TITLE: Unbelievable!

AUTHOR: Feli

EMAIL: feli.ca@web.de

CATEGORY: Humor

SEASON: 5, although not really season-related

SPOILERS: Wormhole X-treme (season 5)

RATING: G

SUMMARY: Jack and Daniel meet some people they never thought existed…!

STATUS: Complete

ARCHIVE: Heliopolis and Fanfiction.net, MajorClanger's site

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The situations and original story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I have a beta, her name is Kat, and she always does a terrific job!

This story is dedicated to, and actually features, three very special (fluffy) ladies, one of them – probably without even noticing – challenged me to include herself and a certain part of Daniel Jackson into a story. Guess what: I did it..! ;-)



Jack settled back more comfortably against the rock. Squinting a little, in the bright sunshine, he looked around to check on his team.

Everything was in perfect order. Daniel and Teal'c stood discussing the inscriptions in the only still intact wall of the former Goa'uld temple, and he could see Carter down by the river where she was busy filling tubes with possibly naquadah rich soil.

Jack grinned to himself as he took in the sight of his 2IC crawling around on her hands and knees in the dirt. Ah, they should have more missions like this one.

Sure, kicking Goa'uld ass was fun – most of the time anyway. But more often than not he or someone of his team ended up in the infirmary after a mission, and there was definitely no fun to be had under Doc Frasier's aegis.

His musings were interrupted by the voice of SG-1's archeologist. "Jack? Jack! Teal'c and I are finished here. We can go back."

Jack nodded his consent and stood up. Turning towards the river he called: "Carter, we're finished here. Time to go home!"

Sam waved at him and began gathering her tubes and equipment.

Teal'c was already headed in the direction of the stargate which was located close to the river bank where Sam had collected her samples.

"Jack, it's fascinating," Daniel enthused, "as far as we can tell the temple once belonged to an old Greek god with the name.."

"Do you wanna come over and watch the game tonight?" Jack interrupted his friend in an obvious attempt to change the subject.

"Jack!" Daniel sighed exasperatedly. "If you don't want to hear about it you can simply tell me that."

Jack threw him a dubious look. "I can?"

He looked ahead to where Sam was standing at the DHD and nodded towards the gate. "Dial us home, major!"

"Yes, of course you can, Jack. I'm a reasonable human being, you know. I *can* wait till we're back at the SGC to give you a detailed report instead of just a short summary here..." Daniel ended with a mischievous grin on his face.

Watching Sam and Teal'c disappear into the event horizon Jack sighed. "Ah, Daniel, in that case I.."

Suddenly the earth shook and Jack tripped over the steps leading up to the gate.

Daniel put out a hand to steady him and asked: "What was that?"

Jack looked around. "I don't know. Come on, the gate's still open. We better leave before an earthquake hits."

-----------------

As soon as they arrived on the ramp in the gateroom, Jack returned to their conversation. "So, are you coming over tonight or not?"

"Cut!" somebody yelled at the foot of the ramp and hectic activity broke out around them.

Daniel stared around the room openmouthed while Jack fixed glaring eyes on the yelling individual standing next to General Hammond. The guy wasn't even in uniform but instead was wearing faded blue jeans and yellowish shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

And the guy was grinning at Jack. "Good job!" he commended, giving them a thumbs up.

"Uh, Jack?" Daniel reached for Jack to get his attention but Jack was already marching down the ramp. He stopped in front of the SGC commander.

"General? Something going on here?"

The General shot him a slightly amused look. "Ehm, no, nothing unusual...*Colonel*. I think the debriefing's next. Isn't it, Peter?" he asked, turning to the yellow-shirt guy.

Yellow-shirt nodded and grinned at Jack again. Motioning towards the door he said: "After you...*Colonel*." He laughed as if he'd just made the funniest of all jokes.

"I have to take a shower before the debriefing," Daniel announced as he came up behind Jack.

"Whahat?" Jack asked incredulously as he turned to the archeologist.

Daniel's eyes bore into Jack's, willing him to understand. "Yes, I think we really need to take a shower first, don't you?"

Jack grabbed Daniel's arm and pulled him aside.

"Are you out of your mind? Can't you see that something's not right here?"

"I can see that, Jack." Daniel paused until a technician had rolled a set of floodlights past them. He lowered his voice. "A lot is not right here. I think we have a foothold situation."

"Damn right we have! And I'm not getting naked with some freakin' aliens, Daniel!" Jack hissed.

"Jack," Daniel tried again reasonably, "if they're aliens they're certainly not getting naked in the showers. So it's the safest place for us to be alone."

Jack, who'd already understood Daniel's reasoning before he'd finished his explanation, was immediately back to his usual, cocky self.

"Aww, Danny, I didn't know you wanted to be alone in the showers with me..." he joked despite the seriousness of their situation. "But please, and don't take it personally, I'm not interested in you in *this* way."

Daniel stared at him speechlessly for a moment, then succumbed to Jack's humor.

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear that," he replied dryly, then grinned at Jack.

Jack grinned back. "Okay, let's go before that...guy, yells into my ear again."

-----------------

Halfway to the locker room they encountered the rest of SG-1 who were already heading towards the briefing room.

"Hey," Sam greeted them with an open, relaxed smile on her face. "Where are you guys going?"

"To take a shower." Daniel forestalled Jack's answer.

"Together?" Sam asked, laughter filling her voice.

"Well, last time I looked there weren't any private locker rooms on this facility, or are there, Major?" Jack drawled, trying to behave as normal – for him – as possible.

He'd only needed one glance at the Major and Teal'c to realize that they'd been compromised as well. There was none of Carter's usual correct and military manner in her stance now, and she'd certainly never addressed her superior officer with 'where are you *guys* going' while on base before. He wasn't sure if she'd ever done it off base, for that matter.

Things stood even worse with Teal'c. He seemed like a completely different person. He stood with an arm stretched out, leaning casually against the wall, and laughing openly – and loudly – about the colonel's apparently very funny remark.

Damn, but those aliens were good. Very good. Carter and Teal'c had been just a couple of seconds ahead of them but obviously that had been enough time for the aliens to...do whatever it was that they had done to their teammates and colleagues.

But why hadn't they tried to get him and Daniel, too?

Still laughing Teal'c pushed himself away from the wall and gave Jack a pat on the shoulder as he walked by him. "Well, you're the boss! We'll wait for you in the briefing room then." With that they both left.

"I'm the boss?" Jack raised his eyebrows at the retreating back of the former Jaffa. "What does that mean? Have we been taken over by MTV-addicted aliens now?"

-----------------

Daniel removed his glasses to wipe away the sweat on his forehead.

"Jack, I think I'll really take a shower now. It was pretty hot on –508 and it's unusually warm down here, have you noticed?"

Jack agreed. "Yeah, doesn't feel like we're 28 floors below the surface."

"Maybe these aliens are more temperature sensitive than we are," theorized Daniel.

As they neared the locker room Daniel took off his jacket and clasped it between his knees, at the same time grabbing the hem of his t-shirt.

Jack opened the door and walked through. Daniel shuffled in after him, jacket still pressed between his knees and already pulling his t-shirt off over his head.

When he re-emerged two pairs of eyes stared at his half-naked torso in stunned silence.

Daniel stared back at the two women, the t-shirt slipping out of his hands unnoticed. He looked at Jack for help but the older man was seemingly at a loss for words.

Then Daniel heard giggling. Turning back to the women in the office he saw one of them press a hand over her mouth to smother her giggles. Her shoulders shook with the effort and soon she gave up. The other woman started laughing as well, their mirth echoing merrily in the hallway through the open door to which Jack was still holding on.

"Very nice, Michael!" the first woman finally said. "For a moment I even thought you wouldn't stop at the t-shirt... ."

"Maybe he isn't finished yet, Lynn." The second woman turned hopeful eyes towards Daniel. "Or are you?"

Daniel's brain came up with the most logical retort. "Uhm, where are the showers?"

His question only provoked another burst of laughter from the women.

"Well, your shower is still in your trailer there," the woman called Lynn replied, pointing to a structure outside the window, "but you can take your clothes off in here if you like. We don't mind, do we, Kathrin?" she smirked.

Kathrin threw a mischievous glance at Jack. "No, of course we don't! What about you, Rick? Are you searching for the showers, too?"

Jack didn't react; he was too busy taking in the sight outside the office. He could see a parking lot filled with cars and camping trailers. It couldn't be, they were still on the same level as the gateroom.

Then realization hit. Jack grabbed Daniel's arm and pulled him back into the hallway. Before he shut the door he could hear Lynn laughingly complain: "And I was so looking forward to seeing his butt."

"Oh yes, me too!" came the heartfelt reply.

Blanching Jack decided not to dwell on the question of whose butt the women were referring to.

"Jack? What was that all about?" asked Daniel while he was being dragged along the corridor by his CO.

Somehow he had managed to pick up his t-shirt before they left. Pulling Jack forcefully to a stop he slipped it back on, then shrugged into his jacket.

"I don't know how it happened," began Jack, "but I think we're on the set of Wormhole X-treme."

"That TV show that's based on *us*? But Jack, they don't have a *real* stargate!"

"I know that, Daniel. But there are those trailers outside just like there were on that set when I had to play technical advisor to the show."

Daniel's face became thoughtful. "You know, Jack, I think you're right. It would certainly explain a lot of things around here." He pondered Jack's assumption from all sides. "But why did those women call me Michael and you Rick?"

"I have no idea, Danny, and I don't care. C'mon, let's go find Marty. If he's somewhere around we'll at least know where we are and how to get outta here."

With that Jack stormed off towards the outside parking lot, effectively preventing Daniel from poking any more holes in his logic. Once outside Jack weaved his way between the cars and trailers purposefully till he almost bumped into another man.

This man was also wearing jeans and a shirt and had his long, dark blond hair tied back in an unruly ponytail. But Jack didn't care about appearances at the moment, he'd seen stranger things the first time he'd been around the set.

The stranger smiled at Jack. "Hey, Rick, where have you been? I've been looking for you all over the place!"

"Yeah, whatever," dismissed Jack. "Where's Marty?"

"Marty?"

"Yes, Marty!" Jack confirmed, impatience evident in his voice. "Your creative supervisor, is what he calls himself, doesn't he?"

The man only gave him a confused look.

Daniel stepped in. "We're looking for Martin Lloyd. We need to talk to him."

"Martin Lloyd, Martin Lloyd...?" the man murmured. Then his head snapped up and he grinned at them.

"Ahh, Willie Garson's character in our 100th ep. Hahaha, very funny. What is this, the setup for a practical joke or something?"

Again Daniel tried the reasonable approach since Jack didn't seem to remember the man from his previous time on the show. "So, excuse me, but who are *you*?"

"Who am I? I'm Mike as you very well know!"

"You? You are Michael?" Daniel asked confused, "but you don't look like me at all!"

"Huh? Why should I look like you?" Mike replied astonished. Then, with a huge grin, he added: "Not that I'd mind, of course. Not with the way all the women are constantly swooning about your good looks. Your butt especially...!"

Daniel turned beet red at that statement while Jack nodded sagely. At least he now knew who that Lynn person had been talking about. And it was true, he remembered overhearing women at the SGC discussing Daniel's physical assets, too.

Feeling a little pang of jealousy he stole a covert glance at the archeologist's backside. Well yeah, okay. Not bad.

Recalling the look in Kathrin's eyes when she'd suggested he take off his clothes, he brightened. Apparently Daniel wasn't the only male being discussed and ogled!

Smiling, Jack remembered his last time in the infirmary when he'd woken from unconsciousness after a mission. Two nurses were talking and giggling at the foot end of his bed. (Why was it that women always had to giggle when they talked about men?).

Anyway, not noticing that he was awake one of the nurses - gigglingly! – whispered about him being 'so callipygean' and the other declared that she'd faint if she ever was to get to touch his 'so cute and distinguished looking, silvery hair'. Okay, so he'd had to look up callipygean in the dictionary but hey..those nurses considered him a major..

"Jack? Jack, could you please stop staring at my butt?" Daniel's pleading voice penetrated his thoughts.

Jack's head snapped up and he focused on his surroundings again. Daniel's face was red with embarrassment while Mike was howling with laughter.

Holding his sides Mike gasped: "You know, the two of you should go on tour with this act, it's priceless. But be careful: Joe told me that there are a lot of fans who believe that there's a homosexual relationship between Jack and Daniel going on behind the scenes. They'd have a field day seeing you two...!"

Jack reeled with shock. He could feel himself blushing from the top of his head to his toes and Daniel's face seemed to have decided on fire red as a permanent skin tone.

Seeing their obvious discomfort made Mike laugh even harder. With tears in his eyes he told Jack: "We have a meeting with Brad and Robert at five. There's news about the movie."

Then, directing a last pointed look at Daniel's behind, he headed back to the studio entrance.

-----------------

"So. If we're not on the set of Marty's show where are we then, for crying out loud?"

"I don't know, Jack," answered Daniel glumly. "But if I catch one more person staring at my butt I'll scream!"

"Oh, c'mon Danny. The nurses at the base are constantly checking you out. So are some of the male officers.. ." Jack teased Daniel.

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Too!"

"Jack, stop it!" Daniel finally protested. "Let's just figure out how we can get home, okay?"

"Okay," Jack relented. "But how do we get home when we don't even know where we are?"

"Well, we came through the stargate. So we should start looking for answers there," Daniel concluded.

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "It's as good a plan as any. Let's go."

-----------------

Back inside, Jack decided that the corridor to their left should take them straight to the gateroom. As they headed down the hallway a woman passed their way.

Daniel's attention was immediately drawn to the t-shirt she was wearing. It was black and had a very pink, rodent-like animal printed on the front. Daniel recognized the picture of his favorite childhood companion and smiled at the woman. Blushing furiously the woman smiled back shyly.

A surprised gasp from Jack drew Daniel's attention back to his CO. Jack stood in front of a wall that was lined with pictures.

Stepping closer Daniel realized that they were mostly pictures of the stargate – and of SG-1. Curiously he examined them one by one until he came up next to Jack.

The first thing Daniel noticed in that picture were Jack's clothes. Jack was wearing a long black leather jacket that Daniel had never seen him in before. Next to Jack stood Sam, looking beautiful in a brown skirt and matching blouse.

It was Daniel's turn to gasp in surprise then. "Uhm, Jack? Exactly when did you and Sam...I mean...you never...ehm, at least I thought that because she's a member of your team...?" Daniel's voice trailed off.

"For crying out loud, Daniel, this is not Major Carter and I! I have never held hands with her in my life! And she's certainly never...never *cuddled up* to me like this!" Jack yelled, pointing agitatedly to the spot where Sam's head was resting comfortably against Jack's shoulder.

Daniel's eyes wandered over to the picture next to the one that had Jack so riled up. The two pictures were hanging close together and were set in identical frames.

"Wow! This is amazing. Jack have you seen this?"

Jack looked at the picture Daniel indicated. It showed Daniel sitting on the floor in a relaxed position and Teal'c next to him, smiling openly into the camera.

"Spot the mistake," Jack muttered as he took in the fact that Daniel was without his glasses and the golden Jaffa tattoo was missing from Teal'c's forehead.

Daniel stared at the picture in concentration, then at the one featuring Jack and Sam. Fleetingly he wondered if he could take the picture with him. Hanging it up in the briefing room would certainly create a stir, and Jack would be having a fit. Which he was having now anyway.

Focusing back on the picture with Teal'c and himself Daniel's eyes widened. He turned to Jack.

"Uh..oh. I think I know where we are!"

-----------------

"So we're not in our reality, is that what you're saying?" Jack asked stunned.

Daniel nodded. "It's the only logical explanation."

"Logical?" Jack exclaimed. "A reality where I only exist as a fictional character and the guy who apparently looks and talks like me is an actor? Someone named Rick! Do I look like a *Rick*?"

"Jack," Daniel tried to interrupt but Jack was just warming up.

"You know, in Marty's show about us...remember that nutcase of an actor who portrayed *me* like some brainless intergalactic Casanova? I thought *that* was weird but this is...this is...oh, for crying out loud, this is *so* not good!"

Daniel shot him an exasperated look. "Are you finished now? If so, maybe we can figure out a way to get back."

Jack didn't seem to hear him. He was still gesticulating wildly, complaining that he wasn't a freakin' Casanova...who was named Rick anyway...this really sucks...ha, and Michael, shall I call him Mikey-boy now..."

Daniel grabbed Jack's shoulder and shook him forcefully. "Jack! We have to go back! Do you hear me?"

Jack's head snapped up. "What?"

"We can go back," Daniel said, smiling.

Jack looked around him, squinting in the bright sunshine. There was Carter down by the river, still busy filling her tubes, and there was Teal'c amid the temple ruins, packing the last of their gear together.

Jack shook himself, feeling slightly dizzy from the aftereffects of his vivid dream. Then he stood up and called out to Sam: "Carter, we're finished here. Time to go home!"

As they started walking towards the stargate Daniel began telling him about the temple.

"Jack, it's fascinating," Daniel enthused, "as far as we can tell the temple once belonged to an old Greek god with the name.."

"Do you wanna come over and watch the game tonight?"

While Daniel gave his 'I'm a reasonable human being' speech Jack's thoughts wandered back to his dream. He grinned to himself and shook his head. After all the strange things that happened to them during their missions it was amazing how easily he topped that weirdness in his dreams. Unbelievable!

Watching Sam and Teal'c disappear into the event horizon Jack sighed. "Ah, Daniel, in that case I.."

Suddenly the earth shook.



FIN



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