Hee, I found this little piece on my computer and I was going to delete it. I then read it and it made me smile. Then I decided not to delete it afterall, but fix it a little and then post it. Maybe it will make somebody else smile too.

Don't own potter or aph, just having fun.

"Vargas, Feliciano!"

Short, auburn haired, south-european looking boy walked up from the line. Or maybe you should say skipped from the line. It was deffinetly unusual Even Mcgonnnagal, who had seen decades of sortings, had seldomly seen such sunny smile on students face when sitting on the stool and waiting for the hat to be placed to their head. Normaly the new students looked nervous, nervous-but-trying-to-look-bored, or downright terrified.

Instead of that, Vargas almost ran to the hat, curious hair-curl wobbling up and down. Like he didin't even see all the judging eyes of the great hall fixed on him.

Or then maybe he realy didin't see them, the boy had his eyes closed! (Minerva had to admit, that she was pretty impressed with mr. Vargas's ability to move so naturaly with his eyes closed.)

At the same time when the sorting hat was dropped on mr. Vargas's head, down on the gryffindor table, one red head from the one well known trio laughed.

"Must be embarasing to be sorted with all those first years".

Black haired boy next to red head tried to cover his own laugh as a cough, seeing as one bushy brunett was giving him a nasty glare.

"Harry, you're fake coughing is pitifull, Ron could you please stop being so rude! He's an exhange student, it must be an honor to be chosen for a program like that."

red head just huffed. "C'mon Mione just look at him."

"well he is rather cute..."

If the red head had had something in his mouth he would have choked on it. Luckily for him, he didin't have anything to choke on. Instead he just producted series of choking noises.

"Cute! Hermione what's wrong with you! Look at that face, if he looks like anything he looks like an outright idiot!"

Under the sorting hat sitting italian boy didin't know, that he had just become the subject of well developing fight between the two gryffindor students.

Feliciano just sat on the stool with his trademark smile on place, thinking if pasta would be served on the feast.

The sorting hat did not feel like smiling. Of course you must remember that it was a hat, and as a hat, it couldn't realy smile. Even if it would have been capable of smiling, it wouldn't have wantted to smile right now.

With all its years of sorting, it had never confronted a mind like this. Or minds.

It Was like the poor hat had been dropped in the swirling vortex of milions minds. All those endless voices were crushing and ripping the hat. For the first time in its life, the hat felt actual pain. It felt like it would burst apart any given second. Just when the hat felt being on its breaking point, the voices quieted down. Or no, they did not quiet down, not realy. It was more that over the voices rose something even bigger. It wasn't as crushing as the storm of minds had been, but it was in no way anything of the lesser grandiose. There was music, flash of green white and red. Pictures of old but majestetic buildings. A wolf, Olive and oak branch circling five-pointed star. Feel of a sunlight and smell of the lilies.

Slowly the weird sensations and images dissappeared too. Or they didin't realy dissapear, more like shaded to the backgrounnd, where they were easier to ignore, but still not quite possible to forgot entirely.

Now the hat could anyway feel that it had one solid mind that no doubt belonged to the boy sitting beneath it. A mind that felt very much human.

It had been very long ago that the sorting hat had been shaken like that, and probably never this bad, but for its honor has to be said, that it took the episode very well.

"Well I have to say that I have never met a mind so extraordinary."

"Oh, Oh no, You wouldn't tell anyone? Right? I'll do anything, I have relatives living on a hat factory! I did try to not to be suspicious, Now Germany will be angry at me for getting caught so quickly and...Hey! You're a talking hat!"

"Well yes, I am the sorting hat after all. And don't worry I never tell anyones secrets, no matter what kind of they are."

"Oh, grazie! I've never met a talking hat before, this school of Englands realy is weird."

"And I have never met anyone like you. Even that Lupin's boy didin't have but two voices in his head. May I ask who or what you excatly are."

actualy the hat did have an fairly good guess, even if it did sound imbossible. The boy (if you even could call him a boy) however confirmed the sorting hats wild theory.


maybe it's easier to accept that kind of answers when you are allready in the answering partys head and know that he can't lie. None could lie to the sorting hat, so the hat accepted everything that came to it without unnecessary doubting.

Big universal secrets aside, the hat still had a work to do.

"You still need to be sorted."


Italys mind was very complicated to sort. There was Feliciano, that was human. Then there were all those milions of voices that still hummed and buzzed on the background, the hat tried its best to keep distance to those voices. It had a feeling that if it would touch those voices, it would surely drown.

Then there was something inhuman and untouchable, something that made Italy Italy and it blanketed both Feliciano and the voices.

The hat tried to concentrate on Feliciano.

Feliciano was sunny boy that loved pizza and pasta and had talents in painting. Perfectly normal boy if you bypassed all the politics, economics and of course all the wars and bloodshed in his head. And of course memories from centuries and centuries of living. The hat would never even dream of being able to read all of them, there were just too many memories there.

But the hat was nothing if not good at its work, so it did not give up.(it did however stop to think for a moment if it was moraly all right to sort an whole nation to one house, but well, work was work.)

"You're not very brave."

"but I do try, vee~"

"It's still clear that your place is not in gryffindor, and I realy can't see you as ravenclaw material either."


"hufflepuff would seem like an natural choice, but then again you cannot be described as hard working either."

"Eh, you're starting to sound like germany. He always says that I should be more braver and smarter and work harder".

Sorting hat wasn't shure how to react to the fact, that it had just been compared to a nation that had started the two world wars. As solution it decided to ignore the unsetling comment.

But if the kid wasn't gryffindor, rawenclaw, or hufflepuff, only choice left would be slytherin and putting the boy in slytherin just felt wrong. Very wrong.

If you wantted to be mean about it, the italian seemed to be too useless for any of the houses.

Or maybe the hat was just being too harsh. It had seen worse cases in its long career and had sorted them too..

"Well, I guess that all that retreating and surrendering could be somehow counted as cunningness..."

In the slytherin table, there was one blond student that had already gathered a crowd of students around himself. They were pointing and laughing at the new transfer, who was sitting under the hat.

"I mean, have you ever seen someone so pitifull looking before. He's probably going to end up as a gryffindor. No scratch that, he's probably going to be a hufflepuff. He looks like a real pushover".

Pansy wantted to have a say in the new hot gossip too.

"And look at that stupid hair sticking of his head! It looks ridicilous. Can't be natural, I just can't imagine why anyone would want to have something as stupid as that". The other girls giggled loudly and Pansy looked very pleased with herself.

Malfoy looked at the girls little annoyed, because Pansy had interrupted him, but continued then on.

"And what's wrong with his hands? Does he have dyskinesia or is he just realy as stupid as he looks like!"

The young italian sitting on the stool had gathered weird looks from other tables as well. The fact that he was having an telephatic converstation with a hat on his head, did not mean that he could just drop hand-gesturing away.

The hat that was sitting tightly on the italians head did not however care about the hand waving. It was very concentrated with its job inside the nations head.

"Actualy looking all that side switcing, escaping and saving yourself, you have quite lots of slytherin in you. Tell me, do you have any ambitions?"

"Of course! I want to eat pasta everyday and I want to have good nice siesta everyday and then I want to spend lots of time with my friends, especialy Germany, and I don't want to have to fight ever again and...

"Yes, yes, I get it. Well it would seem that you are willing to do anything necessery to acomplish your ambititions, so yes it looks quite clear now..."

"Oh, Drakey this sorting is taking forever. Do you think that he's too useless for any of the houses. Maybe the hat won't put him into any of the them...


Should I write more nonsense like this, I must say, that I'm a bit tempted to write this kind of a sorting for the other nations too. Tell me what you think.