It Was My Fault
Do you remember when you said you would live forever? Remember when you told me you wouldn't leave me alone? That you would love me until the end of time? I do… I remember it all. Any you know what?
I believed you.
I believed you, Danna.
When you said nothing would tear us apart. That we could be together forever and ever. I thought that we could grow old together, and that we would always have each other. I truly did love you, you know. I still do.
Was I not enough, though? Was our love not strong enough to save you? Was my love not strong enough to save you? I thought it was. But I suppose I was wrong. You always told me I was wrong…that I was an idiotic blonde brat. I suppose you were right. You're always right, after all, Danna.
But, do you remember all our whispered sweet nothings? All the shared 'I love you's? How we would fall asleep in each other's arms after making love? How you would lie me down and stroke my hair, kiss my forehead, and nuzzle my cheek?
I know I do…
I miss it so much…
I remember when you first told me you loved me. You were so sweet then.
I remember how we were coming home from a mission from Iwagakure. You knew that I was nervous there, didn't you?
I suppose you always knew…
I remember how you looked at me with those big brown eyes of yours. You smiled at me. You actually smiled at me. You've never done that before… I remember asking why you were so happy. All you did was chuckle and stop walking. You faced me, looking straight into my eyes. I felt like my heart was going to explode just from the intensity of your stare. Then you kissed me.
You kissed me, Danna.
You didn't taste like wood, or Pledge, like I thought you would. You tasted like…strawberries. I always knew you liked those. I remember how soft your lips were, and how gentle you were when you kissed me. You pulled away far too early for my liking, but you still left me breathless. I remember looking up at you; my face was scarlet wasn't it? You just laughed.
Then you told me you loved me.
You told me that you fell in love with an ignorant, spoiled, annoying, smart mouthed brat. But you told me that I was the best thing that happened to you.
What ever happened to that, Danna?
Why did you have to go off and die?
I loved you!
I LOVE YOU!
Why wasn't I enough for you? I tried, you know. I really did. I did everything for you. When you were plagued by your nightmares of your family and death, I was there for you. When you asked for help on a puppet, I was there for you. I was there to catch you every time you fell, and I backed you up every time you progressed. I was always there, Danna. Did you just not see me? Was I not apparent enough?
I guess I wasn't…
Did you even love me, Danna?
I love you, if it's any consolation.
Did you know that I cry at night, because of you? Do you know how much it hurts to sleep at night? Alone? I'm alone because you left me. I'm nothing when you're not here.
You were my everything, Danna.
You still are my everything. You're my entire world, my entire being. I'm broken without you here to comfort me. I was there for you, when you were alive. Where are you?
I know you're not here.
Are you watching over me from Heaven?
Looking up at me from Hell?
No, you wouldn't go to Hell. A man of your status doesn't deserve to go to Hell. You know Danna; you always did remind me of an Angel. You had such an innocent aura around you. You looked like such a child. I knew better though. You've killed too many to be an Angel, haven't you?
So why couldn't you have just killed that damn old hag and the little pink slut? You didn't deserve to die, dammit. I would've died for you. You know I would! If only I got there sooner...
If I hadn't left you, you wouldn't have died.
If you hadn't died, I wouldn't wake up screaming.
The Akatsuki is falling apart ever since you left, you know.
Leader gave me a new partner, Tobi. He truly is an idiot. No one could ever replace you, Danna. No one, not now, not ever. I swear I won't forget you. You are too perfect to ever be replaced or forgotten.
He calls me Senpai, you know. I think I finally understand now. I think I understand how you must have felt, to have a someone follow you around like a lost little puppy. To have someone who puts so much blind faith on you it's almost sickening.
Is that why you did it? Because I was like your slave? I thought you would have liked that. You were a puppet master after all. You liked power and control, so I willingly gave it to you.
You knew all along though, didn't you? You knew from the very beginning that I would willingly kill myself if it pleased you.
What did I do wrong?
I served you! I pleased you! I praised you!
I LOVED YOU, DANNA!
I still do…
But…but you still left me.
Maybe that's why you did it. Maybe it was because you knew you were never good enough for me. That was it, wasn't it? You knew that I would serve you and do what made you happy without any complaint. You never wanted that, did you?
You already had control over your puppets. You wanted resistance. You wanted someone who could fight against you, someone who wouldn't be your slave.
I finally understand that's all you wanted. If I had known sooner, I would have done something.
I suppose that technically I had killed you.
That it was my fault you died.
I'm so sorry…
It was my fault.
It was my fault.