Title: In Remembrance
Characters: Regulus and Sirius Black.
Notes: This is a letter from Regulus to Sirius; a letter that was never sent. Please don't favourite without a review, and I hope you enjoy!
The faded envelope said simply, Sirius.
'I'm writing this letter, brother, in remembrance of you.
You know, if blood is thicker than water, I would have drowned over choosing you. And it's heartbreaking, and terrifying, and I could never seem to stop myself from loving you and hating you at the same time. You were too perfect to be real, after all. Perfection only means hatred.
I'd apologise, if I could.
Mother always hated you. I was told she breathed a sigh of relief when I was born. I did not. I was born into a world that will forever resent me from every which way.
You have always known friends, Sirius. I haven't.
And, if the matters are really pressed, I suppose you were my only friend. A brother by blood, perhaps, but a rose by any other name and all that Muggle crap. When you left, I didn't believe that I suddenly knew what I was missing. You had been missing for a long time, big brother.
I wished for all the wrong things. Power. Liberty. Control. They'd all come in time, of course. Power from making my own choice; freedom from Voldemort; control over just how he died. It all came to me - shame it was too late.
There were times when my conscious caught up with me. Those were the worst, you see. I thought of you. And, my conscious is a little voice that sounds a little like Father, with his penetrating eyes too much like yours and his patronizing voice that still manages to be charming even when he's beating his son. Well, you could've done worse, it'll say. But I don't think I could.
After all, I believed we were invincible. Not just myself - I was a reckless little boy, yes, and I thought myself unbreakable - but you. You were my impenetrable armour, and if for any reason somebody broke my own shields, you would always be there. My brave, invincible Gryffindor dork of a brother.
For a while we were invincible, untouchable; safe.
We hadn't been safe for a long time. Hidden under Fidelius charms, layers and layers of them, we still weren't safe. You from the Order they were protecting me from, and I from the Death Eaters you were so terrified of. Fidelius charms are only helpful if you can trust.
Mother is dead, but her portrait still berates me as much as it did you, before. Father is dying, and his charisma with him. He forgets I'm there, and wildly calls out about pureblood history. It makes me shiver that I ever believed their fairy tales.
I'm not a Gryffindor; remember that. I'm not brave, but I'm very good at pretending. And I'll pretend I know what I'm doing, because it lulls me into a false sense of security.
I have a vague sense that you would be proud of what I'm doing; bringing the Dark Lord down from the inside. Maybe you'd just say it's too little, too late. But I'm doing this for you, Sirius, brother, because I don't have anyone left to cry for.
Not that I cry. I'm still a Slytherin, right? Not that you know what that means.
This letter won't reach you; I'll make sure it won't. Through all my torment, I still have my pride intact - a trait I learnt from you, incidentally. You're invincible, after all. You won't see me again; I'll let you think I got in over my head. That's what brothers do, after all.
Good luck, brother. Blood is thicker than water - remember that.'
The letter was signed, simply, R.A.B.