Okay, this is just a collection of snippets, oneshots, and drabbles all around Edward Elric. This is going to have lots of Parental! Royed, in it, so if you don't like that, you might not want to read it. I DON'T OWN FMA! I really wish I did, but I don't.

I want to apologize for any OOC-ness from this oneshot. I love FMA, love reading FMA fanfics, but this is my first one to actually write. You can blame any OOC-ness on the fact that Roy and Ed had yet to have their morning coffee for about half of it.

Theme # 1-The Kitchen

Roy woke up to the smell of bacon that morning. It took him awhile to get past the fogginess of his half-asleep mind to register the fact that someone was cooking something. The fact anything was cooking surprised him.

Roy, Hawkeye, and Edward had been released on a mission recently, in which they had to act like a family and do an undercover investigation on a serial killer who used alchemy to torture his victims. Shortly after arriving at their "house", however, Roy realized their first problem. Roy could not cook worth a damn, and Riza used to be able to cook, but she stayed in the better military dorms in which a housekeeper to care of cleaning and cooking, and she forgot all she knew about making meals.

The two of them thought that they would have to order take out and eat instant ramen their entire mission.

He stood and slipped into his robe, hoping that Riza was not attempting to cook like she tried last night. As much as he loved his subordinate, he did not want to die an early death. As he entered the kitchen, he saw a thin person with long, blonde hair pulled into a hasty pony-tail standing in front of the stove.

He groaned, thinking it was Riza.

"What are you moaning about, Colonel Bastard?" Roy jumped in surprise when the person he thought was Riza turned around, and was revealed to be Edward Elric. Roy was so shocked that he couldn't say a word. The silence made Ed raise an eyebrow, then he turned back to the stove, shrugging at his superior's odd behavior.

"S…sorry, I was just shocked."

"Shocked?" Ed asked, using a spatula to flip some of the pancakes he had cooking in one pan, then turned some of the bacon in another. "About what?"


"What about me cooking?" Ed asked, looking irritated. "Does it really look that unappetizing to you?"

"No, it's not that. I just didn't know you could cook…" Roy tried to find that right words, but he was still just waking up and had not had his morning coffee. He looked over at the stove where Ed had some bacon, pancakes, sausage, and eggs cooking. It all looked absolutely delicious. A tea kettle began making noise and Ed took it off the heat.

"You never asked. Could you get out three coffee mugs for me?"

"Ah, yeah, sure," Roy searched for awhile until he found them, setting them on the counter and watched as Ed began to pour something from the kettle into them. Guessing what it was, he said, "No tea for me, thanks, I like coffee in the mornings."

"It is coffee, bastard," Ed replied, handing him a mug, "I don't own a coffee machine, so I make it from scratch. Drink it and be satisfied."

Ed took a sip of his coffee before setting it on the counter and taking the bacon and sausage off the heat and putting it on a plate. He set it on the table, along with a plate of eggs, and a very large stack of pancakes. "Go wake up Hawkeye, Colonel. She's gonna miss breakfast."

"No need, I'm already up, Edward," Riza said as she walked into the room. It was different, seeing her in a robe instead of her military garb. "Wow, who made all this?"

"Believe it or not, Ed did."


"Hey, what's so hard to believe about me being about to cook?" Ed asked. "It doesn't sound that unbelievable to me."

"Maybe it's because we can't and we're adults," Riza theorized, phrasing her sentence carefully so as to not sound offensive to the boy. "It's hard to believe someone younger than you can do something that you can't."

"I guess."

Riza put some of the food on her plate and took a bite. "This is delicious, Edward, where did you learn to cook like this?"

"Here and there," Ed replied, finishing his coffee and pouring himself another cup. "Mom taught me and Al a few of the basics, 'cause she wanted us to know how to cook at least a little for when we got older. Soon after I joined the military, Al realized that he really couldn't cook all that well, because he couldn't smell if something was burning or taste to see if he needed to add something." He took a bite of his food before saying, "I ended up having to save so many of the things he made that I just started cooking on my own. It works, since I'm the only one eating, anyway."

Ed wore a slightly guilty look as he said this. Roy mulled over his expression as he took a sip of his coffee. Then almost spit it back out. It was incredibly strong, and really bitter. But, not wanting to be rude, he swallowed it and hoped his resentment wasn't obvious on his face.

Apparently, it was, because Ed said, somewhat sheepishly, "Sorry if it's too bitter. I usually need something really strong to wake me up in the mornings and I've gotten so used to making it like this that I made it without thinking. I think there is some cream and sugar in the fridge."

Roy hated admitting this, but he always loaded his coffee with cream and sugar. He couldn't stand black coffee. But he needed his coffee and he couldn't take another sip of the coffee Edward had given him, so he stood and got the cream and sugar out of the fridge.

As he fixed his coffee, he wondered absentmindedly why a boy of Edward's age needed coffee this strong every morning. And not just a cup, Edward himself had drunken half the kettle he made already. Ed looked at him with a smirk, "Got a sweet-tooth, Colonel?"

"No," Roy replied, "Your coffee is extremely bitter. I'm wondering how you can handle it. Your sweet-tooth is even bigger than mine."

Ed made a face and took another sip of his coffee. He muttered something about bastard colonels and the like as he dug into his breakfast. Roy smirked at him as he, too, continued eating.

So Edward Elric knows how to cook…I wonder if he's keeping any other talents hidden from me…


I promise to update whenever I'm inspired, but since this is not an actual on-going story and I have a lot of those that I'm working on, I'm not making any promises on when the updates will be.

Constructive Criticism Wanted! (See, I bolded it so you wouldn't miss it. Clever, aren't I?)