Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
I padded some scenes for word count this time, sorry about that.
Truce, Justice, and the American Way
Neither Kim nor Shego enjoyed losing, and the sense that they had wasted their time dampened the moods of both women as they returned to the States, although the money helped somewhat.
"I wonder how much this will be after taxes?" Kim asked.
"After taxes?" Shego asked. "What are you talking about?"
"How much of the twenty-eight thousand will I have to pay the IRS?"
"Kim, it's cash. You don't pay taxes on cash. There's no record it even exists. It's the American way."
"Where would the country be if everyone thought like that?"
"Earth to Kim, everyone thinks like that."
"Oh… Well, maybe that explains why the country is where it is. I'm going to report it."
Shego shook her head sadly, "Somehow, Sis, that does not surprise me. Putting all that's left into college fund or going to blow some of it off on fun?"
"I don't know… I feel like I owe Ron something for watching Drakken. That ski trip you talked about sounded like fun. Maybe I'll offer to take him skiing."
Shego grinned, "And, of course, there's something you could offer him that he'd like even more."
"What is… Oh." Kim blushed. "Will you stop that?"
"No way," the green woman laughed, "watching you blush is too much fun. Call your buddy Wade when we're closer and tell him we're on our way home and we'll film anything he wants for our YouTube videos."
"Wade had some great ideas for that."
"What did he say?"
"He's going to try a bunch of stuff, some subtle and some obvious – get people thinking they may be fake and then they'll be imagining problems that aren't there in the real one."
"That's what I said when I suggested real fake videos. What were his ideas on doing it?"
"He'll cut-and-paste bits from real fights so it's supposed to be one fight – but the background keeps changing. He said something about chromakeys, whatever that means. He'll record us, then cut up what we say and dub it into videos so our lips don't match the words. We'll do some scenes where we're wearing makeup or prosthetics to change the shape of our faces so it looks like someone made up to try and look like us."
"Sounds good. You told him to call Joe in Canada, didn't you?"
"I don't know, I haven't talked with him since then."
"Oh, another idea – I want to see if he can hack some of them on under Spyder287's name."
"Why… Oh, so if there are fake ones under his name the real one will… I don't think that's right."
"You can worry about right if you want to. I don't. Have you ever wondered about the ethical niceties of some of the information your buddy Wade hacks for you?"
"He's doing it for good."
"Tell it to a judge. And hacking it onto Spyder's account will be doing good... I think we're back in cell phone range for the US. Call Ron and tell him and blue to get their shit together. We'll be in New York in a couple minutes and can take them back."
Kim got a busy signal when she tried to call Ron. He was on the second floor of the Strand talking to his mother and trying to remember the list of authors and titles she was giving to him. Ron, being a good Jewish son, couldn't tell his mother, 'Hold on mom, I got another call coming in and it might be more important than what you're saying'."
"Busy signal," Kim told Shego.
"They're probably out on the town. Could you find the boys and bring them back to the hotel to pack. You got a way to find boyfriend?"
"There's a GPS chip in his cell phone. Seemed like a good idea after Asia. You're not coming with me?"
"The luck we've had it would be all over the internet. I'm going to avoid being seen with you unless it's necessary – or we're trying to punch each other out. He probably left the phone at his hotel."
"I had a busy signal when I tried to call him."
"Whoever mugged him was probably calling home to Moldova."
"Everything will be fine. You'll see. They would have called us if there was any problem."
"Probably… I just want this all to be over. A couple times it was almost fun, but we're still enemies – once I take you home this truce ends."
"Hey, don't forget the video footage before… In a hurry to go to Canada or something?"
"I can't forget the video. Canada? What an interesting idea."
Kim chuckled, "I'm sure the thought of Canada never entered your mind. Just remember, if you can't be good – be careful."
Shego smiled, "You're okay, Sis. I'll let you find boyfriend and the great blue."
Kim called Wade to get the position of Ron's cell phone. Wade frowned, "Looks like he's moving. I–"
Shego broke in to the conversation. "What way's he headed? I'll drop Princess down a couple blocks ahead and you can direct from there."
Horns blared even more than usual at a New York intersection as the hovercar set down and Kim hopped out quickly. "I'll be at the hotel," the green woman shouted at the departing teen.
"West a block, then turn south," Wade told Kim. "He's almost there… He must be running."
Kim hurried, eager to see Ron. She scanned the pedestrians on the sidewalk after she rounded the corner as directed but didn't see Ron. One odd sight was two women, chained together at their ankles, running like mad in her direction and scattering other people out of their way in their haste. Not being from New York Kim simply stared in wonder. The younger of the two women, the one with the large and unbalanced chest, saw her. "Kim!" s/he shouted.
Kim had grown accustomed to being recognized in various places around the world, but almost wanted to say, "No, I'm not." "Been around Shego too much," she thought to herself. Then realization dawned, "Ron?"
The pair skidded to a stop in front of her. Ron threw his arms around Kim and gave her a kiss. Drakken bent over, gasping for breath, "Kim… Possible… it's… good… to… see… you…"
It took Kim a few seconds to realize it was indeed Ron kissing her. As the reality sank in she put her arms around him and returned the kiss.
Drakken managed to save up enough breath to warn, "Killer… Following us," as Steve arrived, still filming. "Not him," the blue man gasped.
"Mr. Lipsky? Ron? Are you two all right?" Steve asked.
"Someone chasing us," Drakken explained, as Cynthia arrived on the scene.
"That would be this idiot," Cynthia told Drakken and pointed at Steve. "He wanted to film your new work."
"Someone else," Drakken said, and pointed to Larry still half a block away. "Someone from the mob."
Kim and Ron ended their embrace and Kim assumed a combat stance as Larry arrived, also panting and out of breath.
"Do something!" Drakken shouted, "Hit him!"
"He's a killer," Ron seconded.
"He told me he was from Mammoth Pictures," Cynthia told them. "He said he was trying to find you for a part in a movie."
"A lie," Drakken insisted as the security guard from the Strand reached the group.
"Arrest that man," Ron told the guard.
"I'm security, not police," the guard panted. "What the hell were you people doing running like that?"
"His boss told him to 'get us'," Drakken said pointing at Larry. "He's a killer. So Roy and I ran."
"I'm an art student," Steve explained. "I was filming them," he pointed to Ron and Drakken, "and when they ran I followed."
"I'm trying to keep him," Cynthia explained, pointing at Steve, "from doing something really stupid. I mean, from doing something else really stupid. Besides he owes me dinner and I'm not letting him get out of that promise."
"Larry Stone," Larry told them. "My uncle's directing Johnny Depp's new movie. These two interrupted a scene the other night and–"
"A scene?" Drakken asked.
"In a movie?" Ron echoed.
"I knew that," Drakken insisted.
"Me too," Ron seconded.
"Mister Depp wanted these guys in another scene, so I've been looking for them to–"
"A scene?" Drakken asked.
"In a movie?" Ron echoed.
"I'd love to," Drakken insisted.
"Me too," Ron seconded.
Kim spoke up, "What I want to know is why the two of you are dressed like women?"
"It's our new performance piece," Drakken explained.
"They're artistic geniuses," Steve whispered in a reverential tone.
"Ron," Kim demanded, "did you shave your legs?"
"Uh, for football, Kim. So the trainer's tape doesn't pull it out."
"How high do they wrap the tape?"
The security guard swore at them all, turned and headed back to the Strand as Larry took out his cell phone and called his Uncle.
Kim had another question, "Why the chain?"
"Part of their new work," Cynthia answered.
"New work?" Kim asked skeptically.
"Believe it, KP," Ron assured her. "I'll explain later."
"This is great!" Steve enthused, "I'll get film of you in the movie with–"
"No you won't," Larry told him firmly. "Only Mammoth Pictures has cameras on the set."
Cynthia put a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Look through what you've got. There must be something you can post."
Larry looked at the two men, "Can you be at the Waldorf-Astoria in ninety-minutes… and out of drag?"
Drakken drew an exaggerated sigh, "Well, I hate cutting this project short… But anything for my good friend Johnny."
Kim took out her phone to call Shego and say that Ron and Drakken had been found, but they couldn't leave as soon as they wanted. "Shego? Found 'em. We're headed back but they can't leave yet."
"Kim… I… Hell, no good ways to give you bad news."
"Don't know what those two have been up to, but looks like it involved hookers, there's women's clothing all over their room."
"Why are you in their room?"
"I broke in, what do you think? How can you even ask the question? Didn't you hear what I said?"
"I trust Ron."
"Kim, I'm telling you–"
"I said I trust Ron… You will too after you see them. And I've got a question about a chain."
As Kim returned to the hotel with Ron and Drakken she explained the internet rumor to the pair.
"You? And Shego?" Drakken asked in disbelief, and laughed.
"You're worried people would believe it?" Ron seconded. "No one in their right mind would see you and Shego as a couple… But the two of you would look hot together."
"Ron!" Kim protested.
Drakken commented, "The two of you would fight more than Ralph and Alice Kramden."
Ron turned to Kim, "It's weird. Sometimes he stops speaking American and talks in some language no one can understand but him."
"I think he's a bad influence on you," Kim told Ron. "I did not need that comment about Shego and I would look hot as a couple."
"It was supposed to be a compliment," he said sadly.
"Sorry," she apologized, "but under the circumstances it wasn't appreciated. And what was this about the two of you being artists? And why are you chained together?"
On location at the movie Drakken complained because he wasn't given any lines. Kim was pleased to be introduced to Johnny Depp. Depp was pleased that the director had followed through. The director was pleased that the men could be edited out, and if the star protested when the film came out he could blame the producer.
Kim looked at the sky as they left the Waldorf. "It's getting dark. I don't know if we can make it to Middleton tonight."
"No way, KP," Ron protested. "I promised Bobby Flay to have dinner with him before we left."
"Bobby Flay? Chef Bobby Flay? You know him?"
"Long story. He gave me his number."
Shego went with them to the Mesa Grill, despite her fears of being seen in public with Kim. Drakken refused the offer to remove the chain binding him to Ron, "I must remain in character for my public," he told the women haughtily.
Bobby joined them, and had various items brought to the table for Ron to sample. "Thinking of adding this to the menu. What do you think?"
"This is great," Ron assured him.
Kim gave her opinion, "Too spicy."
"Oh, Mister Flay," Ron began.
"Call me Bobby, Ron."
"Thanks. This is my girlfriend, Kim."
Bobby looked at Kim and nodded, then spoke to Ron, "I see why you want to take her somewhere special."
"Somewhere special?" Shego asked. If Ron actually asked Kim to go somewhere special the green woman planned to take the credit for threatening him for his lack of attention to Kim's feelings.
"Ah, man," Ron moaned, "It was going to have it a surprise."
"Sorry," Bobby apologized.
"Then I shouldn't ask," Kim said. Those with watches looked at them. Kim's resolve not to ask lasted almost five seconds. "Tell me! Please! How do you know Bobby Flay? What does he mean about you taking me somewhere."
"We were on Chopped," Ron started to explain, "and I won… Well, it was a tie… Well, Bobby really won but–"
"Don't sell yourself short," Bobby told him and turned to Kim. "He's quite an accomplished cook."
Kim smiled, "I agree. He–"
"I was helping him," Drakken interrupted.
"Shut up and let them tell the story," Shego suggested.
Ron and Bobby sketched the Chopped episode for the two women. "And when Ted asked Ron what he was going to do with the money..." Bobby finished.
"I said I hadn't planned on winning, but maybe I'd take you somewhere special. I know you like skiing…"
"A day with you at Mount Middleton would be wonderful," Kim told Ron.
"I was thinking maybe somewhere better. I mean, I'm mostly on the bunny slopes but I know you can really ski and we could go–"
"No," Shego told him.
"What do you mean, 'no'?" Ron protested.
"If you're asking my kid sister out for some fancy ski vacation and spending a bundle on her it's obvious what you're after."
"Shego!" Kim hissed.
"Obvious to me," Shego insisted. "Hang onto your virtue, Pumpkin, it's so much fun watching you blush when I say something dirty."
What Shego meant finally sank in for Ron, "Hey, I'm not trying to get her in bed or anything!"
The green woman arched one eyebrow, "You're not interested in getting her in bed? Where were you planning to do it, on a couch in the lobby of the ski lodge?"
"I don't want to… with her!"
"No? So who are you hoping to bang? What were you and Drakken here doing while–"
"Shego!" Drakken objected.
"I don't want to have sex with Kim! Okay, I do want to have sex with Kim… No, I just… I mean… When I suggested that we go skiing I wasn't…" Ron closed his eyes and laid his head on the table, "Shoot me now. Just shoot me now and put me out of my misery."
Kim softly laid her hand on the Ron's back, "It's okay. I think it is a very sweet idea. I got paid for the mission. Maybe we could go Dutch to some nice resort and you could pay for lift tickets or something." Kim looked at Shego, "Will that get you off his back?"
Shego shrugged, "I guess so. I'll even give him points for thinking of it by himself." The thief then silently mouthed, "Be careful," and winked at Kim.
"You're thinking of a ski resort?" Bobby Flay asked as Ron straightened up.
"Yeah, I'd like to take Kim somewhere really nice."
"I don't know how much you want to spend, but this resort called Portillo in Chile is fantastic."
"No," Shego said firmly.
"What do you mean, 'no'?" Ron demanded.
"You're not taking her there. Anywhere else in the world, but you're not taking her there."
"Shego doesn't tell us what to do," Ron thought. "I'm taking Kim to that Portillo place."
The subject changed, and the group resumed eating. As Bobby described desserts to the two men Shego's cell phone played 'Oh Canada,' and the green woman blushed and took the call. After listening to Joe's message she connected to the internet and found the YouTube file Joe had told her to watch. She started to laugh, "Kim, not sure if we still need to make our fake videos or not."
"Fake videos?" Ron asked.
"I'll explain later," Kim promised. "Remember what I said about the Internet?"
Ron had no idea how that related to fake videos.
"What is it?" Kim asked Shego. The thief handed her smart phone to Kim. Ron put his head by Kim's so they could look at the small screen together. The first thing Kim noticed was the video – Kim kissing Ron in drag that afternoon. The next thing Kim noticed was the title of the video, "Kim Possible Dumps Shego for Really Ugly Girl." Kim groaned, wondering if life could get any worse.
"No way!" Ron exclaimed in protest.
"Thanks, Ron," Kim sighed, "after this–"
"I was not really ugly!"