Notes at the end. Enjoy!
"Hiro-san? Are you ready to go? We're going to be late."
"I know I know! I can't find my other goddamn sock!"
Nowaki smiled patiently.
"It's probably on the other side of the hamper. At least, I think that's where you threw it last night."
Silence ensued from the bedroom for a couple more moments before Hiroki walked back into the entryway, both of his feet clothed. Nowaki smiled widely at Hiroki's sullen face.
"Oh shut up," The redhead barked, slipping on his shoes.
"I didn't say anything," The taller man smiled, pulling on his own footwear. Once the two had left their apartment and headed towards the elevator, Hiroki suddenly remembered.
"Do you have keys? I left mine on the hamper."
"Of course," Nowaki smiled, jingling the large set in front of his boyfriend. Hiroki rolled his eyes as the giant gazed proudly at the new car remote that had been added to the key chain.
The two rode the elevator, but instead of exiting out the front entrance, they headed down the other hall to the parking garage. Nowaki lifted the remote and the two heard the horn give a little beep as they approached the shinning silver sedan.
And as normally (or not normally) as the Kusama-Kamijou couple acted (or not acted), in the privacy of their minds they couldn't deny that they were really FUCKING happy with their new ride.
The decision to get a car had come from Nowaki climbing yet another step at the hospital and obtaining a significant pay raise. In addition, Hiroki had written a book last year and the book's skyrocketing sales (Akihiko's face by all rights should have turned green) had bumped him up to tenure at the college, making the two men incredibly well off. So when Nowaki had voiced his opinions about buying a car, Hiroki hadn't objected.
The bigger issue was of what car they should get, which had more or less been the equivalent of the Japanese Civil War. Nowaki, who was beaming brighter than the goddamned sun as of late, had vouched for the very biggest and best, a bright red SUV.
Hiroki had gagged at the idea, mainly because the display of cock in car form reminded him too much of a certain author who sported his Porsche like a wristwatch. The professor, on the other hand, had a taste for the subtle and suave, and had been inclined towards a sleek black coupe.
Needless to say, rather than stubbornly stick to their extremist choices, the two had amiably (cough) compromised (eventually) and decided on a brand new silver sedan. Nowaki slid their bags into the back seat, arranging them so they wouldn't fall onto the floor, as the professor's precious laptop bag was among their parcels.
Hiroki, after shooting glares at his boyfriend for almost opening his door, slid inside the passenger seat and asked,
"Did you print off directions to the hotel?"
"Yep," Nowaki replied, squeezing into the driver's side and grimacing as he adjusted the seat (Hiroki had driven the car yesterday and needed significantly less leg room than the giant. Which was also partially why they hadn't gotten the hobbit sized coupe.). Nowaki passed the professor the printed directions, clicked on his seat belt, and started the car, his manly soul getting a rush as he heard the engine purr like a crouching panther. But before he put the gear in drive, his eyes instinctively checked the seat next to him.
"Hiro-san, seat belt." The giant chided. Hiroki rolled his eyes again and sullenly clicked the belt. Having ridden the subway (or been driven around) his entire life, he still had quite the tendency to forget such trivial things.
But luckily his pediatrician partner was paranoid.
Safety satisfied, Nowaki shifted the gear and pulled out of the parking garage, turning the car in the direction of the freeway.
The raven-haired man switched the radio on, which immediately went to the classical music station (again, Hiroki had had the car yesterday and hated "obnoxious teeny bopper trash music crap" that was well liked by the general population.).
Nowaki flipped through a couple of the set stations and found something a bit rockier, tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel as he continued to accelerate in the fast paced lane, almost bobbing his head as a song he knew came on. The pediatrician felt the sleek machine react to the lightest touch of his foot and the subtle purr of the engine and he once again felt incredibly pleased with their purchase. Although he would have loved a giant ass jeep, he also loved the classiness of the sedan. It wasn't too excessive or too leg crushing, it was just right. Hiroki had wanted a tiny two seater, but Nowaki had also pointed out that a little more room was always a good thing to have (especially in his case).
Truly, neither of them had felt more satisfied with the choice they had made as a couple.
Hiroki leaned back on the black leather seats, watching the scenery of the Tokyo skyline pass him by. He and Nowaki were heading to a hotel about an hour away to spend the weekend with his parents. The giant had been formally introduced to the elder Kamijous about a month before (which had been spurned after a certain dinner incident at a certain author's house, which none of them were ever aloud to speak of again), and things had gone very smoothly, much to the professor's ETERNAL relief. So they were all going to spend the weekend relaxing and enjoying some cultural delights. And after a long week of grading truly atrocious papers and some extra book throwing, the professor was ready to take it easy—
"Whoa!" Nowaki barked, jerking the wheel to the left.
"Holy shit!" Hiroki yelped as a screeching car cut right in front of them, causing Nowaki to slam on the brakes. Hiroki was about to go off on how many morons were allowed a driver's license, when he took a closer look at the car.
It was a bright red Porsche.
The foreign sports car glinted its bright color and the engine growled like a lion in heat as it zoomed ahead with gusto.
Hiroki's brow creased dangerously low as his cell phone rang and his eyes settled on the familiar number. The man with a glare worthy of hell flipped his phone open and nearly went medieval on the air bag as Akihiko's laughter rang through the speaker.
"AKIHIKO YOU SON OF A SHIT!" The professor roared in the cellular, his grip thoroughly abusing the small device. The author's sadistic chuckle was accented by another voice, and the couple immediately recognized the cries of Misaki pleading franticly for the author to slow down.
"What's wrong Hiroki?" Akihiko taunted gleefully. "Can't that rust bucket of your keep up with traffic?"
"You fucking bastard!" Hiroki snarled back. "Next time I see you I'm gonna—WHOA!"
The professor's threat was cut off by Akihiko recklessly switching to the next lane, causing another car to brake frantically. Misaki's panicked shriek could also be heard amidst the squealing of the tires. But after zooming to the left lane, the Porsche slowed till it was window to window with the Kusama-Kamijou sedan. Hiroki's blazing rust colored eyes glared daggers as he caught Akihiko's haughty smirk through the glass panes, and had they not been driving on the freeway at seventy miles per hour, Hiroki would've jumped out of the car and strangled the author with his own neck tie. Instead he flipped Akihiko the bird and bared his teeth.
Nowaki also glanced darkly at the interior of the red sports car, his cobalt eyes catching both Akihiko's smirk and Misaki's angry, panicked efforts to get his asshole boyfriend to listen to him (which was about as effective as Hiroki's bird).
"Come on Kusama, your car too slow?" The author's voice rang through the professor's still open cell phone. Hiroki deftly snapped if shut and sank back into his seat, his mind dwelling on the suitable hanging, drowning, or flogging of his childhood friend (or maybe all three). But the raven-haired giant wasn't so "peacefully" swayed.
"WAAHHH!" Hiroki yelped again as Nowaki stepped on the gas, sending the car streaking forward like a bullet.
"NOWAKI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" The red-haired professor screamed as he was flung back into his seat by the blunt acceleration.
"Putting the pedal to the metal," Nowaki grunted back, his dark eyes narrowed to the road in front of them. They heard the growling laugh of Akihiko's sports car zoom next to them and both cars streaked like rockets down the freeway.
"Nowaki you idiot! Slow down!" Hiroki cried as they came dangerously close to clipping a semi. But once again, an uke's reason didn't radiate with the car cocked seme. Nowaki ignored the reddish brunette and glanced periodically to his left for the progress of the Porsche, which was only a few yards their inferior but gaining ground.
Hiroki was about to scream more warnings of doom at his autophile boyfriend when his eyes caught a sign. He hastily scrambled for the fallen directions on the floor and scanned the lines.
"Nowaki!" He barked. "We have to take the next exit!"
The giant's eyes flickered to an overhead sign and he begrudgingly screeched over into the right lane.
But not one to be ignored, Akihiko was right behind him. The sports car also flashed a lane over, and with the way he was accelerating, it looked like the author fully intended to cut them off again.
BUT not one to thrown away a challenge, Nowaki had once again put the pedal to the metal and did not intend to be the second one to take that exit. The two cars roared and growled as they strained forward, daring the other one to chicken out from the pressure. Akihiko had nearly gained enough ground to pull in front of them, but the exit (and the concrete exit wall) was fast approaching, and Hiroki felt his eyes go wide in terror (well, wider. They were already wide from being so pissed.)
"NOWAKI! STOP!" He shrieked as they zoomed straight forward. Nowaki narrowed his eyes and put all his heart (and cock) into his right foot, making the tires emit a high-pitched squeal as he streaked ahead of the red car and into the exit.
The couple breathed a sigh of relief (Hiroki more so) as they slowed down and continued onto another route. But they were both stunned as they realized that Akihiko's bright red cock—er CAR was nowhere to be seen.
But they only had to wait a second before Hiroki's phone rang.
"God Hiroki," The author barked before the professor could even get a growl in. "You're boyfriend drives like a fuckin' moron. Why'd you take that exit so hard?"
Hiroki's jaw went slack.
"BECAUSE YOU WERE GOING TO CUT US OFF YOU GODDAMNED FUCKING SHITTY TWO-BIT HACK EXCUSE FOR AN AUTHOR!"
"No we weren't, Misaki and I are going to the beach. That exit takes us in the opposite way. Good lord, it's a wonder people like you ever get licenses." Akihiko drawled, hanging up before Hiroki could go postal. Every vein in his forehead bulged as he glanced over at Nowaki, who (other than a little surprised) looked extremely smug. But his shock at his boyfriend's utter gall was quickly overridden by his incomparable rage.
"You fucking moron!" He roared, his hands winding into fists. "What the hell were you thinking? You could've kill me! And you could've killed the car! Do you know how much the insurance alone would cost us!"
"Well, I didn't Hiro-san." Nowaki replied cool as a cucumber. "But I did kill Usami-san." The giant briefly turned his face and gave Hiroki a small smirk, arching his thick black eyebrow in triumph.
At the completely dominant (sexy) look, Hiroki's road rage suddenly quelled and his sat back in his seat, licking a spot of saliva from his lip that had flown out of during a rant. But ever the tsundere, the professor crossed his arms and muttered angrily about wasting gas and Nowaki acting like "the goddamned Japanese Mario Andretti."
The next half-hour or so of their driving was quiet and gratefully uneventful (though Hiroki did flip a minivan the bird for not signaling three fucking times).
But now that the prospect of the inner city Tokyo NASCAR had been averted, the couple faced yet another dilemma.
"Nowaki you just need to find exit 17 and take that to 28! Why is that so complicted?"
"We're heading towards exit 19 and I didn't see any exit 17! And why wouldn't exit 28 connect ahead?"
"Because it takes us in A FUCKING DIFFERENT DIRECTION MORON! Odd exits go north to south, even exits go EAST TO WEST!"
"Well there was NO EXIT 17 HIRO-SAN! And now we're almost to exit 21!"
"Turn around idiot!"
"No that will just get us lost! We should stop and ask for directions."
"No fucking way! I'm not asking for directions!"
"Then we'll keep your parents waiting at the hotel! We're supposed to be there in fifteen minutes!"
"Well if you hadn't missed the exit this wouldn't have happened!"
"There was no exit 17! I keep telling you that!"
"Fuck! Who is calling me?…Hello?…Miyagi? What the crap do you want?…NO! I told you I was going to be OUT OF TOWN this weekend! I can't cover your meeting this afternoon!"
"Hiro-san stop yelling, I'm trying to think—"
"WELL I DON'T CARE IF HE'S SICK! IF YOU AND THAT BRAT HADN'T BEEN FUCKING DAY AND NIGHT MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT—"
"HIROKI KAMIJOU! I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND IF YOU DO. NOT. STOP. YELLING!"
"…N—Nowak—OH MY GOD! THERE'S EXIT SEVENTEEN! TURN!"
"Hiroki, Nowaki-kun," The lady Kamijou smiled pleasantly as the couple got out of their car in the parking lot of the resort. "So good to see you!"
"Hello mother," The professor nodded curtly, opening the back door and slinging his overnight bag over his shoulder. Nowaki got out of the driver's side and came around to help him.
"Hello Manami-san," Nowaki grinned back, handing his brunette uke his laptop bag. The woman beamed at the tall man's politeness, and then her gaze drifted to the car as Nowaki locked it with his remote.
"Is that a rental?" She asked curiously.
"Nope," Nowaki said proudly. "We just got it."
"Oh wow. It's lovely Wa-kun," Hiroki's mother smiled approvingly. "Don't you think so Hiroki?"
The professor's still narrowed eyes flickered between the silver sedan, and the giant moron who had nearly driven them into oblivion. And while the professor had been and still was pleased with the purchase, he certainly was not ecstatic about everything else that came with their ride.
Heya peeps! Hope you enjoyed the little Junjou sitcom. The idea for this fic came to me about a week ago when I had just had a particularly GOD AWFUL ride with my mother, who yelled at me for following people too close (which I TOTALLY WASN'T) and got way too worked up about it.
So after I dropped her off, I was driving (and fuming) and thinking randomly, "I bet Hiroki wouldn't yell at Nowaki in the car like that...
...or would he?"
And thus, the ficlet was born. Hope you enjoyed! If you're gonna fav please drop a review to let me know what you liked! :D
The Black FlaminGO 101