Authors' Notes:

St. Noof: I know, it's been forever since I've posted anything…

UnnamedUser00: It wouldn't be so long if you weren't so damn lazy.

St. Noof: Anyway, this is fresh from the insane mind that brought you Manage Thy Anger, and well…

UnnamedUser00: Considering I'm his friend and we're collaborating on this, you can see where this is going.

The Super Yay Conglomeration

By St. Noof and UnnamedUser00

Chapter 1: The Boredom Postulate

Once upon a cold rainy Wednesday in a dorm room at Murray State University in Murray, Kentucky, a young woman with straight blonde hair and purple bangs sat next to a giant of a young man with short brown hair on a couch in front of an outdated television set. Though the girl held a remote in her hand, the set was off, and both of them looked like everything ever had already happened.

"I'm so bored!" wailed the girl, throwing her head back in frustration.

"We could, I dunno, see what's on TV?" suggested her companion. "At least you have cable, Jessie."

"But it's Wednesday!" Jessie protested. "Terra Nova and Two and a Half Men were on Monday, your stupid fucking… Glee shit was yesterday, and Big Bang isn't on until tomorrow."

"Don't you have any movies, or anything for the Dreamcast besides Sonic Adventure and Unreal Tournament?" the male teen pondered.

"Not unless you'd rather watch Origins, Kekkaishi, or Avatar again, Jake," Jessie shot back. "We could sing the pirate song."

"Fifty-seven times is my limit on the pirate song," Jake deflected. "Now gimme that remote, I'm gonna see what's on."

"Over my dead Golgi Apparatus, mother fucker!" challenged Jessie, diving off of the couch just in time to avoid her friend's sudden lunge. And so it began, one chasing the other all over the spacious dorm apartment, said channel-changing device swapping hands and having its fair share of encounters with the floor until Jessie stood on the back of the couch, the remote clutched securely in one hand and held high over her head. Jake was about to charge and jump for it when a yellow Labrador streaked by in a frenzied scamper, tripping the giant and causing him to tumble to the ground with a tremendous thud. Jessie laughed triumphantly, throwing in some comments about failing at life as Jake reached up in a vain effort to retrieve the sought-after technology. Jessie responded by stretching the neckline of her shirt and poising the remote over the opening. Before dropping it into her Victoria's Secret Compartment, however, her hand mashed several of the buttons, and the light above the happily quarreling humans and the increasingly confused canine went out with an abnormally loud click.

"What in the name of Rapa just happened?" demanded Jake, staring wide-eyed at the remote.

"Wait, Rapa as in the Rochester Association of Performing Arts, or E-102 y?" Jessie inquired offhandedly.

"γ…"

"Either way, did my TV remote just turn off the lights… and turn up the volume?"

"It's like that remote in the movie with the guy who uses it to control time and make his life better," Jake tried to explain. "Or like that Fairly Odd Parents special with the magic remote."

"So… we could totally fuck around with reality?" tested Jessie. Before Jake could say anything further, Jessie jumped down from the couch, retrieved a disc from the TV stand, and pressed the power button on the remote to turn the set on. Before the screen lit up, the disc was inserted, and Jessie was navigating the menus of a Kekkaishi DVD with a kind of determination Jake had only seen during their marathon run of Sonic Adventure. Within seconds, the theme song had been skipped through, and the scene of a beastly demon attacking a horse-faced behemoth was held still on the screen. "Let's see…" Jessie mused as she perused the array of buttons at her fingertips. "What about P.I.P.?" Once again, Jake had no time to respond as his friend pressed the button, and a round patch of the screen turned a blinding white.

"Normally, I believe it means 'Picture-In-Picture', but perhaps this model's label means 'Portal-In-Picture'," Jake guessed.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" asked Jessie excitedly before jumping straight at the television.

"Jessie, wait!" Jake pleaded, stumbling into the circle just before it disappeared.

XXX

"Now die!" roared Gen Shishio, the dark brown fur of his full ayakashi form bristling with anticipation, but his mind steady as a rock. He had felt the presence of another ayakashi as he charged toward Gagin, the giant gray anthropomorphic horse demon who had led the attack on the Karasumori site, but his focus was on his target, not on some interloper. Fortunately for him, the arrival of two unseen out-worlders was what spared his life.

"Ketsu!" yelled Jake instinctively as he rolled out of the portal into the cool night air tinged with the heat of demon's flame. He and Jessie had watched this episode already; he knew what was happening, and to his surprise, the incantation combined with a hasty two-fingered hand gesture trapped the grotesque mummy-like ayakashi known as Kaguro in a tight box of deep purple light.

"What the hell is this?" Kaguro screamed, trying in a futile attempt to lift his arms and produce blades from his hands. It was, of course, no use, as the box (called a kekkai) he was in was too small for him to do more than squirm around a little.

"This would be me saving Gen, you bastard!" Jessie jeered as Gen finished his attack on Gagin, reducing the evil monster to shreds and then collapsing on the ground.

"Yeah, because me putting up a kekkai constitutes you saving Gen's life," snarked Jake. "Now let me see that remote. I need to save Aihi next."

"You'll get your turn," Jessie promised, her tone showing the distraction caused by Gen transforming from canine demon to tan-skinned teenage boy with spiky dark brown hair. "Are you okay, Gen?"

"That would be our line!" yelled another teenage boy with shaggy black hair. He was dressed in purple robes that were adorned with two white diamond marks on the chest.

"Yoshimori, they saved Gen's life, and probably ours, too," scolded a black-haired girl in white and pink robes with black diamond marks in contrast to the boy's white ones. "Besides, one's obviously a kekkaishi."

"That doesn't mean we can trust 'em, Tokine!" protested Yoshimori tenaciously. "My damn stupid brother's a kekkaishi, and I don't trust him!"

"Less talkie, more Aihi!" insisted Jake, shooting out a hand and snagging the remote from an unsuspecting Jessie's grasp. "Episode 49, here we come!" With a few button presses, a white portal with the aforementioned number above it appeared, and the giant dragged his friend and Gen through it, leaving Yoshimori and Tokine with no explanation and no words to describe their astonishment.

XXX

The grin on Kaguro's face grew from its already frightening normal width. The last time he had been close to killing someone, some random kekkaishi and his friend came out of nowhere and ruined his fun. Now he had gotten the pleasure of tugging at that fool Aihi's heartstrings just before finishing her off. It was a fitting end for her; she would die alongside the once grand Kokuboro castle. What a symbolic little picture. Kaguro extended his blades, ready to tear through Aihi and satisfy his bloodlust.

"Ketsu!" bellowed a slightly familiar voice just before Kaguro's motion was halted by small purple cubes of light that had suddenly occupied the space around his ankles, wrists, knees, and elbows.

"You again?" Kaguro cried incredulously as Jake, Jessie, and Gen dropped from the high ceiling and landed between their foe and the flower ayakashi he had been about to do away with. Jake looked about ready to say something, but Jessie first vaulted forward, thrusting her fist hard into Kaguro's stomach.

"For GEN!" screamed the reality-traveller, repeating the painful punching process on the immobilized ayakashi. Gen, who had recovered enough to have regained some of his fighting spirit, leapt forward and revealed his demon claws.

"For ME!" he mimicked, slashing at his enemy's disturbingly huge and staring eyes. Unaware of the bloodshed, Jake was running headlong at the giant flower, making another of the clumsy hand signs and causing his target to be enveloped in a purple cloud of smoke. He dove into the smoke, and when he emerged from the other side, he was carrying a tall woman with light purple hair who was dressed in a white trench coat and purple pants.

"Hey!" the woman yelled as they crashed to the ground and rolled to a stop. "Stop groping me and let me go!"

"I just saved your life!" Jake defended. "And I quite possibly turned you human, depending on how badly I screwed that up."

"You what?" the purple-haired woman shouted. Without warning, she rolled out of her savior's arms and faced him. She held her arms out in front of her, and they turned into green branches, but the rest of her didn't change. "What did you do?" Meanwhile, Gen and Jessie had finished pummeling Kaguro, and had come over to see what the fuss was about.

"I used a restoration technique to return you to a more powerful state," the older male tried to explain. "Y'know, back to a point before you stopped feeding on humans? Unfortunately, it looks like I overshot, and now you're stuck in between your initial transformation from when you were actually human."

"What if she never was human?" asked Jessie. Jake merely shrugged.

"We've already taken a massive dump on the continuity by saving Gen," he responded, causing Gen's eyes to widen. "I figure, if this remote can put us into an anime and turn me into a kekkaishi, I can probably pull a LittleKuriboh and make whatever I say canon."

"Well, for your information, I –" the former ayakashi started to say.

"CANON!"

XXX

"Spaghetti!" shouted Jessie as she punched the pause button on the remote and the collective of canon immigrants ran into and took with them a red-haired boy in a midriff shirt. The reason for the exclamation was simple; they had just saved the redhead from a falling plate of spaghetti in a sideways building on their way through Origin: Spirit of the Past. After exiting the world of Kekkaishi, that had been the owner of the remote's next desired destination, and so she had made a quick disc change and they had leapt right in. Now, through some combination of buttons which Jake was sure Jessie had come up with at random, they were packed together and flying out of the sideways city toward a massive forest. On the only path that led into said forest walked a girl with long black hair who was dressed in orange. The redhead they had just saved wriggled frantically in an attempt to dislodge himself from the others.

"Too –" he started to shout, but Jessie hit the pause button while pointing the remote at him.

"Now to enhance Agito," she said, pressing the fast-forward button. Within seconds, the one she called Agito underwent a slight transformation in the form of his hair changing from red to silver.

"laaaaaaaa!" he finished. Somehow, Agito managed to guide the barreling quintet of travellers toward the girl.

"Now I'm bored with Origins," said Jake, snatching the remote from Jessie's hand. "Get a load of this!" With a press of the input button, a portal was opened before the group just as they all ran right into the black-haired girl, who had just enough time to scream before the portal closed.

XXX

"Everything's working great!" said a golden-furred anthropomorphic fox to himself while piloting a blue biplane through the gentle skies above Emerald Coast. "All systems go; full speed ahead!" The look of joy on the twin-tailed vulpine's face was cut drastically short as the plane began to shake rather violently. "Uh-oh… what's this?" inquired the fox aloud, though his question was rendered moot as he looked behind him and discovered the problem. Four humans had, all of a sudden, piled onto the back of the plane, causing it to fall like a rock towards the narrow sandbars of the coast.

"Hi," said Jake casually, lifting a lazy hand in greeting as the clouds and cool air of the upper atmosphere got farther and farther away.

"Nooooooooooo!"

The night before…

Dr. Ivo Robotnik sat comfortably in his hovercraft, not minding the rain in the slightest. Though Sonic had defeated Chaos in its base form, the greatest scientific mind on Mobius was positive that it was only the beginning of what the ancient being had to offer.

"You know nothing, fool!" he gloated, unheard by his blue nemesis (although Sonic's keen ears should have picked up the doctor's booming voice). "It's Chaos, the God of Destruction!" He couldn't resist following this with quite an impressive evil laugh, which distracted him so much so that what happened next caught him completely off-guard.

"Excuse me, but exactly who are you addressing?" said a slightly nasal voice from behind him. Robotnik wheeled his Egg Mobile around to see a tall thin man with short dark hair standing in thin air in front of him. "If I'm observing correctly, and I always am, your speech is directed at that blue spiky creature in the courtyard, but seeing as he's just fought the entity that you've obviously employed to defeat him in physical combat; and won, might I add, I hardly think you would be in any position to give clues as to the identity and/or origins of your new accomplice."

"How do you know I was directing the speech at Sonic?" demanded Robotnik indignantly, his massive moustache bristling.

"Well, the policemen have all fled, Chaos has made creative use of a storm drain, and you didn't know I was here until I made my initial inquiry as to the intentions of your monologue," surmised the strange man.

"Okay, fine!" sputtered Robotnik. "Explain this then! How are you standing in midair?"

"Physics," the man replied simply, causing Robotnik to clench his white-gloved fists and growl.

"Just who are you, anyway?" asked the scientist furiously.

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper, BS, MS, MA, PhD, and ScD."