When Soubi was done, there was a mess of blood. It was all over, staining everything, including his clothes. She was sobbing underneath him, her eyes shut tight. He couldn't blame her. He'd had his eyes shut most of the time, too. He couldn't bare to look down at her, even after he'd finished. The blood was everywhere, the heavy scent of sex heavy on the air, mixing in with the scent of all the blood. Soubi covered his mouth and nose with his clean hand in an attempt to get away from it.
"Why are you crying?"
She screamed it at him, sitting up into a painful looking position. Her entire body winced at the effort. He'd hurt her more than he thought. He had been rather violent, after all.
They were the first words Soubi had uttered to her since the battle ended. And they were complete lies. By then, Soubi had himself at least decent, despite all the blood on his clothes, and was attempting to regain his composure. Try as he might, he was completely unable to stop the tears from streaming down his face.
Soubi wanted, more than anything, to murder her. He could feel the clean switchblade he had in the back pocket of his jeans. If he could kill her, he would do it in the least painful way possible. He would hold her close in his arms and whisper that it'd be alright. He would tell her how much he hated himself and how sorry he was and then he'd end her, quickly, painlessly. That way she wouldn't have to suffer.
But his Sacrifice had known. He'd known that Soubi would want to kill her afterwards and had specifically ordered against it. And now that girl had to live in pain for the rest of her life. Soubi had to live with the pain of knowing what he'd done for the rest of his.
He forced himself to look at her. She was sobbing now, her white floral dress stained with blossoms of blood aand torn right down the middle. Her face was in her hands, her fists clenching the blonde ears that had shriveled and fallen off her head. Soubi took a small step towards her and she immediately scooted away, her legs tightly pressed together, her bloodied panties around her knees.
Soubi wished he could touch her. Not in any sort of sexual way, of course. He just wanted to wipe away her tears and tell her wh he'd done it. He just wanted to comfort her. He wouldn't though. He had done enough damage as it already was.
Instead, he turned to leave, not even wiping off his blood soaked hands. When he looked back at her one last time, he no longer saw a little blonde girl sitting in the grass sobbing.
He saw himself, twelve years old, desperately weeping and holding his shiveled ears in his lap.
He was welcomed inside with a smile.
It wasn't a kind smile. It wasn't even a warm smile. It was a smile that told Soubi that his Sacrifice knew exactly what was going on iside Soubi's head. That cruel, calculating smile told Soubi that he knew everything, from the way Soubi had wanted to hold her to the way he'd wanted to murder her. He thought he knew just how toremented Soubi was.
Soubi remembered it all. Every single little detail. Since he'd left the hill, all he could think about was that girl. Never once had his beloved Sacrifice crossed his mind, even as he'd walked down his street. All he could see in his mind was that girl and her bloodstained dress. All he could feel was the hatred for himself and everything around him. In his ears, the only thing that resounded was her screams, muffled by his hand, though no one had been around to hear them. The blood. Her blood was still everywhere. It stained his skin with a grossly red tint in some places, other places of his exposed skin covered with fresh blood. He stunk of it and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get away from the scent or the blood.
"Did you do it?"
It was an ridiculous question. Soubi would obey him no matter what he asked of him. That had never bothered Soubi until now, after he'd been given the most scarring order he'd ever had to obey. He expected an aswer. This was an answer Soubi could not give.
Soubi stared down at his blood covered hands, barely even realizing where he was and who he was standing in fornt of.
"I asked you a question."
There was a tone of annoyance. Soubi didn't take notice.
"There's blood on my hands, Seimei."
His voice was a whimper, if even. Soubi forced his gaze up for a moment to see the first signs of emotion flicker onto his Sacrifice's face.
"There's no blood on you, Soubi."
The annoyed tone had mostly dropped out of his voice. Soubi still didn't notice. All he could see was the blood. It coated his clothes, as well, splatered over his jacked, soaking the bottom of his shirt and his jeans, and matting stands of his long hair together. It covered everything. Soubi could smell the girl's scent in it and it hung on him, as well. He'd tried to chase it away, but it had stayed there, drenching him and making him unable to focus on everything. That girl. He had raped that girl. He had destroyed her. He had been the one to tear her childhood and innocence from her. She would never get away from it. She would never regain what had been lost. It was utterly impossible. Soubi had tried for years of his life. He had vowed that he'd never put anyone through that sort of pain.
"It's all over me. The blood."
Now, he was no longer whimpering, but something worse. He couldn't even place a word to describe it.
"The only blood you have on you is on your pants-You know what? Go wash the blood off, Soubi."
His Sacrifice moved slightly to the side, expecting Soubi to come inside the balcony door.
He didn't move. He only stared down at his outstretched palms.
"Come on now."
Soubi's head snapped up at his Sacrifice's shout of his name. He took a tenative step inside the warm, inviting room. He didn't deserve this. He was a monster. He didn't deserve to be in his perfect Sacrifice's room. He didn't deserve to be invited inside. He'd been ordered to do so, though, and Soubi now knew that no matter how much he wanted to, he could not disobey a direct order from his master.
He still couldn't meet his Sacrifice's eyes, but he could feel them on him, analyzing him.
"Go in the bathroom and clean yourself off."
Soubi was back to staring at his hands. The creases in his skin were running with blood. Why was there so much of it? Was it coming from his injured arm, as well? Soubi barely felt the dull ache from it anymore. It had mostly faded while he had been waiting for her to wake up. And while he had been raping her. It was now replaced with a greater pain, one a thousand times worse than the cut he had obtained from the fight. His head was beginning to ache from the pain he was enduring. He just wanted to shut off everything else and scream and cry. Why was this thing breaking him emotionally?
He had been on the other side. That was why. He had been the one forcibly taken, the one forced to give his virginity away against his will. He knew exactly what it was like. He had never wanted to put a person through that pain. He had never wanted to be the cause of someone's descent from humanity, the cause of them losing their life but still being forced to go on living it.
It took another yell of his name to get him to finally walk into the bathroom.
"Clean the blood off."
Soubi tried. He tried to wash the blood off for an hour. He held his hands under the sink flaucet until they were waterlogged and wrinkled from being roughly washed. He couldn't get the blood to wash off. He couldn't get clean, no matter how much he tried. The blood stayed on his hands, even pooling in them at some points. At one point, Soubi even took off his jacket and wrung it violently under the bathtub's tap. None of the blood could be washed out of it.
Everywhere he touched had blood on it. By the time Soubi had collasped against the bathtub and had struggled to sit up against it, the perfect white bathroom was covered in bloodied handprints and smears. Soubi stared dizzily at all, his breath coming in short gasps. The room spun around him, making his stomach lurch again. The place was a mess. He had dripped blood all over the floor, as well, but he wasn't seeing any of that. It the bright whiteness of the room, all he saw was her white dress and his handprints all over her. In the silence, her bloodcurtling scream filled his ears, so high pitched that Soubi could barely make sense of it.
Eventually, he tilted his head back, resting it on the poreclin rim of the bathtub as he stared up at the Cieling. His eyes soon slid back shut and all he sould see in his mind was her. She was covered in blood, just as she had been after he'd finished. Even her face had streaks of it. Her deadened eyes stared into him, devoid of any emotion. In his mind, she asked why. In his mind, Soubi could not give her an answer.
His eyes shot open, startled, as if he'd had a nightmare. The room. The room was do dirtied. His Sacirfice would be displeased to see all the bloody handprints all over the room and the blood on the floor. He had to clean it. He didn't want to get punished. What if his master would start using this as a punishment? What if he was told to rape someone again? Or even the same girl? The thoughts awoke a new sort of fear within Soubi and he quickly found a cloth and began violently scrubbing at the blood droplets on the floor.
It wasn't working, He was just making more of a mess by trying to scrub it off. He only smeared more blood on the floor. It wasn't coming off. None of it was. Nothing was working. He was going to get yelled at and punished and-
"What are you doing?"
The voice was neither calm nor angry, though it did make Soubi jump. His head snapped up to see his Sacrifice leaning in the doorwy of the bathroom, looking down at him with a curious eyebrow raised and an unreadable expression.
"The blood. Your bathroom is all dirty."
His Sacrifice just sighed and shook his head at hearing Soubi's words, rubbing the bridge of his nose where his reading glasses had slipped down a bit. Soubi went back to trying to rub the mess off the floor.
"Are you cleaning it?"
The question surprised Soubi probably more than it should have. He had thought it was obvious what he was doing, as he was violently scrubbing at the blood stained floor. Couldn't Seimei see that? The blood was so obvious against the stark whiteness of the entire room. So obvious...Soubi could still smell it heavy in the air. He longed, for a moment, to go home and change his clothes. Maybe that would get rid of all this blood. Not only that, but he reeked of her. Her scent was all over his, drowning him. Soubi simply longed to get away from it.
He nodded, answering his Sacrifice's question. Maybe it had been one of the questions he was often asked before a punishment or even praise. What he got, though, was neither.
"Soubi, there's no blood anywhere. The only mess in here is the water you splashed and the dirt you dragged it."
Soubi immediately protested, his eyes wide. The blood was real. He could see it and touch it and even scent it. It had to be real! Otherwise, it wouldn't have affected his surroundings. It had to be real.
His Sacrifice rubbed the bridge of his nose again, this time completely removing his glasses.
"I need to call Ritsu."
This ignited fear inside Soubi. Immediately, he thought it was punishment for not doing well enough and for hesitating when he was initially told to rape her. He didn't want to be sent back to his former teacher. He'd already been through enough pain today. Couldn't he just go home and rest? He probably deserved to get punished, as he was experiencing so much distress over this, but he still didn't want to be.
His Sacrifice's voice turned a bit harsher.
"No, what? Are you talking back to me Soubi?"
Soubi turned his gaze to the floor, lowering his head submissively.
"No... Please...I don't want to go back to him."
He could feel his master's gaze soften. When he spoke, Soubi thought he almost heard a bit of sympathy or care in his now calm tone, but he was probably imagining that. He honestly wondered if his Sacrifice could even feel those emotions. He sincerly doubted that after what he had been told to do today.
"No, Soubi. You're not. You did...well today. Something broke you, though, and only he can tell me what. Come, get off the dirty floor."
Soubi glanced at the blood smears all across the room. His master noticed.
"There's no blood, Soubi. Something's wrong with you. Stand up."
Hesitantly, Soubi obeyed. He didn't speak. He let his Sacirfice do the talking and thinking. It was easier now to just have a blank mind and simply move to the other's command. Even with a blank mind, though, he still couldn't get Her out of his mind. She had poisoned him. He'd never forget. He'd never stop wondering. He hadn't even known her name.
"I'll take you home now. Put on your jacket and do not fret over lost things."
Soubi held his bloodied jacket in his hands, his eyes focused on the teenager in front of him, though he did not quite see him.
"Hurry. Ritsuka will be coming into my room soon for school. I do not want him to see you here."
Finally, Soubi found his voice.
"Seimei has never taken me home before."
There was a pause.
"This is a special circumstance. I will also being staying for a bit."
Usually, this would've excited Soubi. After all, he lived for this boy and he never seemed to willingly set foot in Soubi's house unless it was a last resort. Soubi always made sure to have his apartment properly cleaned for him just in case. But it didn't excite him. Soubi wasn't even sure what was going on anymore. There was something about going home, something about doing well, his former teacher, and the blood. So much blood. Everywhere. Soubi still couldn't figure out where it was all coming from. And the scent. She was still with him, screaming, bleeding, sobbing.
His Sacrifice was apparently beginning to get impatient.
"Stop this silly crying, Soubi. How old are you? You're no child."
Soubi's attention had returned a bit and he had expected his master to be harsh and abrasive while saying this. He was quite the opposite, actually. Soubi raised a hand, wiping at his face with bloodstained sleeve. He couldn't even manage a small smile. Or a response, for that matter. Instead, he simply obeyed one of his orders and put his jacket on.
"Come along now."
His master began walking. Soubi followed.
Soubi didn't even remember how they got to the apartment. He could not recall any of the walk there and what had happened in the room was mostly a blur to him. He couldn't even remember why his arm was aching or what had happened before he was ordered and then had raped her. There was only bits and pieces. And now he sat on his bed, with absolutely no idea how he'd gotten there. He recalled the stark whiteness and the blood of his Sacrifice's bathroom and then he'd somehow gotten here.
"You keep this place clean, don't you, Soubi?"
Soubi didn't answer.
"Do you hope that I'll come over?"
Not really registering the question, Soubi nodded and then found his voice.
"It's not clean. The-"
"Yes, Soubi. I know. There's blood. I know."
Soubi bit back a reply. Why didn't his master believe him? Even when they had arrived, the room had looked like a murder occured in it. Soubi remembered that much about arrving. He whimpered and hid his face in his hands, finally showing his fear of his surroundings, of his memories, of himself.
"I'm going to call Ritsu. Just sit there quietly. If you're good, I won't make you talk to him. Understand?"
Soubi nodded and peeked up to see his master cross his arms and raise an expectant eyebrow.
Soubi whispered it, unable to raise his voice any higher.
He earned a small nod.
Soubi laid back on the bed, his eyes wide open. He was on his side, staring at the armoire to the right of the bed. Why was everything going wrong? What was wrong with him? If Soubi tried hard, he could slightly remember his master saying something about him being broken and that he'd done a good job. At the moment, Soubi couldn't comprehend what any of that meant. His mind was spinning, making him sick and dizzy. He wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep, but he knew he wouldn't ever be able to manage to even close his eyes.
In the background of his thoughts, he could hear the conversation going with his master. If he listened hard enough, he could even hear his former teacher's part of it.
"I need to talk to you."
"I think you already are, Seimei."
Soubi trembled at the sound of that voice, even now, after all this time.
There was a pause. And then a soft voice. Soubi could barely hear it.
"If you killed him, I will personally put you to death."
"I didn't kill him. I'm no idiot."
Even with it's harsh tone, his Sacrfice's voice soothed him. Soubi wished he could be comforted by that voice.
"What did you do, then?"
Another pause. His master moved towards him. Soubi didn't turn towards him, but could hear his boots on the cold hardwood floor. Soubi shivered again, suddenly cold. He wanted to be held, just as he had desired to hold the girl.
"He raped someone."
Soubi shivered hard.
There was no break between his master's words and his former teacher's immediate reply.
"He did what?"
Soubi heard his master groan at the loudness of the person Soubi absolutely despised. Even Soubi startled a bit and shook harder, still affected by that man's voice. His master apparently noticed and came a bit closer.
"He wouldn't have done anything like that by-You! What did you make him do?"
His master was ignoring the yelling man on the other side of the line.
"Soubi? Do you want to talk to him? He's giving me quiet the headache. I'm sure he'd listen to you more than me."
There was a sweet, almost innocent smile on the younger's face. Soubi knew it was fake. He only repositioned himself so that he was lying with his back to his Sacrifice, holding his ears to try to drown them both out. Never had he done anything such as turning his back to his Sacrifice.
"Don't yell at him."
Soubi had started at his master's yelling, and had been relieved when the other interrupted him.
"Didn't you hear me? I told you to stop yelling."
"You have no power over-"
"He's not going to respond well to that voice you're using. There's no sense in yelling at him. If you called me, I assume you need help. And if he raped someone, it would only be under your orders. He wouldn't do it by choice."
His master was silent. Soubi could feel his eyes on him. For once, Soubi wished for him to leave. His former teacher was right-his master's yelling only made Soubi feel worse, if that was at all possible. He was beginning to feel sick again and had the overwhelming urge to retch at the sight of all this blood. If his Sacifice would just leave, then Soubi could curl up in his bed alone and think about the girl and replay what had happened again and again and only hate himself more and more.
"He's just fine with my yelling. He knows it means he did something wrong."
Hadn't he said only a little while ago that Soubi had done well? Soubi couldn't even remember. He was growing more confused by the passing moments.
"Whatever he's doing isn't his fault."
"He turned his back to me. He's even holding his ears now so that he won't hear me."
It wasn't exactly doing him any good...
"That's not his fault. He has feelings. He's still human, Seimei. No matter how hard you try to beat that out of him, he will always be. He's the same as both of us."
There was a hiss from Soubi's master. Soubi only pressed his hands against his ears harder in an attempt to not hear what he knew was coming.
"Do not put either of you on the same level as me. Disgusting. Being paired with-"
"Do you really want to continue that sentence, Seimei?"
Soubi was more than a little amazed. He had never heard anyone talk in such a way to his powerful master, not even those who were older than him. He felt a small wave of what seemed to be respect threaten to wash over him, but he held it back. He hated that man on the other side of the phone, even if he was defending Soubi. He would not let himself even begin to stop hating him. That man had hurt him. He had hurt him in the same way Soubi had hurt that girl.
There was a soft noise of anger from his master, and then he cleared his throat and became calm again.
"Anyways. Soubi was ordered to come to my house afterwards-"
"And did he obey?"
The younger was obviously displeased by being interrupted yet again.
"Yes, he did."
"I'm surprised. I wouldn't want to obey you after that. What was wrong with him?"
"Stop with your insulting comments."
"I'm not insulting you. I could be doing a lot worse. Every morsel of respect I had for you is gone."
"I don't care about your respect. I do not need it. I need you to tell me what's wrong with my Fighter."
"He's not a toy, Seimei. You can't be dissappointed if he breaks when you throw him. You can't be surprised, either. Try being gentle with him."
"Why should I-?"
The principal's voice had an irritated tone as he interrupted, something that was becomming a habit of his.
"Just try it. He'll respond better to it."
Soubi took a pillow and put it over his head. He didn't want to listen to this anymore. He was terrified he'd be forced to go back to that school to get fixed. He was terrified of abandonment. He wasn't a toy. He was...he was a person, even if he had been told by his master that he wasn't. Well, he wasn't a person anymore. He was a monster. A monster who had just ripped everything a little girl had away from her.
The blood...There it was again, covering the bed and the covers and the wall Soubi stared blankly at. Why couldn't he just shut his eyes and get away from it all.
His master was speaking to him in a curious, calm voice. Soubi wondered if he had successfully shut out part of the conversation. He doubted that, though. He turned his head a bit to show he had acknoledged the other.
"Why don't I call your friend after I'm off the phone with Ritsu? I'm sure he would come take care of you."
Soubi turned a bit more until he was lying on his back and could face his master. He noded, thinking that sounded better than being alone. He wouldn't allow himself to think that it would be better than being alone with his master. Those were deceptive, duplictious thoughts. He wouldn't allow himself to think them, even even they were true.
"Soubi-kun has a friend?"
Is that really so surprising? Soubi thought, that being really the first real, comprehendible thought since he had arrived at his master's house.
"Yes. He has a friend from school. A very annoying friend, I might add. Annoying, loud, and good-for-nothing."
Soubi whimpered. His friend wasn't good-for-nothing. The other man was the person Soubi hesitantly turned to when he broke, the counterpart to his master. As much as Soubi hated it, he needed him.
"You've gone and upset him, haven't you? I heard that noise. Don't talk like that in front of him. Now, why don't you tell me exactly what's wrong with him?"
"You're the one with a doctorate in psychology. Shouldn't you know?"
A sigh from the other end. Soubi removed the pillow from his head, deaming it useless.
"Forcing someone to do such a thing will have a different effect on everyone. Soubi-kun wouldn't be reacting as badly if he hadn't been...through it."
"What are you trying to say?"
"I'm saying you are an idiot for making him do it. An immature, childish idiot. What were you thinking? You can't make him stop feeling emotions. It doesn't work like that. And if you were trying to test his loyalty, then that's even worse. You're his master. Of course he's loyal to you, but having him do such a thing isn't the right way to go about testing that."
There was silence. Utter, complete, miserable silence. Soubi was covering his ears again, as he expected what came.
"I told you to stop insulting me! You have no right nor say in the things I tell him to do! He's my pet! You gave him to me! Get it out of your head that he's yours! He's mine!"
By now, Soubi was shaking slightly, terrified his master would inflict some of his anger on him. He listened, his back now turned again, to his Sacrifice's heavy breathing from the yelling and the silence on both parts. Soubi's eyes drifted to his own phone, which was on the bedside table. He had no memory of how it got there, but he felt the sudden tempation to call his best friend. He didn't though, as he doubted he'd be able to speak in coherant sentences to him.
"Look, I just need your help. He's seeing blood everywhere and he just keeps stuttering and shaking and repeating the same things over and over. I've never seen him like this."
His master's voice was calming. Soubi let out a small sigh of relief.
"That's...quite unexpected, actually. Soubi is reacting very badly to this. He's not going to get better quickly. He's suffering a sort of post tramatic stress disorder, even though he's the perpetrator."
"If he's the perpetrator, then why-"
"It's because he's the victim, as well. A victim, at least. He didn't do it by choice. This is destroying him, since he knows how it feels and he knows how that other person is going to react and it's destroying him to know that he caused that."
"Did it ever destroy you?"
"That was a low blow, Seimei."
"Answer the question, Ritsu."
"No. He didn't want to do it, though, but he was forced to."
"Are we talking about you raping him or him raping that girl?"
Soubi reached for his phone. He couldn't listen anymore. He needed someone here who was willing to comfort him and wouldn't remind him of his lost childhood. He just needed to talk to someone. But...what would his best friend think of him when he learned what Soubi had done? When he learned that he had torn her innocence from her without even knowing her name? Would he leave Soubi?
There was blood on the blankets. Soubi touched his face. More blood. He needed to clean all this up. His master would be angry.
"What do I do?"
His master actually sounded desperate. Soubi sat up, looking at his palms face up. He hadn't even known her name...He was a monster. He didn't deserve anyone. He hated everything. Couldn't he just fall asleep and never wake up? He just didn't care about anything anymore.
"There's nothing you can do, to be honest. How close is he to his friend?"
"From what I understand, very."
"Call his friend, then. It's best if you're not around him."
"Fine. I'm going to need him tomorrow, though. We're battling again."
"He's not fit to fight."
Soubi agreed. He was useless right now. He couldn't even get his mind in order, much less think up a spell.
"He has to be. He's a Fighter, a tool."
"He's a person. He has feelings and you broke him. He won't be able to fight for at least a month."
Again, silence. Soubi's former teacher spoke again.
"Rape is illegal, Seimei. There's no justification for it. You will be tried and you will be held accountable for it, as Soubi cannot disobey you. We will be the ones putting you on trial. I've been recording this entire conversation."
There was another short pause.
"There's worse things you could try me for."
His master hung up the phone. All Soubi could see was the blood on his hands.
I apologize this took me so long. I wrote half of it out and then I lost it all and had to rewrite. Anyways, I'm happy with the outcome, and I'm surprised it's so long. Also, I'm extending this story to seven chapters-six acts and one intermission. Thank you for all the reviews! I'm honestly surprised this was actually liked by people.
I'm kind of worried Ritsu and Seimei are a bit off.