Since the hope of Isaac ever returning is diminishing, my hope of your returning home has been diminishing as well. When I saw that rusted orchid I kissed your envelope and remembered that blissful day on the lake. We were so young and so in love. No danger had consumed us, nothing tragic had reached us. You looked into my eyes and said you loved me. I could never explain my love for you. It's too complex and so right. You told me you would never leave me; never, Darling. I held onto that and have still not let go. I know you're still here at home. Every night you wrap me in your arms and kiss me softly. Every night I listen to your breathing. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. My lullaby that helps me sleep, even when I can't close my eyes because of all the tears.
Then I wake up. Every morning I stretch my arm to your side of the bed to feel your strength. Every morning I fell nothing, no arm, no strength; just an outstretched arm clutching the blanket that encases me. I wish we could go back to that day on the lake. How I imagine you holding my hand with so much pride. That memory reminds me that everyone was safe before all of this chaos and mayhem.
Darling, I don't think I can make it if you aren't here with me. We were so young, weren't we? I wish we could go back, but I look out the window and see blood staining everything. The blood stains my eyes and my heart. So much blood.
I hope you can remember us when we were young.