He watched Wally's chest rise and fall for what felt like hours, but he knew it was only a few minutes. "Kid, for fuck's sake, you have to wake up," He knew he sounded stupid. He sounded like he was begging, and Jason Todd doesn't beg. But as he watched Wally, his face bruised and head cut open, he hated himself. He hated himself for what he did to the poor teen, for making him do something so idiotic.
"I didn't expect you to flip the fuck out like you did, I thought this was better," Jason sounded more like he was convincing himself rather than the boy, and he hated himself even more for it. What had he done? He'd done some stupid things, but he'd never felt guilty for them. What was that twang of pain he felt in his chest, then? It couldn't be guilt. Shouldn't be. It was Wally's fault he was in here-
No, that was wrong. If Jason hadn't been so stupid..He would've realized that Wally really did care about him..
The mental battle with himself caused Jason to stand up abrubtly, knocking something off of the bed. A piece of paper is what Jason assumed it was. He picked it up, planning on putting it back until he read his name somewhere in the note.
This is hard.
I hate hospitals, but for some reason, I feel better in here. There's always something to do. Whether it's sleep, watching TV, or doing blood work..I guess I'm always busy. Except now there's time to write this. Even if I'm busy..Jason hasn't left my mind since I messed up. This is pretty stupid, isn't it? I feel clingy. I'm scared. I've never wanted to be so close to a person before. Willow was here earlier, and I think I hurt her real bad by talking about Jason. I was worried. I thought maybe he'd go out and do something stupid, maybe he'd do the same thing I did. I was wrong, of course, but that's my own fault for giving myself false hope.
Nobody else has came by to visit. I hadn't expected as much, because Robin's been spending a lot of time with his brother. He probably doesn't know I'm here. I guess I don't mind it, I didn't get more than one chance to visit him when he was in the hospital.
Jason had given up reading after the first paragraph, Wally goes on to talk about how the food in the hospital sucks and he wished it were better. He does end up on the topic of him again, but Jason doesn't think he can read it with the way he's clutching the paper so hard in his fist.
He stared at the redhead once more, and he knew he was wrong, he was wrong about all of it. But he knew Wally would get over it, too. He leaned down and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to Wally's forehead. "West..Please, find someone that's fucking great," He whispered in a husky voice, eyes cloudy. He felt like he was going to be sick.
He turned quickly on his heels, shoving the letter in his pocket. He knew he'd end up reading the whole thing three or four times, maybe more. Right now, though, his main focus was finding a restroom.
He was going to be sick.