1. save the queen

A drunken Nami is a touchy Nami.

This is surprisingly to Zoro. Mostly because Nami never gets drunk.

He's not even sure if she's really drunk. It's hard to tell.

Zoro huffs, even though the girl on his back is hardly heavy at all. She's beginning to slide off of him again, her arms dangling like branches on both sides of his shoulders. He pauses to straighten up and push her back up with his arms while a stream of curses flow from his mouth. All he can frantically wonder is where the hell that ero-cook is. One man's trash is another man's treasure.

His poor swords rustle with every movement as if they're protesting. He completely understands. They're currently tied around Nami's waist with a make-shift sash, a consequence of her earlier booze fest. Which reminds him- he really needs to stop drinking with Nami. Seriously.

As for his swords, they would have to suffer a little longer until he finally finds a damn place to drop the witch on his back.

Nami somewhat wakes up from the noise and movement. It takes her a minute to remember where she is although he's pretty sure it doesn't matter anyways since she's too incoherent.

The witch suddenly sticks out her arm, smacking Zoro's ear in the process. He knits his eyebrows at this, annoyed. She grips his shoulder with one hand while pointing to a streetlight, "Keep going slave! Onward…"

He snorts. She's bossy and difficult even when she's drunk.

"Onward…" she continues with less vigor before pulling back and turning silent for a couple of minutes.

Just as soon as he's about to enjoy the silence, she smacks him across the back of his head, which earns an irritated protest from him.

"The hell, Nami!"

Her lips are next to his ears and she slurs messily while pointing straight ahead, "Stupid idiot. You have to go this way, don't you know anything?"

He slightly reddens, only because she's making fun of his sense of direction even while drunk.

"Shut up and go back to sleep, drunk one."

She huffs indignantly as if she wants to throw a tantrum, but drops her head against his back, her face cradled by the junction of his neck and shoulder.

After a few minutes, Nami picks up her head again, "You're too hard! Damn pillow!"

He grits his teeth, "Just hold on, we're almost there,"

She snakes her arms around his neck and pouts. He knows because her lips are touching the nape of his neck- well, technically, the whole lower region of her face is. It's uncomfortably warm. He speeds up a little.

His irritation has yet to end- his earrings are jingling, thanks to her wandering fingers. She's playing with them while mumbling to herself, the content suspiciously sounding like insults directed towards him.

He reaches their ship, empty and dark. The only light guiding him around the ship is the moon. Sounds of partying and whooping echo from the opposite direction, reminding him of what he's missing. The worst part is that Nami won't even remember anything tomorrow. Not that he wanted any recognition, but it would've been nice to use it against her whenever she complained about his debt. Although, he should've known that it'd always be a lose-lose situation against that conniving bitch.

Two hands suddenly cover his eyes. As if it weren't already hard enough to see.

"Oi, Nami!"

She giggles childishly, which is weird coming from Nami. She's already beaten their captain in the category of ridiculous behavior by a long-shot. He pauses so he can get her hands off his eyes but it's hard to peel them off when he's carrying her.

"Don't look! You're not allowed to enter my quarters, slave,"

He resigns to her irrationality, "Then how am I supposed to take you there?"

She pauses for a long moment but withdraws her hands from his eyes, "I guess I'll let you in… with a fee of 250 beli…."

He smirks, amused by her plastered leniency, "Fine by me,"

The walk to her room is surprisingly easy compared to the rest of the trip. He flicks on the light and carefully slips her off his back. She miraculously manages to stand still, although her posture's a little loopy. Ready to rescue his swords from her evil clutches, he slightly kneels down to untie the sash from her waist.

Nami immediately leans towards Zoro, using him to steady herself. Seeing a blur of green in front of her, she coos her amusement and begins to play and tug on his hair. Ignoring the intermittently painful tugs from Nami, he finally undoes her sash and wrenches her wandering hands from his hair. She's swaying and going off about soft, green grass while he straightens up and ties his swords back on.

Ignoring her sing-songy voice about his hair, he begins to lead her to her bed, "It's time to call it a night,"

She momentarily stops him and clumsily pats his chest with the back of her hand, "You did well, slave,"

He rolls his eyes and easily pushes her down onto her bed with his index finger to her forehead. Intrigued by the immediate comfort of her bed, she attempts to do a blanket angel before quickly tiring of that and instead becomes a cocoon in her sheets.

Shaking his head at her ridiculous antics, he turns to face the door. It's too bad he can't release this information to the crew. She'd blackmail, threaten, and sue his ass before even a single word got out. Remembering her sober personality magically makes her drunkenness seem more appealing. Shooing away both thoughts due to exhaustion, he lifts his hand to grab the doorknob. Sleep's just a hallway away. His hand is gripping the doorknob when she mumbles his name.

He contemplates turning back but does it anyway. Her eyelids are closed and she's just seconds away from dreaming.

"Thank you,"

He quietly smirks before gently twisting the doorknob open, "All in a day's work, your drunkenness."

author's note: yess finally. I've been itching to release a one piece fic. I've got a few other ideas that I want to play around with (involving zoro/nami), so I'm currently trying to figure out whether I want to add them to this one shot and make it a series of oneshots/drabbles or make em all separate. this was originally going to be much more romantic but Zoro's obliviousness to romance/drunk, touchy girls stopped me from doing so. I probably teased you naughty readers with my synopsis, but oh well. more blatantly romantic shit will come. soon. :)