Of Love And Pumpkin Juice
Song: Kinda...Won't Say I'm in Love
"They are impossible James, honestly. What do you think we can do to fix it?" Lily makes a horrendously irritated noise and puts her balled up hands on her hips. James swallows hard. Even irritated she looked like a goddess. A very red-haired, flushed and freckled goddess that could bring down the entire common room with one angry hand movement. James can think of nothing sexier.
"Yes…they are impossible. They have been impossible for the last six years. Not to mention stubborn, and generally stupid, but this is a little out our hands now." James sighs. He hates to admit it. Lily doesn't move an inch.
"Well if you are going to be that way, I'll take matters into my very capable hands. This entire dorm has dropped ten degrees since they came in here." Lily scoffs, muttering something about how she was dumb enough to fall for a guy with no backbone. James cringes. This is NOT going to end well.
This whole situation had started at precisely eight this morning, when Sirius had decided that picking a fight with the already moody Remus was an excellent idea. Of course, everyone expected that Remus would brush it off like he always did. But the second the comment about Remus' lack of masculinity only being amplified by growing a pair of tits left Sirius Black's mouth, Remus promptly dumped his entire goblet of pumpkin juice on his shinny black head and stormed out of the Great Hall. James had never seen anything quite so magnificent in his entire life. His respect(and fear) for Moony increased about ten fold. He was very careful not to say anything that merited a cauldron to the head when they were paired in potions that afternoon.
Sadly, the problem did not remedy itself. Actually, much to Peter, Lily, and James' surprise, the two ignored each other coldly all through lunch and dinner, sitting on complete opposite sides of the table. Lily kept glancing between them, expecting a string of tangible hate to connect them. She had decided if it did, it would be the color of the pumpkin juice stain on Sirius' collar. Peter kept his attention very purposefully on his meatloaf. Good man, Pete, never putting his head where it didn't belong. James was caught on the unfortunate side of trying to have a halfway decent conversation with the culprit of the werewolf's bad mood. Sadly, Sirius kept drifting of mid-sentence to glance at Remus, who ignored him completely.
Finally, on the way into the common room the two inevitably ran into each other. Remus didn't say a thing and was perfectly ready to turn right around and exit back through the portrait hole and sleep in the library when Sirius spoke up.
It went down a little fuzzy in James' memory. Sirius asked Remus why he was such a Poofter, and then launched into an angry tangent about how people shouldn't throw pumpkin juice on their best mates. Remus listened quietly. Too quietly. When Sirius finally fell silent with a little 'err' to signify that he realized he wasn't going to get the outcome he wanted, James really had every intention of leaving before Remus decided to decapitate Sirius to see if a brain was really in there or not. Lily apparently noticed this and caught him by the wrist, holding him fast to witness the death of his closest mate.
Instead of not-brains going all over the well lit common room as everyone expected, Remus seemed to grow in size. Not literally, but in the way his next few words came out. Cool, calm, cold, and furious. It was easily the most terrifying thing ever to come out of a pacifist. He told Sirius that perhaps he should at least attempt a cloaking spell before sticking his tongue down a third years throat in the library all morning, and that he was happy to be a woman as long as he never turned out like the females Sirius seemed to enjoy so well. James, Peter, Lily, and just about every other witness felt their jaws drop to the floor. James could almost HEAR the distinct clatter of bone on tile.
Sirius' reaction was best. The instant the third year was mentioned his face went very white. He made an awful stuttering noise, almost like a demented owl, and waved his hands helplessly. When Remus turned his back and exited the common room in a silent fury, Sirius raised a hand as if to stop him, but then backed up, turned, and fled for the Boy's Dorm stairs. He hadn't come down since. Remus hadn't come back either. This had resulted in Lily taking matters into her own 'capable' hands, and James wishing he would suddenly grow a set, or possibly the truth was that Remus had stolen his while he was sleeping and that would DEFINITELY account for the odd behavior from his normally very quite friend.
"Lily look, it's not really any of our business what they get off abo-"
"I think that Remus likes Sirius."
Three full seconds elapse.
"WHAT?" James all but falls backwards out of his chair.
"It makes a lot of sense. Don't look so surprised. I've head you and Peter talk about it." She says casually.
"We were…Merlin's Beard we were joking!" James feels his stomach go into his shoes. It really doesn't belong there, down with his smelly toes and such, no wonder he feels ill all of the sudden.
"I think he does. I think he doesn't necessarily know it either, and I think Sirius like him back…and doesn't want to admit it. Think about it James. THINK. I know you are capable of doing it; you passed your O.W.L.s with top scores last year. They always hang around each other, but it's a totally different vibe than when they hang out with you. Sirius is always making up excuses to go and bother Remus, even when he knows he shouldn't. You can be such a knob sometimes." Lily folds her arms rather matter-of-factly over her chest. James decides right then that this talent for sniffing out romantic vibes was a girl thing and he would never understand it.
"Well…what makes you think Remus is bent? I think he's just socially awkward and asexual." James replied, feeling his cheeks get hot with indignity. He has always imagined that Remus would be a lot like professor Flitwick and live in his study and marry Pride and Prejudice (A copy with those nice gold pages and everything.).
"You really are just terribly dense. Remus puts up with Sirius better than anyone I know, and even likes his company. When he talks about him there is always a little spark of something fond there, even when it's about how that moron steals his socks and hides them. He got angry. Angry. Remus doesn't ever get angry at anyone. Not to mention he wasn't angry about the insults from breakfast, he was angry because he saw Sirius making out with some third year. This means-"
"Okay, okay. I get it. Remus is bent as a quaffle goal. Sirius pissed him off, even though he likes him too, so much as a matter of fact he just NEEDED to make out with some third year in front of him." James has decided he no longer likes the way the female population thinks. "That makes so much bloody sense."
"You really ARE a moron aren't you? Sirius did it on purpose."
"People don't normally kiss people on accident unless mistletoe is involved." James points out. Lily groans desperately and stands, grabbing James by the arm and hauling him to his feet.
"I've got and idea."
The library is his home. Always has been, always will be. At the moment however, all Remus Lupin can think about as he sits, huddled in his favorite cranny outside the restricted section, is Sirius and some big-busted Hufflepuff destroying the clean purity of his sanctuary. Not to mention he's still angry about the girl comment. Not that it's anything new. James calls him a girl too, but it was just too much this morning. He doesn't even feel sorry about dumping the juice on that smug smile.
He groans and buries his face in his hands, making a pained noise. He's pretty sure he will be sleeping here tonight because going back to the common room means he might have to look at Sirius again. He doesn't like how that makes his heart speed up.
"This makes no sense."
"No, but maybe I can help you figure it out."
"AUURG!" Says Remus, and falls backwards into a stack of books.
"Auurg?" Lily leans over him, her red curls washing over her shoulders like birthday streamers. Remus looks up at her smug face and wishes he could find one place where people wouldn't bother him. Oh….right…he's predictable. Sirius has told him that on more than one occasion.
"Help me with what? I don't need help with anything. I am perfectly fine, or was, now I may be stuck in this encyclopedia…" He tries to right himself, curly, dirty blond hair going in every direction. He sometimes wonders if instead of the Marauders they should have called themselves the Wind-Swept-Motley-Crew or something equally as uncreative. None of them could tame their hair…well maybe Peter, he had a sort of opposite problem. His hair looked like a dying, yellow rat on his head.
Lily is still staring at him, an eyebrow quirked.
"Ummmm…yes?" Remus feels his ears getting hot.
"Why were you reading an encyclopedia upside-down?" She asks, her eyes sparkle in the dim light with repressed laughter and Remus feels the blush creep from his ears to his cheeks.
"I…rrrm…" Great job Lupin, now she will use her deductive girl powers to realize you have your mind stuck on something that wasn't even your business to begin with. Why was he so hung up on Sirius and the Third-Year anyway?
"I know what you are thinking, and I think I can help." Lily smiles, offering him a hand.
Girl-deductive-powers never fail. He's doomed.
Sirius makes a little distressed noise and burrows further into his sheets. He's fully clothed and the gray sweater vest is buckling up around the middle of his chest from squirming. Of course, what else can one do when their brain decides to quit working properly.
Remus is still angry at him.
He is still angry at Remus….sort of. Actually what he is feeling is closer to wanting to throw up. The anger in those golden eyes, and the cold dripping malice in his voice, Remus has never used that tone with him…EVER.
It was just a kiss. Well…actually it was just wooing a third-year in the hall…purposefully bringing her right where Remus would be able to see, and kissing her rather…intensely. He had never seen that look on Remus' face before. He can't even remember how the kiss felt because he was to busy looking at Remus over the little blonds' shoulder.
Why had he done that? For a reaction obviously, but that wasn't really what he had expected. Not wide eyes filled with some sort of unidentified hurt, or the sound of books smacking painfully into the floor. Had he wanted to upset Remus? Tease him because he could get any girl to come and play around with him?
Had he deserved the pumpkin juice in his hair? Okay…Yes, that was probably a gentle mercy. Remus can really punch if he wants to, so he is lucky it wasn't a broken nose.
"You….are a moron."
"Go away Prongs. I want to die in peace." Sirius attempts to kick at the sudden weight on his bed.
"Of what? Foot smell? Do you know the whole dorm smells like your feet now? There are charms for that." James says all of this rather fast and clipped, so Sirius knows he isn't really going to keep getting a lecture about how bad his stupid teenager feet smell.
"I'm not going to apologize." He says as James is launching into something about the bubble-gum scented foot power that this Ravenclaw boy has. He stops abruptly and Sirius can almost see the look of intense concentration on his face.
"You don't have too….but…erherm…why didyou do it Pads? I mean, why did you go and poke the be-…Werewolf? I think that's more dangerous than a bear…" James chuckles slightly. It's a nervous chuckle and a little off key.
Sirius pulls down the blanket suddenly, his eyes almost wild in the dimming light. He pushes up on his elbows, shirt still halfway up his chest.
"If I knew that, then I wouldn't be hoping for death by foot smell. Or death by poorly instigated Prongsie lectures." He sounds edgy. Like how he does when he knows hes been caught and screwed up. Badly. James takes off his glasses, shaking his head as he polishes them on the corner of her jumper.
"Well…Whatever you were trying to do…it worked. Remus still hasn't come back…I suppose you are okay with not talking to him ever again…I hear he holds grudges for a long time…" That is such a lie. Sirius knows it's a lie. Sirius is taking the bait anyway and getting mad despite the fact that he knows that James the insufferable liar is lying through his stupid lie filled teeth.
"So? Why should I care? He dumped pumpkin juice on me head. The wanker can be alone forever for all I care!" Common sense: 1 Sirius Black: 0 .
"But you do care. You care a lot…and that's why you kissed that girl in front of him. Because you wanted him to care too…so to find out if he did…you decided to piss him off." Some sort of dawning comprehension lights up in James' eyes and he shoves his glasses back onto his nose. Sirius feels like he has suddenly been backed into a corner. A really small, dust-creature infested corner of doom and despair and smelly feet.
"Ummmm….James…Have you been talking to Lily again?"
Remus feels like something in his brain has shut down. Something really important that keeps him from saying really stupid things about himself that he has decided never need to come to public ears.
"I….Don't understand what you are saying." He says lamely. Lily looks like she may just throttle him. Maybe. Actually, he might ask her to do so. Then he can save himself the energy of jumping off the Astronomy Tower after she leaves.
"Remus Lupin, you are the biggest idiot I have ever met." She snaps. "You're worse than James…and that's…that's SAYING something. Why would someone get so upset over their friend kissing someone. Especially Sirius…who can't keep his hands to himself ever. Why would someone drop their BELOEVED books onto the FLOOR and run AWAY, and then DUMP PUMPKIN JUICE ON THEIR BLOODY HEAD-" with each word Lily gets louder and jabs a pointy little girl finger into his chest. He stares at her, well aware that his eyes DO glow in the dark and he probably looks like Prongs in the headlights. (Which would be horribly funny if he didn't have 123 pounds of angry teenage girl jabbing at him.)
"Lily, I have no ide-"
"Yes you do!" She snaps.
Okay…yes he does. And he has been trying very hard not to think of that possibility.
"Look Lily….If there is a PRIZE for rotten judgment, I've already won it, I swear. There is no reason why Sirius is worth the aggravation. It's ancient history, been there, done that!" Remus wants to leave. He stands up, but Lily stands with him, catching his shoulders and grinning.
"Who do you think You're kidding Remus, he's the Earth Heaven to you! You can try to keep it hidden but, James and I can see right through you-
"You can't hide Remus, we know how you're feeling…and who you're thinking of…" Lily is grinning ear to ear, his expression is giving him away, he can feel it. It's the same look painted in The Scream by that one muggle.
"No chance! No way- It's indecent! No!" Remus gasps and manages to get free, ducking around a shelf. Lily is off her rocker. She has to be.
"You swoon, You sigh! Don't deny it, you knob!" She blocks his escape by cutting around another bookshelf and he curses himself mentally for being no good at logical escape.
"It's to cliché, I won't say I'm in love!" Remus finally gets past Lily and high tails it out of the library, but she's on his heels.
He said the L-word.
"You're kidding. Prongs You are so fooling with me." Sirius is on his feet now, pointing and accusing finger at James. Apparently his closest friend has completely lost his mind. He is not…NOT implying that he, Sirius Black, king of all things manly is…
"Pads…honestly, sit down, you look like a moron. Why else would you try to get such a reaction out of Remus anyway?" James shrugs. Sirius can FEEL the look of contorted mortification on his face.
"I swear to god I've learned my lesson. Prongs, It would be great if you'd shut up. My head is screaming 'get a GRIP pads', And it's starting to freak me the fuck out!" Sirius is still waving his hands around like a moron. James sighs and stands slowly.
"You keep on denying, who you are and how you're feeling. Pads, I'm not lying, I see how you act and what you're thinking. Face it like a grown-up. When are you gonna say it. Dood You've got it BAD." James gets closer and Sirius feels panic build in his throat and twitch in his limbs.
He can't believe Lily talked James into this. He's lost his mind. He's lost his bloody mind! Sirius reaches for the door handle and twists it hard to the right.
"No chance, no way. I won't say it, Shove OFF!" Sirius spits stumbling down the stairs. Feeling like a dog running from a bear….or in this case a stag, is never fun. Especially when the commotion attracts the attention of every person in the common room.
"Give up, give in, you won't win you're in love! I hope it sticks, you damn idiot, you're in LOVE." James is too persistent, and catches him at the port-hole, snagging a wrist. Damn.
Remus is right outside the portrait hole now.
"You're way off base. I won't say it!" He turns to the Fat Lady and eagerly shouts the password.
"No need to scream dear." She says irritably. He glares at her.
"Get off my case I won't say it!" Sirius ducks and leaps for the port-hole. James gives him a rather interesting look.
The portrait flies open.
"I WON'T SAY I'M IN-"
Remus and Sirius are suddenly face to face, inches apart, and both of them make a high octave noise of surprise.
Lily stares at Remus. Remus stares at Sirius. Sirius stares at Remus. James Stares at Lily.
The Common Room population stares at the four in complete silence.
"I ermm….Uhhh-" Sirius stammers. His whole face has turned a rather stunning likeness to his tie.
"It's just…uummmm…" Remus balls his hand together and looks anywhere but at Sirius' face. Anywhere….shit.
"This is the part where you two make up." Lily adds helpfully. James rolls his eyes. The Common Room watches eagerly.
Remus opens his mouth to speak, he has a thousand different apologies ready. Nothing comes out.
Sirius moves his lips nervously, trying to man up enough to say the two simple words to make all this go away.
They stop, then suddenly Sirius' face grows horribly intense and he grabs Remus by the tie yanking him close, their lips smashing together in the only way smashing lips can be enjoyable. Their bodies press close instantly and Remus makes a little noise of pleasure, hands clutching Sirius' very crumpled vest. They promptly fall backwards into the common room, still stuck at the mouth.
Somewhere in the back of the common room, amidst the 'awes', 'ooohs', and interesting little I-Saw-That-Coming noises, came a loud thud as Peter Pettigrew, oblivious to all the things that had been occurring in not only the afternoon, but Sirius' and Remus' relationship, fainted dead away.
"I guess they really are…..in love." James mutters. "Damn Girl-Deductive-Powers."
From the floor Remus pulls away from the very enticing, pumpkin flavored lips.
"I am sorry about the juice-" He starts.
"Shut up and kiss me Lupin." Sirius orders. Remus doesn't have to be told twice.