Disclaimer: I do not own the Rocky Horror Show or the Big Bang Theory.
Surprising, the sudden and brutal murder of who Raj could only assume had been a former guest and Columbia's boyfriend did not break up the party or even dampen the festive mood for very long. Raj had rather thought that it would and, what's more, should but then Riff Raff found him a drink and he decided to worry about it later. He wouldn't have worried about it any more at all if it weren't for the fact that he figured that if Dr. Furter was going to randomly kill one guest after freezing him then he could do it to another.
The other guests had all left but Raj and Sheldon, though they had finally been given directions to Dr. Scott's house, were going to be staying the night. Sheldon had protested at first because of the difficulty he had sleeping anywhere but his own bed (especially when it was unplanned) but as Raj was quite drunk he was in no state to drive.
Columbia had grumpily shown them to their rooms before disappearing and leaving Raj to examine the lodgings. It was a pretty plain room but the bed was quite large. He lay down and fell asleep almost immediately.
Raj had no idea how long it was before he was woken up by the noise of Sheldon coming into his room but it couldn't have been that long (or he'd just had far more than he thought to drink) because he was still drunk. There was something strange about this.
Sheldon made his way to the bed and sat down on it.
Raj watched him curiously. "What are you doing?"
"Just watch," Sheldon breathed before leaning over and attempting to kiss him.
Raj, having heard enough of the instructions his sister had been given if she ever found herself in this sort of situation, immediately pulled his lips into his mouth to prevent that horror from happening.
"Oh, don't be like that," Sheldon pouted.
" 'Don't be like that'?" Raj repeated, his voice an octave higher than it usually was. "How can I not be like that when you go and pull something like that? What would Amy think?"
"Amy who?" Sheldon asked breezily.
"Amy your sexually frustrated girlfriend who will kill me if I get your attention and she doesn't," Raj said pointedly. He realized what had been bothering him. "You're not Sheldon!"
Sheldon reached up to remove his hair, revealing Dr. Furter instead. "How ever did you know? Are you not involved with him?"
Raj shuddered at the very thought. "No. Just…no. He's not involved with anyone. Even Amy's not making much progress. But that actually wasn't what made me realize."
Dr. Furter frowned, clearly unhappy that there was something wrong with his portrayal. "What was it, then?"
"Sheldon never just barges into a room," Raj explained. "Well…not without giving you plenty of opportunity to open the door or invite him in."
"What does he do to get your attention, then?" Dr. Furter inquired.
"He knocks three times in quick succession and says the name of whoever he's talking to," Raj replied. "Three times."
"That sounds a little neurotic," Dr. Furter diagnosed.
Raj rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it. So where is Sheldon, anyway? You didn't do anything to him, did you?"
Dr. Furter looked incredibly put-out at that. "I tried but…"
"Don't feel bad. That happens to everybody," Raj comforted him.
"The minute I entered – disguised as you, by the way – he wouldn't stop talking about how I was in his room and nobody went in his room. When I finally got to his bed he said he would engage in coitus with me but then said 'bazinga' and wouldn't stop ranting about how he will not engage in coitus and that in this case his mother would be firmly on his side," Dr. Furter complained. "And when I finally told him who I really was he started pestering me about cryogenics!"
"That's Sheldon for you," Raj replied with a shrug.
"Well I am not used to being denied," Dr. Furter said sourly.
"And so you came to me," Raj concluded.
Dr. Furter nodded slowly. "So I came to you."
Raj considered it. Dr. Furter was a man but he was also strangely alluring and he really was drunk. If he regretted this in the morning he'd have that excuse handy and it's not like anyone would ever know. He shrugged. "Alright."
"You should seriously consider joining a union or getting a new job," Raj remarked as he watched Dr. Furter whipping Riff Raff on their way to go look for Rocky. "I mean, he can't be paying you that much?"
"Oh, don't," Dr. Furter ordered. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to get good help? I've had mine imported. See if you can find Rocky on the monitor."
Riff Raff obediently went over to the monitor. "Master, master...we have a visitor."
A very old man in a wheel-chair was right outside the house.
"I wish that my apartment had a surveillance camera," Raj said wistfully.
"Well?" Dr. Furter asked pointedly, crossing his arms.
Confused, Raj replied, "Well what?"
"Don't you have anything to say?" Dr. Furter prompted.
"Not particularly," Raj answered.
"But this is Dr. Von Scott!" Dr. Furter exclaimed.
"Oh, is he?" Raj asked, surprised. He peered closer at the old man. Not that he had any experience in such things but the man simply didn't look like a Nazi.
"You don't know?" Dr. Furter couldn't believe it.
"Well, it's not like we've ever met," Raj said defensively, feeling slightly judged. "But I've been meaning to ask. When you say 'Von Scott' do you mean to tell me that he's a-"
"He'll probably be entering the Zen room," Riff Raff interrupted, apparently determined that Raj would never know. "Should we inquire of him in person?" Without waiting for an answer, he flipped a switch and soon Dr. Scott came hurtling through a wall.
"That can't be very efficient," Raj noted.
Dr. Scott composed himself admirably. "Frankenfurter, we meet at last."
"Frankenfurter?" Raj asked, confused. "I thought it was Frank Furter?"
"It doesn't matter, really," Dr. Furter replied with a shrug.
"You know, my friend and I were just on our way to visit you earlier tonight but we got lost," Raj told him.
Dr. Scott blinked. "I wasn't aware of any visitors. You should have called and I would have either come here on another night or told you to come by later."
"I thought Sheldon had," Raj said sheepishly. "He was really the one who wanted to see you."
Dr. Scott's eyes widened. "Sheldon? You don't happen to mean Dr. Sheldon Cooper, the man who won't stop sending me emails detailing the ways in which my life's work is implausible?"
Raj didn't know any of the details but he did know Sheldon. "Probably," he admitted.
Dr. Scott groaned.
"Sheldon often has that effect on people," Raj said, commiserating with him. "But why are you here? Especially so late?"
"I'm looking for Eddie," Dr. Scott replied. "I know it's late but I just opened my mail not long ago and saw his letter. It sounded pretty urgent so I left immediately."
"Eddie?" Dr. Furter repeated suspiciously. "What do you know of Eddie?"
"I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things," Dr. Scott said importantly. "You see Eddie happens to be my nephew."
"Small world," Raj murmured.
"I should probably warn you that I don't take any reference to that monstrosity well, either," Riff Raff warned conversationally.
Monstrosity? Did he mean the song? Well, it was kind of annoying. And something told him that deliberately annoying residents of this castle would earn him a fate not unlike Eddie's. "Sorry."
Riff Raff nodded, appeased.
"Where is he?" Dr. Scott demanded. "I know he was staying here."
"He died," Raj replied without thinking.
Dr. Furter turned to glare at him.
"But he did!" Raj protested.
"Yes, well, I suppose he did," Dr. Furter conceded. "Tragic pick-axe related accident."
Well that was certainly one way of putting it.
"What do you mean 'tragic pick-axe related accident'?" Dr. Scott cried out.
"Really, doctor, I would have thought that was obvious." Suddenly Dr. Furter's head shot up. "Do you hear something?"
"Not really," Raj replied.
Dr. Furter took off and, after staring at each other for a moment, the three followed him.
Dr. Furter was standing in front of a bored-looking Rocky. Sheldon was on his knees, examining Rocky's leg.
"Rocky!" Dr. Furter shouted, outraged. "I made you and I can break you just as easily!"
Sheldon got to his feet. "What seems to be the problem?"
"You rejected me but you'll have sex with Rocky? And I created him and he'd turn on me so easily?" Dr. Furter was really getting worked up. "I should kill you both for you betrayal!"
"Betrayal? What betrayal?" Sheldon asked, genuinely concerned. "Rocky and I haven't engaged in coitus."
That stopped Dr. Furter cold. "You…haven't?"
Sheldon looked disturbed at the thought. "Of course not."
"Then what are you doing?" Dr. Furter inquired.
"I am examining this life form you've created," Sheldon explained. "He's very human-like but he doesn't seem capable of speech past the singing so I've yet to decide if he is actually human or not."
Dr. Furter just stared at him until the gong rang.
"Master, dinner is prepared!" Magenta shouted gleefully.
They all crowded into the dining room. Dr. Furter served them all and then gave a toast.
Sheldon inspected his plate. "What is this?"
"Can't you just eat it?" Raj asked him.
Sheldon didn't deign to answer that question.
"It's quite good," Dr. Furter assured him.
"But what is it?" Sheldon pressed. "I don't eat any food that I don't know what it is."
Columbia, who had been about to take a bite, paused and put her fork down.
"You don't eat any food in the middle of the night, either," Raj pointed out.
"That doesn't mean I don't still want to know," Sheldon replied.
"While this is all very fascinating, I'm sure, we did come here to discuss Eddie," Dr. Scott declared.
"Maybe you did," Dr. Furter muttered.
"Dr. Furter," Dr. Scott said reprovingly.
"That's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?" Dr. Furter said brightly.
"Oh God…" Columbia said, putting her hand over her mouth. "I almost ate…"
"I don't get it," Sheldon complained. "What is this?"
"I mean, I knew he was in with a bad crowd but I didn't know that it was aliens," Dr. Scott said mournfully, shaking his head.
"I find that racist," sniffed Magenta.
"Aliens?" Raj perked up. "I had sex with an alien? When did I become a tabloid story? Am I going to get pregnant?"
"No, of course not," Dr. Furter said impatiently. "Probably. People don't usually stick around for nine months but Columbia never got pregnant."
"I use protection," Columbia informed them.
"Raj, your engaging in coitus with an alien is the least interesting part of there being an alien here," Sheldon said dismissively. "What planet are you from? What are the biological differences between your species and humans? Do you even truly look human or is it some form of a disguise? Why are you here? Are there any other aliens here?"
"Dr. Von Scott," Dr. Furter said loudly in an attempt to avoid Sheldon's questions.
"That really isn't my name," Dr. Scott said tightly.
"But are you a Nazi?" Raj demanded.
Dr. Scott glanced at him and opened his mouth to reply.
"Dr. Scott?" Sheldon realized. "I was just about to come and see you! We need to talk about your latest paper on string theory."
Dr. Scott grimaced. "No, we really don't. So anyway, I got this note from Eddie. It said 'I'm out of my head. Oh hurry or I may be dead. They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.'"
"What evil deeds?" Magenta asked innocently. "We usually get some form of consent."
"Yes and this letter must have been sent before Eddie's…accident," Riff Raff agreed.
"It's not like Eddie was a prude or anything," Magenta mused. "Oh, you're not going to cry are you, Columbia?"
Columbia shook her head. "No," she said shortly.
"You know, I'm really not sure what I want to do more, ask about the aliens or the creation of life," Sheldon said, biting his lip.
"What about the fact that they managed to freeze somebody and then revive him or talking to Dr. Scott?" Raj asked.
"I can talk to Dr. Scott later," Sheldon replied.
"Thank God," Dr. Scott murmured.
"And I already examined the cryogenics machine and I think I know how it works," Sheldon said proudly. "You can get a lot done when you're not busy engaging in coitus."
"I'm sure you can but I bet that I had more fun," Raj shot back.
"Perhaps," Sheldon said, sounding like he rather doubted it, "but we'll see who's having fun when I win the Nobel Prize."
"Isn't it cheating to win by using technology that already exists?" Raj inquired.
"Not if I figured out how to recreate it on my own," Sheldon insisted. "And if I can figure out how to create life, too…"
Dr. Furter started to twitch. "Doesn't anybody care that we're eating Eddie?"
Sheldon glanced at Rocky who was eating with great relish. "Evidently not Rocky."
"He's hard-core," Raj said, nodding respectfully. He might be seriously disturbed by that but it was still somewhat impressive that Rocky wasn't. Perhaps he just didn't realize cannibalism was bad. He wasn't very old, after all.
"I don't understand what is wrong with you people," Dr. Furter said, sighing.
"What's wrong with us is that you've yet to answer my questions on your species or about Rocky," Sheldon said pointedly and began bombarding Dr. Furter with questions but only getting the occasional reply.
At some point Magenta and Riff Raff exchanged a look and disappeared.
Raj noticed them leaving but he was actually learning some things from Sheldon's pestering. Who would have thought that that would have ever come in handy?
After ten minutes or so, Riff Raff and Magenta returned dressed in gold uniforms and with their hair up. Riff Raff was holding some sort of a gun.
"Did I miss something?" Raj wondered. "And do I need another drink or to lay off of them?"
"Frank N Furter, it's all over. Your mission is a failure; your lifestyle's too extreme. I'm your new commander; you now are my prisoner. We return to Transylvania. Prepare the transit beam," Riff Raff ordered, his voice ringing with authority.
"Are you…are you throwing a coup?" Dr. Scott asked, surprised.
"We were going to have one later but this was taking too long," Magenta explained.
"So you're taking Dr. Furter back to Transylvania with you?" Raj asked.
Riff Raff shook his head. "Was that the impression I gave you? If so then I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. I'll try to be more clear. Magenta and myself are returning to Transylvania – the planet, not the country – and we're going to kill Frank N Furter."
"I see," Raj said, nodding. "What's his crime?"
"You mean other than stealing half of Eddie's brain, cryofreezing him, and then hacking him to death with a pick-axe because people were paying the slightest bit of attention to him?" Columbia asked bitterly. "And then trying to feed him to us?"
"No, I think that actually covers it," Raj replied. "I can't believe I forgot about that."
"He is such a user. He always does this and I'm sick of it," Columbia said bitterly.
"But I can explain!" Dr. Furter said frantically.
"If you're going to start talking about cards and being misunderstood then we've heard it all before," Riff Raff said disinterestedly.
"Then…I've got nothing," Dr. Furter admitted.
"And soon you shall be nothing," Riff Raff said with satisfaction. "So good of you to set me up for that one." With that, he pulled the trigger and shot Dr. Furter right there. He pointed the gun at Rocky who was, for whatever reason, still eating.
"He's not going to stay looking like that that way," Raj said cynically.
"Wait, you can't shoot him!" Sheldon cried out.
"And why not?" Riff Raff challenged.
"Because he is an artificially created life!" Sheldon answered. "Do you have any idea how useful he would be to the scientific community?"
"Not very good for him, though. I mean, I've seen all those horror movies, locked up in a cage until one day he goes mad and starts killing," Columbia said, shuddering.
Sheldon shot her a look. "The ethical guidelines of the scientific community would never allow for that."
"Well I don't want him here," Riff Raff said. "So get him out of here."
"You're just going to let him go?" Magenta asked surprised.
Riff Raff nodded. "I get the feeling that he likes me."
Sheldon nodded. "It's true; I do."
"I'm sorry about your nephew, Dr. Scott," Riff Raff told him.
"Eddie? Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best," Dr. Scott said, laughing nervously.
Raj stared at him. "You are a terrible person."
"I was a Nazi," Dr. Scott said, rolling his eyes.
"Well…you are also a terrible person independent of that," Raj said, quickly rallying. "Though now that I think on it that might have explained your career choice…"
"You should leave now, while it is still possible. We are about to beam the entire house to the planet Transexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania," Riff Raff informed them. "You have five minutes."
It was a bit of a rush but they all managed to make it out of the house before it vanished.
"Does this mean that they imported the very house as well?" Raj wondered.
"So now what?" Columbia asked blankly.
"Now I am going to have my discussion with Dr. Scott, preferably back at his place where he will offer me a beverage, and then I am taking Rocky home to study," Sheldon announced. "I don't know what you're doing."
"Sheldon, I can't go to the home of a Nazi!" Raj protested.
"You can wait in the car if you'd like," Sheldon allowed magnanimously. "You'd probably just get in the way."
"What about me? I don't have any transportation," Columbia told them.
Raj eyed her speculatively. Her clothing was a little bright but she was rather pretty. "You can come with us," he offered. "And I don't know how long you've been staying at the castle or if you have anywhere else to go but you're welcome to stay with me until you can find a place." He would just need to stack up on his alcohol. Or maybe finally get some therapy – with a man, naturally – so he could actually learn how to talk to women. It was something to consider.
Columbia smiled at that. "That sounds great. But I should warn you that my last boyfriend was just brutally murdered right in front of me a few hours ago."
Raj shrugged. "I can work with it."
Sheldon rolled his eyes disgustedly. "I can't believe that after everything that's happened all you people can think about is coitus."
It's the end so Review Please!