A/N: So uh…this was inspired by "Big Time Secret" too…obviously.
Disclaimer: I own squat.
Don't Borrow Underwear Code
Logan had just gotten done taking a shower. He had a white terrycloth towel wrapped snugly around his waist as he entered the bedroom he and Kendall shared. He opened up the top drawer where all his socks and underwear were. After rummaging through its contents, Logan quickly realized that he had a bit of a dilemma. He had no more clean drawers.
"I guess Mama Knight's behind on laundry," Logan said out loud even though he was the only one in the room.
Logan wasn't about to retrieve a dirty pair of underwear from the laundry basket and wear it a second time, so he really only had one viable option left: borrowing someone else's. He walked over to Kendall's dresser on the other side of the room, and opened the top drawer.
"Hmm…maybe Carlos or James has some," Logan thought to himself.
Not even bothering to get dressed, and it wasn't like he could get fully dressed anyways without any underwear, Logan walked to the bedroom that Carlos and James shared. It was clear that this was Carlos' bedroom; there were piles of clothes scattered all throughout his half of the bedroom.
They were everywhere too. On the nightstand, the bed, the floor, the dresser, under the bed, on the closet shelf, on the closet floor, wedged in between the blinds, on the window sill, in the doorway, on the blades of the ceiling fan. Logan was amazed Carlos even knew whether he had clean clothes. He shuddered at the thought of Carlos possibly wearing dirty clothes without even realizing it.
So borrowing from Carlos was out of the question. Logan didn't want to hazard a guess as to what was clean and what was dirty of Carlos' wardrobe. That only left one person…well, unless Logan wanted to borrow from Mrs. Knight or Katie, which he most certainly did not.
Logan went over to James' side of the room, and opened the top drawer of his dresser. He was relieved to find that James had one clean pair of boxers. Logan chuckled at the pair of boxers staring back at him from inside the top dresser drawer. They were boxers that had the American flag on them. The funny thing was that it matched the Speedo James had.
"I'm sure he won't mind," Logan said aloud, before he borrowed James' underwear.
"Come on, James. Carlos and Kendall are waiting down in the lobby," Logan said.
"Okay. Hold on a sec. I have to go grab my wallet first," James said, feeling his pants pockets as he spoke.
James went to his bedroom, and opened the top drawer of his dresser. He kept his wallet buried underneath his socks, but the first thing James noticed when he opened the drawer was that his American flag boxers were missing. They were there this morning! He searched through the entire contents of the drawer, but came up empty. He looked through all the other drawers in his dresser, but he still couldn't find them.
"Dude, what's taking you so long?" Logan commented, appearing in James' doorway.
"Hey Logan, have you seen my American flag boxers?" James asked.
Logan fiddled with the neckline of his t-shirt. Was it just him, or was it getting a little stuffy in here?
"What makes you think I would know where they are?" Logan responded.
"Hey, I'm not accusing you of anything. I was just curious," James replied.
Logan breathed a huge sigh of relief. He realized how awkward it would sound if he told James that he was wearing his boxers. Or worse yet, if someone else found out that Logan was wearing James' boxers. They might get the wrong idea or something. Yeah, they might think that the two of them share underwear all the time. Like that's their thing or something. That couldn't be further from the truth. It was a one time thing. Besides, it was all Mrs. Knight's fault anyways. If she had just done the laundry like she was supposed to, Logan wouldn't be in this mess.
"Are you okay, buddy?" James asked.
"Huh? Yeah, why?" Logan responded.
James carefully studied Logan. He found it odd that Logan wouldn't meet his gaze. He thought Logan was behaving rather bizarrely.
"Logan," James said.
"What?" Logan replied nervously.
"Are you wearing my boxers?"
Sweat started to accumulate on Logan's brow. His palms started to get all clammy. A vein in his neck stuck out, pulsating. He shoved his hands in his pockets to hide that they were shaking.
"What? No! That would be weird! That would be weird, right?" Logan answered.
"Just a bit," James commented.
Logan walked over to the window and looked out it. Now James was sure something was up.
"Don't make me lift up your shirt," James said.
"That didn't sound wrong at all," Logan remarked sarcastically.
"It did sound kind of dirty, didn't it?"
"That it did. That it did."
"Well, I didn't mean it that way."
"Well don't say 'oh' like that."
"Like what? How did I say it?"
"Like you were bummed out."
"Seriously James, get over yourself."
"It's okay though. Nobody can resist James Diamond."
Logan started clutching his chest and gasping for air. He was faking it, and they both knew it. James rolled his eyes at Logan, who smirked back at James.
"There's not enough room in here for you, me, and your ego. I can't breathe," Logan commented in a choked whisper.
"Very funny, Logie," James commented.
"I try, James. I try."
Okay, now Logan was definitely being evasive. James had nearly forgotten about the issue at hand; Logan had taken James' boxers without his permission. At least all signs seemed to point to that conclusion.
"Did you take my boxers or not?" James asked bluntly.
"What boxers are we talking about again?" Logan replied.
"What? You borrowed more than one pair?"
"Aha! So you did take them!"
"I never…you…I…fine! I'm wearing your boxers. Please believe me. I really don't want to show them to you."
"Good! I don't want you to show them to me!"
"Well, good! Because even if you wanted me to, I wasn't going to anyways!"
"Yeah you were! You know you were!"
Logan had an irritated look on his face as he folded his arms over his chest and pouted. This sight made James smile, which only made Logan scowl even more. James loved pushing Logan's buttons. It was so easy to do too.
"I just want to know what kind of guy goes around stealing other guy's boxers," James stated.
"The kind of guy who doesn't want to go…you know…commando…that's who!" Logan commented.
"Commando? You can't even say 'naked' can you? And you call me and Carlos immature."
"I can too say that word!"
"Then say it!"
"No! You're not the boss of me!"
"I knew you couldn't say it!"
The vein in Logan's neck was really throbbing now. His face was starting to turn scarlet. It was comical how worked up Logan was getting.
"Hey, it's not my fault I'm wearing your boxers! If Mama Knight didn't get behind on the laundry, this wouldn't have happened!" Logan exclaimed.
"Oh, so it's her fault that you borrowed my underwear without my permission?" James replied.
"Okay, you're getting way too bent out of shape over this! They're just boxers! It's not like I took your 'Cuda man spray or your lucky comb or something!"
James let out a high-pitched shriek before scurrying off to the bathroom. Logan shook his head as he reluctantly followed James. When he arrived at the bathroom, James had opened the medicine cabinet behind the bathroom mirrors only to discover that his precious possessions were present and accounted for.
"But you have taken my 'Cuda Massive Hold, haven't you?" James asked, pointing his finger at Logan in an accusing fashion.
Logan scoffed. "You have no proof!"
James threw up his hands in frustration.
"Okay then, Logan. Who else could have taken it? Carlos?" James posed.
"That's certainly a possibility," Logan responded.
James made a buzzer sound.
"Highly unlikely. Carlos doesn't use product in his hair!"
"Well what about Kendall, huh?" Logan asked.
"You really have a problem when it comes to fessing up to things, don't you?"
"Oh yeah? Well you…"
"You have a problem when it comes to assuming the worst about me!"
James massaged his temples with his fingers. As easy as it was for him to push Logan's buttons, no one could quite push his buttons like Logan. James probably bickered with Logan more than anyone else. It was mostly over stupid stuff too.
"Look, if you needed to borrow some underwear, all you had to do was ask," James said.
"Right, because, 'James, can I wear your underwear' rolls right off the tongue!" Logan said sarcastically.
"Seriously, do you always need to be so sarcastic?"
"Wait a second. Were you being sarcastic when you said that?"
Logan slapped his forehead. Kendall, James, and Carlos might like picking on him because he's easy to pick on, but at least he wasn't as dense as James could be at times. Of course, James would probably say something like, 'The Face doesn't need to be smart.'
"Let's just make a don't borrow underwear code," James suggested.
"Fine. Now get your wallet, and let's go," Logan said.
James looked inside the drawer and couldn't find his wallet.
"What, did you take my wallet too?" James asked.
"Why would I take your wallet? I have my own!" Logan exclaimed.
"Yeah, well you have your own underwear too, and that didn't stop you from taking mine!"