a/n: Okay. I'm only on episode eight of season three, so this is NOT UP-TO-DATE. But after watching Naomi's episode, this got stuck in my head, so I figured I might as well write it. Please, no spoilers, & reviews would be lovely(:

disclaimer: I would absolutely love to own a show as amazing as Skins, especially since it's British and I am a fan of all things British, but unfortunately, I'm a teenaged girl in the United States with no rights of her own.

Characters: Naomi & Cook
Timeframe: Season 3

A Couple of Fucking Idiots

"Look, Naomi, I know you're interested in her."

"Shut up, I am not, Cook. I just -"

"You love her. I can see it, alright?"

"I don't even believe in love, you know that. I've told you that."

"Well it obviously fucking believes in you. Look at yourself, Naomi. You fucking love Emily."

"I'm straight, Cook! Get over it!"

"Keep telling yourself that, babe. But I see it. I fucking see it."

"Quit saying 'fuck.' You sound like an idiot."

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck."

"I hate you, you know that?"

"Yeah, everybody does. But you love me a bit, too, why else would you be here?"

"Because you're an asshole. And so am I. So we're perfect to be friends."



"Want some more vodka?"

"Nah. I'm already fucked-up."

"Me too."

"So why are you drinking more, then? Idiot."

"Because I'm thinking about Effy."

"Why do you all love Effy? What's so special about her? She's mental, Cook. Why is she so much better?"

"I can't explain it, Naomi. Something about her. I just..."

"What, can't explain it?"

"She's a good shag, that's about it. Nice tits. Big eyes. Likes to fuck. My kind of girl."

"Shut the fuck up, Cook, that's not why you're into her. I know you better than that."

"Ah, fuck. I am, I really am. She's something, Naomi. Really fucking something."

"I know she is. I'm jealous. You know? Girls like that. Make me wish I was the right kind of mental."

"Believe me, you are. You're fucking amazing, Naomi. Hot. Great legs."

"Don't objectify me! Feminist, remember?"

"I know, mate. Can't help it, though. Asshole, remember?"

"Couldn't forget if I tried."

"Really though. It's not the vodka talking. It's that nice side you keep saying I should display more often. You're pretty fucking cool. If you weren't into Emily, I'd shag you in a second."

"Oh my God! I'm not into her! She's lovely, really, and funny and nice and smart, but I'm straight."

"You're such a fucking liar."

"...Yeah. Maybe."

"You are, admit it."

"Well, I guess we're both pretty much fucked, then, aren't we? You love Effy, and she loves Freddy. Emily loves me, but I don't want to love her."

"We're just a couple of fucking idiots, aren't we?"

"Yeah. I guess we are. But I've got a mental asshole for a best friend, so it's not a big problem."

"And I've got a shit load of vodka. So I'm set."

"You're a bastard. Hand me the vodka."

"And that's why I fucking love you, Naomi."

"Let's just not talk, Cook. Let's just get trashed."



a/n: (just a quick one.) I happen to love Effy, she's one of my favorite characters from this set. And I don't ship Cook/Effy, I prefer Freddy/Effy at the moment. And I passionately ship Naomi/Emily so far. But I wanted to be true to the characters, the way I see them, not to my own desires. Haha.