It's foggy outside, and my skin is sticky.
Never mind that it's November, there's a humidity in the air that I'm just not used to.
It smells... wet. There's no snow on the ground. And it smells like skunk. Cold months just aren't what they used to be...
My phone rings.
My heart is pounding in my chest, and suddenly, all I can hear is the blood rushing to my head.
Woosh woosh. Woosh woosh.
I stare at the screen, and just as I expected, the numbers are non-sensical.
I take a deep breath, and I pick up.
A year ago, my name sounded like a prayer on his lips. I was a precious jewel, nestled in his grasp. I was everything to him.
I'm not quite sure where things fell apart.
...That's a lie. I know exactly when things crumbled. When we crumbled.
"How are things?"
I don't really want to know. The last thing I want is more...of this. More stinging. More hurt.
"Good. We've been..."
I check out. I stop listening. I don't want to know. I don't want to hear all about just how bloody fantastic things are. About how fucking amazing his life is. His life without me.
I interrupt because I can't fucking deal. My eyes sting, my heart is heavy, sunken deep in my chest, and I am going to lose control and start sobbing any minute now.
"Yeah?" There's a smile in his voice. Because he loves talking about his days. And it kills me that I can still picture him.
"I can't talk right now, I'm sorry. I'll talk to you soon though."
"Oh. Alright, well I just called to wish you a goodnight. I didn't think you'd have plans tonight?"
Because I don't, Edward. I never do. Not anymore.
"Yeah, I'm actually out right now. Just outside the bar, actually. I'll talk to you later."
"Uh, sure. Have a nice night..."
He sounds surprised.
"I guess, bye?"
I hang up before he can say another word.
The second the piece of glorified plastic in my hand flashes 'Disconnected', a sob wrangles its way from my lungs, my throat.
My knees can't hold me up anymore, and I fall to the ground.
I am standing on my front porch... And I can't breathe.
His voice plays in my head, on a loop.
Every single thing he's ever said to me.
Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for not being able to forgive him.