Oh, how he hated being the only responsible adult around. While he had to admit his teammates were strong (maybe even on his level) they had nothing on the brain department. There they were: in a distant country, on a mission, and the two idiots were drinking their faces off, drinking as if tomorrow the world would end, drinking as if it was the last night of their lives – and maybe it was. He wouldn't be surprised if they fell off a cliff when walking back to the camp, drunk as they were.
The hours went by torturously. Tsunade and Jirayia sipping cup after cup of sake and becoming less inhibited, as he merely watched. Sometimes he'd think of a new jutsu he wanted to develop, and sometimes he'd build little houses out of toothpicks. For Orochimaru, having to deal with his teammates was just a boring task.
And when they decided they had had enough (i.e. were so wasted they couldn't lift another cup even if their lives depended on it), he paid and dragged the two out of the bar. The walk back was undoubtedly worse than watching them drink. Tsunade threw up as soon as they left, and he had to walk back into the building and take her to the bathroom (the male's one, of course) and help her wash her face. When they were out again, Jirayia had disappeared, and he had to search the whole town, just to find the bastard leaning against a wall, hitting on every visibly female thing. The alcohol had made his perverted streak ten times worse.
Thus, Orochimaru groaned, and tossed both friends over his shoulders. 'Friends' He snorted. How dared they say they were his friends if they forced him to endure such humiliation? To make everything even worse, on the way back to the camp, Tsunade was snoring loudly and Jirayia slobbered all over his vest. His new one!
He dropped his teammates on the hard floor of the tent. They were sleeping so soundly they didn't even twitch. Were they wasted? So was he.
But morning brought good news. Not that they were surprising, but even so, it didn't make them any less satisfying.
"Ugh… What the…? Argh, My head hurts!"
"SHUT UP JIRAYIA! YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADCAHE!"
"WHAT? WHO ARE YOU TO TALK? Crazy woman…"
"I HEARD THAT!"
Even though the bickering bothered him, it was so satisfying to know that it was much, much worse to the two of them. That was the only thing he could thank alcohol for. Orochimaru couldn't help but chuckle quietly to himself, while the battle ensued.
Life was good.