I Read Your Diary.
A/N: just like to say, this is loosely influenced on the song 'Diary' by Tino Coury. Go listen if you like.
I own nothing.
"Okay, so I'll see you this afternoon, yeah?" I asked, as she was pulling her long brown hair from the neck of her coat.
"erm...well I was going to meet with Alice," she mumbled, not looking me in the eye. She was lying and I knew it.
Before I could reply, she mumbled a 'bye' and left our apartment, without even giving me a kiss. Now, I've known Bella for two years. The first we flitted around each other, flirting and teasing each other and it wasn't until I got up the courage to kiss her a new years that we finally stop all the shit and admitted we liked each other.
It was only a few months before we decided to move in together. It's now been 10 months. I thought that this was for the long hall...you know the 'one' but she's been distancing herself lately. Going out after work, meeting with friends without me, not being affectionate with me...I mean we haven't had sex in six weeks.
So I know some thing's up.
Granted I've not been the best boyfriend. I drink a lot, smoke pot almost every night and there has been a few times where my temper has gone a little too far and Bella may have been on the receiving end of my fist...but I'm trying to sort myself out.
But it just seemed the more I try the less Bella seems to care about us at all. I mean, seriously? Meeting with Alice? I know for a god damn fact the Jasper, Ali's boyfriend, is planning to propose tonight...Bella fucking told me that herself. So unless she's going as some kind of personal cheerleader, she a fucking liar.
Growling in frustration, I made my way into the bedroom. I didn't have a job, why would I need one when my girls an author? She's rolling in dough, and yeah she wants me to at least try to get a job, but I just can't be assed.
Once in our room, I pull some sweats out to wear. Still pissed off about Bella's secrets and hiding, I start hunting around our room. There must be something here to give me a little to go on.
Bingo! Her diary. Fucking ace!
I feel a little guilt as I open the first page, but soon I'm too busy reading to be guilty.
January 1st 2011.
Finally! Finally we're together, and it's perfect. Jacob actually kissed me at midnight and told me he wanted more then us just being 'fucking friends'...true I've had more romantic gestures given but this was classic Jake. I don't know what's going to happen, how this'll turn out. I just know that right now, I wanna be with him.
I chuckled at that. Yeah, I'd never really romanced her. In fact, I've never even given her a present or flowers or shit like that...but she doesn't care about that stuff.
I skip a few months and continue reading.
April 23rd 2011.
I've never been frightened for my life before. Not when I fell down the stairs in college and hit my head so hard I was rendered unconscious. Not when I was six and convinced I could fly and jumped off our garage roof and broke one leg and one arm. But tonight as I looked into the eyes of the man, who supposedly loves me, as he beat the shit out of me, I was actually scared for my life.
I knew he was high...and he'd drunk a lot tonight. But that still didn't mean he was allowed to punch me, kick me, smack me over the head because I spent more time writing my newest novel in oppose to making him stakes for dinner. Not only was physical abuse enough...he then grabbed my memory pen and crushed it in his giant hands, losing all 32 chapters of my new book.
I felt like shit after reading that...mostly because I can't remember it happening. I woke the next morning, to find Bella black and blue, recoiling away from me...she then told me everything...I couldn't apologise enough.
I decided to read one more entry. If there wasn't anything funny, I'd leave her to her privacy and just try to be better for her. I don't deserve her and she fucking knows it.
I can't believe I just bumped into him today. After all these years and all these unresolved feelings, I literally bumped into him, spilling my coffee everywhere. I hadn't even looked at him as I mumbled my apologies, it wasn't until I was greeted with:
'same old Bella Swan'
that I recognised the sexy smooth voice of my ex boyfriend Edward Cullen. And to my utter mortification I leaped into his arms and hugged him tightly. I surely would have died of embarrassment had he not, wrapped his arms tightly around me and whispered 'Hello stranger' into my hair.
And for those few moments as we were embracing as the lost lovers we were, I was transported back to the best four years of my life. We were inseparable in college. So in love and we didn't care about showing people. Constantly kissing, holding hands, cuddling...making love all night long.
Edward Cullen was without a doubt the most perfect boyfriend ever. And it broke both our hearts to be separated. But he'd been offered the most amazing job in Chicago, working in a law firm. I was going to follow him, I'd have followed him any where, but my Dad got sick, and I needed to be with him, so I moved back to Forks. We'd said our heartbreaking goodbye and I never thought I'd love again.
I thought that with Jake I'd found love...but seeing Edward again, feeling all those things again, I now know that what I have with Jake is no where near to the love Edward and I shared.
Jealousy gripped me as I read her entry. He was fucking here? Why didn't she tell me? I'd heard a lot about Edward Cullen. When I first met Bella it was a year after they'd broken up, and it was constantly 'Edward this, Edward that'. I hated that mother fucker. And what was all this about love? She doesn't love me? What that fuck? Of course she does!
I needed to see more...see how many times she'd seen him.
October 20th 2011
I can't believe he moved her for me! He told me that he just wanted me back, and if that meant he had to get a job as a garbage man then he would...he hasn't though. He'd rang round the law firms in the Seattle area before moving and got a few interviews lined up.
But what amazed me more, was when he told me he still loved me. Obviously I told him I loved him too. And then he gave me the most earth shattering, life altering kiss. And I knew in that moment I couldn't live without him. I'd been missing my heart these three years we've been apart and now I finally feel whole again.
Edward wants to kill Jake. His words were 'I'm going to beat the every living shit outta that mother fucking, woman abusing, deadbeat ass hole' and it took Edward's giant brother, Emmett, to hold him down. I knew he wouldn't react well to the news of Jacob beating me but he was...well livid would be an understatement.
After he's calmed down, well somewhat calmed down, he told me how no woman deserved to be treated that way...especially not his precious Bella. He said he'd get me out of there, but we had to do it tactfully. Under no circumstances were I to tell Jacob about Edward and I without him being there. He said I should try distancing myself from him, which I'd already been doing. We hadn't had sex since I bumped into Edward that day, and I could barely look at Jake now a days.
Edward kissed every inch of my body, worshipping me, he almost refused to let me go home. But I knew that if I just vanished Jacob would surely hunt me down, and my bronze haired lover would be in danger. So I begged and pleaded to go home, telling him we needed to handle Jacob carefully. But nothing will stop Edward's panic. He made my text hourly, if not more, just to tell him I was okay.
I really love him too much. And I know once we tell Jacob we're going to be together forever. We just need to tell him now, tell him I'm not in love with him, and I'm leaving.
Too late Bella. I know. I know you've been playing me for a fool...and no, I'm not happy. I'm fucking furious. I growled loudly, pushing all her perfumes and shit off the shelf. Her smell filled the room, and I actually felt repulsed by it...THAT SLUT! After picking up her diary that I'd flung to the floor in anger, I scrambled to the latest entry. I'd received a number of paper cuts as I rushed to November. Red liquid dyed the a few of the pages and I didn't give a fuck.
As I opened November 9th entry I was not only greeted with words, but this entry had a few pictures. The first was of them together. She was cupping his neck, as she kissed his cheek, he had a big goofy grin spread across his face, as he looked into the camera. My heart actually felt like it could break out of my chest...the humiliation! I wanted to kills this fucker.
The second picture was worse. They were both in a big white bed. She was lying on his chest, literally on top of him, and whilst they were covered with a sheet, I could tell they were naked. There was nothing...sexy about the picture. What I mean is, it wasn't taken as porn or whatever...but I was still disgusted. This time she was smiling towards the camera, and I could tell that due to the awkward angle of her shoulder she was holding the camera out. He wasn't looking at the lens though. Instead he was looking down at her...like she was the fucking answer to all of life's problems.
November 9th 2011
we're telling him tomorrow. This is it...I'm scared shitless but I'm excited as well. Once Jacob knows, I can finally just be with the man I love. Edward's already talking marriage, kids, a dog and a big house...and I can see it all...but only with him.
so...well, hopefully all will work out well. We're both going to my place after work, Imma pack and go. He can't stop me, and if he tries well Edward's gonna be there...and maybe Em too...and Jasper.
After reading that, I threw her fucking diary in the garbage, and began tearing our apartment apart. After two hours our apartment looked as though a bomb had gone off. I was breathing heavily as I saw the damage I'd caused. Nothing was intact. Books and pictures ruined. Clothes shredded. The T.V smashed.
Before I'd even had time to think, I heard the front door open. And voices in the hallway.
"Oh my God! We've been burgled" that was Bella
"Just be careful, love." a man...Cullen. Fucking asshole.
The bedroom door, where I currently was, was opened by the ginger freak himself. His eyes narrowed as he looked over the room, and then to my breathless state.
"Bella" I growled. "get over here"
"What have you done, Jacob?" She made no move to come to me.
"the question, Bella. Is what have you done? Done with him?" I growled, stepping closer to him. He stepping in front of her, trying to protect what's mine.
"Bella, love. Go wait in the car." he smiled at her.
"don't you dare Bella" I countered.
"But we were going to tell him together, and pack my stuff"
"I think he knows, baby. And it doesn't look like you have any stuff. Go wait in the car, I'll just be a minute"
"Please, baby. Emmett's there if anything happens" she bit her lip, obviously not wanting to go, but left any way.
I went to grab her...no fucking way she's going, but was cut short as Cullen's fist hit my nose. I stumbled backwards, and fell over all the shit on the floor.
"Bella Swan is not yours, she never was I love that girl more than life itself, and I'll be damned if I watch her stay with you... you mother fucking, woman abusing, lowlife. I want to kill you but that would just make me as sick and disgusting as you, and Bella needs better. You'll regret this forever...while I'll always thank what higher power made that angel love me. Goodbye Jacob Black" he began walking out of the room, but stopped abruptly.
"Oh, by the way. This house? Bella's house? It's up for sale. So your evicted"
"THIS ISN'T OVER CULLEN" I screamed as he slammed the door. But I knew it was.
I ran to the window to see her waiting for him by his silver shit soccer mom car. Her eyes lit up as he made his way to her, she ran to him jumped into his arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist as they kissed.
Bile built up in my throat and I ran to the toilet to puke.
I'd lost her.