Rachel would have felt bad about the places that lord Apollo took her out when they met, which were usually the kind of places her dad wanted her to go voluntarily and that check would be able to feed a small family in a third world country for a week, at least, but well. 'God'. And also, she guessed it wasn't as bad if there wasn't, technically, a check to pay, since usually Apollo used his charm – Percy called it his sparkles – and then everything was free. Which, again, would have made her angry with anyone else, but, again. God.
"Sooo. You summoned me," Apollo said, making something lecherous with his tongue and his ice-cream. It wasn't even aimed at her, Rachel knew, just that Apollo was completely incapable of not being flirty when he was near someone he found attractive, even his Virgin Oracle.
But that was sort of the point, and she was used to it, so Rachel nodded, taking a small bite of her sundae to hope for courage before she started.
"Yes, Lord Apollo. There are some questions I have related to my... position."
"Is Doni making things hard for you?"
"Oh, no, no, it's nothing like that. I've settled in just fine at Camp. Your children have been very kind as well."
Apollo grinned at that. "Well, they should, but I'm glad to know that chivalry runs strong between them. Sooo... then, what's it?"
"Well, milord, as you know, this is a new millennium."
"No need to remind me! Oh, that was some party, let me tell you. I can't wait for the 3000s to do it all over again. Of course it's a long time for that, but they always leave such a-"
"What I'm trying to say, Lord Apollo!" she interrupted, because once Apollo started going on about his adventures, he never, ever, ever stopped. "Is that what was true on your time, or even a hundred years ago, isn't true now. Things change and evolve. That's what the last summer was about, right?"
"Yup, I agree," Apollo took a cherry out of his ice cream and then... well. He basically gave cunnilingus to the fruit. "What is the question, Rachel?"
"How virgin has the Virgin Oracle of Delphi has to be now-a-days?" She blurted, feeling herself blushing.
She was very thankful that, being with Apollo, this discussion wasn't heard by anyone else at the parlor, but Rachel was also very, very, very conscious of the way the god was staring at her.
"Well," he said, speaking at her as if she was even younger than she was. "Virgin."
"I know, lord Apollo, but in this time that isn't as clarifying as it is," Rachel sighed, but she was already having this talk, so she might as well keep on with it. "Some people think that oral sex isn't sex-"
"It is! It's even in the name. 'Oral sex'. It's no oral-mumbo-jumbo, is it?"
"Yes, lord, but my point is, some people say that it doesn't count since there is no actual penetration. According to some others, anal sex doesn't count between straight people as sex. Some others say that lesbians never have actual sex because there isn't a penis."
"So you're looking for your leeway?" Apollo's eyes were a bit dangerous when he asked that. He was very proud and, since he was, he didn't like being bested.
"No, lord. If you tell me that all of those options are forbidden, then they are forbidden and I won't even think about them. But then, I also would like to know if I can date, even if we only keep it at kissing, or if that is forbidden as well, and if I did and, I don't know, went down on someone, would that also be an offense? Or if I'm allowed to have children, or... um," she took a deep breath, feeling herself blushing, so she rushed her last phrase. "IfIdoitmyselfisitalright?"
There was silence again, and Rachel waited for a beat to see if she was about to get transformed into something, but, when she peeked, Apollo looked actually thoughtful, leaning his hand on his chin.
"Huh," he said, nodding a bit. "You are right that this is a new millennium. And, well, with your predecessor started these things weren't really that much of an open option for you, women."
Rachel bit her lip. Apollo was, after all, her boss. You simply did not tell your boss how that attitude was sexist, not when your boss could make your life a living hell if he got offended.
Apollo looked at her again, not angry now, thankfully, more like thinking.
"Do you want to do those things?"
"... I don't consider myself asexual," Rachel found herself saying. "I don't want to date anyone at the moment, and I don't even like anyone right now. But I can't see my future, lord, and I don't know if one day I'm not going to meet someone who'll matter that way to me. So I want to know what choices do I have. If there are any choices, that is."
Apollo sighed, scratching his head. If he had been human, that would've wrecked the way his golden hair was combed, but after he finished it fell down perfectly like before.
"I will need to approve of whoever you decide to date, and make sure he or she understands the limits."
She hadn't, actually, thought that Apollo was going to agree. "And the limits would be...?"
"Masturbation is fine, just no toys. With someone else, second base won't get them turned into rocks," Apollo mused, still sounding thoughtful, chewing with his mouth open as he nibbled on an oreo cookie. "I'll side with the part of humanity that says that oral sex doesn't count so tongues are okay, but your hymen stays."
She blushed again, glaring at the table, crossing her legs tightly and pushing her uniform skirt as down as it'd go.
"No pregnancy either. You can get married, if the person you choose is alright with these limits, but you can't give birth."
"I always thought about adopting anyway," Rachel answered, her face still red.
Apollo looked at her seriously for a few moments, making Rachel feel... not as awkward as when the god was telling what kind of sex she could have as if he was discussing weather, but... young.
"Rachel, I want you to be happy," and that was honesty. Apollo had been sad for the way the previous Oracle had ended. "And I don't want you to be alone if you don't want to be."
She smiled, nodding, feeling touched. "I am thankful, lord Apollo."
"Well! Now, this place makes the most delicious cheesecake you have ever tasted. Want some?"
She nodded again, not answering as Apollo started going on about all the places where he had had cheesecake, doing her best not to grin or cackle. Once the nerves about having to discuss her sex life with a god had gone, she found this pretty damn funny.
How many people could tell that their hypothetical significant others were going to get the third degree talk given by a god after all?