warning: major crack

i don't own.

edit: i fixed the grammar a bit. it should be less painful to read now :)


Movie Night

by orangepumpkins

As the clock struck midnight, I couldn't believe the front doors of Hogworts were unlocked. It was still vacation, but for some reason, I found myself in front of the school. The harsh autumn winds were blowing hard, and I didn't seem to have my wand with me, let alone a jacket, so I entered the building without question.

The great halls were quiet…too quiet. Not even a stray rat or house elf was about. But then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow glide past me. Was it Mrs. Norris? Did Filch live at the school during vacation? I turned quickly, and found myself no longer in the great hall of Hogworts, but a familiar cemetery.

Terrible memories surged through my brain, causing my scar to throb in pain. Dropping to my knees from the excruciation, I found myself at the feet of a dementor.

Cursing at the fact that I didn't have my wand, I ran for my life. I ran past the tombstones and right out the gates of the cemetery, only stopping when I heard a strange beep. Glancing around, I found myself back in the great hall of Hogworts once again.

The beeping chimed again and I could see that it was coming from a microwave oven, much like the one that uncle Vernon bought Aunt Petunia. On the last beep, a man with a long black cloak and a bald, snake like head took out what was inside, a bag of microwavable popping corn; the steam and fragrant butter smell over taking my senses, causing my mouth to water.

When the man turned around to face me, his creepy high pitched voice says, "Lord Voldemort has returned… with popcorn!"

"Awesome, let's watch the movie!" I replied.

With a flick of his wand, the dark lord projected a film called The Lion King on to the large wall of Hogworts. "This movie will be really popular in the future, I know because I traveled through time just to get it."

"Cool."

All of a sudden, Sir Nicholas popped out from the wall which Voldemort had the film projected upon. Voldemort and I both screamed in surprise. And within seconds, a trio of men clad in tan jump suits and vacuums on their backs jumped in through the window. Voldemort and I screamed again.

A strangely catchy song started playing in my head, causing me to want to sing along. As the voice of a black man asked, "Who you gonna call?" I screamed out, "Ghostbusters!" and then they were gone.

Nearly Headless Nick had seemed to have fled the room and Voldemort had levitated the trio back out the window.

"Did you know them?" he asked.

I shook my head, only to find him looking at me in disgust.

"You're lying to me. I know it! You called them here because you didn't want to watch the movie that I picked out! I thought were cool now, I thought we were friends, but you know, maybe it just wasn't meant to be."

"Voldi, buddy…" I tried.

"No, Harry, it's over. My bromance with Quirrell was cooler anyways."

"Quirrell?" I questioned. "When did you have a bromance with Quirrell? You used him as a minion and then left him to die!"

"See?! This is why we don't belong together! You don't even remember A Very Potter Musical! You didn't even say anything when I grew hair, part way through our movie! You didn't even notice my NOSE!" Voldemort screamed. It hurt me to see him so rejected. "You don't deserve my bromance, Harry. It's been fun, but we're over."

With that, Voldemort zapped me with the jelly legs jinx and flew out the window.

Helpless and unable to move, i pounded the floor with my fist out of frustration. "Voldemort…." I whispered, but he wasn't there to listen to it anymore.


It started out as an English assignment where you write four sentences and then pass it to the next person to write the next four, but then I fixed the grammar and altered the story line to make it a legit fanfic that made (no) sense. So thar ya go.

The key formula to remember is: English assignment + bored orangepumpkins + bad grammar = a crack-tastic story :D

By the way, I have no idea how it ended up ending like that. i'm just weird like that.