I Carry Your Heart With Me
By Darth Stitch
DISCLAIMER:Not mine. Belongs to CBS, Peter Lenkov, the Powers that Be that run this wonderful show.
DISCLAIMER TO SAVE MY SOUL FROM GOING TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET: Slash of the Steve/Danny variety. Run if it's not your cup of tea. Also, be warned for shameless fluff and silliness. This is a bit of an expansion on my earlier fic "20 Random Things About the McGarrett-Williams Wedding."
To begin with, it was all Kono's fault.
It wasn't as if Steve wasn't grateful that Kono was taking the lead in helping plan his and Danny's wedding, at least as far as they could "wed" under the current laws in Hawaii. Danny ruefully admitted that all he did at his first wedding was show up in the right clothes and look presentable and coherent.
("In other words, Steven, I managed not to make an idiot of myself, but it was a near thing, I tell you. It was all Matty's fault, swear to God.")
The thing about this decidedly non-traditional wedding (which went hand in hand with their non-traditional proposal and the story actually made it all the way to New Jersey and had sent Danny's parents into hysterical fits of laughter), was that they wanted to keep the ceremony blessedly short, sweet and simple. Neither of them wanted things to be toocrazy – if anyone was going to be wearing a white dress and flowers at this wedding, it was going to be their little Gracie and she was going to be the prettiest little flower girl that ever was, end of discussion. ("The point being, Danny, is that we just want to celebrate what we have with our ohana.")
All the laughter and the good-natured ribbing are just gravy. Steve just rolls with it, reacting with his own laughter and piss-poor attempts at pretended exasperation. What matters is that he and Danny have decided to do this, to actually plunge right in and make a life together, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forever and always, because Steve's already told Danny that he's got every intention of sticking around even up to the afterlife or their successive lives, whichever was applicable.
Steve still finds himself grinning like an idiot after Danny firmly told him that: "I'm holding you to that promise, Steven, and you'd better not get yourself killed first or I'll be dragging your reckless Super-SEAL ass back from the afterlife!"
Then Kono proposed that he and Danny add something a little bit extra to the standard wedding vows.
Danny had a peculiar expression when Kono said, "You guys can come up with something on your own, get a poem – hey, go wild with it. It's your day. Just speak from the heart."
At that point, Danny slanted a glance at Steven and blushed. And surprisingly, he clammed up on the subject.
Steven didn't need to be a detective to figure out that Danny most likely already had something in mind and it was probably going to be heart-melting and eloquent, the way Danny tended to be and Steve loved him for it.
The thing was that Steve didn't have a fucking clue what to say in return.
Steve can readily admit that he was plain-spoken and straightforward. He preferred to use his words to say exactly what he needed to say, without any fuss and bother about it. In his line of work, actions mattered far more than words. But in this case, it was all going to be the same thing and while he knew perfectly well that Danny would simply just tease him for it, Steve still knew that Danny would want to hear Steve say the words.
And Steve wanted to say the words. "Speak from the heart," Kono said – right, like it was that fucking easy?
"Kono did say you might want to use a poem," Spooky had suggested, when Steve had brought the subject up. At his look, she raised her hands up in defense and said, "Don't shoot the messenger, Boss!"
When he talked to Mary about it, he fully expected his baby sister to laugh, because it was part of her job description and he'd already gotten enough of her unspeakably unholy delight in his current predicament. Except that his sister had simply given him this odd, unreadable look that made Steve distinctly nervous after this went on for a minute or probably more, without her saying a word.
"Mary, if you're trying for another bad joke here…" he began.
She held up a hand and went for the bookshelf. After a few minutes, she made a satisfied sound and went back to Steve, with a small thin volume in her hands.
"I think you'll want this," she said simply.
"Mary, if this is something left over from your 'emo' phase in high school…"
She twhapped him lightly on the head with the book. "Doofus." She opened the book to the appropriate page and handed it to him. "Mom loved this."
And it hit Steve just then, because he could hear her voice, reading this poem when he was just a kid and he was just at that age when most of his peers would cringe away at "mushy stuff." But he didn't, because there was something in the inflection of his mother's tone and the words and young as he was, he found himself simply caught up in the words. And there were things there that it took a while for his then-young mind to comprehend but he found that understanding as he grew older.
And then, he remembered taking that book from the bookshelf, reading that poem to himself, on the day their mother died.
"Yeah," he said softly, gruffly. And then he looked at his sister, who was feeling the exact same way. "You sure you don't want this for your own wedding, Mare?"
She snorted. "Come on, big brother – which of us has lucked out in the boyfriend department as of the moment?" And then she shook her head at the look on his face, "It's okay – I don't need my big bad-ass brother to beat on my loser ex. It's just that – I love you, okay? And I'm happy you finally got Danny."
And of course, it was so easy to take her up in a hug, hold her tight, because really, this was his sister and they were ohana,after all.
According to Danny, it was a miracle of epic proportions that both of them lived to see their wedding day, given that their lives tended to resemble a Michael Bay action movie nearly every week. Steve had actually caught Chin remarking to the girls that he figured even the local criminal element probably wanted to see Steve and Danny finally tying the knot. Then, Kamekona confirmed that there was a rather large pool going around that as well. Steve forbore to say anything on the subject, given that Danny had said enough for both of them when he found out.
Yeah, said reaction was truly epic.
Still, Chin had a point – the morning of their wedding dawned to find both Danny and Steve hale and whole. And since Kono, bless her, was most likely the secret master of the universe, she had managed to organize the whole thing to be the quiet, simple affair that they both wanted, with their friends and family around them. All he and Danny really had to do was show up.
There was one wedding tradition that Kono was very firm on and that was that both…er….grooms, should absolutely notsee each other right before the wedding. Danny ended up spending the night at Chin's place, where he'd get dressed and be brought back to Steve's house in time for the ceremony. What surprised Steve was how meekly Danny went along with this particular piece of crazy – Steve was the one who objected loudly to the whole idea. He absolutely hated having Danny out of his sight even for those too-short hours and maybe there was an irrational part there that was afraid that something would happen if Danny wasn't where Steve could easily protect him.
Danny could call him an overprotective Neanderthal all he wanted – Steve knew perfectly well that his partner was the same way so he didn't have much ground to stand on that one.
Somehow – and Steve had to applaud Kono's frighteningly efficient way of delegating duties – Chin was tasked with babysitting Danny while Steve ended up being tag-teamed by Spooky and his sister. Spooky turned bright red when she tried to explain things and Mary ended up twhapping him lightly on the head again as she said, "You're both going to wear your respective dress uniforms, am I right?"
"Yeah – by orders of Commander Gracie herself," Steve said, smiling a little at the way Danny's little girl had effectively ended that argument.
Mary had rolled her eyes. "Big brother, I've seen how Danny looks at you when you're in your Navy dress blues – I would really rather not be scarred for life by the sight of you two not waiting until the ceremony – "
Spooky gulped. "What she said. With bells on."
So Steve prided himself on having a near-photographic memory but somehow, he ended up remembering most of his wedding day in very vivid impressions of sight, scent, sound and touch.
There was the sweet scent of plumeria blossoms in the air and the scent of Danny's aftershave when Steve managed to steal a kiss after spotting his partner and husband-to-be in his own dress uniform.
There was the warm feeling of Gracie's tiny hand in his own large one as she marched him and Danny down the aisle.
Gracie's bright smile when she tugged them both down so she could each give them a peck on the cheek and her soft voice in his ear, "I love you, Daddy Steve."
It's the best promotion he's ever got.
There were the soft sighs from the ladies in their ohana and a very audible sniffle from the general direction of Margaret "Steven, dear, don't you dare call me 'ma'am' – it's Ma or Maggie to you!" Williams.
Most of the ceremony goes by fairly quickly – the minister officiating over things was possessed of an impish sense of humor and had that rare ability to combine eloquence and brevity. Then, there was this peculiar sort of hush settling amongst the guests as the minister gives Steve and Danny leave to speak to each other – "from the heart" as it were.
Somehow, Steve's apparently meant to speak first so he takes a deep breath and then, he begins:
"I carry your heart with me."
And to his complete amazement, Danny answers him:
"I carry it in my heart."
"I am never without it," Steve continues. Of course, the fact they ended up picking the exact samepoem without actually meaning to is just so typically them.
And Danny smiles as he responds. "Anywhere I go, you go…and whatever is done by only me is your doing."
"I fear no fate," Steve tells him and perhaps he's blinking because of the sudden gust of wind and not because his eyes are suspiciously bright at Danny deciding to say those specific lines out loud.
"For you are my fate," is the solemn answer.
"I want no world," was Steve's equally solemn promise.
And at this point, there's a tiny hitch in Danny's voice as he continues the rest of the poem. "For beautiful you are my world, my true."
"And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant," And for Steve, truer words have never been spoken.
"And whatever a sun will always sing is you." Danny tells him in return. "I carry your heart, Steven."
"I carry it in my heart."
It's funny – this should be terribly, unbearably sappy and yes, there is quite a bit of that emotion involved but everything is somehow just right. Just for this moment, it was just the two of them together, saying aloud the things that they already know about each other but just need to be said.
There's more, of course – the rest of their vows and then there will be the reception later, with tables groaning from the weight of all that food. There will be dancing and Kamekona's attempts at karaoke and Chin surprising them all with his singing ability. There will be countless pictures taken and ribald teasing to be endured.
There's their wedding night and that first sweet kiss, that first reverent touch, will quickly turn passionate and heated and much, much later, once that initial hunger is slaked, they will laugh and love each other again throughout the night and most of the wee hours of the morning. They know that they will have many nights like these to look forward to and nights when they are both so tired that all they can do is sleep in each other's arms, but the warmth and comfort of each other's presence is more than enough.
They know they will have good days and ones that are utterly perfect. They know they will have bad days and ones that are straight from hell. That's how life is and it's a life they'll be building together.
The rest of their lives begin with a kiss.
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
Author's End Notes: My inner hopeless romantic, let me show you it. :P