A.N. I guess a kind of missing episode between 4.16 & 4.17. Rated T for some sexualised content which just kind of happened as part of the story and which is something I have never written about before, so it was kind of a surprise & made me blush! (Not "wincest" in case that's what you're after. Not my thing.)
Disclaimer : Despite hunting for a spell that might make it so, they are still not mine and I think it's totally unfair!
There was nothing on this earth, nor in Heaven or Hell,
that could hurt him as badly as his own brother.
Set between Season 4 episode 4.16 (Dean is used to torture Alistair) and 4.17 (AU where
Dean & Sam have normal jobs, aren't brothers and know nothing about hunting).
WARNING : Mention of consenting M/F sex and sexual feelings (No slash etc..)
Bobby popped his head out of the kitchen when he heard the boys come downstairs, closely followed by the sound of his front door forcefully slamming shut. Dean was stood, looking at the closed door, he was clearly angry. Bobby cleared his throat,
"Sam gone out somewhere?"
"Sure looks that way."
Dean rubbed a hand across his chin irritably before turning to Bobby,
"Could use a coffee."
As Dean sat himself at the table, Bobby diplomatically made no comment about the sulky expression on Dean's face and simply served up his breakfast.
"Should I cook Sam's, or put it on hold?"
"I'd put it on hold. He said he was going for a drive to clear his head."
Bobby grabbed his own breakfast and sat himself opposite Dean.
"You two ok?"
Dean shuffled his bacon around on the plate with his fork.
"Yeah…..No…..Oh...I dunno Bobby. I really don't."
"Anythin' you wanna share?"
Dean shook his head, still pushing his food around. Bobby nodded his understanding,
"Ok. I guess you'll sort it between you…..You gonna eat that breakfast or just shovel it round some more?"
Dean began to eat, managing two mouthfuls before slamming his cutlery down and putting his head in his hands,
"I can't do it Bobby. I can't do what he wants. I can't be what he wants anymore, or what anyone wants me to be. I just can't. I'm sick of it and I'm done with it. All of it."
Bobby sighed and he too stopped eating, pushing his plate away. This sounded like it was going to become one of those conversations.
"Mind telling me what it is?"
Dean lifted his head and looked at Bobby, his eyes glistening,
"What's the point? It'd make no difference. It's not like it matters to anyone how I feel. That's been made plain enough time and time again. All my life. All I've ever been is someone else's toy soldier, starting with Dad. First I have to protect Sam. Then I'm supposed to protect the world, stop seals being broken, stop the Devil himself. An' if I get hurt? So what? I'm supposed to just suck it up an' carry on. Well….I can't anymore. You know what? This world doesn't care about Dean Winchester, so why should I give a shit about the world? It can all go to Hell in a pink ribbon, I've had enough."
By the time Dean finished, the tears were running freely down his face. Bobby put his elbows on the table, hands clasped together. His heart ached for the young man sat across from him.
"This has been hanging around since the thing with Alistair an' the angels, hasn't it?"
Dean pushed his chair away from the table and stood up,
"Yeah, 'course. That's it Bobby. I got a little bumped an' bruised an' I guess I'm just havin' a hissy fit. Nothin' to worry about. Dean's a good little soldier. He'll get over it an' then he'll do what he's told. No problem."
Dean turned and walked out. Bobby called after him but got no response, just the sound of his front door being opened and closed again, albeit softly this time.