This is based off my other fic, 'Married Life'. After making a couple of mentions of Goku learning to dance at the wedding in that fic, I haven't been able to get the image of him dancing the conga out of my head.
Goku dancing the conga!
Goku dancing the Macarena!
Goku dancing to Morning Musume!
Go on, picture it. It's hilarious. xD
Also inspired by one of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels (I forget which one, but I think it's 'Soul Music') – where Death gets fed up of being Death, attends a party, asks a guest what 'fun' is, and learns to dance the conga. ("WE ARE HAVING FUN?
WHAT IS THIS FUN?
TO KICK VIGOROUSLY IS FUN?
TO HEAR LOUD MUSIC IN HOT ROOMS IS FUN?
THIS IS FUN. TO DRINK EXCESSIVELY IS FUN. WE ARE HAVING FUN. HE IS HAVING FUN. THIS IS SOME FUN.
xD Seriously, if you've never read Terry Pratchett... wtf is wrong with you?
Chichi had wanted the wedding reception outside, in the sunshine. Ox King, in his wisdom, had planned ahead in case of rain and booked a hall with large grounds. That way, if it was a nice day, they could have it outside, like Chichi wanted – or if it the weather was miserable, they could have it inside in the hall instead. It had been a good plan, Ox King thought. Not only were they covered for all types of weather, if people wanted to escape the main party and head inside, they could. Plus, it had the added bonus of a bar. Besides, he knew that even though Chichi insisted she wanted it outside no matter what, and had told him to just put up marquees, she'd be the first to complain if her mother's wedding dress got wet and muddy.
But luckily, the sun had decided to shine brightly today. And so the many tables had been set up on the hall's lawns, and large speakers had been rigged up for the music. Goku and Chichi were standing at the door, greeting their guests as they arrived. Ox King sniffed, dabbing his eyes with a handkerchief. His little girl looked so happy. And she looked so much like her late mother that Ox King couldn't help but remember his own wedding day. This had been an emotional day for him, to say the least.
Finally, Goku and Chichi took their places at the head table with their closest friends – but not before Goku had stopped by the buffet and picked up as much as he could carry. Chichi glared at him as he began stuffing his face.
After a few minutes, Krillin stood up, tapping his glass with a fork. The hubbub of conversation died down as every face turned towards him. Krillin went slightly pink.
"Uh... hi, everybody! As you all know, I'm the best man. And well, as the best man, I'm supposed to give a speech." He reached into his pocket, pulling out the note cards on which he had scribbled down his ideas. He cleared this throat nervously. 'Okay, Krillin,' he thought. 'Open with a joke.'
"When Goku and Chichi met, I guess you could say it was love at first fight!" he said, looking around expectantly. When no-one laughed, he tried to clarify. "Y'know... fight? Instead of sight? Because Goku likes fighting? Get it?"
Nothing. Not even a titter.
Krillin felt his face get even redder. He hadn't expected to lose his nerve this quickly. He thumbed through his cards, trying to find something to say – but he realised the rest of the jokes were even worse than the first.
"Oh, to hell with it," he muttered, screwing the cards up. May as well try to get this over with quickly. "I've known Goku since we were kids, and while he doesn't know much about the world, and he sometimes says silly things – like how he thought a bride was something tasty to eat-"
"Heeey, you never know," called Yamcha, laughing. "She could be!" Chichi went red and threw a glass at him, which bounced off his head.
Krillin tried to turn his laugh into a cough, before clearing his throat again and continuing with a nervous look at Chichi. "A-anyway... as I was saying... you couldn't hope to meet a nicer guy. I'm happy for you, buddy." He raised his glass. "To the happy couple!" he said, before sitting back down quickly.
"Aw, shucks, Krillin!" said Goku, clapping his friend on the back a little too hard, and sending him face first into his plate of food. "Whoops! Sorry!"
A little while later, the DJ arrived. "Hey, I hope everybody's ready to party!" he called into his mic. Master Roshi, who was already looking pretty far gone, raised two glasses of champagne in the air and yelled "Damn right I am!"
"Well, we'll be pumping the tunes out soon enough, but first, it's time for the bride and groom to take their first dance as husband and wife."
Chichi stood up from her seat, looking down at Goku. Looking around, he noticed that everyone else was looking at him, too. Swallowing his mouthful of food, he turned to Krillin.
"Why's everyone staring at me?" he muttered. Krillin facepalmed.
"Goku, at a wedding, it's tradition for the newlyweds to have the first dance!"
Goku just looked confused. "Dance?"
Krillin sighed. "Don't tell me you've never even danced before! Look, Goku, just go with Chichi. She's probably going to hit you soon."
Goku shrugged and stood up. Chichi immediately grabbed his hand, dragging him out into the large open space in the middle of the tables that served as the dance floor. A slow love song started up as Chichi grabbed his hands and put them around her waist.
Goku felt pretty stupid. They were just sort of revolving on the spot, and everyone was still staring at them. For him, the song couldn't end fast enough, and once it did, he sped back to his seat and resumed eating his food. Chichi didn't have much chance to scold him, as on her way back to the table, she was converged on by Bulma and Launch, hugging her and cooing over her wedding ring.
As the DJ began to play some faster songs, Yamcha came over and plopped down in Chichi's seat next to Goku. "Hey, man!" he said. "Our little Goku, a married man. I still can't believe it!" He picked up Goku's glass, examining the contents. "Water? You've gotta be kidding me, Goku!"
"Why? What's wrong with it?"
"What's wrong with it?" Yamcha picked up an empty glass, filling it up with champagne. "It's water, that's what's wrong with it!" he passed the glass to Goku. "Here, buddy, get that down you."
Goku looked at the sparkling liquid dubiously. "I dunno, Yamcha, you know I don't like to drink. It's not healthy!"
Yamcha snorted. "Healthy, shmealthy. It's your wedding day, Goku! Kick back! Enjoy yourself! A few drinks won't kill you!"
Goku still didn't look entirely convinced, but he raised the glass and took a small sip. "Hey, that's not half bad!" he exclaimed. He took another sip. "Bubbly!"
A few feet away, they heard Launch's voice. "Oh my, these bubbles are tickling my nose!" she said, before sneezing. In an instant, Launch's bad self was standing in her place, looking around.
"You pansies call this a party?" she yelled, pulling out a machinegun. "Come on, let's get some more booze over here!"
"Jeez!" said Krillin, ducking under the table. "Where the hell does she hide that thing?" He peeked nervously over the top of the table, looking around. Launch was marching away through the crowd, and within a few seconds she was coming back, dragging a terrified looking Tien after her. "Come on!" she was saying. "We're going to dance! Let's show these guys how it's done!"
"Guys!" Tien called, spotting Yamcha, Goku and Krillin as he was pulled towards the dancers, a desperate look in his eyes. "Help me!"
"No way, buddy!" laughed Yamcha. "You're on your own with this one!"
"D-doesn't anyone have a feather? Some pepper? Something?" they heard Tien shout as he disappeared with Launch into the crowd.
Goku was starting to feel a little light-headed. He supposed it was the bubbly stuff Yamcha made him drink. Well, he wasn't going to have any more. Yamcha had told him to have a few, and he'd had a few. Besides, if drinking more meant he'd end up looking like Master Roshi, he wanted none of it. He looked over towards the dancers. His old master was dancing alone, laughing heartily, making a pass at any woman who came too close. As a result, he was given a wide berth.
"So... this dancing stuff," said Goku, turning to Krillin. "It's fun?"
Krillin downed the last of his glass, looking a little red in the face. "Well, yeah. That's... y'know... kinda the point." He groped for the bottle, turning it upside down over his glass. He looked disappointed when he realised it was empty.
"It wasn't much fun before."
"Weeeell, maybe you should give it another shot. I think Chichi wants to dance. She keeps looking over at you. A-ha!" Krillin had finally located a bottle that wasn't empty.
"I guess so." Said Goku, shrugging. He stood up, making his way over to Chichi. He hadn't even opened his mouth before Chichi grabbed his hands and started dancing.
Goku realised he didn't have a clue what he was supposed to do. Looking around for inspiration, his eyes fell on Yamcha and Bulma. They looked like they were having fun. He watched as Yamcha grabbed hold of Bulma's rear end. 'Ohhh,' thought Goku. 'Is that how you do it?' He grabbed Chichi's behind. She shrieked, blushing bright red, and hit him over the head.
"Goku, no! People are watching!" she hissed.
O...kay. So that wasn't how you were supposed to do it.
It took a while, but Goku thought he was starting to get the hang of this dancing thing. Chichi was smiling, anyway, so he must be doing okay, and Krillin was right, it was pretty fun. These songs were much faster than the one he had to dance to earlier.
Chichi laughed as Goku spun her round, and feeling more confident, Goku got carried away, tossing her into the air with more strength than he had meant to use.
The people around them stopped and stared as Chichi flew high into the air, screaming. Goku raised a hand to shield his eyes as he looked up into the sky after her. "... Ooops!"
"Easy there, tiger!" Master Roshi called, laughing. "You don't know your own strength!"
Chichi was coming back down, still screaming. Goku reached out and caught her before she hit the ground.
"Sorry, Chichi!" he said as he lowered her to her feet, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "I didn't mean to!"
"I-I'm going to... to go and... sit down for a minute." She muttered, before unsteadily making her way to a chair and collapsing in it.
Just then a new song started. Looking around, Goku realised that everyone was doing the same dance moves – putting their hands out, crossing them over their chests, and then jumping to face the other way. Well, this was weird. Locating Bulma, he walked up to her.
"Hey, Bulma," he said, looking confused. "What's everyone doing?"
"It's the Macarena, silly!" she replied.
"The maca-what?" 'Hmm, kinda sounds like macaroon. Mmm, macaroons...'
"The Macarena!" Bulma repeated. "It's a party dance, and it has a set dance routine. You always get songs like this at a party."
"What are they saying?" asked Goku. "I can't understand a word!"
"How should I know? It's all in Spanish!" A short distance away, they heard Master Roshi trying to sing along.
"Dadadedoblahblehblah dodedada, HEEEEEY Macarena!"
Bulma shook her head. "Here, Goku, just do what I do!"
Goku tried to copy her, but he couldn't see the point. 'This dance... is really stupid.' He thought. Feeling a bit of an idiot, he sidled away from Bulma and sat back down at his seat, stopping at the buffet again on the way. Krillin had disappeared off somewhere – probably dancing to this macaroon thing.
Darkness had started to creep in, and bright floodlights were turned on, attracting moths. Chichi was dancing with her father. Launch had sneezed again some time ago and had returned to her normal self, and Tien had disappeared – he was probably hiding inside somewhere, in case she came looking for him again. Yamcha, Krillin and Master Roshi were all looking very red in the face, brokenly singing along to whatever was playing with their arms round each other's shoulders. Goku was still stuffing his face.
He had seen a few more weird dances where everyone did the same moves, like the macaroon thing. He thought they all looked pretty silly. But then everyone suddenly formed a line, holding on to the person in front, kicking their legs. Confused again, Goku went to investigate.
Master Roshi was at the end of the line, clutching Bulma, who was in front, round the middle. He was giggling lecherously as he eyed her backside.
"Master," Goku asked. "What's this dance?" Master Roshi looked round at him blearily.
"It's the conga, my boy!"
"Yep, that's right! You hold on to the person in front, and-" Master Roshi vigorously kicked his leg out, although he was off the beat by quite a bit and out of time with everyone else. "You see?"
"Er... I think so." Just then Master Roshi reached up and grabbed hold of Bulma's chest. She shrieked, spinning round and slapping him across the face, making him fall over.
"You old pervert!" she yelled, before turning round and re-joining the conga line.
Goku stood watching for a minute before taking Master Roshi's place at the end of the line, placing his hands on Bulma's waist. 'May as well give this a try, I guess.' Bulma spun round, raising her hand again.
"Oh, it's just you, Goku." She said smiling. "I thought that pervert Roshi was back." She turned back round again.
After a few tries, Goku found the beat. "Hey, this is actually pretty fun!" he exclaimed, grinning. He liked this dance.
Everyone stopped and looked round at the noise – everyone except Master Roshi, who had started his own one-man conga line and seemed oblivious to everything around him. Goku's mouth fell open in horror.
"Oh... oh no! The food! OH NO!" yelled Goku. He'd kicked a bit too much that last time and had knocked the buffet table over.
"Do-do-do-do-do-HEY!" sang Master Roshi. He was still dancing solo.
"Aw, don't worry about it, Goku!" said Bulma soothingly.
"But... but the food!"
"Da-da-da-da-da-HAH! H-hey, why'd everyone stop?"
"D-don't worry, Goku!" slurred Krillin, staggering forward. "I'll getcha some more food. As... as the best man, it's my job to fix these things... I think!" He wandered off inside as the hall staff came and started to clear up the mess.
Pretty soon everyone was dancing again, Goku's conga mishap forgotten. Krillin had ordered some pizzas, which Ox King had graciously paid for. Goku was sitting down again.
This had been a good night, Goku decided. That dancing stuff was pretty fun, after all. 'But,' he thought, chomping on his pizza, 'If I do that conga thing again, I'm making sure that all the food is safely out of the way!'
You know if you don't speak a word of Spanish, that's how you end up sounding if you try to sing along to the Macarena. xD