Victims of love
Inspiration simply wouldn't come, he was too worried. He pushed his chair away from the desk and his laptop, and he stretched his lean upper body. He let out a sigh as he looked at the door through long raven bangs. If only his roommate could come home…
It was 5 am now. How long could he hang out after the bar had closed anyway? Why wouldn't he just come home already?
He sighed once more and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He felt dehydrated, and sick. He often felt sick recently. His roommate kept telling him that it was because he didn't eat enough food, and that he was too skinny. The thought made his lips twitch into a smile. Maybe his roommate wasn't so wrong. But he was a model, and he had a really strict diet. In the industry, looks were all that mattered. And he couldn't afford to lose his job.
He jumped out of his skin when he heard the door open. He had almost been resigned that his roommate wouldn't come home tonight. But now here he was. And of course, he was practically passed out drunk.
"Sasuke! It was so much fun tonight!" he exclaimed while slipping off his shoes clumsily, and almost falling in the process. "Sasuke?"
"What?" the raven replied, annoyed.
"You should've been there! Why don't you ever wanna go out?"
He stumbled his way towards his bedroom without waiting for an answer. Sasuke followed him from a distance, just to make sure he was okay.
He watched as his roommate just… passed out on his bed. He sighed.
Putting down his glass of water, he walked up to the bed. Ah… Naruto, he thought, he would never change it seemed. He helped him out of his black leather jacket at least. He had bought him this jacket for his birthday, a month ago. He never had any money, so Sasuke had decided to spoil him a little.
He pulled the blanket up to his shoulders. His dark eyes lingered on Naruto's sleeping form. Without really thinking about what he was doing, he reached out with his hand to caress his hair. Then he withdrew his hand quickly, and walked away from the room. Instead he returned to the living room; he felt inspired again.
He was writing this story – a love story – because he wanted to prove to himself and to the world that there was more to him than symmetrical traits and a skinny and tall body. In other words he wanted to prove that there was more to him than just a model. He had always loved writing, and he was trying to create a beautiful story. It was strange, because he hated romance in real life, and everything that had to do with it, and yet he was writing this story.
Sasuke went to bed really late that night. He figured, since he didn't work the next day, he could sleep in.
Well, it didn't exactly work out that way.
He was woken up at 9 am by Naruto.
"Fuck my life…" he was mumbling. "Fucking hate… hangovers…"
This statement was followed by sounds of throwing up. At least they were coming from the bathroom, which was a good thing. Sasuke quickly put on some boxers, and he went to join his roommate in the bathroom.
"You drank too much again," he said.
"No shit," Naruto replied.
He threw up again, and Sasuke frowned. He hated seeing him like this, and unfortunately it happened way too often.
"Was it worth it at least?" he asked.
The blond got up trembling, and leaned on the sink, where he rinsed his mouth. When he was done he looked up at Sasuke with tired blue eyes.
"Yeah, I met this really cool girl…"
"What about Sakura?" he frowned.
"We broke up…"
He fell to his knees and threw up again. He was trembling, and he looked like he was in a lot of pain. Sasuke wanted to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and to place his bangs behind his ears, but he didn't. It would have been too awkward, he supposed. Naruto wouldn't want him to do such a thing.
Instead he asked, "When?"
"Before going out," Naruto explained in a weak, rasp voice, "it… wasn't working."
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"I didn't ask anything," Sasuke pointed out.
"You were going to."
Sasuke didn't deny it. But it wasn't his fault if he was curious. Naruto had spent practically his entire life having a huge crush on this one girl, Sakura. And finally, they were dating, so why the sudden break up? He supposed Naruto would end up telling him about it anyway.
"You should drink some water," he suggested, "or you'll be dehydrated."
"Thanks mom but I think I'll be fine," he replied, glaring at him, "I've had hangovers before, you know?"
"Uh yeah, I know, we've been living together for two years now, remember?"
"If you don't like it, you can just leave."
"Maybe I will," Naruto replied.
Sasuke's heart sank. He hated having arguments with him. Unfortunately it happened all the time. As usual he didn't let his emotions break through, and he kept a blank expression.
"Good luck finding someone other than me who'll pay for your rent and expenses when you keep losing your jobs," he said coldly.
"Fuck you," he whispered.
He had said it in such a low voice, but Sasuke still heard it. And it hurt.
"Whatever. Hurry up, I need to take a shower."
"Just take it while I'm here."
"I'll be in here for a little while. Just go ahead who cares? We're both guys. It's not like I'm gonna look at your skinny ass. Honestly, even if I were into guys, you wouldn't be my type."
"Imagine my despair," he said sarcastically.
Why was Naruto so fucking mean all of a sudden? Maybe the break up with Sakura had been really rough…
Sasuke took a shower, and as promised, Naruto didn't look. If he did, Sasuke didn't notice.
The rest of the morning was spent writing for Sasuke, and being sick for Naruto. Sasuke was trying really hard to concentrate on his story. He was writing a crucial part – when the main character, which was truly a demon, was unable to kill a certain young man because he had become infatuated with him.
But Naruto was still in the bathroom, and Sasuke was worried. So he got up and walked the few steps that separated the living room from the bathroom. He pushed the door open softly, and he frowned at the scene before him.
Naruto had taken off his clothes – maybe they had felt too uncomfortable after sleeping in them – except for his boxers and he was curled up in a ball on the floor.
"Naruto," Sasuke said softly.
"Hmm…" was his muffled reply.
"Come on just get up."
"Why do you care?"
"Just get up!" he exclaimed, annoyed.
He opened his eyes. There were tears in them and he still looked like he was in a lot of pain. What an idiot for drinking so much all the time…
"Answer me why do you care?"
"Because I need to use the bathroom but you're in the way now get up."
"Do you think I'm a hopeless immature idiot with no future?"
He sighed, "What's up with you all of a sudden?"
Naruto sat up painfully and leaned against the bath tub.
"Sakura's in med school. So is Ino. Kiba's gonna be a veterinarian. Hinata and Neji are already working for their family's business. Gaara's a lawyer. Sai's a freakin' action movie star," he chuckled, "and you… you're some kind of superstar model…"
"I'm not," Sasuke replied.
"Yes you are," he chuckled bitterly as he locked eyes with him. A tear fell down from his eye. "I saw you in a magazine the other day, for some… men's perfume commercial – I can't remember the name for the life of me. You looked hot. Well you looked kinda like a girl. But Sai told me androgynous is the new trend."
"Why don't you shut up and go to bed?"
But Naruto went on, "When people ask me what I do, I'm like, well, I'm unemployed. And even if I do have a job it's like... cashier. And then it's awkward… Well, when girls are drunk enough they don't give a shit," he chuckled.
"Like the girl from last night?"
As the words escaped his lips Sasuke felt like hitting himself in the face. Great, now he was letting his jealousy through…
"She was hot," Naruto shrugged, "but she was so fucking dumb it kind of turned me off. And I was still thinking about Sakura…"
"Well considering you guys broke up right before you went to the club it's probably normal," Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"You know, it was already awkward enough with Hinata and Ino, and now it's gonna be awkward with Sakura, too."
"Guess that's what you get for fucking every girl in the gang," Sasuke replied.
"Shut up," Naruto said, "I really wanted it to work, every time."
"Which is why you broke up with all of them?"
Naruto glared at him, "I told you, it wasn't working. Hinata…"
"Was too shy, you've only told me a hundred times…" Sasuke sighed as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.
"We were way too different. And Ino… Ino fucking cheated on me with Kiba! Was I supposed to forgive her?"
"And Sakura…" he frowned, and some more tears rolled down his cheeks. "Sakura still thinks I'm a loser, I mean she didn't say it like that, but..."
Sasuke frowned as well. He wished he could just lean closer and wipe his tears away. He wanted to just help him up and hold him tight. But of course he did none of that.
"You're not a loser."
"Yes I am," Naruto smiled sadly. "All I'm good at is getting drunk…"
"That's not your fault. That's because you've been raised by those two alcoholic idiots."
"Tsunade and Jiraiya are not alcoholic idiots," Naruto replied.
"They kinda are," the raven insisted.
"… Maybe you're right," Naruto made a little smile.
It made Sasuke happy to see him smile at last. He felt a bit nervous, but he decided to reach out to him anyway, to grab his arm and help him up. Naruto let him help, but then he pulled away and walked towards his bedroom. Sasuke could still feel the tingling sensation on the skin of his hand, where he had touched Naruto's arm.
"How's the novel coming along?" the blond asked as he let himself fall on his mattress.
"It's not a novel, it's just a crappy story," Sasuke answered.
"Are the demon guy and human girl together yet?"
"I never said it was a girl…"
Sasuke's heart started beating really fast. Why the hell had he said that? As he stood in Naruto's doorway, he looked up and risked a glance at him. As expected, he was staring at him.
"So it's a gay story?"
"I didn't say that either."
"You're weird, you know that?"
"Can I read it?"
"When it's finished, maybe, if I decide it's good enough."
"Maybe you should let me decide," Naruto argued.
"What do you know about literature?"
"That's right, nothing, I'm just a fucking hopeless loser with no future," he snapped and turned around, his back now facing the door, and Sasuke.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"Will you just leave me the fuck alone?"
Sasuke closed the door, and then he leaned on it and closed his eyes. His throat felt constricted, and he felt like he was suffocating. His affection for Naruto was killing him… he wasn't sure how much longer he was going to be able to go on like this.
That night Sasuke found himself in a gay club. He came here sometimes, but he didn't really know what he was looking for. He drank, but not to the extent that he would be hangover like Naruto always was after going out. He just had a few drinks, and then went home. Once in a while he met a guy and had sex. He supposed maybe he just needed to clear his head. Living with Naruto had become a nightmare.
At first it had been just a slight attraction to his best friend. He had been so sure that it would go away. But as they lived together, it had only become worst. At this point, he was positive he was falling in love with him, and the feelings just wouldn't go away.
"Can I have another one please?" he asked the barman.
"Sure! It's on the house."
"It's okay, I can pay…"
"No, no, no! I insist," the guy gave a flirtatious smile.
He wasn't bad looking. He was tall, and he was lean but muscular. Actually his body reminded him of Naruto. His smile too. But maybe he was just getting a little bit too drunk.
"So what's up? How come a hot guy like you is hanging out here alone and looking all depressed?"
"I don't mean to be rude, but mind your own fucking business," Sasuke replied in a calm, low voice.
It usually pushed people away.
Apparently not this guy.
"Bad break up?" he asked.
"No, I don't do relationships."
"Oh, you're one of those," he smiled, "so what is it then? Family problems?"
"My family's dead."
Finally, the guy lost his smile. As for Sasuke, he actually felt like smiling. It wasn't that he liked making people feel bad, but he just wasn't in the mood for conversation, and it seemed he had successfully ended this one. His colleague called him for help with the customers, so the young barman finally left Sasuke alone.
A few minutes later, just as Sasuke was about to go home, he offered him another drink.
"I don't want it," he said.
"It's my treat," the barman replied, "to apologize for intruding earlier. I don't usually do that."
Sasuke decided to accept the drink. One more wouldn't hurt, he thought. And the guy really wasn't bad looking. He had violet eyes and silvery blond hair. It was a really unique look.
"Why'd you do it then?"
He shrugged, "Guess you intrigue me."
"Why?" Sasuke raised a fine black eyebrow.
He smiled, "Guess I'm a sucker for skinny emos like yourself."
"Emo?" Sasuke chuckled.
"Well you gotta admit… your skin's pale, your hair's black and long, you've got piercings, and black tight clothes… It's all there."
"Guess I should ask for my membership card."
"You'd definitely get it. But it was a compliment, by the way. I like your style."
Sasuke shrugged. He wasn't really doing it on purpose. He just liked tighter and darker clothes better. Also, he liked body piercings, and some clients were looking for that in models these days. He had a few ear piercings, as well as an eyebrow and lip piercing.
After that the club was closing up, so Sasuke finished his drink and put on his thin black jacket.
He turned around. Of course, it was the barman again.
"You look like you could use a couple more drinks. Wanna wait for me?"
Sasuke didn't answer. But he sent him a long glance before heading out. He did wait for him. He leaned against the wall and shoved his hands in his pockets, shivering in the cold. This was one of those moments when he wished he had a cigarette. But he had quit two years ago. Naruto had made him quit before they had moved in together.
The guy's smile made it all worth it when he walked out of the club a few minutes later. He really had a beautiful smile, and it reminded Sasuke so much of Naruto. That guy had the same longer canines than normal, this little thing that Sasuke found so cute about Naruto's smile.
"What's your name?" he asked as he stepped in front of the raven.
Sasuke shook his head, "No names. No kiss. We go to your place, you fuck me, with a condom, then I go home. It's that or nothing."
The guy chuckled, "Good enough for me. Come on."
They walked together for a few minutes. The guy's place was just a few blocks away. At some point Sasuke shivered from the cold again and the other put his arm around his shoulders. But Sasuke pushed him away firmly.
"What I can't do that either?"
Sasuke didn't answer, but he figured the answer was clear enough.
At the apartment he offered him a drink, but Sasuke declined. It was a small apartment, with only two rooms, the kitchen and the living room. There was a comfortable enough sofa bed at least. Sasuke directly went to lie down on it.
The young man drank his cocktail slowly as he checked him out, his eyes going from his feet to his head, and lingering a little longer on his ass.
"You're so hot."
"If you like anorexic…" Sasuke started, thinking about what Naruto always told him.
He shook his head, "You're not anorexic. I can tell the difference. You could be a model for sure though."
"What?" he frowned and tilted his head to the side.
"I actually am a model."
"Oh," he chuckled, "well it wasn't that hard to guess. You're so beautiful…"
He finished his drink and came to join Sasuke on the sofa bed. He took off his shirt, and Sasuke admired his defined muscles. Just like Naruto. But this guy's skin was paler. He wished he could stop comparing every little detail to his best friend and roommate… But he couldn't help it. It was always like this. Whenever he followed someone home after going out, it was always because they reminded him at least a little of Naruto.
After undressing himself completely the guy proceeded to help Sasuke out of his clothes. The latter let him, feeling submissive and docile. He wanted this really badly, but he didn't want to prolong it. It wasn't making love to him, it was just sex. And the sooner it was over with, the better.
The silver-haired guy had different opinions though. When Sasuke tried to turn face down, he stopped him. He applied slight pressure on his shoulders, so that he stayed on his back.
He smiled, and leaned closer to kiss his neck.
"Stop it…" Sasuke said, but his voice was really weak.
"Your body says otherwise…"
He looked up briefly to smile at him, and then he kissed his nipples. When he bit one slightly Sasuke let out a moan despite himself.
"You're so cute," the guy whispered.
He brought his hand to his stomach, and traced his fingers on his flawless skin, all the way to his now erect member.
"Stop it…" Sasuke protested again.
"But you want it, I can see it in your eyes…"
"No… just fuck me, please."
Sasuke turned so that he was lying down on his stomach, and this time the guy didn't try to stop him. Instead he reached in the closest drawer to take out a condom. He quickly put it on, but first he reached for his entrance with his fingers.
"Do you need me to…?"
"No," Sasuke quickly said, "don't…"
It had been a while, and it would hurt, but he didn't care. He liked the pain…
"All right," the guy said again.
As he started moving inside of him his breathing grew faster and louder.
Sasuke's breathing also picked up. He closed his eyes and clutched the sheets in his hands. The mix of pain and pleasure was overwhelming. With each thrust he was repressing loud moans.
"You're so cute," the guy whispered.
He slid his arm around Sasuke's tiny waist and leaned closer to place kisses on his back. With a few more thrusts they both came, and slowly the silver-haired guy pulled away from him.
Sasuke waited a few moments, and then he got up slowly.
"Can I use your bathroom?"
"Of course baby."
He rolled his eyes at the endearment but he didn't comment. Instead he went to the bathroom and cleaned himself briefly. He just wanted to hurry up and put his clothes back on and take his leave.
The silver-haired guy was looking at him with disappointment written all over his face.
"You sure you don't want to sleep over?"
"I don't do sleep overs."
"I make really good pancakes."
Sasuke chuckled, "Save it. It's not gonna work."
"Why are you like this?"
"The whole, I don't do relationships, I don't do sleepovers thing?"
He had finished gotten dressed, and he walked up to the door.
"There's always a reason," he insisted.
"Thanks for… this. I'll see you around then."
He nodded, "I hope so. Take care of yourself."
When Sasuke got home that night, it was really late, and yet, Naruto still wasn't there. It was always like this. Whenever Sasuke went out, Naruto never noticed because he was out himself and only came home after him.
Sasuke had time to take a shower, change into comfy and clean clothes, and write a few paragraphs of his story, when Naruto finally came home. He wasn't nearly as drunk as the night before – thank God – but he did look very tired.
"Where were you?" Sasuke asked.
"You know, you're never gonna find a new job if you sleep during the day and go out at night."
"I brought my résumé to a couple places the other day," he said defensively, "they just haven't called me back yet."
"I don't have that many contracts this month," Sasuke said, "I won't be able to pay for the both of us forever…"
"I know! Stop trying to make me feel bad!"
"That wasn't my intention," the raven replied calmly.
"Well it's working anyway. I'll just get a fucking crappy fast food job again…"
"Who's trying to make the other feel bad now?"
Naruto walked passed him quickly and locked himself up in the bathroom. Sasuke sighed and shut down his computer. He felt too tired to continue anyway. He had a photo shoot the next day. All he could think of was, thank God for makeup…
He went to the kitchen to drink some water. When Naruto walked out of the bathroom, he hesitated, and then came to join him. But instead of drinking water he took out a frozen pizza.
"I'm hungry," Naruto glared at him, "it's good to eat when you're hungry sometimes, you should try it."
Sasuke didn't reply. He wanted to ask him why he was still in such a bad mood, but he didn't.
"What the hell are you looking at?" Naruto snapped.
Sasuke rolled his eyes and walked away. Now he was pushing it… so maybe he was in a bad mood, but he shouldn't take it out on him all the time…
"Wait, Sasuke, I'm sorry…"
He stopped and turned around. Naruto was leaning on the counter and glancing down, looking sad and miserable.
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"For being such a jerk. It's just… it's been rough for me these past few weeks. With Tsunade in a house… I feel like I don't visit her often enough, but it's hard seeing her like that, you know? It makes me miss Jiraiya so much… I know he would be there for her if he was… still here, you know? And…"
He looked so sad that Sasuke couldn't help it, he stepped closer to him. He wanted to hold him so badly, but he didn't. Instead he just stood in front of him.
"You know when I dated Ino and Hinata, I already kind of knew that it wouldn't work. But with Sakura I was hoping that… that it would work out. I was… I was ready to spend my life with her, you know? And losing my job, and having you pay for everything, it's though… I feel like I'm such a pathetic loser, and an asshole friend. And whenever I talk about those things to like… Kiba, he doesn't understand. All he talks about is hot girls, pussy, fucking girls, you see my point. And Gaara and Sai… they don't understand anything either. And with Shikamaru gone studying in England, there's just no one…"
Sasuke bit his bottom lip slightly. Naruto was crying again. He was wiping his tears in frustration, clearly embarrassed.
"You can talk to me."
"I know," he made a little sad smile, "I know. You're my best friend, you know that? That's never gonna change. You're the only one I can really count on. Anyone else would have kicked me out a long time ago. I mean I never clean up, I always come home late, and I'm being such a dick for no reason... Seriously, you're the only one who puts up with my shit."
"Don't say that…"
"It's true," he said, wiping his eyes, "but… I promise I'll find a job. This week," he added with determination. "Anyway, you should go to bed you look like shit."
"Look who's talking."
Naruto chuckled, "Yeah but… unlike you I actually need food to live, so I'm gonna stay here and wait for my pizza."
Sasuke let out a light chuckle as well, and he left Naruto alone. Despite his comfortable large bed, and the privacy of his small but cozy bedroom - it was at the opposite end from Naruto's bedroom - he still had a lot of trouble finding sleep that night. His intuition told him that Naruto was the same as him, wide awake even after going to bed.