Summary: AU/AH. Friends Bonnie, Caroline, Rebekah, Elena, and Katherine meet every week for their favorite game- keeping score of each others sex lives.
A/N: This is mostly just crack fic with emphasis on friendship and humor (and a dash of smut thrown in). Also, warning: I have NO Beta, so I'm sure there are a few mistakes. This may have a sequel depending on whether or not inspiration strikes. Please R&R.
Bonnie tapped her fingers and sipped at her soda impatiently from the corner booth where she sat in a secluded corner of the Grill waiting for her friends. She was already on her second refill and she was still the only one there. Granted she'd been half an hour early, but it was already five minutes past their meeting time. Checking her phone for about the hundredth time since she'd arrived, Bonnie sighed dejectedly at her lack of messages.
"Hey Bonnie," Matt appeared with another soda.
"Hi Matt," Bonne smiled, "I didn't know you were working tonight."
"Yeah, I just clocked in. I'll be taking over this section," Matt answered pulling out his order pad. "Ready to order?"
"No, I'm waiting for the girls," Bonnie shook her head.
"Ah, yes," Matt grinned conspiratorially, "Your secret weekly meetings. All these years and I still don't know what they are about."
"They wouldn't be secret if people knew what they were about," Bonnie smirked.
"I guess not," he tucked the order pad back into his apron. He turned to leave as Rebekah approached.
"Water," she ordered before he could ask.
"Nice to see you too, Rebekah," Matt muttered. "Pleasure as always."
"Yours I'm sure," the blonde responded to his retreating back. She waited until he was out of earshot before turning to Bonnie, "So when are you just going to get it over with and fuck the waiter's brains out? Not that he has many to begin with."
"You know his name, and Matt's plenty smart," Bonnie reprimanded her. "And you know I'm dating Jeremy."
"Interesting which topic you choose to address first," Rebekah turned to watch Matt serve her water behind the bar. "And that didn't stop Jeremy from kissing Anna when she came back into town for a visit."
"We're working through it," Bonnie groused.
Rebekah raised her eyebrow, "So you have something to report this week?"
Bonnie picked up her soda and turned bodily from her friend in response.
"That's what I thought," Rebekah answered her own question smugly.
"About time," Elena rolled her eyes at her identical twin as she joined her in the car. "We're so late."
"Relax," Katherine rolled her eyes.
Tense silence followed for most of the ride. Each girl's broody pout mirrored the other as they made their way to the Grill.
"You drive slower than Grandma, and she's dead," Katherine complained. "You should have let me drive."
"If you would have been on time, instead of on Stefan, you could have," her sister complained right back.
"Hey, don't pretend you didn't squeeze in a quickie with Damon!"
"I was still on time!" Elena yelled back as she pulled into the Grill parking lot.
Caroline giggled as her naked boyfriend wrapped his arms around her as she attempted to get dressed. "Stay," he nipped her bare shoulder.
"I already stayed, hence why I'm already fifteen minutes late." Caroline pulled her panties on.
"They'll survive without you," he argued.
Caroline snapped her bra closed behind her back reiterating, "I'm not staying."
Before she could react, he had gathered her sundress from the floor and strode across the room to stand in front of the door. Holding the dress behind his back and barricading the door, he smirked devilishly, "You're not leaving."
Trying her hardest to look irritated, but not quite succeeding, Caroline crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't be ridiculous."
His gaze lingered on her accentuated cleavage. "I quite like being ridiculous if it means I get to ravish you again."
"You can ravish me later," Caroline gave up reasoning with him and opened his drawer pulling out a white Henley of his and putting it on. Going through her gym bag, she pulled out a pair of her workout shorts.
"You can't possibly expect me to let you leave now," he licked his lips admiring the picture she made as she bent over to slide on her sandals.
Caroline looked over her shoulder at his growl. "Klaus," she warned.
"Caroline," he replied in the same tone.
Then his lips were on hers as he pulled her against him by the hips. Groaning at the feel of his arousal against her abdomen, Caroline slid her tongue along his lower lip and turned him toward the bed. He palmed her ass through the tiny shorts as he walked backwards. Falling onto the bed, he took her with him so she was straddling him.
"Klaus," Caroline broke their kiss pinning his shoulders firmly to the bed. "You can ravish me later."
He grabbed for her waist but she was already half way out the door.
Late as always, Caroline made her way toward her friends' table. "Hey girls," she smiled snagging an onion ring from the plate in front of Bonnie as she slid into the booth.
"You're late," Bonnie frowned.
"I'm sorry," Caroline bit into the onion ring. "What's up?"
"Bonnie isn't getting any," Rebekah supplied.
"Still?" Caroline asked worriedly.
"We're taking it slow while I learn to trust him again," Bonnie defended.
"Listen Bon Bon, I love my brother," Elena bit her lower lip, "but-"
"Dump the cheater," Katherine finished bluntly. "And have some mind-blowing rebound sex."
"Thank you," Rebekah cheered, "that's what I've been telling her. She and the waiter have been having so much eye sex I can taste it in the air."
Caroline leaned in interestedly, "You and Matt, huh?"
"No!" Bonnie snapped, then lowered her voice, "There is no me and Matt. You and Elena have already dated him, and this group is incestuous enough thank you."
"Excuse me?" Elena sounded offended.
"She has a point," Caroline agreed. "You and your sister are dating each other's exes who happen to be brothers."
"Oh like you're one to talk," Elena scoffed. "You're dating the brother of the girl who poached your last boyfriend, no offense Bekah."
"And don't forget she used to date Damon," Katherine added.
"You've dated Klaus and Elijah," Caroline countered.
"That's supposed to make it sound better?" Elena scrunched up her nose turning toward her twin. "You really do have a thing for brothers."
"Matt!" Bonnie announced loudly as he approached, having the desired effect of getting her friends to quiet before he overheard them. "We're ready to order."
"Great," he smiled charmingly. Everyone of her friends noticed Bonnie's slight blush and giggled to themselves. Matt didn't understand what was so funny about burgers but didn't comment.
After they were served and Matt was busy with another table, Elena pulled a binder from her bag. "Okay, let's down to business," she pulled out a folder labeled 'Bonnie.' Quickly opening it and jotting something down, she moved on to the next folder labeled 'Rebekah.'
"So what have you and Tyler been up to lately?" she asked the Brit.
"Well," Rebekah grinned salaciously, "Yesterday we snuck into Mr. Saltzman's classroom and fucked on his desk."
"Bravo," Katherine applauded.
"I'd do Mr. Saltzman," Katherine said with a saucy grin.
"Agreed," Bonnie bit into her sandwich hungrily.
"Mhmm," Rebekah agreed.
"He should be on our most wanted list," Caroline contributed, "What red blooded woman wouldn't want to do him?"
"Me," Elena spoke up looking slightly nauseated. Her friends only laughed.
"Any other point grabbers?" Caroline asked Rebekah.
"Sadly, no," she pouted, "it's been a slow week."
Elena pulled out the next folder which contained her own name. "Damon and I did it at least four times every day this week. And once was at the movie theater."
"Cliché," Katherine sneered.
"Shut up, I still get the points," Elena scribbled in her folder.
"Stefan and I worked our way through six pages of the Karma Sutra Thursday," Katherine told the group already knowing her folder was next.
"Talk about cliché," Elena muttered.
The group turned expectedly toward Caroline who licked ketchup from her finger before beaming at them. "Klaus and-"
"We agreed he would only be referred to as your boyfriend during these meetings," Rebekah shuttered.
Caroline rolled her eyes but still smiled brightly. "My boyfriend and I picked up a girl this weekend." She practically bounced with excitement, but miraculously remembered to keep her voice down, "My first threesome."
"Congratulations," Katherine looked proud.
"And last night he came twice before he softened. We went straight through two rounds." Caroline continued.
"I hate my life," Bonnie sighed in a self-deprecating manner.
"Aw, Bon Bon," Caroline smiled a very Rebekah-like smile, "I guess that means you don't want to hear her made me come eight times last night."
"How are you still walking?" Elena gawked.
"I made it through the day through pure force of will to get here and brag," Caroline chuckled, "and to collect my prize of course."
"Hey we still have to tally everything up." Elena argued passing out the folders at random.
"Got my own," Katherine said trading folders with Bonnie.
After everything was tallied and the scores shared, Caroline was declared the winner. "So what's the prize this week?" she asked excitedly.
"Frederick's gift certificate," Rebekah, last week's winner and therefore this week's prize provider, held out an envelope.
"Yay!" Caroline clapped her hands like a child on Christmas morning.
A/N dos: Like it? Hate it? Let me know. Any feedback is appreciated.