Summary: Spock and his family have moved to Earth. He has accepted this. But when Jim Kirk moves in next door and Spock accidentally gets a glimpse of the younger boy's pain, Spock refuses to accept the fact that he cannot help. It may be illogical, but he will unravel the mystery that is Jim Kirk. Kirk/Spock
A/N: Yay, epilogue! Looking For Shooting Stars is finally over. I really hope you guys have enjoyed it. I know I have.
By the way, for any of my reviewers that I did not respond to, I'm going to try to get caught up in the next few days. My computer kinda decided it wants to have startup problems awhile ago, so it's a bit of a tossup as to whether or not I can actually use it. I figured finishing the chapter was a bit more important than answering reviews, but I do plan to go back and answer them when I have time.
Jim sat down on the front steps of Sarek and Amanda's home, only attempting to keep himself straight for a few moments before giving into his exhaustion and slumping against one of the support columns. The day had been ridiculously long, even though it had been rather uneventful. He had been released from the hospital that afternoon, which he was exceedingly grateful for, despite the fact that he still hurt all over. Jim really, really hated hospitals, so a bit of pain was nothing compared to the relief he felt to be out of that hellhole.
Somehow, the day had gotten worse after he left the hospital. Amanda had promised him that they would move out of the house they were currently living in so that he wouldn't have to look at what she termed "a reminder of his trauma". Though he knew that she was trying to be kind to him by offering to move, Jim knew that the memories would plague him whether or not he lived next to the fucking eyesore of charred remains Frank's house had become, and so, he had told her that he would be fine. Amanda and Sarek were going to be stuck with him for three years; the last thing they needed was to have to move on top of everything else. Jim would still be able to function while living next door to his former home, and though he knew he would probably need to avoid looking at it on occasion, he also knew he could control any negative emotions relating to Frank and what it was like to live under that roof.
What he wasn't prepared for were the other things the burnt out ruins dredged up. The first thing he noticed when they got back from the hospital was the smell. The whole area reeked of smoke and fire and death, and for a moment, Jim had been back on Tarsus, watching a town burn as the colonists looted it, everyone desperate to find any way they could to stave off the slow, painful death starvation promised. A squeeze of his hand and a mental nudge from Spock had brought Jim out of it, but the Vulcan was still watching him carefully even hours later.
It hadn't helped that he had just overheard a conversation between Amanda and Sarek about his step-father's death and why the bastard had been free to burn himself alive instead of in jail where he should have been. Apparently his mother had posted the fucker's bail. Not only that, but she had put in a good word for him in order to keep him out of prison. Even after Frank had almost killed him, even with eye witness testimony by the god damned Vulcan ambassador, Winona had still gotten her husband out of jail and vouched for him with the police.
Jim had long since given up on trying to earn his mother's love. Even now though, he couldn't keep himself from wondering if he could have done more. Perhaps if he had tried harder…
He startled as Spock eased himself down next to him on the stairs. Jim had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed the Vulcan exit the house, despite the fact that the door creaked no matter how carefully it was opened.
Spock edged closer to him so that their sides were pressed together, and suddenly, Jim ached to just curl into Spock and let himself forget about everything for a while. He could do that, couldn't he? He and Spock were tie-la mates, or whatever. Mates did shit like that, didn't they?
Obviously gleaning the thought from Jim's mind, Spock wrapped one arm around Jim and used a hand to pull his head down onto his shoulder, even as his mind sent out waves of calming thoughts. Jim held himself stiffly for a moment, not sure what to do, but then he deflated, allowing himself to lean on Spock just as he had imagined doing only seconds earlier. There was something so peaceful about being wrapped up in Spock. The Vulcan was warm and solid and comforting, and for the first time in Jim's life, everything felt perfect.
Of course, it couldn't last forever, but when Jim lifted his head to look into Spock's eyes, he was surprisingly still calm. This was Spock, and Jim loved him. Though every instinct his life had instilled in him fought it, Jim also trusted Spock.
Then, Spock leaned forward slowly, and Jim froze like a god damned deer in the headlights. Was Spock going to kiss him?
Fuck, he wasn't ready for this. It was too intimate. It was too soon. It was too… What if Spock wanted more than just a kiss? What if he wanted sex? This thought just made his thoughts spin even faster as he started to panic. And then, Jim's body started showing its approval, seemingly completely on board with the idea, which only served to make his thoughts more muddled than they had been before.
Spock, obviously sensing his confusion, cupped Jim's face in both hands and kissed him gently on the forehead. "Jim, I do not wish to do anything that you are not comfortable with," Spock assured him. "You are my t'hy'la, and I love you. Consummating our relationship when it is not in your best interests would hurt me just as much as it would hurt you."
Jim had to swallow thickly in relief and… disappointment. He blinked in surprise as he realized that he wanted Spock to kiss him. Even if he wasn't ready for anything else right now, he loved Spock, and he trusted him, and he suddenly really wanted to know what kissing him would feel like.
He did it before he could talk himself out of it.
The first kiss was chaste—barely a brush of their lips—but it still sent a spark along their shared mental link. They both leaned back in simultaneously, unable to resist, and then, they were kissing for real.
Jim was sure it was still pretty tame as far as kisses went—there wasn't even any tongue involved—but still, he felt heat burning low in his stomach. After an inestimable length of time, Jim felt other parts of him beginning to stir and gasped, breaking off the kiss if favor of burying his face in Spock's neck, his entire body tensing as he fought to control its natural reactions.
Spock did not react for several seconds, but then he tightened his hold around Jim and started running his fingers soothingly over his hair. Jim slowly relaxed into the Vulcan, but his mind was still racing.
A new determination was filling him, even as he waited for the beating of his heart to finally slow. He knew he didn't have much to offer Spock right now. Jim was well aware of the fact that he was a mess. Frank's abuse, his mother's rejection, and the events of Tarsus were still rubbing him too raw for the wounds to be even close to healing.
The rational part of Jim's mind knew that things wouldn't be like this forever. Though it was almost impossible for him to picture being any other way, he couldn't let go of the hope that someday soon, he would be able to make himself whole again.
Yes, Jim thought in a moment of clarity. That is what I want. He is what I want.
Jim would be whole again, and he would have Spock, and they would be happy together.
Silently, he promised this to Spock and sealed it with a kiss.
A/N: Okay, now I want all of you to tell me what you think. Seriously, just press the little button down there and give it to me straight.
I am planning on posting the prologue of Stay Strong right now. If you are reading this on July 1, 2013, there may be a bit of a delay. Just know that I do have it done, and I am posting it as you read this. XD