That day it rained
You made me smile
And for a while
I belonged to you.
Soaked to the skin
You kissed my lips
And moved your hips
I felt a love so true.
And then you saw
A rainbow high
You said goodbye.
It was raining again in Chicago. Stepping out of the brick apartment building with Lina I groaned loudly. It was days like this that made me miss him the most, miss him with everything inside of me, miss him so much that it hurts. I rushed to the car, Lina running at my side, making sure she got in safely before running around to the driver's side and sliding into my seat. With the latest crime scene still fresh on my mind I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly, hoping to exhale all the memories of him with it. But just like every other time before this one, when I opened my eyes his face was still there. Still smiling at me sweetly from the other side of the living room, from the other side of the bed, from on top of me. I missed those words, I need to see you, they never slipped past my lips now. There was nobody I needed to see, not a soul that I wanted to see. There was just him. Starting the car seemed like the hardest thing for me to do in the world, to drive away from this place had always been hard for me, ever since we cleared out his apartment.
I sat on my roof that wet night, my hair had long since plastered to my face, as I watched it in a daze glinting in the twilight. Closing my eyes, I contemplated what went wrong between us. It was hard to believe that it was just a year ago that he was here, a year ago that he slipped it onto my left hand, a year since I let my guard down and said yes. It's hard to believe that six months ago I was dressed in a white dress with high heels on, scarier even to think that I made it down the aisle without tripping, and terrifying to even think that I went through with the nuptials, that I said yes again. It's the hardest thing to remember that I was married for four months before he left. He left me. He left his job. He left his apartment. He left his life.
Our "relationship" started on a night like tonight, sitting in the bar with my brothers, drinking beer and watching a Bears game. One by one the Kowalski boys left the bar, leaving me alone with him. Who at the time was nothing more to me that a one off. Nothing more than a friend. He took me home that night, and the night after that, and the night after that. It became a ritual, when I had a hard day, I would call him utter my sentence, and be on my way. Things have a habit of never staying simple, in situations like ours things always get complicated in the middle of it. And sadly, before I knew it he had developed feelings for me, I for him, and at the same time developed feelings for another man. Stated plainly, my life was a mess and I trudged through it like a champ.
It carried on this way for a few months, when he finally put his foot down, and said that it was either him or the other guy. Of course, being a Kowalski, I took my time and just when it was almost too late I made my decision. I had always thought I could live my life without him, turns out I was wrong. Oh, how horribly wrong I was. I wish I could go back now, and spend every waking moment of every single day by his side, as his wife. Fate has a funny way of giving us what we want, and then taking it away. I used to think he left because of me, but then I realized it was because of him, because of something beyond my control. It was raining the day he left, raining in such forceful torrents that you couldn't see five feet in front of you never mind a block away. It seems stupid now, sending him out to pick up dinner when we could have made it ourselves. I've lost count of the many nights I wished I had gone instead, or just gone with him. Maybe then we would have both left. He never came home that night, and I knew in my heart that he was dead. But I let myself believe that he just left me, left our life because once again, I had to get my way and he was sick of it. I didn't realize how much I loved him until I had to sleep without him.
I didn't realize I would miss him until he was gone. It's hard to believe that two months ago I had to bury my husband. Six feet under never seemed that far away, never seemed deep enough to bury a dead body for me, but six feet under was too deep for him. I wanted him back in my arms, back in my life, back inside of me. I wasn't going to deny it anymore, the fact that I missed my husband with every ounce of my being, it killed me each day to wake up without him. It was killing me because he was gone.
The teenage driver who slammed into him from the side was rushing home that night, from a party, after a few drinks. She didn't see him, couldn't see him, wouldn't see him, I'm not even sure anymore. I remember hearing her cries of 'I'm sorry' while I screamed and cried over his body. It took the four Kowalski men to pull me off of him. And even then did I cling to his hand, the tears pouring down my face, mixing with the rain. It is safe to say that I hate the rain. Hated it with a passion.
There comes a time when you have to accept the hand that life has given you, pick up, and move on: that's what my therapist said to me before she was ultimately fired. How could I move on when he was gone? How could I be happy when the one thing in the world that made me the happiest took his last breath fetching crab ragoons for dinner. It is also safe to say that I hate Chinese food as well. I don't think I will ever be truly happy again. I opened my eyes to the present, knowing full well that the liquid on my face was not just from the acid rain. It was cold, terribly so, and if my mother could see me out here she would literally kick my behind. I sigh, and made my way back into my apartment. He would be disappointed in me as well, so would the little one.
I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago, and have been in a downward depression ever since. It's hard to think that as his life was leaving his body, our child was beginning to grow inside of me. I crawled into bed, soaked to the bone, and slept for three days.
25 years later.
I sat in a white chair, surrounded by the rest of the Kowalski clan, and smiled at the love around me. I could hear the pitter patter of the rain on the tin of the auditorium's roof. 25 years ago on a day like today, I was in a low place, a place I had never wanted to be in. Losing my husband was the hardest thing I ever had to endure, raising his child happened to be the easiest. She was the quietest baby around, and even as a teenager, she never gave me any trouble. I smiled as she walked onto the stage, cleared her throat, and began her speech.
"I stand before you today, not a model student, not a perfect child, not a scholarship earning football player, but a person. So first of all I would like you to look to your left and your right, and remember that they are also people. As I child I was taught right from wrong, when I turned 13 my mother taught me boundaries, and as an adult she taught me responsibilities. But I would like to share with you the one lesson my mother taught me inadvertently, and that is strength. Because of her I have worked harder than my peers, well that is what I thought at first, but in the end I am standing up here today because of myself. When I was barely a zygote, my father was struck by a drunk driver and killed on impact. I used to think his death would stop me from achieving my goals, would stop me from being able to live my life in the fear of death. That is not the case, I grew up with four wonderful fathers and though they were not biologically mine, I would like them all to stand. Uncle Donnie, Uncle Steve, Uncle Richie, and Grandpa Don." she paused for them to stand and I looked up at her and smiled, wiping at my eyes secretively.
"I want to thank each and every one of you for raising me. For the dance recitals, for the clarinet lessons, and for protecting me from Liam when I wouldn't listen to you when you all said he only wanted one thing. I also want to thank you for standing by my mother's decision to raise me and to not remarry, I'm sure my father thanks you for that as well, but I also want to think he would have been happy if she moved on. You can sit down now." she paused and then turned to me. "Mom, I want to thank you for having the strength to raise me, for having the strength to get up off of the sidewalk that day and let go of daddy's hand. I couldn't thank you enough. Because of my family, and my hard work, I can stand in front of you all today as Valedictorian of the University of Chicago.
"Please, remember your natural support systems as you move forward with your lives, they will always be there to help you move forward in life. Thank you." She walked to the other side of the stage and sat down in her own white chair. I smiled at her.
"Oh, Aayla" I whispered later that night to the headstone. "You would have been so proud John, she graduated top of her class." I closed my eyes and let the rain slow to a stop on my face. "I miss you so much." I pressed my cheek to the letters on the stone. John M. Brody. Devoted Son. Beloved Husband. Proud Father. I could hear his voice whispering in my ear, his hands flowing through my hair. I wished for a moment, that he was here, rocking his hips against mine one last time. "I think I can finally let you go, Brody. I'm doing more harm than good attaching myself to the memory of you. Thank you for two wonderful years, and thank you for our beautiful daughter, but I think I need to begin to live my life again. I love you, I will always love you." I stood, as the sun broke through the gray clouds and smiled. I wiped the tears from my face, and kissed the top of the stone. I turned, and began the long trek back to my apartment.
I turned, thinking I could her his voice, but smiled nonchalantly as a rainbow broke out over his grave. Yes, everything was going to be okay. We just needed to take it one day at a time.
Today it rained
It made me smile
And for a while
I remembered you.
Soaked to the skin
I missed your lips
And your sweet hips
Then the sky turned blue.
And then I saw
A rainbow high
I said goodbye
As the sun broke through.
-Summer Rain (Love Poem) by Charles Wiles
A/N: I don't own anything. I've been wanting to write something to do with Abby and Brody for a while. Here it is. :) Review!