Title: Surviving

Chapter 4

Word Count: 1,441

Rating: M!

Pairings: Kendahlia/Loganator

Disclaimer: No matter how much I wish I do, I don't own Big Time Rush.

Warnings: Language, self-harm, and stuff.

Summary: AU "It's not as easy as it looks," he whispered, breathe tickling the smaller of the pair's ear, "surviving day to day… when all you want to do is die."

Author's Note:

Uhm, hi?

I know, I'm horrible bitch. HORRIBLE. I just disappeared. God, I wonder how the reader's of Behind Closed Doors are doing... Anyway, I'm back with a really LONG chapter. Longest that I've ever written. Be happy!:)

Uhm, yeah. Did I mention you guys should follow my twitter and tumblr?

twitter: dalliejo and tumblr: .com

Do. It.



Thursday morning, Kendall leaned casually against his locker, eyes barely staying alert as he looked for his tormenters, along with looking for his best friends. He assumed they were making out until the very last second they could. Upon spotting them, he knew his assumption was correct, for James' hair was fussed up, bangs going all over the place and Carlos' helmet hung haphazardly on his head, unclipped and straps swaying with ever step. It wasn't hard to tell he had bottomed the night before; he wasn't very good at hiding the fact, limping towards Kendall, a slight grimace covering his face. When they reached him, Carlos immediately noticed the smirk covering Kendall's face and punched him square in the shoulder, whispering sharply, "If anyone asks, I sprained my ankle playing football with my brothers!"

Kendall laughed, pushing himself off his locker. "Oh, yes, Carlos. Everyone's going to come up to me of all people and ask why you're limping. Because everyone wants to talk to me and everyone wants to know what happens to you. We're the picture of popularity! The gay kid and his only friends."

Kendall's smirk grew wider as Carlos took his place against the locker and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, shut up," Carlos mumbled. "But you can never be too careful." James laughed at the Latino and took a place beside him on the row of lockers. He got as close as he could, without it being "suspicious" and turned his head, looking down at the smaller. They locked eyes and smiles touched their lips.

Kendall sighed, once again jealous at the couple being able to show affection, even though the time and place wasn't appropriate. He figured he should save their asses before they did something they might regret, fixing Carlos' helmet and grabbed James' "lucky" comb from his bag, all the while going unnoticed by the oblivious couple. He stared at them for a few more moments, but then clapped his hands between their faces, snapping them out of their moment. They quickly pulled their attention to Kendall, who handed James the comb, gesturing towards his bangs. James raised the comb and brushed out his bangs, giving Kendall a questioning look. Kendall answered his silent question with, "You two need to be more careful, you're gay is showing."

Kendall nearly died as the two shared a horrified look, and jumped as far from each other as they could, James flipping around to be standing beside Kendall and Carlos remaining in his position on the lockers. James scowled, whipping his bangs out of his eyes. "That wasn't fucking funny, Knight."

Kendall shrugged, "I thought it was hilarious." He smirked at James.

James stuck out his tongue at Kendall, and then changed the subject. "So, how was work without last night?"

Kendall bit his lip, shrugging. He didn't really want to keep secrets from his friends, but if he told them, God only knew who else would hear. After a quick glance around to assure no one was even facing them, he said, "Logan's working with me." Carlos' jaw drops, and James just stares at Kendall for a moment. As James opened his mouth to speak, the minute bell rang, causing Kendall to smirk.

James frowned. "My house later?" He says, half asking, half commanding.

Kendall sighs. "No deal, Marty wants me in right after school. He has to take his daughter to the doctor, and wanted someone trustworthy there."

Carlos frowned. "We'll be there than." Kendall almost argued, saying Logan would be beyond furious if they were there, but saw determination in both boys' eyes. He simply nodded, mumbling something about them getting their asses out of there before four thirty. Carlos' smile came back. "Okay, see you boys later!"

James waved good-bye to him as he walked away, heading in the opposite direction after giving Kendall a quick nod. Kendall sighed, heading in the same direction as Carlos. A long day of school ahead, followed by a long evening of work and Logan. Great.

Kendall looked at the clock on the wall of the supermarket. 4:30. Carlos and James had left half an hour ago, after being told the little Kendall knows about Logan working with him, and they insisted he find out more. He told them he would try as he all but pushed them out the door. They didn't want to leave, fearing what Logan would do to Kendall without Marty there, or without his friends to back him up. He just told him he could handle himself. Logan wouldn't have any of his goons with him either.

Kendall heard a bell ting at the front of the store. He stood up, as he had been stocking shelves at the back of the store, and wiped the dirt off of his calves and knees. "Logan!" He called out, walking quickly to the front of the store.

"Yeah, it's me, homo." Kendall saw him as he turned the corner. His hockey bag was slung over his shoulder, along with his backpack. His hair was all over the place, a clear sign of a recently removed helmet, and his face still had a clear cover of sweat. Kendall blinked. He looked hot. Logan bit his lip uncomfortably. "Hey, uh, where should I put my stuff?"

Kendall snapped out of his trance. "Uh… You can just, er, put it back in Marty's office. Put on your apron then meet me in the back. I'm stocking shelves again." Logan nodded at him, and walked off. Kendall shook his head, rubbing his eyes. He walked back to his shelf and dropped to his. He quietly put cans in even lines, until Logan fell to the ground beside him and began helping him. He coughed. The air seemed tense. "So…" He didn't know what to say. He was stuck, once again, in a store with only three with his worst enemy. He ran out of things about work to say, he didn't want to push for anything personal. He decided to talk about the single class they had together. "What do you think about that project coming up in English?" Mr. Rocque, their English teacher, was going to be having the class pair up and do a short essay on the other. Kendall would probably be stuck with the only person without a partner, a boy referred to only as Guitar Dude, as he almost always was.

Logan shrugged. "It's pretty lame. I'm probably just going to partner with Camille." Kendall nodded. The air was hard to breathe. "I wish he would be like a normal teacher and assign research projects." Kendall chuckled softly and gave a quick statement of agreement. The air softened around them. They worked in silence for a few minutes.

"You do know your working here won't be kept secret for long, right?" Kendall asked suddenly. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Logan's teeth clench, his jaw forming a firm line.

Logan nodded. "I'm not stupid. There isn't much I can about it. But I'm going to keep it a secret as long as I can." He roughly shoved the last can into the line on the shelf, pushing himself of the floor in one swift movement. He turned on his heel, and began walking to the front of the store. Kendall followed quickly after.

"You know Ms. Lavoski shops here, right? Every Monday and Thursday." Logan cursed. Ms. Lavoski was the town gossip. The second she saw Logan, it'd be all over the town.

"So, basically, everyone's going to know tomorrow?" Logan said. He felt like he was drowning. He thought he'd have some time to come to terms with the fact he was working before he told any of his friends. Kendall nodded at him. Logan sucked in a shaky breathe. "Cool."

Kendall blinked. They were standing in front of his register now. "Are you okay with that?"

Logan bit his lip, shrugging. "What do you care, faggot?"

Kendall swallowed. He pulled on the top of his apron. Is it hot in here…? "Well, it's just, uh, I know this place, in the back of the store room, where you could wait for the time she's here. It's always between 7:00 and 7:30. I can work on my own for then. Y'know, if you're not ready for people to know." He looked at Logan.

Logan ran a hand through his hair. He nodded, licked his lips and wiped his brow. Is it hot in here…? "Yeah, that'd be great." He was silent for a few short moments. "Thanks, Knight."

Kendall smiled at him. "No problem, Mitchell."

So, what did you guys think? Please tell me! REVIEW. And feel free to yell at me for being super slow. I'll try and update real soon, okay? OKay.


P.S. If you like the show Supernatural, you should go check out my crossover! I'm Not Who You Think I Am. It features hunter!Kendall. I think it'll be good! ~_~