dominquescorpius. for mad. hope you enjoy the slight madlysander i threw in to make you happy. i love you. happy very late birthday :)
glue me back together please
and i've lost who i am and i can't understand
why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love
without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on
but i know, all i know is that the end's beginning
('shattered' - trading yesterday)
you have heart of coal. black. cold. unlovable.
you hate it. you want vicky's heart. you want a heart of gold. you want to be perfect. you want a happy ending.
you will never get a happy ending.
you have red fingernails (like blood). you have high-heels and short black skirts and strawberry curls. you throw away boys like they're rotten apples.
and when a boy like lysander comes along, a boy who may actually want you, and not your body, you ignore him until he finds a new girl, some madeline who is about a thousand times nicer and sweeter than you. a girl you hate that you can't actually hate because she is everything you're not. and you don't even like lysander.
once upon a time, you were hurt when girls in the corridors called you slut or whore. these days, you've heard much worse. these days, nothing can faze you.
when you cry at night, you leave black eye make-up stains on your pillow. you feel lonely.
one night, you're out partying, (not) having fun and you see someone you haven't seen in a while. it's scorpius malfoy. you have fleeting memories of him at hogwarts, at weasley family dinners, in your grandmum's back garden, running around with al. you never paid him much attention, 'cause he was older and not your friend, and besides, people pay attention to dom. not the other way around.
he's grown up, no longer that shy, quiet boy he used to be, the boy crushed under his father's expectations. he's handsome. you like him.
he buys you a drink, though god knows you don't need another one.
when the night ends like all your nights end (kissing and alcohol and lips and -) he stops. says i don't want this.
and a part of you wants to storm off and pout like the little bitch you are.
instead, you say thank you.
vicky approves. so does teddy, even though you don't really give a fuck what he thinks. louis says scorpius is a wimpy asshole, but louis hates everyone but himself, so this isn't really a surprise.
and it's nice, just having a friend. you've never been able to talk to a guy before, you used to think they were only there for screwing around with.
scorpius is sweet. sort of strange. he has his own problems, but he always helps you with yours.
he buys you a remembrall and you both smash it on the floor. a new beginning, he says it symbolizes. no more bad memories.
and you can't help but laugh and wonder where this crazy boy came from.
you have a one-night-stand with a creepy guy from a fucking random bar while scorpius is visiting his family. when you wake up, there are bruises on your back and thighs.
you cry. scorpius comes over and you want to hide from shame and hurt. you had promised you were done with this shit. you're not together, not even slightly, but it still feels like you've cheated on him.
scorpius is silent, supportive, un-judging and you wonder why the hell a messed-up drama queen like you gets to know such wonderful, wonderful guy.
fate says vicky and you ignore her 'cause for teddyandvicky everything is destiny and soulmates and some shit like that.
still, you can't help but wonder.
you kiss him on new year's eve when you're drunk. you expect him to push you away, he's usually in control, alcohol or no.
but he doesn't. he kisses you back. it's better than you ever imagined.
you imagined it quite a lot, come to think about it.
you sleep together. you do not shag. you just fall asleep, fully clothed. it is a bit of an anti-climax and you like it this way.
so that's the way it is. al is smirking and sometimes your cousins are just stupid bloody idiots, the whole lot of them.
scorpius holds your hand, something no one has ever done before. it feels pointless. it feels good.
that's the way it is, he says calmly and you know his father and grandfather are going to kill him, but he doesn't even care and you hate how much you love him. you really do.
vicky says i told you so and you decide that little miss perfect does have some valid points after all.
you still have scars. you still have problems. you still have those time where you sob into your pillow at night. you get scared and sad and jealous.
but he's there. he's not fixing you, he's helping you fix yourself. dom fucking weasley is strong, thankyouverymuch, but everyone needs a hand to hold onto sometimes, right?
and you don't have a ton of fire and passion. you don't have dramatic fights and cliffhanger endings and overwhelming sacrifices. you just have friendship and love and happiness.
and the old dom would find it utterly stupid and boring, but the new dom is fine with the way things are going.
you never thought you'd say this, but you're okay.