Lose Control

Kakashi paused outside the door to Iruka's apartment, suddenly apprehensive. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked skyward, trying to put his thoughts in order, to figure out exactly he was going to explain his thoughts. He was well aware he could be controlling at times – or as Iruka had phrased it so succinctly, a manipulative bastard. It was all the same thing, really. He sighed, trying to center his thoughts.

He'd been thinking a lot since last week, ever since he'd cornered Iruka in the academy dojo and demanded sex. Demanding only sex would have been fine, but no, Kakashi had had to push all of Iruka's buttons and demand penetrative sex, the one thing Iruka wasn't willing to give him. Iruka had done what he did best – taught Kakashi a valuable lesson – that being on top didn't always give you control.

And Kakashi's brain had been working overtime since that night, trying to sort through all through the small, seemingly unimportant comments Iruka had made while he was teaching Kakashi that lesson, things which turned out to be rather more important than Kakashi had assumed at the time.

Kakashi reached out gently with his chakra, feeling for Iruka's familiar signature, brushing against Iruka's warmth. He felt Iruka push back gently, acknowledging his presence. Still, Kakashi found himself still standing on the porch outside Iruka's apartment, strangely hesitant to enter.

They'd not really had time to finish their conversation after last week; Iruka had been busy with exams and then Kakashi had had another mission, and when he got back, Iruka was sent on one of his own. Now, finally, they were both back in Konoha and Kakashi felt awkward – clumsy and off-balance, something he wasn't used to. Out of his depth. It would have been laughable if it hadn't been so accurate.

All of Iruka's words had culminated in one thing that Kakashi never thought would happen; he found he needed to know what it was like to give up control, to let the man he cared for deeply (loved) show him what it could be like. And he had no idea how to ask Iruka without looking needy or weak.

This is the problem, Hatake, he thought. You still associate being on the receiving end as being a weakness; this is why you've never bothered to explore it as an option. Iruka proved to you last week that being the bottom isn't giving up power, its taking power and channeling it in a different fashion. He made you howl like one of your ninken, remember? When was the last time you came that hard?

"Kakashi, if you're coming in, do so, please. I can hear you thinking from here." Iruka's muffled voice carried through the open window; it sounded amused as if Iruka was used to Kakashi having an internal meltdown on his porch.

"Maa, Sensei, I was just – "

"Rescuing a cat? Wandering the road of life?" Iruka opened the front door and leaned against the frame, arms crossed over his chest.

Kakashi had been about to make the usual expected glib comment, but words failed him when he looked at Iruka. Iruka was shirtless: his golden skin bisected by the stark white of bandages wrapped around his torso tightly, down to where his waist curved inward, just above his navel. More bandages wrapped around his bicep, thankfully without any telltale bloodstains. Kakashi decided then and there he had a bandage fetish, or quite possibly just an Iruka fetish, but it was hard to sort through his own lustful thoughts.

Iruka wore a pair of old pants, draped low on his hips and barely held up with a tie. He had a pair of camo print boxers on underneath, just visible at the waistband of the pants. The boxers should have made the whole outfit look ridiculous – God knew Kakashi would look like an idiot in them – yet Iruka managed to pull it off and make it look sexy somehow. His hair was down, just touching his broad shoulders, and Kakashi wanted to grab handfuls of it, run his fingers through the strands, and feel the cool, silky weight slide over his skin. He shivered at the thought and Iruka frowned.

"Are you cold?"

Kakashi cleared his throat and shook his head, not trusting his voice to come out in his usual, sarcastic drawl. Iruka moved to one side and Kakashi wandered past him, closing the door. He unzipped his vest and dropped it to one side of the genkan, slipping off his shoes and placing those neatly just as Iruka liked. He smiled to himself: control again. Iruka had only had to ask once. Firmly. With inflection. Kakashi had obeyed, of course. He'd given up control to Iruka and it hadn't killed him, just made his life that little bit easier.

However, handing over his ass was a whole different thing to taking off his shoes.

He stepped up into the hallway and rested his hands on Iruka's hips. "How was your mission?" He frowned, looking over Iruka's bandaged torso.

"It was fine, just difficult. I got too close to the enemy and paid for it." Iruka shrugged and let Kakashi maneuver him backward until his back touched the wall.

Kakashi nodded, knowing Iruka would share details if he could. "You're not bleeding, though?"

"No, not anymore." Iruka shook his head. "I stopped by the hospital on the way and, along with the healing, got a lecture about leaving my blind side open to attack."

"Well, it's not like you teach pre-genin the same lesson on a daily basis," Kakashi teased, pulling his mask down.

Iruka glared half-heartedly, a tell-tale blush coloring his skin. "Thank you for pointing that out." The sarcasm was oh-so-very Iruka.

Kakashi grinned, knowing Iruka would read it for the teasing it was. He stepped closer into Iruka's space, hands tightening on Iruka's hips. The grin faded when he felt Iruka's muscles tense, his eyes dilate. They were small tells that only a highly trained shinobi could read, but tells nevertheless.

"Iruka?" Kakashi released his hold on Iruka's hips and moved back a little, aborting the kiss he was intending to give.

Iruka sighed and placed his hands on Kakashi's shirt to stop him retreating. "It's okay; I'm still wound up from the mission. It'll pass soon."

Kakashi knew all about that – hell sometimes it took him days to calm down, to let his instincts slide enough to recognize he was back home and not in immediate danger of assassination or attack. Mauling Iruka now and pushing for actual sex was probably a bad idea, he decided.

"I can see the gears turning in your head," Iruka commented. "For a genius you're surprisingly easy to read. What are you thinking about?"

Kakashi laughed, wincing at the superficial sound. "Ah, it's nothing," he said, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. "I just wondered if you – would you …" Kakashi could feel his throat closing over the words. He could feel a hysterical giggle rising and fought to push it back down before he made a complete fool of himself.

"I missed you. Kiss me, please," he blurted out instead.

If Iruka was surprised at Kakashi's tone, he didn't say so. Iruka's hands moved from his shoulders and slid down his chest, and then his arms wrapped around Kakashi's waist.

Kakashi leaned in, moaning when he felt Iruka's lips brushing over his. It had been a week since they'd last kissed, and those had been hard, both of them fighting for dominance. These kisses were exploratory and gentle, and Kakashi opened to Iruka, letting Iruka slide his tongue inside. He'd missed the taste of his lover and the way he kissed.

He wound his hands in Iruka's hair, moving closer, feeling the warmth of Iruka's skin. Kakashi felt the moment when Iruka's body relaxed and melted against his, heard the small moan Iruka made at the back of his throat. It sent heat trickling down Kakashi's spine, making him shiver. He could feel himself start to harden and he rocked against Iruka, pressing forward until he was flush against Iruka's body.

Their closeness reminded Kakashi that Iruka was probably still fighting the urge to tense up and that pushing him against the wall was a bad idea. Kakashi turned them both until he had his own back to the wall, giving Iruka room to pull away if he wished. His hand slid down over Iruka's lower back to his ass, squeezing gently.

Iruka pushed his hips against Kakashi's, erection sliding against Kakashi's cock, creating blessed friction. "Need to get off?" Kakashi asked huskily, lips moving to Iruka's throat. He felt Iruka's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, felt the quick movement of his head as he nodded. Iruka's strong hands gripped Kakashi's shoulders as he rocked his hips.

Kakashi reached to untie Iruka's pants, pushing both the pants and Iruka's underwear down past his hips. He closed his hand around Iruka's erection and stroked, spreading precome over the tip and down the shaft with his thumb. Iruka's head dropped into Kakashi's shoulder, his lips brushing against Kakashi's skin.

It only took moments for Iruka to come, shuddering silently against Kakashi's body, coating his hand with semen. Kakashi desperately wanted to get off – his body was screaming for it – but for once he could be the better person and give Iruka what he needed instead of just taking what he wanted.

He felt Iruka sag in his arms, body finally spent and muscles relaxing. "Better?"

Iruka nodded, already half-asleep, if Iruka's heavy-lidded expression was anything to go by. "Sorry," Iruka murmured with a rueful smile. "I'll make it up to you later."

Kakashi grinned. "I'm sure you will. Let's put you to bed."

Kakashi could wait. He was good at waiting for things that were worthwhile. He'd waited a long time for Iruka, right? Another night wasn't going to kill him … not this once.

Kakashi lay in bed, body still humming with desire yet he was prepared to wait it out until tomorrow morning. Sometimes he just enjoyed the background buzz of a really good hard-on, enjoyed letting it build because sometimes waiting made it so much better. It was clear Iruka was worn out. Kakashi lay there, watching Iruka sink further into the place between sleep and awake, on the cusp of passing out from exhaustion.

He pulled Iruka closer, felt Iruka's arm fall over his chest, head tucked under Kakashi's chin. It was peaceful and calming, but Kakashi's mind was still whirling with what he'd initially come over to confess. Iruka must be tired if he wasn't picking up on the tension in Kakashi's frame, he decided. It was partly his own fault; unable to simply come out and say what he needed to, he'd hidden his discomfort and had purposely distracted Iruka with sex.

Manipulation: it was second nature to him now, whether he meant to do it or not.

"Iruka?" Kakashi raised his head to look down at Iruka. It was a necessity now, to come clean, to confess.

"Mm?" Iruka's eyes cracked open, his eyelids still heavy from relaxation.

Kakashi couldn't do it, couldn't wake Iruka up enough to tell him what he needed to. "I – Iruka, I want to know what it's like to give up control. I want you to show me."

"Mmm. 'Kay."

Kakashi laughed softly despite himself as Iruka mumbled. "I want you to fuck me," he added bluntly, just to hammer home the point.

The silence was unnerving. Kakashi, having just gone against everything he believed in, had just told the God's-honest truth and bared his bruised soul and ego to the man he loved … who was sleeping like the dead.

Kakashi let his head hit the pillow and sighed. Typical.

Kakashi was woken from sleep by the press of smooth, warm skin and a light weight on his back. He didn't react but remained half asleep, long used to Iruka's presence and not deeming him a threat. Kakashi arched his back while snuggling further into his pillow. He could feel hot breath on his neck, the light touch of Iruka's hands over his sides as he stroked Kakashi's skin. Up and down, so slowly, tracing all Kakashi's scars, gentle touches on the way back up with a hint of blunt nails dragging on his skin. It was almost ticklish but not enough to fully wake him up. Kakashi shifted, feeling his erection grow, and he pushed his hips into the mattress, enjoying the growing friction as his cock filled.

Iruka settled his weight further onto Kakashi, hips molding against the curve of Kakashi's ass. Kakashi could feel Iruka's erection between his legs, sliding over his balls. Iruka kissed Kakashi's shoulder, small, delicate kisses that sensitized the area to Iruka's touch. Kakashi liked it when Iruka did this, rubbing up against Kakashi's ass until he came. Hell, Kakashi liked doing this in return.

Kakashi spread his legs, offering up a not-so-subtle hint. Instead of taking the bait, Iruka moved downward, leaving a line of kisses between Kakashi's shoulder blades, along the bumps of his spine. Kakashi made a small noise of agreement but didn't move, content to remain half-asleep and leave Iruka to his devices, whatever they may be. Iruka was always surprising in bed, thinking up new and interesting ways to blow Kakashi's mind.

When Iruka's kisses reached the small of his back, Kakashi arched upward instinctively, subconsciously asking for more. Iruka's hands wrapped around Kakashi's hips, holding him still and preventing him from rolling over onto his back. That woke Kakashi up a little bit, made him more alert. A blow job would be good right about now, and Iruka owed him one. It was only fair.

"Iruka?" Kakashi managed to make his brain function enough to get the question out.

"Stay where you are," Iruka replied softly, hands moving along Kakashi's flank and over the swell of his ass. Iruka shifted and his weight lifted from Kakashi but remained straddling his thighs. Strong hands stroked over his legs, along Kakashi's inner thighs and back up over his ass. There was no rhyme or reason to Iruka's wandering hands, but Kakashi enjoyed it just the same. It was soothing, and the movement lulled him into that half-aroused, half-awake state he secretly loved.

Iruka's hands began to move more firmly over his skin and he felt Iruka shift, moving in between his legs. Iruka's hands moved closer to the crack of Kakashi's ass, one thumb sliding between his cheeks on the next pass. Kakashi suddenly remembered the feel of Iruka's finger pressed into his ass when Iruka let Kakashi fuck him, how good it felt, how it had ignited something he had realized he wanted. And when Iruka let his finger glide over Kakashi's hole on the next stroke, Kakashi let out a shaky breath, finally coming fully awake as his nerve-endings fizzed with arousal and his cock twitched in response.

He was given no time to think properly before he felt hot breath on his skin and then the broad swipe of a firm, wet tongue over his hole. Kakashi froze, hands gripping the sheet beneath him. Oh god. He'd done this to Iruka before; Iruka loved it, and Kakashi could reduce Iruka to mush in a few short minutes. But he'd never, ever thought it would be something he'd enjoy being on the receiving end of.

Iruka's hands tightened on Kakashi's hips, pulling him back, raising his hips off the bed. Strong thumbs spread him wide, until he could feel Iruka's breath against his skin. Iruka didn't hesitate and Kakashi wondered if Iruka had done this before – he must have done this before – because he knew exactly how to reduce Kakashi to a writhing mess. Iruka used his tongue and his lips, coaxing Kakashi to spread his legs, to let Iruka in. Thumbs grazed over his sensitive skin, loosening the muscles of Kakashi's ass, allowing Iruka to dip his tongue inside. The first time Iruka's tongue slid inside Kakashi let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes tightly. Heat flooded his face; embarrassment warred with arousal to create a heady cocktail of desire.

Kakashi felt his knees slide on the sheets, his thighs automatically spreading. His body knew what it wanted, was opening of its own accord. Kakashi knew he should be clamming up; he could still laugh this off, right? Brand it a mistake, a failed experiment and go back to how things had been before.

All conscious thought fled when Iruka's fingers caressed Kakashi's skin, and his tongue slid down the crack of Kakashi's ass, over his balls and back up. Kakashi fought back a moan that threatened to break free, biting his lip until he tasted blood. He rolled his hips, shuddering as his cock rubbed against the sheets. Iruka made a noise that sounded like a growl, possessive and excited. Iruka's hand stroked over the back of Kakashi's thigh and back up, palming his balls, thumb pressing against Kakashi's perineum as Iruka moved his tongue in a parody of fucking.

Kakashi realized he was going to lose control. He could feel the signs: the curling warmth of tight desire in his gut, the way his hips were relaxed but tense at the same time, the trembling of his legs, and the way his hands curled tight into fists against the sheets … A litany of half-formed words and thoughts poured through Kakashi's mind: oh god, yes, please, please, don't stop

Iruka pulled back just enough and the sudden lack of stimulation almost made Kakashi's mind unravel, his panting breaths loud in the silence of the room.

Iruka pressed his weight against Kakashi's back again, hard cock sliding between Kakashi's cheeks, rubbing over his hole. Pressed this close, Kakashi could feel every movement of Iruka's hips, the flex of his thigh muscles against the sensitive skin of his own inner thighs. Kakashi felt the mattress dip as Iruka planted his hands on either side of Kakashi's body, leaning over him, soft lips against his neck.

"I've never seen you like this, Kakashi." A wash of hot breath gusted over Kakashi's neck, sending shivers down his spine.

He pushed his ass upward, feeling Iruka's erection slide against his skin, his sweat and Iruka's precome mixing, making the glide of cock against ass easier. Kakashi turned his head, forced his eyes open so he could look for a moment, rather than feel. He wanted to know what Iruka looked like and was not disappointed, not at all. Iruka's hair framed his face, the odd strand sticking to his face with sweat. His eyes were dilated, an expression of wonder on his face. He watched Iruka lick his lips and was reminded of what exactly Iruka had just been doing. Embarrassment fought with desire again and he closed his eyes, felt his ass clench and heard Iruka's stifled moan at the sudden pressure against his cock.

"Do you still want to do this, Kakashi?" Iruka sounded sure of himself, yet the question in his voice was clearly aimed at Kakashi. "I thought – when I was falling asleep, I heard you say – "

"Yes." Kakashi ground the word out before he could change his mind. He felt Iruka tense at the tone in his voice and knew he had to make Iruka understand. He was at war with not only himself but his body, his mind telling him he needed to even things out, that he wanted this, wanted to know what it was like. "Please, I've been thinking about this all week," he added and sighed in relief when he felt Iruka relax again, his weight shifting above Kakashi.

He felt Iruka move, dropping down to one elbow to brace himself over Kakashi's back. Slick fingers glided over his hole, exploring where Iruka's tongue had been, sending sparks of lust through Kakashi's body. Kakashi let his hips lower, exposing himself further to Iruka's caresses.

"Push out," Iruka whispered against Kakashi's ear. "It'll feel good, I promise."

A wet tongue circled Kakashi's earlobe, teeth biting down gently at the same time as a finger pressed against his entrance, touch firm and experienced, reassuring. Kakashi pushed back, let himself open and felt Iruka slide a finger inside him. He remembered this from before, remembered how good it felt, how surprising that feeling of pleasure was.

Instead of pausing like Iruka had before and dipping just the tip of his finger inside, this time Iruka kept going. Kakashi let out a shuddering breath as he was breached, expecting pain but only feeling a weird, not unpleasant feeling. It was impossible to describe, a feeling of fullness combined with the needy ache of his own body. Iruka circled his finger gently and then pulled back, slow thrusts that only heightened the pleasure. Kakashi let his head drop against the pillow and allowed himself to feel, to enjoy without actively participating. That in itself was arousing, a new, heady feeling of surrender, knowing that he trusted Iruka enough to take control of his pleasure despite all of his previous misgivings.

Iruka added a second finger and for a moment Kakashi tensed, suddenly not sure if he could do this, but Iruka was kissing the back of his neck, and grazing his teeth along the sensitive muscle.

"Let go, Kakashi, don't hold back. I want to hear you."

Iruka had an ability to make any sentence sound downright lewd during sex and it sent a jolt of sharp lust through him. Iruka twisted his fingers and brushed over his prostate, and Kakashi bucked upward, forcing himself further onto Iruka's fingers, feeling the loosening of his muscles. He was panting again, short, sharp gasps for breath, his body pleading for more even though he couldn't say it. Sweat made his skin slick, made it easier for Iruka to rock against him, to form Kakashi's will to his own desires, his own wants.

Iruka's desires were his own; he was nameless, faceless – mask less. Kakashi was free to feel, to just be.

Iruka pulled his fingers free, and for a moment Kakashi was lost without that connecting touch to ground him. The blunt press of Iruka's slick cock against his hole made Kakashi's breath stop in his throat with expectation. He arched his back, unable to express what he wanted; instead, he let his body speak for him.

Shuddering breath against his neck told Kakashi all he needed to know, that Kakashi was pushing Iruka's control as much as Iruka was pushing his. Kakashi suddenly understood what Iruka had been trying to show him in the dojo: that control was a fluid thing; it could not be owned by one person, but that it was passed back and forth. It was an equal thing to be shared freely, just like trust. It had to be earned, not taken.

Iruka pressed forward, cock sliding into Kakashi's ass, pressing deeper. He didn't pause, just slid in slowly, right to the hilt. Kakashi moaned, the sound loud and surprising in the early morning quiet of dawn.

Iruka's balls brushed against the sensitive skin of Kakashi's ass, and Iruka kept up the pressure, not moving forward but not pulling back out. The press of his hips against Kakashi's ass was a sensual torment. Kakashi felt his muscles tighten around Iruka's cock, his ass flexing against Iruka's hips. He made a sound he didn't recognize – a whimper, perhaps a bitten-off moan. His cock twitched against the sheets as Iruka pressed his hips into the mattress, but the pressure didn't relent. Kakashi wriggled, he actually wriggled, trying to silently persuade Iruka to move.

"Mm." Iruka's breath was hot against Kakashi's ear. Iruka's voice sounded like velvet, dark and rich. Smug. "Your body knows what it wants, Kakashi. It's begging for me to move, to fuck you. Because you can't say it yourself, can you?"

Kakashi made a mental note to explore this wordy, filthy side of Iruka later. Because it was a complete turn on, and totally unexpected.

Iruka rocked his hips, not pulling out, just thrusting gently forward, his cock rubbing over Kakashi's prostate, making Kakashi clench tightly around Iruka's cock. Kakashi arched his back, hunching his shoulders and grabbing fistfuls of the pillow beneath him in a bizarre attempt to ground himself against the sensations wracking his body.

It was a relief when Iruka did finally pull back enough to slide in again, filling Kakashi totally. Iruka dropped to his elbows, skin sliding against Kakashi's, hips thrusting. Kakashi was lost in the pull of Iruka's cock, the rhythm of his movements.

Kakashi felt himself loosening, opening up, and welcoming Iruka, pushing back to meet Iruka's movements. Iruka's steady thrusts changed, becoming a rocking motion that filled Kakashi totally. This was not sex like in the dojo, when Kakashi had simply fucked Iruka – this was something else Kakashi couldn't put a name to.

"Let me in all the way Kakashi," Iruka panted into his ear. "So close, almost there."

Kakashi was beyond words. Iruka was everything all of a sudden, and because of it he wanted to give Iruka what he desired. He relaxed totally and Iruka's cock breached the final ring of muscle, deep inside him.

Strong but gentle fingers enclosed his erection as Iruka slid his hand around Kakashi's hip and pulled him close, fingers stroking him hard and fast toward completion.

Warm desire snapped into something sharp at Iruka's touch, and Kakashi pushed back, his muscles tightening. He could feel Iruka grow harder, longer; his cock felt hotter. Kakashi's muscles fluttered deep inside and the tight ache of desire inside him uncurled. Iruka came, biting down on the skin of Kakashi's shoulder, muffling his cry. At that sound, Kakashi gasped, drew in a shuddering breath and climaxed, coating Iruka's hand and his own stomach with hot, sticky semen. He heard someone cry out hoarsely, felt his throat protest at the sound, raw and animalistic, but couldn't stop.

Kakashi let himself drift for a moment, content not to think, just feel, his body slack and loose. Long moments passed, and eventually Iruka's weight became heavy, making him fidget. He felt Iruka pull out gently, ignored the slight ache in his body and rolled onto his side, facing Iruka.

Iruka pushed a tendril of damp hair off Kakashi's cheek and smiled at him. It was an affectionate, concerned smile. "Okay?" Iruka said softly.

Kakashi nodded and reached out to caress Iruka's face, tracing the edge of the scar across his nose.

"I didn't quite mean to ambush you while you were still mostly asleep," Iruka explained. "I just assumed I already had your permission."

Kakashi couldn't help the sudden laugh that escaped. "Sneaky, but valid."

Iruka smiled properly then, the concern dropping away. "Did you like it?"

"I don't know." Kakashi rushed to reassure Iruka when his expression shuttered, adding, "I mean it was intense, way beyond anything I'd thought it would be. Is it like that for you?"

Iruka shrugged, obviously thinking his answer through carefully. "Yes and no. I've done it before; it's not new for me anymore. I just prefer being on top."

"I liked what you did with your tongue. Very surprising, Sensei." Kakashi let a hint of a leer enter his voice, watching as Iruka blushed. It was fascinating how Iruka could blush, after doing something so lewd earlier without a second thought.

"Well, I enjoy it when you do it to me. I figured it was a fair trade."

"Hmmm." Kakashi wrapped his arm around Iruka's waist and pulled him closer until they were chest to chest, hip to hip. "Fair trade – I'll have to remember that for the future. Do as you would do to others and all that, yes?"

Iruka snorted. "Exactly. See, even you can learn something new, Kakashi. You can teach an old dog new tricks."

"But I'm not old," he replied petulantly, knowing it would make Iruka laugh. Kakashi could feel himself drifting again, his brain enjoying the light buzz of his orgasm, the warmth of Iruka's skin against his.

Perhaps he could learn to compromise, rather than manipulate, he decided, feeling Iruka's lips against his neck. Though, judging by the experience he'd just had, Iruka was just as good at manipulation as he was. It was comforting to know.

Kakashi suddenly realized he was looking forward to letting Iruka get the upper hand as much as he wanted to – for a long, long time to come.

Fin ;)