"Okay, so I've shifted to my ultimate form. I get two attacks every turn, things are going great."
"So far so good..."
"But they're wearing me down anyway. I mean, there are four of them, and they had this one bitch in red who keeps healing them back to full every turn. I think she was wearing that ring that cuts SP consumption in half too."
"Ooooooh, I hate that."
"But then when they get me to almost dead, I'm just like: HA! I'm a god! You think you can just kill me?It doesn't work that way you little monsters! ... And they ARE little monsters, you know, they totally just broke into my house."
"Oh, I know. The little bastards can't resist. My house was, what, three-hundred floors high? And they still showed up at the top to stab me in the face. It's like: I just woke up not even five minutes ago. I haven't even opened the moon yet. And suddenly this little emo twerp and his little cheerleader and a robot and a freakin' dog burst into my room and start trying to kill me!"
"That is so rude."
"I know! I mean, sure, I was gonna obliterate all life. But it was nothing personal. Erebus had been bugging me about it for two or three thousand years, and I just got sick of his whining. 'Arrrgh, I loathe all existence, I shall call to thee and reduce it to nothingness...'. It was annoying, and I didn't really want to, but sometimes you've got to sacrifice a little to keep the relationship fresh."
"HA! At least your husband wants to spend time with you. Don't even get me started on that deadbeat I married and was subsequently ditched by."
"Oh, honey, you were always too good for him."
"You don't need to tell me that. The maggots that devour my flesh in the underworld are too good for him. Which reminds me..."
"No, no, he did! Believe me, he freakin' did. It was... where was I? Kids came to my house, there was a fight..."
"'You think you can just kill me? I'm a god!'"
"Right, thanks. So anyone, they've got my health down pretty low, but I'm immortal so I'm not really worried about it. Then, just to screw with 'em, I start spamming Thousand Curses."
"HA! Serves 'em right."
"And at this point, I think I've won, right? They're all sucked into the Underworld, I'm ready to break out the Rocky Road and celebrate a little. Then hecomes back. The little bitch with the premature gray hair."
"The one you were testing, right?"
"Yeah. He was either supposed to represent 'hope' or 'poor fashion sense', I can't recall which."
"So he came back, and...?"
"And suddenly, Thousand Curses isn't working on him anymore."
"Cheating little jerk!"
"So I try shooting him with lightning, and that doesn't work either."
"And just guess who popped up then and helped him shoot me with a beam of Pure Truth?"
"Not your ex?"
"Called it in one."
"Oh, he is such a dick! I know you two had your differences, but geez! What kind of jackass sees someone mugging his ex-wife and helps the muggers? The divorce was the best thing that ever happened to you."
"You're telling me."
"Still, it could be worse."
"Oh, exactly how?"
"Well... so, I'm fighting these kids and dogs and robots, right? I was running through all my Arcana forms, giving speeches about what each card means, that sort of thing."
"Sounds good so far."
"And then I switch to Death. This is my really good one, you know. Me at my prime. So when headphones switches over to Helel and eats an SP healing item, I'm just like 'Okay, makes sense, he's scared, getting ready for a big fight. Only natural to heal up and break out the big guns'."
"... I think I see where this is going. He didn't have Satan too, did he?"
"And he... um..."
"No, no, you can say it. It's cool."
"He Armageddoned you?"
"The little bastard Armageddoned me! Second turn in! I don't even get to do anything! My best form and it's down in like, five seconds! Even the dog got more turns than I did!"
"I am so sorry."
"But it's not like I'm gonna let it end there, right? So I start to open the moon up, get into real ass-kicking mode. It's like I'm not even doing it for my husband anymore, now I'm just destroying the world to spite these little jerkasses and their freakin' dog."
"And... the world's still here, so?"
"Headphones Guy, and I'm not making this up, flies up to the moon and seals me away with the power of friendship."
"... oh, that is so lame."
"You think I don't know that?"
"I mean, really? Sealing you away? Friendship? What is he, Sailor Moon? He could have at least vaporized you. The 'friendship seal' is just demeaning. That's amateur hour bullshit, right there."
"Well, it helps that I'm more of a concept than an actual being. I can't really die because I exist more as a fact of reality as opposed to any sort of corporeal entity. But still, at the very leasthe could have skipped the damn speeches. All of his friends just haaaad to chime in. Like I care what they have to say? I am being sealed away here! That is already a very trying experience, I don't need to listen to them writing a self-help manual while it happens!"
"Geez... kids these days, you know?"
"They have no respect for Eldritch Horrors from beyond their comprehension. They just whip out their Personas and act like having vaguely good mental health qualifies them to be monster fighters."
"And they cheat."
"And they cheat."
"Seriously! Thousand Curses just suddenly doesn't even work anymore!"
"At least you didn't get one-shotted before you even got to use Night Queen."
"Geez. Freakin' kids, am I right?"