Naruto isn't mine. Which means the Leader isn't mine. So if he goes missing, it's not my fault and you shouldn't look for him at all in the South Florida area.

"Who did this."

Every member of the Akatsuki, feared collection of S-ranked missing-nin, looked up from what they were doing in the common room and gaped openmouthed.

The Leader stood in the doorway, visibly holding back rage. His hawkish eyes were narrowed into slits so small it would've been physically impossible to actually see through them. And what was the reason for his controlled fury?

His hair, instead of its normally reddish-orange...

...was a shockingly LOUD neon green.

Itachi's eyes twitched ever so slightly, but he remained impassive, returning to his newspaper. Kisame held a hand to his mouth and held back laughter, clutching Samehada like a safety blanket. All three of Deidara's mouths hung open and his visible eye was as wide as physics would allow, quivering. Tobi...well, no one could tell. The mask, and all. Hidan was taking great effort not to burst into laughter, biting his lip so hard he drew blood. Kakuzu seemed frozen in time, his patching of his torn cloak forgotten. Both of Zetsu's halves had an incredibly bemused expression, though the man himself said nothing.

"Once more. Who. Did. This."

Silence from the members. A few shared uneasy glances, but otherwise there was silence.

"Very well. Since no one wishes to come clean..."

Faster than even Itachi's all-powerful eyes could track, the Leader produced a kunai and hurled it in Hidan's direction, catching the white-hair in the throat. The blade struck a pressure point, rendering him paralyzed. Blood gushed from his jugular and the enraged Jashinist couldn't even gargle out an insult, falling to the ground, twitching.

The other members stared in shock. The Leader had NEVER actually attacked one of them before. He usually got Itachi to do it. And even the Uchiha himself showed the faintest twinge of fear.

"Every hour on the hour, I will incapacitate one of you unless someone steps forward. If you think you are all irreplaceable, you are not. There is no shortage of pretentious bomb-makers..." said the Leader, glaring hard at Deidara, who cowered under the Leader's Rinnegan. "...happy-go-lucky spiky-haired boys..." Tobi gulped. "...foul-mouthed accountants..." Kakuzu, having heard himself mentioned, returned to the world of the lucid, the needle in his hand shaking. "...shark men..." Kisame squeaked. "Upstart priests with anger issues…" Hidan only gurgled, spewing more blood. "...or sentient Venus flytrap spies." Zetsu's halves shared an uneasy glance.

"While I cannot damage Itachi due to his skills, I CAN make the rest of his natural life a living hell. Which, in turn, will affect the rest of you. The domino effect, you see."

The Leader turned on his heel, swishing out of the room. "One hour. You have been warned."

And he was gone.

Everyone turned to Hidan, who was still bleeding all over the floor and desperately gargling, each attempt simply gushing more blood.

"We took this thing a little too far, huh?" said Deidara, mentally preparing his will.

Itachi lowered his newspaper and glared hard at the blonde. "Do you think?"

This was fun to write. Oh, so much FUN~