So I was walking to my friends house the other day when BAM! Inspiration hits me like a ton of bricks...for a story I'm not working on *sigh* Life. Well, I'm working kinks out in Ambiguity still, but this one seems to have entrenched into my brain and refuses to release it's foot hold. Therefore, I must write this story and return to the other at a later date...
Warnings: YAOI. Shizaya, mpreg, a few fetish things nothing too crazy though, fluff further on, Izaya being...slightly angsty, but thats goes away, PROMISE potential OOC, lemons.
Disclaimer: If I owned Durarara! would I really be writing a fanfiction about it?
Love: Verb: Feeling of a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone): "do you love me?".
Noun: An intense feeling of deep affection: "their love for their country".
-verb: like - be fond of - fancy – adore
-noun: affection - fondness - darling - passion
How cliché. How perfectly boring, how perfectly useless this feeling was in the context I use it in. How perfectly fitted to this it was too. I hate it. I have so many forms of it, and in many circumstances it is so perfectly normal. But in this…all this does is hurt. It isn't supposed to hurt. It doesn't in the movies or on television, but it hurts me. It wounds my heart and scars it completely with a mark that can never heal.
Don't get me wrong, I don't believe for a moment the heart is the seat of human emotion, I know this is chemicals released in the brain to stimulate a sense of euphoria or so forth similar to narcotics. Even with this knowledge arming me it is my chest that hurts when I see him. It is this area that feels heavy, as though my heart has literally sunk into my feet. Like it is really and truly broken into fragments of what it once was.
Oh how I wish I had never met him. If I hadn't I wouldn't know what this wretched thing called love really was. I wouldn't have to feel it. I wouldn't hate the emotion quite so much, and who knew, I may even yearn for it. I just wish it would stop. I wish it would leave me alone so I wouldn't have to suffer.
I sigh as I watch the night sky above make it's progression above me. Really it is only the pull of the Earth and its need to march ever forward through time and space, sending every creature upon its surface closer into their oblivion. At this point I can't get there fast enough. Only one person knows how I feel, knows this terrible, painful secret I have kept since I was only fourteen. Nine years I have felt like this, nine. He will never feel it with me, and I will never gain happiness from this feeling I am forced to endure.
"Just one piece," I mumble to no one but myself. With even that much I could gain some semblance of sanity, a small taste of pure and unbridled joy. If only, if only. Ah, how beautifully wretched the world is just now. It won't be too long until I get my piece of him either. I asked Shinra to help. I asked after his rejection. His first damn words! How can you hate a person you have only just met? And yet he hated me.
"You piss me off," Ah, his exact words. I will never forget them, I will never forget the day they writ across my mind and scarred my heart into this eternal chasm of separate and broken fragments. So instead I stalk him endlessly through this city, I anger him. If it means he sees me I will attack him. I will draw red lines on his flesh for each moment I have pained over him, for each tear he has caused me to shed in his name. I will make him share my pain with me. Ass hole.
I hate him for making me feel this, I hate him for being so unpredictable…and I hate me. I hate me for loving him despite all this. I can't help it though, I do love him. Endlessly. Some might call it fate, and I don't know if that's what it is, but it hurts. Whatever the hell it is, it isn't fair. My phone startles me when it goes off and I check. A message from Shinra.
'It's ready'. I smile, my plan goes into practice tonight. I'll have to disappear though. Once I get my piece of him I won't let anyone else have it. Not ever. I won't let anyone take it from me. Just one little piece. Just a single iota, a mere cell. And he will be mine forever. Well, the piece of him I take will be. I stand and make my way to the man who has promised me my happiness. For five years now he's been working hard on it, with no help. Well, little help anyways. I pay his wife's wages. I even find things he needs for the trials, and laboratory mice may be easy, but Rhesus Monkeys are a little harder to smuggle in.
"Mine forever. I won't let anyone else have you. I won't let them take it from me either," I mumble again. Finally I knock on the door I need and it is a woman in black spandex with a bright yellow cat-helmet who answers.
"Celty-san~ I need to see Shinra-san!" I smirk lightly, my tone jovial, happy. She nods and lets me in before removing her helmet, the smoke from her severed neck swirling upwards and fading into nothing. I walk in, heading to the laboratory and he grins when he sees me.
"Ah, good! You take this, then you can do it tomorrow. That's your best day, after that though…" He trails off.
"I'll manage. Thanks," I reply, leaving a large sum of cash on the counter before downing the vial in one go. Ew. It tastes something like old mildewy water that had dirty socks swimming in it for a week or two. Add rats pissing in it and we have the flavour of this shit. I shudder and try hard not to vomit, but I manage to keep it down. Then the pain starts.
White hot in my abdomen it flashes outwards and blinds me. I curl up involuntarily, my knees giving out and my hands clenched tight on Shinra's shirt. Seems he caught me before I hit the ground, and I'm grateful for that. I draw breath in and realize only then I wasn't breathing since the pain started. My breath is shaky and ragged for almost ten minutes before the pain begins to fade into something manageable.
"I-is that what you meant?" I ask, and I curse how shaky my voice is.
"Yes. That's only the first attack too. You'll go around two weeks without one, then…I don't know how frequent they will be, it seems to vary from subject to subject, but you'll survive it," He explains, and I hate how sympathetic he sounds.
"Grand." I shudder as I'm able to stand on my own at last.
"How are you going to do this anyways?" He asks and I wonder that myself.
"I'll figure something out," I mumble and touch my abdomen subconsciously. I can't believe I'm doing this…I hate children. But I love him, and I need something of him if I plan to give this up for good. It's not like I would be able to see him after this if I really go through with seducing him, and it's not like I could make a man who hates me mine. I will have him once, and take a piece of him away with me, wherever I choose to go. I would never use something like this as a weapon since all it would do is make him miserable and hate me more. That's the last thing I need. On the upside, I've researched his weaknesses, his desires, his fantasies and his kinks.
I know what he likes. Now I just have to give it to him…
Seliphra: Next chapter, IZA-CHAN *hand on mouth*
Izaya: *slapped the hand over Seliphras mouth* Ne~ Sephy-chan, don't ruin the suprise for them~!
Shizuo: Huh? Izaya-kun does what? What does he do?
Seliphra: You'll have to find out Shizu-chan. Either way *cough* Review, lest the plot bunnies fail me half-way through.