Was he listening right…? Maybe all those years were finally getting to him and his hearing was deteriorating, because he was sure she couldn't just have said that.
"I'm sorry, can you say that again?"
The woman stopped and eyed him with suspicion, partially because she shouldn't trust him, but mostly because he said 'sorry', and this was a word she never knew he could pronounce. The surprise was so big, she lost track of her thoughts.
"What?" Konan asked frowning.
"The thing you said about the Akatsuki cloaks, I don't think I got it right." Madara replied impatiently, waving his hand in a circular motion in front of his mask.
"That… That the red clouds on the cloaks were symbols of the wars that rained blood down on Amegakure…?"
For a moment the man was quiet, then his shoulders started shaking and he started chuckling lightly. It didn't take long until the chuckles turned into laughter and Konan was royally spooked.
"And I thought I was going deaf…" He shook his head and said in a cheerful tone.
"What is so funny…?" She asked cautiously
"Oh, nothing, nothing… Except that, according to you, those fluffy red clouds are meant to represent all the, oh, horrible tragedy, of the Hidden Rain Village"
The woman didn't like his tone one bit. Of course she knew he had the bad habit of mocking everyone in sight, (and she had been around him for long enough to be used to that, sadly), but what he said was so offensive she couldn't keep her composure anymore. All that calm and fake respect she had always impersonated with mastery when near him was going to go away.
"How can you be sarcastic about something like this?" She hissed "Did you even bother to see what happened to all the inhabitants of the territories that were used as a battlefield during war? It was an awful time"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it was, whatever... Though, why didn't you include some flowers, and rainbows and bunnies on the cloak design as well?" Madara replied sarcastically "It'd look fabulous!"
"What do you have against cute things anyway?" Konan muttered, and this time the man in front of her seemed to be thinking about what to say.
This was hers time to laugh.
"Now, what did I say that was so funny?" The Uchiha asked narrowing his eyes "Come on, I like jokes like everybody else."
"You… you've got… got to be seriously uncertain about… pffft… you sexuality then…" She blurted out between giggles.
"…You know what?" After a few moments he replied, voice dangerously low "I was going to make you tell me where Nagato's body is and kill you quickly, but now I'll make sure you wish you were never born."
"Oh, I'm so scared!"
"As you should be."
And once more, another awkward silence ensued, until Madara finally spoke again, after clearing his throat:
"…You were being sarcastic, weren't you?"
"Well, duh!" Konan smacked her forehead with an open palm "Honestly, I thought you'd catch on that at least!"
"I'd catch on that if your intonation wasn't so bad." He replied with a sneer "Do you think I don't know sarcasm? I should be crowned as king of sarcasm!"
"No, no you shouldn't!" The kunoichi growled and narrowed her eyes "Were you king of anything, it would have already been destroyed!"
"Hmm…" Madara mused to himself, bringing his hand to his chin "…Trite but true… Anyway, just tell me where the Rinnegan is already, so I can torture you with my Sharingan, rip your limbs one by one, leave you to die and then go away."
"In a hurry, are we?" The woman smirked and placed her hands on her hips
"Yes, I have to take a piss."
The expression on the bluenette's face changed from mild amusement to one of sheer disgust.
"Eeeeew!" She cringed "I can't believe you just said that!"
"What, did you expected me to say 'excuse me while I'll go behind those mighty inviting looking bushes to discard my liquid waste?'" He spat back, and the last phrase was said with a strong British accent. Don't ask me how he did it if he's supposed to be speaking in Japanese and there's no such thing as Britain in the Naruto-verse, he can do whatever the hell he wants.
"No!" The woman yelled "No… Y-you just didn't have to… You know, you're not supposed to say things like this in the presence of a lady!"
And now it was again Madara's turn to laugh.
"A-a lady? Ahahahahah… !Before today… I had no idea you had sense of humor at all, Konan, I really hadn't…" When he finally stopped squinting his eyes enough to see her face, he noticed hers frown "…? You weren't kidding? … Well, this only makes things funnier!"
She watched in horror as that despicable creature roared in laughter, and, worst of all, he was laughing at her!
"That's enough." She glowered at him "Neither of use is here because of a joke."
Finally he stopped chuckling and narrowed his eyes.
Half an hour later Madara was sitting over Nagato's corpse and holding a pair of eyes with his still intact hand, while trying to shake what was left of his other arm.
'Bitch…' He thought with a frown. He knew he'd win that battle, but he had also underestimated Konan, and that coasted him a limb and an eye. Not that he couldn't replace both, but… that actually hurt. With a missing arm he couldn't properly dismember the woman, so he settled for kicking her a few times after she had died. That made him feel slightly better.
He struggled to get a small notebook and a pencil from inside his cloak (that he now loathed) and flipped the pages until he found his list of things to do, just to start adding a few items at the top.
'- Get another arm
- Implant a Rinnegan in my blind eye
- Clone the remaining Rinnegan
- Get a new cloak and mask - FAST'
Madara looked over the sheet, thinking he was missing something. When realization finally hit him, he wrote something down quickly, dropped the eyes, the pencil and notebook on a pile of white paper roses and ran behind a pillar.
The first thing on the list:
'- Take a piss'