Chapter 5

By the time I got home from work I was exhausted. Mike was following me around even at work, and it got on my last nerves. Edward came to Calculus pretty late and seemed troubled. I wondered if we could try to be friends. Probably not, my heart nearly beats out of my chest when he looks at me. How can I handle talking to him without touching him?

I started making dinner but I could have sworn I was being watched the whole time. I was making lasagna. Charlie should be home any minute. I was putting the Lasagna into the oven when a knock on the back door made me scream. "What's wrong?" Alice was looking me over; "Oh sorry" she looked sheepish seeing what my answer was going to be.

"Bella, can we talk?" She asked pleadingly.

" What you need Alice? I asked.

" I know what your thinking. Today at lunch, that was Tanya Denali; The Denali's are here because Edward killed Laurent. You see Irina is very distraught about Laurent's death; she had gotten really close to him. For Tanya she's always been after Edward, but he's not interested in her. You know he loves you and you both need to talk to each other." She finished.

"He loves me you say" I laughed bitterly, "he wouldn't know what love was if it bit him in the ass. If this is how he treats the person he loves. He tells me that I'm not good enough for him and that he doesn't love me." I started cutting the salad, but I still felt the anger. "I trusted him and I trusted you. You said we were like sister, but you abandoned me when I needed you the most. You tell him that even James never hurt me the way he did. I don't believe he knows what love is, he's an immature seventeen year old. The first sign of trouble instead of talking to me like an adult he bolted. He took the easy way out. I'm too angry and hurt from the both of you. Please leave." I concluded. I could feel the tears coming down face.

"I'm so sorry Bella. Edward thought it was best and I didn't have a choice." She sadly.

"Yes you did." I spoke with a final tone. She did have a choice but she chose to side with Edward. I'm not stupid I understand he's her brother, but it would have been nice to get a heads up. I started chopping the cucumbers without turning around to see if she was still there.


"Then Mark got a phone call that some hikers saw bears." Charlie was telling me about his day.

"Bears around Forks?" I asked. It seemed odd.

"No, closer to La Push," he said.

"Did you tell Billy?" I asked.

"Yeah, he didn't seem to worried." I can tell he was worried but he didn't want to worry me. "Just don't be going into those woods, Alright, Bells." I just nodded.

Today instead of going to school I faked illness. I know I'm a coward, but yesterday was such a rollercoaster for me that it took all my strength not to break down or just puke. I already took a shower, dressed, and had breakfast. I'm cleaning the house and doing the laundry, which accumulated over the last couple of days.

The house was clean and the last load was already in the dryer. I looked out to the back yard, I decided to go for a walk. I needed to distract myself or I would run to school. I wanted to see him so badly.

I started walking along the trail. I had been walking for about half an hour and I knew he was close. I could feel it. "What do you want Edward?" I tried t feel as much anger as I could instead of the love and yearning that I feel. I needed to make this harder for him to show him that there were consequences for his action. I wasn't always going to bend my back or be the weak one. I was starting to believe that he did love, and that he had lied. It didn't make it right.

He suddenly appeared in front of me. He was so handsome, and I just needed him to hold me so the whole inside can be filled again. "How can you say that I don't love you after all the times I told you I did?" He was getting closer so I started backing up and his gaze was so intense. My back hit a tree, and he continued to come closer until our bodies were flush against each other. I closed my eyes to find some semblance of strength because at the moment I didn't have any.

He leaned down so that our foreheads were touching, "I miss you" he whispered against my lips. By now my breathing was raggedly coming out and my hand bunched his shirt holding myself from falling into the abyss.

Before I could stop myself I backed my head away and slapped him really hard, which only served to cause damage to my hand. I couldn't think about the pain because he was still so close. I didn't know how it was possible to love anyone as much as I loved him.

After I slapped him we both stared at each other shocked. As if that wasn't enough I suddenly grabbed his hair and kissed him. He actually seemed shocked but returned the kiss with vigor. I thought he was going to devour me. He lifted me off the ground and I wrapped my legs around his waist trying to bring him as close as possible.

My mind was so clouded with lust and need to get closer. I was trying to think straight but my brain failed to cooperate. I took his bottom lip into my mouth and bit on it really hard. He let out a loud noise that sounded like a wounded animal. I wasn't sure if it hurt him or whether he liked it. My pondering was answered when both his hands went to my rear and pulled are pelvises against each other. He continued with his movement as our pelvises rotated and created a wonderful friction between us that seemed to put my body on fire. I opened my eyes, which had shut, and his eyes seemed to be coal black and jaw was slack. The way he looked at me caused the knot in my stomach to get tighter. He looked so sexy in his pleasure. In that moment I had an epiphany I was the only person to ever bring him this pleasure since Edward had never been with anyone.

We were both panting at this point his hand continued to massage and grab my rear so that he can get more friction. I wished we didn't have any clothes on; my passion for this man always expunging my reason.

I can still feel him through both of our jeans and I felt how large he was as he continued to rub my intimate part with his. His eyes closed as if this was too much for him to take. We were so lost in our pleasure as our moans and in my case screams were getting louder and louder. I was grabbing on to his hair, clawing at his back, and he seemed to love everything I did. For me I didn't know what he did to me because I didn't seem to have any self control or find the sensible consciousness to mind my actions. I was like an animal following my basic instincts and around Edward I was primitive when it came for my need for him.

His movements were becoming more erratic and he opened his eyes looking at me. I knew he was about to cum. "Bella, Pleease" one of his hands came up and began massaging my breast and my head fell back from the sensory overload. "Edwarrd that feels so good. Oh god I'm soo close." I felt as if I was on the edge of the cliff and I was about to jump. Suddenly he pinched my nipple and I felt the ripple of pleasure course through my body. I screamed his name so loud that it echoed in the forest, and Edward followed suit groaning my name, and letting out an animal growl. It sounded so good hearing my name come out of his mouth like that.

I didn't know if vampires can get tired but Edward suddenly dropped to his knees with me still wrapped around him. He brought my body even closer to his and just held me tightly as I was fleeting particle he was trying to grasp. I had sheen of sweat and both of our breathing hadn't settled yet.

When he finally let go a little so that we can observe each others faces. He looked so sad. Oh, god did he just regret what we just did? I tried to untangle myself from him and he looked alarmed without letting me go. "Isabella, please don't leave me; we need to talk this through." Tears were coming down my eyes and when he saw me cry he looked as if he was crying.

"Please don't cry. I Love you. I know I have no right after what I said, but I was trying to do the right thing. I lied. As if I could exist without loving you. How could you believe me so easily?" he asked as if he had any right to sit there questioning me.

"You've never treated me as an equal and you made the choice for me. That is something I cant forgive because if you don't consider me your equal who is to say you wont do something like this again. So don't tell me you love me." He tried to speak but I put my hand to let him know I'm not done. I needed to let him know how I feel. "You hurt me." His eyes were now filled with pain with my confession, but I was not done. "You hurt me every time you don't take my choices seriously. You hurt me every time you've rejected me. You hurt me. I love you but I'm in pain as if I'm holding my breath. Your like sand slipping through my finger tips because we are not equals. You have too much advantage in this relationship and the only way for us to be equals you've rejected. I can't continue feeling as if I can't hold on to you and you don't want to change me. If that's the case who are we fooling this is not going to last." I pointed between us. "I'm already eighteen and your seventeen. The clock is ticking for me. I'm going to get old and I'm going to die. You need grow up and stop making everything about yourself if you want to be in this relationship. Anyways," I paused scared to ask the question, but I needed to know the answer. "Would. Forever. With. Me. Be. That. Terrible?" My lip was trembling as I held my breath waiting for his reply.


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