If any of you read the Mortis parodies I did in NSNW2 and wished I'd do more episode parodies, you're in for a treat! This is the Umbara arc parodies! Parodies of all 4 Umbara episodes in the style of Not-So-Normal Week.
Enjoy! Up first, "Darkness on Umbara", or as I like to call it, "Sparkles on Arabmu"...
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, or the Umbara arc! I just love making things hilarious xD
AUTHOR'S NOTE: You will see in these parodies a character named "Hot Cakes". There's a story behind that... XD Ok, so in the Clone Wars there is a clone named "Hardcase" as you probably know. Well, when I heard his name the first time, my siblings and I thought his name was "Hot Cakes". So, since this IS a parody after all... I decided I just HAD to use it xDDDD
Umbara Arc Parody 1: Sparkles on Arabmu
Message thingy that's always at the beginning: "The first step toward destruction of metal is rust."
"War in the pajama region! As Separatists tighten their grip over random but pink supply routes, the Republic launches a donut into a ghost to control the sparkly Arabmu system. Republic forces smash like pumpkins through the Separatist blockade in an effort to claim the sparkly world…"
Anakin, Obi-Wan, R2-D2, Rex, Cody, Fives, Hot Cakes, and a bunch of other clones whose names I don't remember where standing around a holographic image.
Obi-Wan was briefing everyone on the mission. "Masters Krell and Tiin will be supporting my fairies in the south-"
"FOR THE LAST TIME, WE'RE NOT FAIRIES!" Cody shouted at the top of his lungs, and he ran away crying.
Everyone was silent for three point nine seconds. Obi-Wan continued. "Anakin will come in from the north, and take out the elephants who live here. It is im…per…ative… -whatever that means- that we capture the capitol city as quickly as possible. Because if we don't, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIEEE!"
"Our biggest problem is gonna be that there aren't any unicorns on the planet," said Anakin. "And because there aren't any unicorns on the planet, they can't save us with their wonderful magical powers of fruit and pastries. The Arabmuans have aligned themselves with the evil fish, which are also rocks. But not frogs, that's an insult you know. But anyway, they're heavily armed with duct tape guns and pies." He turned to Fives. "ARC trooper Fives will be assisting my units on the…" he lowered his voice and whispered in a dramatic tone that made everyone wonder what it was, "the special assignment."
All the clones "ooh-ed" and "ahh-ed".
"I'm ready to do my part, General Skywalker. …Right after I have my green tea. I need my tea to function, you know," Fives said. He turned to Rex. "Nice to have you on board. Just like old times, Rex."
Rex sniffed. "The olden days, where we had cowboys and reindeer!" He started crying dramatically.
Everyone ignored him.
"Remember, Anakin, Cody and I will be twelve clicks to your south," said Obi-Wan.
"Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click." Anakin counted on his fingers and had two extra which he had to count on his toes.
"We're counting on you to take out those fighters. I'm afraid the capitol will never surrender, because they're a bunch of meanies!" Obi-Wan cried.
Anakin sighed a little. "Does my battalion have to do everything? I mean, I just mopped the floor, did the dishes, cleaned YOUR ROOM, did your history homework, ate a sandwich, brushed my unicorn, made a couple tye-die t-shirts, made three paper mache parrots, washed Ahsoka's pickle collection with 100% natural corn oil, wrote out thank you cards from my last birthday party, fried a chicken, set the house on fire, hotwired the engine of this ship we're on so it'll make me toast, bought duct tape at the craft store, made a parade float out of nothing but post-it notes, wrote a book on how to secretly marry a senator, ate some waffles, went to Sweden, did a couple puzzles, found blue butterflies, brushed my hair, formulated my own recipe for cherry soda, started a blog, sharpened my lightsaber… wait… um… yeah, sang a couple of songs, took a camping trip, moved to Teth, entered a contest for cool people, bought a pet lizard, and ate a piece of cheese. My battalion does EVERYTHING! Including interior decorating!"
"You seem to always volunteer," Obi-Wan replied.
Obi-Wan walked away and slipped on some soda that Hot Cakes spilled. "OUCH!"
"Sorry, General!" Hot Cakes called.
Anakin began boarding the gunship.
"Alright, let's go!" said Rex, and they all boarded the gunship.
The gunships flew out of the cruiser and towards the wonderful sparkly planet. Anakin hoped there weren't unicorns on the planet because if there were, he would not want to fight them.
Flying quickly through the sky and avoiding random yarn balls flying at them, they soon were near the sparkly surface of Arabmu.
"There's a lot of surface fire," said Rex. "We'll have to throw Frisbees at them."
"They ain't got nothing we can't handle, Sir. I've played tons of video games like this," said Hot Cakes.
A gunship blew up beside theirs.
"LET'S ROAST MARSHMALLOWS!" cried Anakin.
Everyone rolled their eyes.
"Ya hanging in there?" Rex asked a clone.
"NO! I NEED MY MOMMY!" The other clone started screaming and crying.
"Dude…" Rex shook his head.
"General Skywalker, I turned the lights out. It's bed time! Well anyways the night vision is having a hard time with all this spaaaarkly stuff, I hope we don't overshoot the landing sight!" said the clone pilot.
"Just get us as close as you can without hitting any innocent unicorns," Anakin replied.
They continued flying for a couple more split seconds.
"Time to lock and loooaaad!" Hot Cakes exclaimed. "But wait, if I lock my gun, I can't use it. And if I load it, it can't be locked. And if it's loaded then how would it even be locked? I'M SO CONFUSED!"
They flew even closer to the surface.
A clone climbed onto a AT-RT walker. "Well, not that this isn't fun, but I'm going skydiving. SEE YA!" He jumped out of the back with the AT-RT walker and found that he was only about 6 or 8 feet from the ground. "Lamest. Skydiving trip. Ever."
After more of the AT-RT walkers landed, green laser fire began flying towards them.
"IT'S CHRISTMAS!" Fives exclaimed.
The weird people with the strange helmets and the clones began fighting against each other.
Soon, the gunships landed and Anakin (along with the other clones) began fighting as well.
But the strange helmet-ed people, who we will call flamingos, fought back with toasters and elastic hair bands.
"GO, GO, GO, GO!" The clones shouted, throwing frying pans and pie at the flamingos.
"The flamingos have a fairy castle at seventy nine degrees north-south," Rex said to Anakin.
"Good. We can use it as a stage! I want to sing to the universe!" Anakin twirled around in circles, slicing through fifty flamingos at once.
"Keep moving! We have to claim that castle! The other battalions are counting on us!" Rex ran forward, smacking flamingos with his frying pan.
The flamingos were also firing sparkly electricity blasts from their little machines that happened to look like pointed things.
"Don't spread too far, the enemy could have the whole place rigged with chocolate marshmallow bunnies!" Anakin exclaimed.
"I can't even see the enemy!"
"That's because they're using invisibility cloaks! Duh!" said Rex.
There were more explosions and clones flying across the sky.
"Everybody take cover!"
Everyone continued running.
A couple clones stepped over something.
"It's just a leaf, keep moving, Hot Cakes!"
"No, no, it's a spider! It's a spider!" Hot Cakes cried.
The other clone looked and saw that it was a giant spider. He brushed it off and it flew into oblivion. "Heh, leaf! See, what did I tell you?"
They kept walking.
But it was a spider. A giant spider. And it began attacking them. It had a long tongue, and fairy wings.
It ate a clone and continued attacking the other clones.
But then Fives through a ball of fairy dust at it and it died instantly.
"Nice work, Fives!" Hot Cakes said.
"Thanks. Hot stuff, right?"
"Actually, it's Hot Cakes."
So they all kept walking for a while, and eventually came to some little trenches in the ground. All the clones were lining up in there with their weapons ready.
Anakin looked through some little sparkly pink unicorn-shaped binoculars. "See, this isn't actually a unicorn because it has two lenses which means it's a two horned unicorn which defeats the purpose so a real unicorn is a telescope which should really be called a uni-oculars because then it'd be a unicorn vision and it helps to spot unicorns."
"Dude…" Rex looked at him strangely.
Anakin ignored him and looked through the binoculars, seeing a bunch of explosions.
"General Kenobi's battalion, sir?" Rex asked.
"They're pushing towards the castle. We'll need to move out as soon as the men have had their pancake soup," Anakin replied.
"All platoons have reported in, General!" said a clone whose name I didn't catch.
"Get some rest," Anakin said. " "Don't let the bedbugs bite!"
"Thank you, general, but I'm fine. I HAD COFFEE!"
"The general is giving you an order, whatever your name is," said Rex. "You need to have an easier name. Can I call you Freddie?"
"Yes, Captain, sir!" said "Freddie".
"Good. Now, that was an order."
"Of course, sir!" Freddie walked away.
"He's wound tight, but he's loyal," Rex said.
"Like a unicorn," Anakin added with sparkly eyes.
"Maybe… back in the day."
"With the cowboys and reindeer?"
"YEAH!" Rex started crying.
Meanwhile… in the shadows… a flamingo who we will name Harry was watching the clones. He set out a little robotic thingy that looked like a mix between a fish and a scorpion, so therefore I will call it Scorpifish.
Scorpifish scurried along the ground and came up to a clone who was resting. He electrocuted the clone. (BAD SCORPIFISH!)
"What is that?" cried one of the clones, beginning to shoot at it.
"Look out!" exclaimed another.
Scorpifish avoided lots of laser fire and continued going.
Flamingos now began attacking.
"Ambush! They're behind us!" a clone exclaimed. Then he got shot. Poor guy.
The flamingoes continued attacking. Scorpifish electrocuted another clone.
"The enemy's circled behind us," said Fives, putting on his helmet.
"Everybody, we must defend our backs!"
Anakin put his lightsaber behind his back. "LIKE THIS? LIKE THIS?"
"Yeah like that, whatever."
More shooting took place.
Scorpifish electrocuted another clone before Anakin finally destroyed it with his lightsaber. "DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE. DIE!" he screamed.
"We're holding an air strike on the enemy positions!" Rex said to him.
"Let's hope they're not to busy helping Obi-Wan," said Anakin. "'Cause trust me, that guy can need a LOT of help sometimes. It's like, dude, be a man!"
"There's an opening to our south," Rex said, "I recommend we move all platoons into a magical fairy land and play video games in case the air strike overshoots."
"Good thinking, Rex," Anakin replied. "Everyone, move out now!"
So they all moved out, Anakin deflecting laser fire and running. Eventually, they all stopped.
"All here, sir," said Rex.
"Stay covered!" Anakin said. "We have to hold the position!"
Hot Cakes took out an umbrella. "In case it rains cupcakes," he remarked.
"Are you sure those bombers are coming?" A clone asked.
Everyone was silent.
"Rejection," he murmured.
Suddenly a couple butterflies flew peacefully across the field. When they passed by, everything was obliterated into dust.
"Good ol' Oddball. Always on target!"
"Glad we got off that ridge," Anakin said, looking at the fireballs. "We could be fairy dust!"
"Heh, that'll teach em! Maybe they'll actually succeed in algebra class this year," said Hot Cakes.
Not too soon after that, everyone was waiting around, when a gunship flew over and landed.
A weird looking Jedi with 4 arms jumped out and walked awkwardly towards them. "DUDE! IS THIS LIKE, THE GAME STORE?" he asked very loudly.
"General Krell's here?" asked a clone.
"Something big must be going on…" said Fives.
"Master Krell," Anakin said to him, "my thanks for the air support. Of course, the unicorns could've taken care of it. BUT THEY ALL DIED!"
"WHAAA?" Krell said, having no indication that he understood a word of anything Anakin had said.
"But that's not the reason for your visit…?" Anakin trailed off.
"WHAT? OH, NO. THE COUNCIL HAS ORDERED YOU BACK TO… CORUS… CAN'T. BECAUSE IT CAN'T DO ANYTHING. GET IT? HAHAHAHA." Krell continued to talk in an overly loud annoying voice.
"What? Why?" Anakin asked, shocked.
"A REQUEST WAS MADE BY THE SUUUUPREME CHANCELOR. YOU KNOW, THE OLD DUDE. WHO RUNS THE SENATE? ACTUALLY AN EVIL SITH LORD? YOU MAY KNOW HIM."
"THE COUNCIL'S LIKE, MAKING YOU DO IT, SO LIKE, LEAVE, DUDE." Krell pushed Anakin onto the gunship and didn't let him say another word.
All the clones stared awkwardly.
"WELL, FOLKS! I'M IN CHARGE NOW! NOW GO DO THE FIGHTING BECAUSE I'M GOING TO WATCH MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC ON MY PHONE." Krell got out his phone and started watching "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic".
Rex looked at him. "….Weeeell…. Your reputation precedes you, General. It is an honor to serve you."
"I said, it is an honor to serve you."
"I SAID, IT IS AN HONOR TO SERVE YOU!"
"OH. YAY!" Krell looked up from the show he was watching for a moment. "HAVE LIKE, ALL PLATOONS READY TO SET OUT. THAT IS ALL. DUDE I TOTALLY LOVE THIS SHOW!"
Rex, along with all the other clones, stared at him.
Soon, they were all walking. The AT-RT walkers were in front, one of the guys complaining about wanting to skydive, Krell was behind them, making pancakes on his portable griddle, and the clones were all walking behind him.
"DUDES! THIS ISN'T TRAINING! RUN LIKE THE WIND! I TOTALLY LOVE SOAP!" Krell screamed.
"The, uh, new general sure has a way with words," said Fives.
"He's just trying to keep us on schedule…" said Rex.
"Uh huh," Fives said, not really believing him.
"Either way, he's in charge. Just give him respect and we'll get along fine."
"How can I do that, he's an idiot!"
Suddenly two flying things flew out of the sky.
"AAAAAAH!" Krell screamed. "GET THEM! GET THEM! I HATE BUGS! I HATE THEM! I WANT MY MOMMY!"
So the clones shot at it, but they couldn't defeat it because the script says Krell was supposed to kill it with his lightsabers. So they didn't defeat it and the animals flew away and left them alone.
"LET'S LIKE, KEEP MOVING!" Krell exclaimed, and he skipped down the path.
A while later, they were still walking, and Krell was watching "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" on his phone again.
"We've been walking for weeks!" A clone wailed miserably.
"It's been twelve hours, dude," Rex said to him.
"Well still! We need to rest!"
Rex nodded, and walked up to Krell.
"General Krell, the top of this ridge has an invisible hotel on it. It would be a perfect place to rest," said Rex.
"THE MEN LIKE, DON'T NEED REST! THEY NEED COFFEE! WHERE I COME FROM, WE DON'T EVEN SLEEP WE JUST LIVE ON COFFEE!" Krell exclaimed.
"COFFEE DUDE. USE IT. IT WORKS. SEE?" Krell looked at him crazily. "BESIDES, MY STRATEGY IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE'S EVER. I'M JUST AWESOME LIKE THAT."
"Sir, this place is extremely hostile, despite the difficulty of the conditions, the battalion is making good time. We have magic watches."
"BUT LIKE, I'M IN CHARGE HERE. SO LIKE, WE'RE STILL GOING. C'MON. MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE." Krell kept walking.
So everyone kept moving anyway.
"I wanna go skydiving!" The AT-RT clone whined.
"Shut up," said Rex.
Soon, they arrived at their position.
"Sir, we're ready to bring our forward platoons in for a magical attack on the castle's fairy guards," said Rex.
"DUDE, I'M CHANGING YOUR PLAN," said Krell, "YEAH 'CAUSE WE'RE ATTACKING ON THE MAIN ROAD! TADA! I TOTALLY BLEW YOUR MIND! I'M AWESOME!"
"But, Sir, General Skywalker's plan was to surprise them. Y'know, like a birthday party. If we come in from the main route, they're likely to totally destroy us!"
"LIKE, CHANGE OF PLANS, DUDE. LIKE I SAID, DUDE."
"With all due respect, General, we don't know what we're up against. General Skywalker just hoped it wasn't unicorns," Rex said.
"ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME? I'M TOO AWESOME FOR THAT! I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU!" Krell turned away and crossed his arms over his chest.
"SHH! I'M NOT LISTENING!"
So Rex left.
They all began walking down the main road.
"Why aren't we sticking to the awesome plan?" asked a clone. Maybe it was Freddie.
"We can do this, let's take em!" exclaimed Hot Cakes.
"Yeah leave it to Hot Cakes to dive in head first," said Fives. "The general's new plan is reckless."
"You ever think that maybe the general knows what he's doing?"
"Nope, he's an idiot."
"I know you think this is a bad idea," Fives said to Rex.
"I… raised my objection to General Krell's plan but he couldn't hear me over that… pony show… so this is it."
"But what if he's wrong?" Fives asked. "Then what?"
"This isn't the time for a debate."
"YEAH, IT'S TEA TIME!" Hot Cakes cried.
"Right now we have to stay alert," said Rex.
They walked onto the road.
"It's too quiet…" said a clone.
They continued walking… and soon, the tiles on the road began lighting up as their were stepped on. One of them blew up. Then another one.
The clones got down to the ground. "No body move!"
Rex tested one which he knew wouldn't blow up and saw that not only did it light up, but it made a small music note. He did a couple in a sequence and it began to make some sort of a song.
"It's a dance floor! Do the right dance and get points! Step on the wrong tile and blow up!" Rex exclaimed.
So all the clones got up and started doing epic dance moves, the combined steps on the tiles creating awesome dance music.
"YAHOOO!" cried Hot Cakes, doing some really cool dance moves.
"THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!" Fives exclaimed.
The clones all continued dancing epically. Then one of them fell and a giant electricity ball fell out of the sky.
A loud voice said in a robotic tone: "GAME OVER." And flamingoes began attacking from behind.
"Just keep dancing!" Rex shouted.
So they kept dancing, and when they hit certain tiles, they got power ups and some flamingoes were destroyed.
Hot Cakes got a power up that turned a couple flamingoes into rocks.
They fought harder and another electricity ball came out of the sky.
"I think Hot Cakes made them mad…" said Fives (I think).
"But we got to level 2!" Hot Cakes exclaimed. "If we can get to level 10 we'll be at the castle!"
The battle got harder, and the clones kept dancing.
The flamingoes attacked even more fiercely.
"KEEP DANCING!" Fives shouted.
"We have no cover!" Rex cried, still dancing and destroying flamingoes.
"We can do this!" Hot Cakes exclaimed.
"Let's fall back!" Rex said. "If we can draw them out, we can beat them with our epic dance moves!"
"If we can see them, our dance moves are OBVIOUSLY better," said Hot Cakes.
"All squads, fall back now!" Rex shouted.
"This can't be good…" said a clone. Maybe it was Freddie. The world will never know.
So they all ran backwards down the dance floor, doing the chicken dance.
From a distance, Krell and another clone were watching.
Krell's phone rang. He picked it up. "OH, HEY BABY. ….. YEAH, I'M IN BATTLE… NO, I'M NOT BUSY…."
A clone looked at the other clones through binoculars.
Krell looked over. "HEY, HANG ON A SECOND," he said into the phone, on which he was talking to his girlfriend. "WHAT ARE THEY DOING?"
The clone looking through the binoculars was silent for a moment. "…The chicken dance, Sir. They're doing the chicken dance."
"WHAT? GET IN THERE AND LIKE TOTALLY SAVE THEM. THERE ARE MUCH BETTER DANCES THAN THAT. LIKE THIS ONE." Krell waved his arms around. "I'M A BIRD! I'M A BIIIRD!"
The other clones ran over to help the others.
The clones jumped over an obstacle and turned around.
Epic dance music began to play and all the clones did all the best dance moves they could.
"WE CAN DO THIS!"
Soon, all the flamingoes began to run away.
"They're falling back!" Hot Cakes exclaimed.
Krell walked up to them.
"DUDES! I WAS TRYING TO TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND AND WHAT DO YOU DO? THE CHICKEN DANCE? THERE ARE MUCH BETTER DANCES THAN THAT! DO YOU HAVE LIKE, A MALFUNCTION?" Krell shouted very, very loudly at Rex. "WE CAN'T TAKE THE CASTLE NOW! THE ENEMY HAS LIKE, CONTROL AND STUFF! THIS ENTIRE OPERATION IS LIKE TOTALLY A FAILURE! BECAUSE OF YOU!"
"General Krell," said Fives, "in case you haven't noticed, our dance moves totally ROCKED, and Captain Rex just saved this platoon! Surely you won't fail to recognize that!"
"DUDE, LIKE TOTALLY, STAND. DOWN." Krell said, igniting one of his lightsabers, which was hot pink. He held it up to Fives's neck.
"Sir, yes, Sir," Fives said slowly. "Oh hey look, a pony."
Krell whirled around. "WHERE?"
"Sir," said Rex, "if I may address your accusation, I followed your orders, even in the face of a plan that was my opinion severely flawed. Like French fries. But they taste soooooo good- a plan that cost us men, NOT CLONES. MEN. As sure as it is my duty to remain loyal, it is also my duty to protect those men."
"DUDE, YOU'RE LIKE, ANNOYING. AND USUALLY PEOPLE LIKE, SAY THAT TO ME! I KNOW I'M NOT LIKE, LIKE SKYWALKER AND STUFF, BECAUSE HE LIKE, WALKS ON THE SKY, BUT I'M TOTALLY AWESOME. AND MY METHODS LIKE TOTALLY WORK AND I DON'T HAVE TO LIKE, DO ANYTHING! BUT YOU'RE LIKE LOYAL TO YOUR MEN AND STUFF. THAT'S COOL. WELL, I'M GONNA LIKE, GO MAKE PAPER BUTTERFLIES." Krell walked away.
Fives walked over to Rex. "I think he almost complimented you."
"Hard to tell."
"INCOMING!" A clone shouted as a couple electricity balls fell out of the sky.
The flamingoes were attacking again.
"The flamingoes must have regrouped for a dance battle rematch! We must hold this position!" Rex exclaimed, starting to dance again.
"Do you still think Krell plans to take the castle using this strategy?" Fives asked.
"I dunno. I'll get back to you on that if we survive this battle," said Rex. "Even though I know our dance moves are more epic."
So they continued to dance and fight against the flamingoes.
To be continued…
Up next, my parody of "The General"! Stay tuned! :DDDD