My Guardian Angel.
It were these kind of nights where Dean lived for nowadays. At these kind of nights, Dean's heart was beating faster then normal, it almost being the only sound breaking the anticipating silence. It always went like this. Lisa went away for a weekend with Ben or visiting her parents at the other side of the state, and he pretended he had overwork to do. So he would lay alone in the large twin size bed, but he couldn't sleep. In fact he didn't think about sleeping for one second. Hungry with desire, his body aching for his touch, he lay awake. Because he knew he would come. And he always came.
As he started pacing up and down the room impatiently, he suddenly would feel his presence behind him, his glance on his back.
A feeling of love that was too big for him would wash over him when he heard him say 'Hello Dean' with that familiar, gravely voice.
He turned around. They looked at each other in silence. They didn't need to say a word. Both men knew what Cas came for, what would happen. And it did not involve words.
Dean would close his eyes and surrender to the moment, forgetting about his usual standards or his shame just for now. While bringing Ben to school, being a role model daddy, going to work, making love with Lisa like a healthy man should, every part of him had waited for this.
When their lips touched, relief would wash over him, as if he'd been feeling pain all this time and it was taken all away.
The electric connection between them jumped over, their bodies immediatly reacting to each other and yet at the same time sighing in relief together.
When Cas touched him, his muscles relaxed. He became weak under his touch, was helpless under his firm, familiar hands, the hands that raised him from perdition.
Had they freed him from hell once, they still were the only hands in the world that could truly free him.
They fell into each others arms and the noise of the world fell away. All that was real, all that mattered to them, was within the space between their arms.
At those seldom moments, the thought always occured to Dean that if there had to be a moment he had to die anyway, let it be now. He was happy enough to die and be at peace.
But he wanted Cas too much for that. They would lose theirselves in endless kisses that never lasted long enough, that should have been even ages longer.
But they had been without each other for so long they could not afford to take it too slow, and their kiss would deepen, become rougher, and Cas would moan and make those little growling noises that came from his throat.
Cas would become so aroused he pushed Dean down the matress, kissing him forcively. And Dean would pull him closer and they would struggle a bit with who was going to be on top of who, while eagerly undressing each other. And then they were skin against skin, and when they were, it was as if they were created for each other. Their bodies fit together perfectly, as they did the things in the dark they would never admit in the daylight. Yet, these nights were the only times they would show their true face, only to each other.
And Dean would cry out all his fears, about Hell, about his nightmares, his demons, his grieve about Sam, everything Lisa heard about but couldn't understand, to Cas. And Cas would bend over to his ear and say I hear you, I'm here, you're mine, I'll protect you, I'll always follow you, I will watch over you.
It wasn't an act of lust only. As their bodies fused, it was as if their souls melted together, too. Understanding, trust, love. It was all these things that bonded them forever. Then they reached their climax. They would stay in that position for a little while, holding onto the feeling, the feeling as if they'd become one.
After all this, they would lay together for hours and Cas would hold him until he fell asleep.
The next day, he would wake up alone. For a moment he would feel the loneliness lay heavily on him again. But then, he'd look out of the window and to the sunbeams coming from between the clouds.
And he would feel reassured, because Cas promised him: he is watching over him.