"Ohoho, this will be my best prank yet~!" Discord sang cheerfully, and the daunting smirk widened on his face as he summoned a metal pot. His fingers glowed with a florescent yellow, and the pot hovered, suspended above the counter as he went on creating his diabolical concoction.
"Must not forget the molasses!" He giggled under his breath, dumping the gloppy thick brown substance into the questionable mixture. His giggles only increased when he realized it was barely possible to stir the sticky mess. If this didn't teach the servants not to spill tea on him then nothing would.
The metal pot was in place; tucked up over the door frame, just teetering over the edge, and waiting for the poor unfortunate souls to saunter into the target.
"Sir," Discord tried to keep the giggles from fizzing out as a servant cautiously opened the large, golden door. "Your tea is..." And the pony was lost – hidden somewhere under the disgusting muddy mess, that dripped off her apron and puddled onto the floors. Discord was laughing hysterically.
The servant mare took a deep breath and wiped her eyes; her mouth was closed tightly over her angrily clenched teeth as she held out the splattered silver tray, and wiped the molasses off the rim of the cup.
Merrily, Discord delicately took the tea and took a small sip, smirking and keeping a mocking arm wrapped around the fuming mare. "Needs more sugar next time." He snickered and flung some molasses off his now sticky, coated arm, and the droplets covered the stainless part of the servant's face.
"Right away, sir." Ears inadvertently lowered, the mare began to trot out of the room, only to yelp and land flat on her face as Discord tripped her with his tail.
"Watch your step, my dear." He collapsed into another fit of giggles, that continued on until he heard the annoyed tapping of a hoof from behind him.
"Was that really necessary?" Celestia demanded from her snickering husband. "All that – the molasses plus the trip to her face?" She narrowed her eyes as Discord floated upside down over her head, smirking and showing off his snaggle tooth.
"An eye for an eye, dearest."
"Oh, for the love of Equestria..."
"Funny; I always thought the saying was 'for the love of Celestia.'" The draconequus chuckled and cheerfully skipped further up into the air as the mare tried to take a grab at him. His tail wagged eagerly, like a puppy daring its owner to play. Celestia knew that's what he wanted from her.
As if she'd indulge him; she had plenty to do tonight, since SHE was the only one in this palace that had enough mercy for those poor, overworked servants to let them have a night or two off. Discord just loved using them for toys. The poor things, constantly tormented and pranked by him.
"I gave the servants a night off tonight, so WE are going to cook and clean the palace." She narrowed her eyes, managing to grab the yelping spirit by his antler, and pull him to eye level. "I emphasize: we."
Discord laid there, now on a fluffy, cotton candy cloud, and twiddling his crown in boredom. "Oh goodness!" he scoffed. "The night off? Don't make them go all rusty now." He yelped as his wife manged to get a hold of his ear with magic and twist it, like you would a naughty colt.
"Come on, you..." Heavily rolling her eyes, the annoyed alicorn trotted out of the room, yanking the spirit by his ear, amidst his protests and squeals of "ow – ear! Ear!" Celestia smirked; at least she had his attention now. She didn't let go until they were in the royal kitchen chambers. That's where she finally tossed him down in the middle of the tile floor.
"Bake." She smiled. Although she couldn't see Discord, she could still very easily picture the pouting face, and flattened little ears, along with the crossed arms, and the childish slouch. "The casserole is almost done; I just need to add a few last minute touch ups." The princess turned towards the crystal bowl of ingredients; there was plenty of hay and berries, but she noticed the most important garnish – the roses – were missing.
"Odd... I can't find my roses."
Discord's voice chimed in, amused, from behind her. "What a puzzler." A snicker.
Oh, of course. Sighing, the queen turned, and was certainly not surprised to see both her husband laying in the air on his belly, and the roses floating above his head in yellow, magic prisons. There was that teasing little snicker again as he played 'keep away' with her.
"Discord, come on. Give it back, now," she decided to add. Her annoyance only made that pesky draconequus laugh harder. Glaring, Celestia spread her wings, and the spirit gave a gleeful chuckle as she partook in the game of chase.
Celestia set her sights on a wooden spoon and she carefully levitated it from the silver mixing bowl. It subtly hovered its way behind the naive chimera and whacked him hard across the back of the thigh with it. Letting out a startled and pained yelp, Discord let the roses tumble to the ground, and glared as the triumphant alicorn scooped them up with her mouth and tossed them on top of the casserole.
"And now we wait for it to be done." Celestia turned, and Discord was gone. It was no mystery as to where he had gone or what he was doing; he was setting up some more mean little tricks upon the servant's return. No surprise there.
Yep, there he was ,spreading honey across the floor to the servants' quarters. Definitely no surprise there. Celestia couldn't believe such a minimum amount of her servants had quit. Of course, many of them were accustomed to the king's practical jokes and ways of 'playing.' Celestia always kept watch; there were times when she needed to intervene if he got too dangerous with what he did.
"Want to help me set the table?" She didneed to teach him some responsibility though, certainly when it came to everyday chores.
In a flash – literally a flash of light – the towering china she held by magic had all turned to frisbees, and Celestia heard him snicker from on the couch.
The princess decided not to berate him, but she did decide to say one thing: "A nice long grounding from your magic would really benefit you, I believe."
Discord feigned mock horror, his curved eagle talon snapping to his chest, as if to hold his heart. His paw flew to his face as he laid over the arm of the couch dramatically. "Oh, Tia - surely you wouldn't have the heart to do such a thing to me! I'd positively die."
She rolled her eyes, giving a small hopeless smile as she went about setting the table. "You wouldn't die." She blinked, glaring as her empty champagne glass disappeared from the table, and he now held it, full of chocolate milk, from their couch.
"Yep. I'd die." He took a sip through a chaotic looking silly straw. "I would spontaneously explode and you would be left to wipe up all the chocolate milk."
He had her amused now. She leaned over the couch, resting her snow white snout in her hoof. "You're made of chocolate milk?"
He swigged down the rest of the milk noisily, and then carelessly threw it out the window, and – of course – the glass exploded as it hit the courtyard below. "Yep." The miniature mushroom cloud of smoke could be seen rising up past the window. "Discords are made of delicious sweets."
Celestia decided to ignore the explosion and likely damage she'd have to worry about later. She jiggled his deer antler, smiling down at him; her violet flecks of purple irises dancing in her eyes. "Oh really? Tell me then.." She leaned closer to him, mere inches away from his face. She titled his chin up towards her. "What is the goddess of the sun made of?"
Barely a beat. "Mud. Mud and boredom." He snickered as his wife let go of his face, and went to leave. That's when he finally decided to have a rare moment of actually taking the situation seriously. He pulled her over the back of the couch.
Celestia did not look impressed, annoyed that he was always trying to shoot the mood. She did often find enjoyment in his joking and never took his teasing to heart, but there were times where she, of course, wanted him to at least attempt to be serious. Oh, but really – was 'serious' even in his vocabulary?
"I have to check the casserole," the alicorn grouched. She glowered when he gently constricted her with his snake like body. The glare gradually began to dissipate when she could note he was no longer smirking, nor had a teasing look in his eyes. Pure and rather archaic sincerity.
"You, my little pony, would be made of the sweetest of candies; the softest of marshmallows, and the purest of cream."
Celestia's ivory face flushed a rose pink, and her eyes shone like diamonds as she absorbed the sweet words from him, and buried into his soft cinnamon fur. Oh, but of course – what comes next?
"And anypony that eats you would instantly die of food poisoning." Discord snickered as he felt his wife bury her face into his chest in exasperation, and heave a soft annoyed sigh.
"You're impossible." She smiled, voice muffled into the warm tufts of fur.
"Oh, goodness me, and here I was worried you forgot."
The princess swiveled blissfully to the feel of the golden lion paw stroke lightly through her mane, caressing the thin rainbow curls and wrapping his fingers around them. She buried deeper into the spirit; the moment consumed in the passion and longing to be with one another.
Both opened one chagrined eye and peered over to where the scent of straw and roses was emanating from the cracks of the oven in the corner of the room. Trust the necessities like the need to eat to spoil the romantic mood.
Of course, all Discord seemed to care about right now (judging by his oh-so very attractive drooling) was the food. Celestia smiled as he bolted through the air, towards the oven, and he levitated the steaming casserole out of the oven.
Celestia had barely a chance to levitate a fork to her mouth as she was suddenly splattered with bits of hay, petals, and bread. She knew Discord had slammed his paw into the casserole before even looking. There he now sat, cheerfully on his haunches, rolling back and forth on his tail as he shoveled fist fulls of dinner into his mouth.
Celestia watched him snort and grunt and gobble up nearly the entire pan. "I've never wanted you more."
"Likewise." He finished both their plates in record time, licking the remnants of sauce off his fingers and talons. Somehow, sauce dripped down from the tips of his antlers and horns, and he caught the drops on his tongue. Finally licking his face clean, he turned eagerly to the slightly grossed out alicorn. "Any more?"
Instead of responding, the queen bent her snow white head; a faint purple hue taking over her horn and also engulfing the rather perplexed spirit's tail. He watched as his tail was levitated towards his mouth and abruptly shoved into it.
"There," Celestia smirked. "Chew on that; I think you've eaten enough tonight." Clearing her throat, she summoned a small, icing caked cookie, and was about to take an elegant bite. All she saw, seconds before consuming her dessert was the still sauced muzzle that promptly snapped her cookie out of the air. Oh, that did it!
He snickered, pushing the rest of the cookie into his mouth and making a show of how delicious it was, as he smacked his lips together and ran his tongue over them. "Delicious, Tia; you're quite the cook."
Celestia went to leap for him and narrowly missed grabbing his tail, as he teasingly and effortlessly pulled it out of her reach, scrambling to the back of the couch with that large grin plastered across that twisted furry face. As he jumped back, the cushions bounced them both slightly. A proverbial light bulb going off over his head, Discord began bouncing up and down on the couch.
Celestia just stared. The roaring fireplace illuminated the childish sparkle in his irises with an orange glow. He bounced away on the couch, without a care in the world. Disregarding the fact he was weakening the mattress and probably breaking the springs.
The vivid memories she was sure that had dwindled from her memory came rushing back. The much older days where she and Luna had clambered into the living room one rainy evening. Discord was already there; the peach fuzz fur that made up his body all messed and unkempt from already, obviously, having bounced their old couch until the fluff came out.
Celestia remembered picking Luna up by the scruff as she giggled and tried to walk on the wobbling mattress. Little Luna had been completely confused, but none the less, tried to mimic her older sister and surrogate brother's movements.
The images dancing in her mind faded, and she watched as the draconequus flopped onto his belly, looking surprised at his fall. She beamed, taking in the surroundings. Really, the only thing that had truly changed was that there was a new couch now. Still the same little colt bouncing before her very eyes.
The draconequus hopped, and bounced, and giggled madly. Oh, he really was like a child; an innocent (looking, anyways) immortal colt with the most vibrant eyes, most adorable twisted body, and the cutest of laughs. Perhaps it was the way that he took everything in stride, never let anything get to him that was the best about him. Of course, there were a lot of things that made up the best of him.
By this point, Discord's constant bouncing seemed to have driven his poor mismatched pupils to roll around dizzily in their cat yellow eyes, and he lost his footing. Right then, he probably would have just fallen backwards, but, with a smirk, he dramatically yelped and deliberately somersaulted into the ivory mare's lap.
"Oh, I seem to have lost my footing," he smiled, curling a furred finger around the pastel mane and making pathetic puppy eyes as he held his eagle talon towards her. "Help me up, dearest~?" he singsonged. Ruby eyes widened as the pony wrapped a hoof tightly around his middle to hold him to her lap.
"No." She began her attack, nuzzling her snout against his tummy and fiercely scribbling her hoof over his sides.
"No – oh no! No-! Tia!" Brief desperate yelps were lost in the muddled squealing laughter as his wife tickled him. Purposely landing on her had been a BAD idea. He struggled and kicked and flicked his tail in an impossibly rapid circle.
Celestia just laughed. His sensitivity when it came to how ticklish he was was positively endearing; he was never able to hold back his laughter for a second, no matter how much he wanted to. He kicked and fought and squealed against the torturous assault and the mare's powerful embrace.
"At the end of the night, it's easiest to just use this as a punishment for all your...discordness," the alicorn smiled, skittering her hoof down the furry and wriggling belly. The only response that seemed to meet was uncontrollable laughter, hiccups and squeals, as Discord inwardly cursed himself for not quickly throwing on his robe. At least it would make for more protection.
Discord fought to say something, but it was ultimately drowned out by his laughter and rather hilarious girlish shrieks; his legs flailing and bucking desperately across the queen's lap.
Celestia laughed, noting him desperately trying to snap his fingers to teleport away, but every time he outstretched a shaking paw, it'd only snap back to try and cover his stomach, and or push away her hooves and snout. She smiled and retracted her hooves, giggling to herself as she watched her still snickering husband struggle to catch a breath and gather his bearings.
"Your tail has put out our fire." It was true; the wind of that rapidly swinging tail had abused the embers in their fireplace, and forced them to diminish completely. It was dark now; only a dim candle in the kitchen and the approaching moon from across the hills gave the room any source of light.
"I b..blame that," he panted, glowering in embarrassment, "on the psychotic pony that tr..tried to tickle me to the po..point of-" He was cut off abruptly by a loud hiccup, and he pouted further when Celestia laughed.
Celestia tipped her head back, smiling and letting the cooler air leave its icy print on her face. "It's so nice and cool in here now. " It was too bad they lost the fire; it made for such a nice romantic set up.
The draconequus seemed to be able to read her mind, as he snapped his fingers, and Celestia smirked when she saw the faint, pink, fluffy outline of the cotton candy clouds above their heads. Trust Discord to think chocolate rain was romantic. She let out a startled squeak as a heavy brown drop landed on her nose, and clung heavily to the edge of her snout. "...Molasses?"
His head was back, mouth open, eagerly savoring every gooey drop as it landed on his tongue. Smirking, he turned his molasses stained face to her. "I couldn't exactly let all that good molasses go to waste, now, could I?"
And all Celestia did was laugh, tipping her head back and letting the shower of molasses drench her pastel mane, coating it from a soft vibrant rainbow to a tar textured brown.
(Good grief, they have a lot of cleaning up to do. Spilled casserole, exploding champagne glasses, and now a molasses soaked couch? EW.
So...when Cryssy has a bad day, expect either a horrid angsty abomination, or something sickeningly sweet, filled with fluff and humor, and cuddles and tickles to try and cheer her up.
So this takes place in my little AU with Discord (Uncle Discord) being around and with Celestia in filly Twilight's training. However, I decided to give them some time alone and send her to her mother and father's for the weekend. So far my AU is only on deviantart, but I plan to post drabbles and such on here. Discord is called "Uncle Discord" from Twilight. Hehe. And if anyone is interested, I have a popular "Land Before Time" based MLP fic also based on this AU in my gallery.
I gotta tell ya, it's hard enough writing Discord, but especially a King Discord married to Celestia. X_X I think I did him justice though, especially all the torturing the servants.
I also have a scenario with Discord stuck babysitting Twilight for the day. XD
(And no, Broken Spirit has NOT been abandoned. I'm just in a bit of a rift with it.