in the fuck he hasn't been suspended. But again I was mistaken. The comments started pretty fucking quickly once everyone found out.

You finally get out of the Job Morrison realm of all that is jobberific, you land a tag team title and constant PPV/Raw appearances...then you decide doing drugs is more important than a successful in-ring career? Crash and Bourne.

He did look more bulked up on RAW. I wonder if he is on the gas?

I wish they'd get rid of this douche canoe. He looks like such a tool.

What was that little dweeb elf-looking Bourne doing? He's always going to be a midget.

You know I should be used to this by now. But every little jab by our "fans" makes me wonder why I'm still here. Sometimes I think I should just go back to ROH but I don't want everyone who says I would never make it win. Plus, I know he wouldn't let me leave without a fight and he is the reason I'm sitting in my room ignoring the phone calls. I didn't tell him about my suspension, all I told him was I would see him in a few days. It was a lie but it was better than telling Randy I fucked up.


Evan closed the tattered looking leather diary and gently set in on the table as he rubbed his face. He had been filling out journals for year now. It was the only way he could get his emotions out. Evan had been raised to be a man and not get upset; showing any emotion other then when he was on camera was so hard.

"At least they stopped calling." He said to himself as he looked over at his finally silent phone. For the past two hours it has been call after call. Everyone from his parents to his brother to Randy have called him. Hell even Roddy and Alex called him. Evan didn't answer any of the calls though. He didn't need to hear any more people scolding him. He just needed alone time.

In the back of his mind, he knew that wouldn't last long, the Smackdown taping finished an hour ago so it was only a matter of time before that car roared into the driveway and he tore me a new one. Evan just pulled his blankets up higher and relaxed into the very plush couch. He knew it would get over quicker if Randy didn't have to come up stairs and freak. He wasn't going to hide, Evan knew he fucked up.

Evan woke back up once light filled the large window in the living room. It was from the headlights of what he was sure was Randy's car. He sat up rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as the front door flew open. Evan flinched slightly as it slammed against the wall.

"What in the actual fuck Evan?" There it was the angry viper. He was breathing rather heavily as he threw his bag down before kicking the door closed. "Can you fucking explain to me why I had to hear about my boyfriend getting suspended from a dirt sheet?"

Really, Evan had no idea how to explain this without Randy blowing his top. So, he decided to take the simple way out and just shrug. He really didn't know that would make that even worse. Randy stomped over to him and lifted him off the couch with one hand.

"You fuck up your title run because you decide to smoke fake pot with some jobbers. Are you that fucking dumb? You know how hard it was for me to talk Vince into giving you and Kofi the titles? You are making me look like a moron Evan; I thought you were smarter than this." Randy growled before letting go of Evan letting him fall back on the couch. He just sat there for a minute before jumping up and shoving Randy with a snarl.

"You? You are making this about you?" He shouted poking Randy hard in the chest. "You know what I didn't tell you because I knew you would act like this big of an asshole. Me, me, me, me, me, that's all that you talk about. This has nothing to do with you Randy. You are not my mother and you are really the last person to be yelling at me because of a suspension."

"That was a long time ago Evan and I learned from my mistakes. Plus I never fucked up a championship run. What were you thinking?"

"What was I thinking?" Evan snarled as he started pacing back and forth. "You really want to know Randy?"

"Ya I really do." The slightly older man said as he went and sat down on the couch.

"This will probably be hard for you to understand because you have always been Vince's fucking favourite. But I wanted to spend some time forgetting about everything. I wanted to forget that even though I've been here for five years people still call me a fluke and the only reason I have a job is that I'm fucking you. I really wanted to forget about that we are going to be dropping our titles soon and you know I wanted to forget about the fact I almost broke my neck because of that stupid Jack Swagger. I thought I was paralyzed Randy." Even stopped pacing and rubbed his face. "I was tired of being so tired Randy. I fucked up, I dropped the ball and I will deal with it. So leave me the fuck alone about it Randy." Evan's voice cracked at the end as his shouldered started to shake.

"Evan, come here." Large heavily inked arms pulled him tight against his chest as Evan buried his face in Randy's chest. The tears started soon after, weeks and months of pent up emotions came out as Evan sobbed against his chest. " Shh, I'm sorry I yelled Evan. Everything is gonna be okay."

Evan didn't answer him because the situation hit him. He was numb when Vince told him about the suspension. All he could say was sorry and he would be back in a month. The laughter from his supposed friends didn't hit him till now either. He was the laughing stalk of the group now. Orton's little bitch got his ass suspended. He shook and tried to stop crying as he pulled away from Randy.

" W-When you go back don't get in any fights. People are gonna talk for the first few days but don't let them bother you." Evan said in a broken voice as he curled up against Randy's side. " Well at least now me and Jo-Mo will have something in common, we will both be jobbing till we quit."

" Evan, let not think about that." Randy said standing up. He reached down and picked up Evan though his back and shoulder screamed in protest. Gritting his teeth, Randy carried his bridal style up to their shared bedroom. They have only been living together for a year now, Randy moved in after divorcing Sam and hasn't left since. Not that Evan minded.

He laid on the bed pulling his skinny legs up closer to his chest and watched Randy as he pulled off his shirt and sweat pants with a slightly pained groan, Evan couldn't help but laughing softly when he realized that Randy still had his trucks on under his sweats.

" You really couldn't take the time to change?" Randy turned with a slight smile as he shook his head slightly.

" I was in a hurry." He said tugging the black trucks off. He really didn't even think about changing after he heard about Evan. All he wanted to do is get home to his boy and figure this out. Randy smiled as best he could as he lay beside Evan pulling the high flier against his chest. " I was scared, I've fucked up badly before and I almost died because of it. I didn't want anything to happen to you."

" Nothing will Randy." Evan said softly looking up at the tired older man. " Go to sleep, everything will be better in the morning."

" I love you Evan."

" I love you too Randy."


It was nearly three in the morning when Evan woke back up. The bed was empty and he could hear the shower running. Evan knew that when Randy was stressed, he won't sleep. Rolling out of the bed, he quietly walked to the master bathroom. His smile got bigger when he saw Randy standing in the large shower hot water rolling down that tanned broad back. He quickly pulled off his baggy clothes and walked into the steaming hot shower.

" Couldn't sleep?" Evan asked as he wrapped his arms around Randy's waist, placing a feel kisses to his tanned back. Randy turned and smiled down at him tiredly.

" No, did I wake you?" He asked pushing Evan's thick dark hair back. Evan just shook his head and stood on his toes to give Randy a rough kiss. Evan knew one thing that would get his lover to sleep and he was more willing to help.

The kiss quickly turned almost violent, it was more teeth then tongue but Evan did not mind. He loved when Randy got alittle rough and he knew this would tire them both out enough. Randy reached down gathering Evan's thin wrists and pinning them above his head, stretching the high flier out. Evan smiled slightly before biting at Randy's lips and pulling at his wrist. Just trying to get the feral side of Randy out, he needed the Randy that loves making his gasp and moan.

If he could have, Evan would have grinned. He got the Randy he wanted when he was shoved alittle rough against the wall of the shower. He heard a growl slip from Randy's lips as he moved down to kiss and bite at Evan's pale neck and shoulders. Evan gasped when he felt the sharp teeth bite down hard on his collar bone. He was going to be marked up but at this point Evan could care less. He needed this and Randy needed this. They both needed the bruises, marks and the control or the lack of. Evan knew Randy hated not have control over things and he knew getting suspended probably really freaked the older man out. He lost his train of thought though when Randy ground hard against him. He groaned loudly and arched up before going slack in Randy's grip. If he was going to keep grinding against him, Evan would do whatever he wanted. The friction soon stopped though when Randy flipped his around slamming his chest up against the shower wall, knocking some air out of his lungs.

Evan couldn't catch his breath, all he could think of was the hot breath on his neck and the hand needing and squeezing his cheeks, his breath came out faster when the hand stopped squeezing. He knew what was next and he couldn't breathe. Evan let out a low wonton moan as two of Randy's long fingers pushed into him hard. Evan rocked back against the fingers letting out a breathy moan. He closed his eyes and almost blushed when he thought about how he looked. A moaning needy bitch in heat but right now he didn't give a flying fuck.

" Randy c'mon." He managed to grit out as the man behind him added another finger, making sure to jab at his prostate. Evan needed it so badly, he needed a hand on his dick more then he needed air. He was about the burst but he knew Randy didn't really care, he just kept moving his fingers, rubbing, jabbing and stroking him from the inside till he almost felt like crying. A sob did escape his throat when that sick basturd added a fourth finger with a chuckle.

"You forgot the magic word." Randy said with a low chuckle as he started to nip at Evan's neck making sure to leave marks. Evan let out a frustrated whine as he ground against Randy's hand. He needed a hand on his dick, he was so hard it hurt.

"Randy please!" He whined louder looking back at his lover with darker than normal brown eyes. He wasn't above begging when he was like this.

"Good boy, my good boy." Randy growled deep from his chest as he pulled his fingers out roughly. Evan almost moaned at the empty feeling but he was soon filled by something thicker. He almost came undone. Randy wasn't slow or careful, he just pushed in hard and fast, Evan almost felt light headed, the feeling intensified when the now free hand wrapped around Evan's dick.

He struggled against Randy's grasp. He needed more, nothing felt fast enough or hard enough or tight enough. He groaned loudly when Randy started snapping his hips at a fast irregular pace. Evan could hear the slap of wet skin on skin as he alternated between bucking back against Randy and bucking forward into that hot fist.

It felt like hours but it was probably only minutes until Evan was so close to coming he had tears in his eyes. His prostate was hit hard and almost continually. He needed to come and he needed to come now. He just needed that god damn hand to move faster.

Randy must have read his mind as the fist tightens and sped up. His teeth found Evan's pulse point and bit hard enough to draw some blood. He sucked at the mark as Evan moaned, mumbled and cried as his desperately tried to get himself over the edge.

"Mine." Randy growled low and deep in Evan's ear. He didn't know what it was but the combo between the consent pounding, that hand twisting the right way and those low words made Evan see stars as he came hard one the hand and his chest.

Randy was not finished though; he kept his hips thrusting into the weak and now over sensitive Evan and the hand stayed on his dick even though it was almost painful. His knees buckled as he let out weak pathetic whimpers, glad Randy was still holding him up. Another possessive growl slipped from Randy's mouth as he came hard inside of Evan as the youngest man moaned weakly again leaning against the wall. Randy let go of his wrists and wrapped and arm tight around his waist as he turned off the now cold shower.

For the second time this night, Randy picked Evan up bridal style and carried his still dripping wet to the large bed. He gently laid Evan down before curling up beside him, not caring about getting the bedding wet.

"I'm so sorry Randy." Evan murmured softly as he closed his eyes and curled close to him.

"No need to be sorry, everything is going to be okay. I love you. Go to sleep." Randy said kissing Evan's wet forehead softly as he closed his own blue eyes. "But if you do it again, I'm going to kill you, you are so much better than this."


Nov. 2nd, 2011

Sore, tried and loved

Telling him went better than I thought. Right now Randy is in the kitchen butt naked making pancakes even though I warned him he is going to burn himself. I read my last entry and felt really embarrassed. You know what; people can say what they want about me. I know I fucked up but I can get past this and come back stronger and better than before.

I don't need the fake people in my life. All I need is the naked man in the kitchen. I know he will love me no matter what. He won't judge, laugh or whisper. He loves me no matter what and I would not change him for the world.

Time to play doctor though, I think Randy just got splatter with the hot bacon grease. I love that man even more every day.

Peace out.

Evan Bourne