So... I'm updating.
And I'm scared.
The previous chapter got more reviews, alerts and faves than any other chapter, so a big thank you to those who took their time to read this. It makes me happy, it really does. xD
This chapter really is the last one, because the story felt like it needed to end. And it's slightly different from the others, because of the change that Light went through. And because my writing style changes once with the wind, and add that to the change of perspective and... aaa, I'll shut up now.
Also, the first part is some inner monologue again, because this is from L's perspective and I needed to present past events from his point of view.
L held the younger boy in his frail arms, having broken his fall moments before he should've hit the floor. By that time, Light's eyes were already closed and his face irradiated nothing but the comfortable calm of unconsciousness. L thought he looked beautiful like that.
And even if unconsciousness wasn't really a healthy state to be in for too long, L thought this was good. It was a relief for Light to finally take a break from the thoughts that clouded his mind and the feelings that affected his judgement.
Because L knew how it felt to lose, to be defeated by the one whom you want to defeat the most; he had lost, too, even it statistics didn't prove it, he had misplaced parts of him during investigations, parts of his humanity and parts of his dignity that nobody else knew of, because now they were gone. It wasn't all bright and wondeful; you didn't become the top three detectives by keeping your sanity unharmed, and L knew that better than anyone.
And then, the name… Light had lost, but before that, he showed L a glimpse of what his victory would've looked like- and L registered this as a defeat in his book. A small one, but a real defeat. Nobody but Watari knew his real name. He hadn't even revealed it to Naomi, and even though she had understood, he knew she would've wanted more- and that he would never, ever be able to be completely open with her.
Or with anybody, for that matter. That's what his profession called for, and he was ready to comply- partly because he loved his job, partly because this way, he could shield himself from the rest of the world easier, a tendency that he'd had ever since he was a child. Keeping people at a distance had the requested dose of difficulty and occasional suffering to keep him alive- it was perfect.
And then he came, and he whispered his name in that sly, victorious voice… it wasn't that L had expected someone different, he simply hadn't expected someone knowing his name at all.
He had already got used to the idea that no one but Watari would ever say it aloud, and when Light broke his expectations, he knew it had been enough to make him lose.
He always had to be prepared.
The small slip that had costed him his name- maybe it had been a mistake after all, but it had been half-intentioned. At that time, he already knew that whatever Light planned to do, he was safe; he just wanted to know exactly how safe he was. And there, he found out. He was perfectly safe because Light loved him, but he couldn't say the same thing about his name.
Although, maybe Light loved that, too.
It was all past that now, though. L looked down at the beautiful creature in his arms, his former enemy. Light's hair was slightly ruffled, remembrance of the past drama he'd put himself through, and his lips were slightly parted. L looked at him, and he realised that he wasn't completely happy with the setting.
He had watched the boy change from Kira to Light and then to Kira again, and as much as he enjoyed talking to Light and noticing him putting up the perfect-boy act for the entire human race- except for him, of course- it had still been Kira who had almost defeated him and who gave birth to their strange relationship.
L had just went through the most difficult case in his entire career, and he had been thoroughly enjoying it. Truth was, he loved games. The more difficult, the better. The higher the chance to get defeated, the better. And Kira had been a worthy opponent, indeed.
But now Kira was gone, and so was a considerable amount of fun. Could he still see an opponent in Light? An opponent for what, exactly?
It had been a beautiful fight, and it could still be.
It was a fight that went beyond Kira now. L knew he hadn't won. Light had lost, completely and irrevocably, but L hadn't won.
Unless making someone fall in love with you, this becoming incapable of carrying out his plans to kill you, counted as a victory. Hell, L hadn't even planned to make Light fall for him. It was actually hindering to their confrontation, and it made it an unfair fight for the younger boy. What had started as an exciting game of wit and strategy ended up as a trivial fight for dominance in a kiss. L felt suddenly lowered from his ivory tower, and at one point, even his self-esteem had threatened to collapse.
What was this, a serious case involving thousands of murders? Or a highschool romance drama?
But for some reason, he didn't back off. He knew that Light was beginning to become unstable, therefore easier to manipulate. He could tell from the fact that Misa was dead and he was still alive. And because he noticed that the boy was attracted to him, with a slight chance of actually being in love, he knew there was no turning back, and that he'd have to make everything out of it.
Manipulating people had never been difficult, anyway.
So when he had kissed Light, had he done it to serve a purpose or for his own entertainment?
L didn't know. Both, perhaps. He'd had to get used to physical proximity again, which hadn't been exactly easy, since this was Kira he had to get close to, and his instincts told him to keep away for the sake of his own life. But at that time he could already sense Light- Kira's- defeat, and seeing hime give in, -literally- tasting the victory from his enemy's lips had been worth the small pieces of dignity he had lost.
Had it? L had to re-assure himself of who he really was, because things were changing rapidly, and he didn't want to fall in the same trap that Light had been deceived by. He was certainly not intending to fall in love with the boy.
Although it wouldn't be so hard, he thought absent-mindedly while observing Light's flawless features. Even with Kira gone from his system, he was still brilliant, beautiful and perhaps broken, too, in his attempt to perfection and in his continuous masks. It would be a delight to watch him fall once again…
The boy shifted in his arms and Light's eyes opened. For a moment, L couldn't help but realise once again, as if for the first time, how beautiful he really was.
His hazel eyes still seemed to be somewhere far away in dreamland –or in forgetland, maybe- but after blinking a few times, he realised where he was and he removed himself from L's arms, remaining on the floor and slowly massaging his temples.
'What happened?' he asked hazily.
'I believe that you have thrown a tantrum when hearing Kira has died, and after that you passed out.' L stated, deciding it was better to go for the truth. Well, for a good part of it, anyway.
'Why would I…' Light began, and his voice faded. 'I've been acting really awkward lately, haven't I?' he said, laughing weakily. 'I can't imagine why on earth I would be mad because Kira's dead. That's… great news, actually, ' he said, and his eyes grew wider, as if with a sudden realisation. 'It's brilliant, Ryuzaki! Kira's finally dead! It's awesome news, the case is finally solved!'
His enthusiasm was genuine, and L realised that this was really a new Light he was dealing with. A new, still confused Light, who would probably be just like the one who had no recollection of being Kira in their first chained- together era after he'd snap out of his puzzlement.
But at the moment, he had to explain everything to him. L just hoped it wouldn't take Light too long to get back into his senses; he liked to explain things to people, but not when they were that obvious.
'This is exactly the problem, Light-kun. We haven't solved the case; Kira died by what seems to be his own, or someone else's, accord. His defeat was not the result of our actions and assiduous work, which might have well not existed at all, but was provoked by unknown reasons, unrelated to our efforts. I believe that this was the cause of your disappointment.'
'Yeah, you're right…' Light said, still looking bewildered. 'It's pretty annoying that we didn't manage to track him down after all. Did I faint for that much? And why didn't I remember this? Eh, must be the fainting,' he said lightly, trying to get rid of his state. 'We should go back to the others now, Ryuzaki.'
'Are you sure? You don't look like you could handle another debate now, Light-kun.'
'Oh, are they still debating? They should be celebrating instead!' Light looked away, seeming to concentrate. 'Oh, I think I'm starting to remember. Since Teru Mikami died, there were no criminals who died of heart attacks. But that's not enough to close the case.' he affirmed, eyeing L.
Oh, right. He would just have to make up a story and invent some evidence to officially close the case and help Light get away with it. Not that it would be difficult- he was L, after all- but the detective wondered where exactly, along the path, he started helping Light instead of trying to catch him and convict him…
It wasn't a sign of professionalism, not at all.
Neither was kissing his main suspect, and yet that hadn't stopped him much.
'I was just about to tell the investigation team when you fainted. Evidence has been found in Mikami's apartment.'
'What evidence?' Light's eyes widened. 'The notebook?'
'No, not the notebook, but its remains. He seemed to have burned it, most likely after writing his name in it. Bits of it were found on the floor, and criminals' names could be clearly read on them.'
There. That should do it.
'Oh. That makes sense. It's strange that he didn't give any explanation for himself, though. The Kira we knew wanted attention, and wouldn't've chosen to die in such an anonymous way.' Light frowned.
'Perhaps his shinigami did it,' L suggested, deciding that this piece of truth wouldn't be harmful to Light.
'Why would he do that? And Ryuzaki, why the hell is there a chain between us?' Light said, suddenly noticing that he was bound to L.
Well, I was starting to wonder when he would notice. L couldn't tell him the truth, though. If he told Light that they were chained together because Light was suspected of being Kira again, the boy would've, well, suspected himself given the evidence. He was bright enough to connect the dots after all the questions were answered, and he'd think something wasn't right, and maybe that would bring his memories back altogether…
No, that couldn't happen. L didn't want Kira back. Even though Kira was, well, fun and he kept L's boredom away, Light did that too, and more points went for the boy's mental sanity than for the megalomaniac mass-murderer part of him.
Not to mention that Light already thought too high of himself, even without being Kira.
'We… had gotten into a fight again, and I decided to conduct a study regarding how much time it takes until we end up killing each other if we are chained together in this state.' L stated simply, and to his surprise, Light chuckled.
'Or rather how much time it takes us to alleviate the conflict. Ryuzaki, this is too weird, even for you.'
'Do not underestimate my weirdness, Light-kun,' L deadpanned. 'And anyway, this is hardly peculiar. Children who quarrel are usually put in the same room for a while, or bound together in some way so they can bring the dispute to an end. Parents know what they are doing.'
' Yeah, but we're not kids, Ryuzaki.'
L smiled mischievously.
'I have a different opinion on that, Light-kun. I believe that we are both very childish.'
'Last time I checked, I wasn't the one obsessed with cake, sitting weirdly, ignoring people just because I feel like it and being the world's best three detectives just because it's fun.'
'True. Yet you are the one who's excessively idealistic and hate to lose, just like a child.'
'You're also a sore loser, L.'
'The simple fact that we are having this conversation proves that we are both equally childish, and that is final.' L proclaimed.
'You're only saying this because you're out of arguments.'
'You're also saying that because you can't contest the truth of what I said.'
'I am older than you, Light-kun.'
'Yeah, well, sometimes you really don't prove it, Ryuzaki.'
Light smiled. He looked at L and L could only see Light in his eyes, no killer, but the boy was still hiding dark things behind his cover- no, Light had lost his memories of being Kira, but he had also lost his honesty towards L. As long as the detective didn't keep him under surveillance, anything could grow behind that mask.
L didn't want to take the risk.
'Light-kun, tell me.'
'What ever you are thinking of. Tell me, now.'
L closened his face to Light's until he looked straight into his caramel eyes, trying to find something, trying to see. The boy obviously felt uncomfortable, and he shifted his gaze downwards, avoiding L's.
'I don't know what you're talking about.'
'Honesty, Light-kun. I am talking about you being honest to me. Tell me… what you remember.'
'I usually remember my entire life. I don't think you'd want to hear that.'
L sighed and retreated, leaving the boy his desired breathing space, much to Light's relief.
'I meant, what you remember since we met.'
'Well… there's the team pursuing Kira, day and night and mostly getting nowhere, and… me being a suspect… wait.' Light said in shock. 'I was one of the suspects for the case, now I remember. And Misa, too. And then Misa died.'
And then you killed her, yes.
'Yes, that is correct. Misa committed suicide, much to our regret. But it had nothing to do with her being a suspect, which has been rendered a wrong assumption from my part, just like it happened in your case.'
'Yeah.' Light said, still seeming to be lost among his redeemed memories. 'Weird thing, the forgetting. Did I hit my head or something?'
'Yes, slightly. Before I could catch you,' L lied.
''Slightly' doesn't seem enough for me to suffer memory loss.' Light frowned. 'I'm not Kira.' he added.
Things were too unplausible, even for a confused Light. Would L have to tell him everything?
'And…' Light started as if automatically, but he didn't continue.
'No, nothing.' He shook his dead. 'I just remembered something, but it doesn't matter.'
L wondered. If it was about their talk earlier that day, Light would've better not remembered. L didn't want a seventeen-year-old genius (literally) attached to him, nor crushing on him. Not to mention in love with him, though it was probably not the case.
'Actually, on second thought, it might actually matter, ' Light said, seeming amused as his gaze laid on the chain unfolding between them.
He believes I chained us together for questionable reasons. Ah.
'Please, share your thoughts.'
'Well, there's a chain between us, Ryuzaki, and the reason I have in mind for this seems more plausible than yours,' he said, still smiling.
'I am not a pervert, Light-kun,' L said defiantly.
'I didn't say you were. It's just that, when people have… certain feelings for someone else, they sometimes don't dare to show them openly, which is why they choose to make their… intentions known in a more subtle way.'
'I am not a pervert, now am I in love with you,' L cleared, wishing he could erase the smug smile on the boy's face. God, his self-confidence still threatened to break through the roof. Losing his memories had really improved nothing. 'In fact, if I remember well, you were the one confessing your feelings to me earlier on today, Light-kun.'
Oh. Should have he reminded him of this? He didn't want Light to have feelings for him, but he couldn't stand the boy being so self-assured, either. Clash of interests? Winner: pride.
'Yeah, I know, that's what I'd just remembered,' Light said, and his smirk paled, his features softening into a slight frown. 'I still mean it,' he added, and he sounded- just sounded, L thought- sincere.
'And I also still mean what I said to you.' L responded without hesitation. No, he was sure: he didn't want any Light on him. 'I apologize if I have made my position clear in such a… harsh way, but you must understand that I am not willing to be involved in a romantic relationship with you, Light-kun. It simply does not interest me, and given our strong-headed selves, I believe it would also have little chances of working out.'
'Yeah, sure, Ryuzaki. It's just like you said. But I never said anything about a relationship.' Light smirked again.
'Then what do you suggest, Light-kun?' L asked cautiously.
'Nothing much, really,' Light answered and shrugged, then simply leaned over to L and gave him a small peck on the lips.
This was different. This wasn't like Light at all, at least not like Kira-Light, and the small gesture assured L completely that Light was normal again. Back to his charming, unpredictable, seemingly perfect self.
Seemingly perfect? Who was L kidding? Light was perfect.
The boy's lips left his own in an instant, and Light stared at him with a slightly amused and superior look. He must have looked surprised.
Now that he wasn't Kira anymore, he was sane again, and his feelings for L weren't tormenting and dramatic, not at all. They just were, L thought. And this could be easy.
He leaned over and kissed the boy, slightly locking his lips with the other one's and leaving Light no time to respond until backing away after a couple of seconds.
L could read surprise in the boy's eyes, but it was swiftly replaced by the same wicked smile.
Wicked lovely, somehow. It wasn't evil and it didn't predict any upcoming homicides, it just acquainted whoever watched him that Light was self-confident and that he could as well do anything.
'I knew it', he exulted, but his eyes could read something different, a sultry pleasure that seemed somehow familiar.
'Light-kun knew what?' L asked, not being able to distract his eyes from the boy's still slightly parted lips.
'That you're attracted to me.'
'I never said I wasn't, Light-kun. I only said I wasn't in love with you.'
'Oh,' Light replied, looking like he was taken aback, indeed. 'That makes perfect sense, and it allows me to do this, so I won't complain.' L felt something soft and warm on his lips again and then in his mouth and someone was kissing him before he could do anything to stop them- not that he would've, anyway. He felt limp and comfortable under Light's lips and one arm went around his waist, pulling him closer. L answered, and his hands wandered around in Light's auburn hair as he felt something different in their display, something that felt like tenderness and almost affection.
And then he was suddenly on the floor, pinned under Light while the boy was nuzzling on his neck, and L closed his eyes, closing the whole world around them as he felt a cold hand slide under his shirt, and another one caressing the skin on his face, and it felt good.
It surely did, but things weren't supposed to go that way.
'Light-kun, I'm not sure this is…'
'Shh,' he whispeed, blowing hot air into L's ear, 'Ryuzaki, there's a chain connecting our wrists together, don't tell me you didn't want this…'
No, no I didn't, I only wanted to keep you under surveillance because you were Kira, L's brain emitted, but the words couldn't reach his vocal chords because his mouth was occupied now and because he couldn't say that without unleashing a wave of questions and deductions and harmful memories from Light, so he simply complied.
Which was not very characteristic of him, but this Light, he didn't feel the need to overpower him or to prove him wrong, because he wasn't his enemy anymore. Light was his equal.
He doubted the boy's feelings as implying love, that 'love' had just been the creation of a desperate mind, the mind of a serial killer who needed something to hold on to, something human to stop him from completely drifting away from humanity. He had been too young to deal with the consequences of his actions without losing a part of his sanity on the road.
Just like L.
No, this wasn't love, this was just attraction.
And it was fun.
He slowly started to unbutton Light's shirt, taking delight in ever small move. He really did enjoy unbuttoning shirts, for some reason. It made him feel like he had control over the other person, like they were his own, to take and to break.
Although he didn't do those things, because now, Light was the one sitting on top of him.
That had to change soon.
But as the door opened and the chief of the police- also known as Light's Dad- eyed him carrying out sexually-related activities on the floor with his son, attempts at dominance hardly mattered anymore.
The chief looked at them with his mouth and eyes wide open, and anything that he might have wanted to say faltered as the two froze, returning the shocked stare.
Oh, this wasn't good.
Luckily enough, the man had enough common sense not to say anything out of place, and so, after a few tensioned seconds that felt like hours, he simply snapped out of his statue position and exited the room, closing the door silently behind him.
L bit his lip, trying not to laugh at imagining how the awkwardness of the conversation between the chief and the task force once he returned to the main room. Looking up at Light, who was still hovering over him and whose unbuttoned shirt revealed enough to make L not want to admit what exactly what that was doing to him, he saw that the boy was as amused as himself. And then they both burst into laughter, and L felt the boy's warm breath against his neck as he collapsed on top of him, and everything was fine.
'We… should go downstairs and let everyone know that you're fine…' L said, still laughing.
'Yeah, they should know, unless dad already told them exactly how alright I am', Light laughed, planting a small kiss on the detective's neck, then lifted himself up and helped L as well.
'Why are we even here in the first place, anyway?'
'You were having a breakdown and I wanted to offer you chocolate. Chocolate is good in stressful situations.' L replied, still distracted by Light's half-shirtles state.
'And you keep your chocolate in the bedroom, huh?'
'I keep my chocolate everywhere, Light-kun.'
'Sure you do,' Light smiled, then took the Hershey that L had just magically made appear out of nowhere- the drawer near the bed, that is.
They sat there, eating chocolate like two old friends- two old, chained together friends- and L thought that the only thing that was missing was the reminiscing and the teary eyes, that if he ignored the kisses and the shirtlessness. It felt strange, and at the same time it felt wonderful to treat your (ex) enemy like a friend, and it was so easy because they were new. Light was new, he was young and restless and brilliant and not corrupted anymore, and in that moment, L wanted things to stay like that for ever.
Light wouldn't be a liar anymore, not when he was around.
'Do you enjoy buttoning shirts as much as you enjoy unbuttoning them?' Light asked amused as L was taking care of the buttons he'd undone, so the boy would look presentable again.
'No,' L said with a serious face. On the contrary, I find it dull and, most of all, unuseful. Especially when it's Light-kun's shirt.'
Was he flirting? With Light? Well, it seemed like he was, and it seemed like a natural thing to do, so there.
'And why is that?' Light asked, a smirk playing on his lips. L was beginning to get used to him smirking around carelessly, and he knew it was nothing ill-intentioned, so it was perfectly fine.
'Because we will undo the buttons later, anyway.'
Yes, it certainly seemed natural. So it did when the boy tried to kiss him again, but L backed away, leaving Light suspended in an awkward leaning motion.
'Not now, Light-kun. I'm busy.'
Having one more button to take care of definitely counted as 'busy', yes.
They got rid of the chain- they had reconciliated, after all- and went downstairs to report on Light's state, which was sane, (now) fully clothed and entirely not Kira.
L would have to explain the team that Mikami had been Kira after all, in a way in which they couldn't say anything that would awaken Light's suspicion, or remind him that he had been a suspect. Which was a difficult, verging on 'impossible', thing to do, but after all, he could just lock the boy into a closet and keep him away from all harmful conversation if necessary.
Or, he could hold a ten-minute speech on the case, telling all that had to be told in a slightly distorted, Light-safe way, to fit his purpose, and at the end, the team would be too bored to ask any more questions. Actually, he would answer all their questions in advance, so they would have none left to ask. Yes, that sounded better, though L didn't mind the closet idea either.
And regarding the genius that he was now –kind of- involved with, well, Light could certainly be a nuisance and a distraction to his work. L didn't have time for this, not at all. But since there were more cases to solve, and Light would probably work at them too, if he wouldn't be busy with school, they would eventually end up spending time together, and someone's shirt would eventually be unbuttoned.
Which wasn't that bad. After all, both of them were rather bored, and they needed company that wouldn't bore them. Not to mention that Light's boredom had already killed thousands of people, so L thought it was better to alleviate it in a different way, a way that didn't imply any murdering notebooks.
That they still owned. One, at least; the one in the secured locker in the headquarters, that would never, ever land in Light's hands. L would destroy it, just to make sure.
And then, everything would be alright, in a way that neither of them would have thought of before.
So, there's a happy ending.
I could have made it dark, but Light returned to his usual, no-Kira self, and L never really took things seriously, so... things had to be fine. Until now, Light was all dramatic because he was losing it, with being Kira and having been defeated and all that. But now, he forgot everything, so things are sunny and bright, yay.
Please, tell me what you think of this chapter, if it fits, if it's stupid, anything really. Thank you to those who followed this story, I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you enjoyed it too. It's the longest story I've ever wrote, longer than any original fiction of mine xD I've actually learned stuff while writing it, stuff that helped me with the other things I'm writing at the moment.
Also, I know my vocabulary is not so wide-ranged and it's really annoying when I write, it probably is when reading, too. (English is not my first language; excuse used.) Someday I'll improve and write better stories.
Now, this long AN will be over.
I might, miiiight write a sequel to this, one day, if I get any ideas. xD